Chaotic Good
by Mister Grin
Summary: The story of a man who just really wishes death would let him be. He tried once. Lived a wonderful life, died at a ripe old age. Yet once more he lives in the body of a young child. Time has torn his life's work away, and his only skills are ones from a time long past. Lost, he stumbles upon a game he recognizes. He asks himself… why be a King when you can be a God? (Contains smut)
1. Act I: Prologue

Prologue

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**To all who have made it this far, and to those who are joining us for the first time, enjoy.**

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I woke up.

Now, ordinarily, this would be a common occurrence. But for someone who just celebrated his seventy-sixth birthday, it was quite the achievement. I had lived a good life, though I had never married due to my job. By the time I retired, I was well past my prime and had no desire to find love. So I continued to live, doing the things I loved. Watching the new anime, reading light novels, keeping up with the otaku culture. It might not be what you think an old man should be doing, but I never cared about those kinds of stereotypes. I might not've been the perfect role model, but at least I spent my life as I pleased.

Which made my current situation a bit of a slap to the face.

I sat up, blinking. My joints didn't ache as I moved, a pleasant surprise. My limbs didn't creak softly as I took my first steps. In fact, I felt younger than I had in years. I reached for my glasses, blinking blearily, only to find the nightstand by my bed to be suspiciously absent. I rubbed my eyes, glancing down at where my glasses should've been, only to see an empty floor. An empty floor, viewed with crystal clarity.

I blinked. Twice.

'_Did someone give me glasses or something while I slept? That would explain the room. Am I in a hospital?'_ I glanced about, immediately discounting the theory. This was a small bedroom, not a hospital room. The design seemed Japanese, with bamboo sliding doors and a simple futon rather than a bed. I didn't know how I missed that bit, with the futon being much closer to the ground than my own four-poster bed.

I stumbled towards the dresser beside me, my hands reaching for something. I pulled out a mirror, examining my face. Sharp features, pale skin, black hair. Asian, to be sure. The odd slant of the eyes was my last clue, tipping me off to my new ethnicity.

I sighed, finally accepting the inevitable. I had died in my sleep. I was in an unfamiliar child's body, so I must've been reincarnated. Some god somewhere must be laughing their ass off at the irony of reincarnating me as a Japanese child.

"I'm not a weeaboo." I mumbled automatically. "I'm an otaku."

All of this was spoken in perfect Japanese.

"…Dammit, I really am a weeaboo. Fucking Kami…" I felt dead tired for some reason. I joked, sure, but deep down I knew this feeling of exhaustion. I wasn't meant to be here, in this time. And I doubted I ever would be.

Old memories rose to my mind, familiar despite their strangeness. They were like an old set of keys—they had always been there, all I had to do was reach for them. I hesitantly accepted them, and had the disorienting experience of living someone else's life.

Keirou. Kitsugiru Keirou. That was my new name. Orphaned at three, taken to an orphanage, left for seven years.

_Damn._

I mentally adjusted my age to 'over eighty', slightly amused by the jump. I was surprisingly okay with taking over the kid's life, since the kid didn't really have any dreams or aspirations. He just _lived_. I, on the other hand, had the benefit of a whole life of work. I was easily one of the best programmers back at my old job, so I should be able to have some sort of head start.

My mind froze as one last detail registered.

Kitsugiru Keirou was born on January 3, _2116_.

…Fuck.

'_Are you kidding me? Here I was thinking that I had some kind of head start! Shit! Why can't it just work like in anime and let me reincarnate in the modern age? Now I have no fucking clue how much programming has changed since I worked at M**ros*ft!'_

I groaned, slamming my head against the dresser. Something bounced off the top, hitting me squarely on the head. I grimaced, reaching up to pick it up. Upon investigating, I realized it was a headset of some sort. Memories clicked, and I smiled.

This was the Dive Gear given to me for my tenth birthday, only days ago. I hadn't gotten the chance to try it out yet, being too busy with homework, but now that I had the mind of an adult… well.

My smile became a smirk. The tedious problems that had been hindering young Keirou was hardly a challenge for _me_. I decided to skip it for now, walking over to my futon next to the wall and picked up a black power cable, which was connected to an outlet. I removed the protective plastic covering on one end of the plug, revealing a plug that was roughly three centimeters across. A silver gleam blended with the liquid glittering of the slippery protective fluid.

I held the cable in one hand and lifted up the hair on the back of my neck with the other. The subdued glint there came from the man-made object embedded in the nape of my neck. With a practiced ease I never before had, I opened the roughly-three-centimeter cover over the data port. The sliding motion exposed the socket hidden beneath it. I pressed the plug home without any hesitation.

I exhaled, closing my eyes. I could feel light moving through my body, as though my blood vessels were filled with radiance. The room hadn't changed, but my field of vision was different now. Several windows popped up within my line of sight, showing me the information flowing into the processor within my brain. I began operating the CPU.

I picked up the helmet that almost covered my entire head as mandated by the computer laws, connected another wire to my neck and linked it to the helmet, then put it over my head. Although it was a full-face helmet, the camera mounted on the outside would transmit its video signal directly to the brain, so my field of vision was still clear.

This helmet included a system that would automatically record everything which went on in the virtual world. As an aside, it would retain footage for a month, automatically deleting it after that. A lot of people wanted to avoid wearing this helmet. It was only natural, since putting it on was something like giving up one's privacy. Yet, almost everyone wore these helmets. It was not just because of the law. It was because it protected people.

The neural nano-interface was a human brain augmentation which allowed it to function as a super high-performance personal computer. It was essential for daily life, but sometimes they were used in crimes as well. Some hackers would use the brains of others as a springboard to commit fraud.

Because of that, helmets like these could prove one's innocence if the wearer was implicated in a crime. One could say this was the safety net of the computing world. In contrast, not having one of these greatly increased the chances that one might be charged when involved in a crime, so only a handful of people chose not to wear them.

I noted the words that said recording had begun, and then operated the console window floating near my hand. I opened several new windows nearby, then brought one of them near my hand and touched it.

I was greeted by a menu screen a moment later, a finely textured wooden wall behind it. It was quite impressive, really. I belatedly realized that these days every game was downloaded from online, reaching out and tapping the 'shop' icon.

Instantly, a gleaming banner stole my attention. I ignored all the thousands of icons, all the beginner games, the anime-based RPGs that I would've loved in my past life. My focus was entirely on a small advertisement.

**_SYSCON, the world-famous gaming tycoon, has finally released its newest masterpiece in an open beta!_**

The icon below it was a simple one, a large tree with nine orbs surrounding it. It was the name of the game that made me pause, staring at the ludicrously cheap price.

**_YGGDRASIL_.**

I tapped it, bringing up an info screen about an immersive gameplay experience and a variety of customizable features. The game was still in its' infancy, so all players would be offered the chance to beta-test new features.

I immediately connected Keirou's bank account, containing seven years of allowance. The smallest bit would do, so I transferred the funds to pay for the purchase. The game started downloading, and I was left to ponder the implications.

There were two possibilities, here. First, I just spent under five dollars on a game that would let me beta new features, something most players would kill for. Or second… I had just bought myself a ticket into the world of Overlord.

Not bad. Not bad at all. It would take time for me to discover which of the explanations fit best, but for now…

I clicked the now-loaded game tile, watching as it took me to an avatar design screen.

_It's time to play_.

—The world changed.

My cerebral nanomachines began their computations, disrupting my field of vision and taking control of my voluntary nervous system, and everything changed. Countless lines of algorithms swept across my vision, and they vanished in an instant. They seemed to have some significance, but since I knew nothing about them, they were meaningless to me. Definitely a subject for later study.

An empty void extended in all directions—no, there were things sparkling in the darkness like stars—like space. Among them floated a gigantic tree that seemed to encompass everything.

—_Beginning entry._

This was my chance. My one shot at getting all I ever wanted. At finding my way into a world that I had full control over.

Sorry, Momonga, I might be crashing your game.

—_Please stand by._

Part of my visual field flickered, and as I tilted his head to the side, I could see something. An Avatar creation field.

I grinned.

_Showtime._


	2. 1-1: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Act I: Breaking the Game for Fun and Profit

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Chapter 1—What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

* * *

**Year: 2126 AD**

I hummed to myself, flexing my wings experimentally. "Interesting." I mused, twisting midair. "I can almost feel the wind on my face."

_Cool, isn't it?_ A chat message floated past my face.

"Yeah, it really is." I agreed. "But really, you didn't have to go so far as to design an entirely new race just because I helped out a bit."

_You gave us advice that helped stabilize the server and decrease data usage by fifty percent. It was the least we could do._

I hid my smirk. What they had been using wasn't too bad for the indie platform they were, but it still had tons of room for improvement. "I still think creating a Dragon for me to fly in is too far, though."

_It was a simple matter of pulling the textures and avatar shape off an unused Boss._ The message dismissed. _All things considered, you asked for very little. Most players would've asked for a sword with infinity plus one damage or something._

I raised a scaled eyebrow. "And what purpose would that serve? All I'm doing is enjoying myself, after all. You haven't added any Raid Bosses yet, so I've just been grinding my Skill Levels."

_You'd be surprised how few people care about 'purpose'. Most players would've asked for the sword just to kill other players._

"That would get boring _fast_."

_…We're getting off topic. How does the flight simulation feel? Is it too rough?_

I flapped my leathery wings once more. "Not really… if anything, it's too smooth. If you're going for realism, I'd suggest adding a dip in flight between wingbeats. Especially if you're planning on adding this kind of mechanic for humanoid Races."

That was the core of today's little exercise. As a programmer, even a 'retired' one, I quickly became the Developers' best beta-tester. I actually had experience with coding, so I knew what was and wasn't possible. It had taken a while for me to get familiar with the new lingo and capabilities of the software, but I soon found that it wasn't all that different than what I was used to.

Today I was testing a flight mechanic in a test world. The Developers were considering adding such a mechanic to simulate the Angelic and Demonic races, so they needed to know how it worked before they could release it. After I had helped them a few dozen times, they had pretty much given me a free request as a thank-you.

So, knowing how awesome it would be, I jokingly suggested that they turn me into a Dragon and give me a maiden to guard.

To my eternal shock, they had taken me at my word and turned an unused Boss into an in-game Avatar. They let me customize it up the wazoo, even kept its' Stats as the new Race's starting quota. They eventually lowered the rate of experience gained after they realized how overpowered it would be otherwise, but they insisted I keep the Avatar.

So here I am. Testing a Dragon's flight abilities in a test world.

"I think you should add drag as well." I tried to slow myself by tilting my wings, but my speed didn't change. "Use a basic algorithm to start with, then build off that. I'd suggest teaching a few people how to use a Unity platform if you need help on those kinds of things. The basic download package comes with a sample of a car on a race track that uses the concept of speed pretty well."

_Noted. _There was a slight pause. _Unity, you said? That's some pretty old-school stuff._

I rolled my eyes. Not that my Avatar copied the gesture, of course, but it was the thought that counted. "It's what I used back in the day. Don't diss the old stuff, it still works just fine. Unity was the best 3D rendering software for beginners back when I was in my prime, and if it worked for us, it'll work for you."

_Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on old geezer._

I twitched. "Watch it, brat. I might be old, but I can still whup your ass."

_…Old codger._

"Shitty dev."

_Fossil._

"Greenhorn."

_Outdated otaku._

I smirked to myself, coasting down to the featureless ground. "Damn straight, kid."

_Heh._

I shifted my stance, eyeing how my form seemed to merge into the ground slightly. "You really should figure out those solidity mechanics."

_You really should accept a paycheck for once. You're acting as a professional, so you might as well get paid as one._

I winced slightly. Physically I was still a kid, so getting multiple thousand-dollar deposits into my account would raise more than a few eyebrows.

Unless…

"I've been thinking about that, actually." I shifted again, watching my shadow ripple. At least they had gotten that right. "I don't need the money, but would you mind opening an in-game account and adding some currency to pay for cash items with? I probably won't use it much, but it would make for an excellent backup fund if things ever go sideways. Get what I'm saying?"

_An odd request, to be sure, but I'll talk with my boss about it. There shouldn't be an issue with that kind of thing, and I'm sure it will come in useful one day._

"That it will."

_Well, the number crunchers have finished running the stats. I think that's it for today, see you later Miyagi-san._

I chuckled, amused as always to see my pseudonym typed out so seriously. "See you, Karate Kid."

_…I never get your references._

"Good. It means you're young." I stretched. "Well, I'll be in Midgard if you need me. See you."

I swiped downwards with a claw, watching the menu scroll down. I clicked the 'log out' button, and my surroundings turned black. I tapped the YGGDRASIL icon once more, and the game loaded into an entirely different world.

The world of darkness filled with light.

It was a strange feeling. Though I closed my eyes, it felt like they were still open. The brief disorientation I felt as my mind switched over to a fictional world quickly faded away.

I found myself within the depths of a jungle, sunlight streaming through the branches and creating dappled patches of warmth below. I stretched, enjoying the muted sensation of heat. Even if it was primitive, the system still allowed for a light sense of touch. I wasn't sure if that would ever be improved, but the chances were slim. You never really knew in this game, though.

The most distinctive feature of YGGDRASIL was its flexible system to allow players to freely make choices. Players could select numerous Races, Jobs and various Tools, allowing for customization in the game. There are special Classes, Items, and more that Players could find and obtain through adventures, some focusing on certain Skills like instant death Spells and others on obtaining Prismatic Ores that are of the highest purities in YGGDRASIL.

I never really felt bad for getting a custom Race like this, not when I had spent so much time researching modern game structure just to be useful. I worked my ass off to get this far, so it was only right that I got something from it. The Developers balanced it fairly evenly anyway, making it almost impossible to play for the first fifty levels. After that it would be one of the most badass Races in the whole damn game, sure, but until then I would be fighting an uphill battle.

It was technically possible for any Player to become a Dragon, but doing so required one to fully level a character to 100, only to sacrifice it and all its' gear upon facing one particularly difficult hidden Boss. Since YGGDRASIL only allowed one character per Player, that wasn't a sacrifice many would be willing to make even if they managed to meet the nigh-impossible odds to reach it. I did so in under a week as soon as the Devs told me about the Quest, even though they offered to let me skip it entirely.

I wasn't going to skip any steps to reaching my goal.

I started out as a Brawler, not bothering to pick up the specialized gear required to become a different Class. From there I just grinded through the game until I hit Level 100 then beat the secret Boss to death with my fists. It was hard, sure, but _damn _was it satisfying.

Unfortunately, resetting my character to become a different Race had its' drawbacks, too. Namely that I was suddenly stuck at Level 1 in a Race of Heteromorphs that had such steep EXP requirements to reach even a single Level that it was bordering on ridiculous to even make it past the first ten.

Fortunately, I had long since tracked down a few people to help me while I was stuck as a bottom-feeder.

"Oi, Ancient One!" A friendly voice called.

I turned, enjoying the sinuous movement of my Draconic form. "Ah, Touch Me. Glad to see you could make it."

"We were wondering when you would show up." Another voice, this one much lower.

"Ulbert." I hummed to myself, flapping up to roost on a low-hanging branch. "How are you two doing?"

"Fantastic!" Touch Me struck a pose. "The fires of Justice light our souls from within, never to be extinguished!"

"Shut up, numbskull."

"I will not be silenced!"

"You sure about that? Because if you keep spouting off 'justice' lines and puns, I might try."

"Hah, I'd love to see _that."_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I watched the two bicker with a small smile on my face.

The two would one day both be a part of a certain Clan, the mechanics of which hadn't even been added to the game yet. Nine's Own Goal, the Clan that would one day become Ainz Ooal Gown, hadn't been formed and wouldn't be for some time. All I had was a few friends who I knew well enough to trust.

In the original world, the founding members of Nine's Own Goal were Players named Momonga, Touch Me, Nishiki Enrai, Wish III, Warrior Takemikazuchi, Ancient One, Flatfoot, and Amanomahitotsu. I shamelessly sniped one of their names to take as my own in the early days of the game, not knowing if it would help but figuring it couldn't hurt. So far the game's 'search by name' function had only registered around half of the future Clan members' names as present, meaning the fated gathering was a while off still.

The two Players with me are two future members of Ainz Ooal Gown, not that they know it yet. Touch Me is to be the inspiration for Momonga, a mentor to the young skeleton. Ulbert will join eventually too, though for reasons I don't know he isn't one of the founders.

For now? They're just a couple of Level 15 scrubs I met back when I was topping Level 90. One an Insectoid, the other a Demon.

Admittedly it's quite funny to see Players who will one day top the rankings proudly wearing such trashy gear, but I'll keep the blackmail photos to myself until we actually become a Guild.

"I take it you finally hit Level 20, Ulbert-san?" I tilted my head, enjoying the feeling of gazing down on the goat-like Demon. "That's a pretty snazzy cape you've got there."

Touch Me turned, a surprised emote appearing above his character's head. "Oh, I hadn't noticed! That's incredible, Ulbert-san!"

The goat preened, swishing the red cape proudly.

"Speaking of Levels…" Touch Me's voice had gained a mischievous edge. Touch Me's hand darted out and plucked me off my branch, making me squawk in indignation. "What Level are you now, anyway?"

I scowled.

As cool as being a Dragon was, the Devs are still complete trolls. I asked for something that would grow along with me, and they took me at my word. A game-balancing Racial Trait, they called it.

**[Natural Growth]**.

A simple idea, though one that was extremely irritating. Simply put, my size was based off my Level. For every Level I had, I grew. So, hypothetically, I would be at 100% growth or 'full size' at Level 10 and the size of a small mountain at Level 50. While I agreed at the time that it would be an excellent idea, I really didn't think it through that much.

Then they started basing the rest of my Traits off of that as well, scaling based on my size. My scales would grant increased defenses based on how 'thick' they were, my breath weapon grew in AoE and damage, my physical attacks would gain a boost… it all sounded amazing, really. But like a complete fool, I never pictured what it would be like at the Level I started out at.

After all, this game is brutal to low-Leveled players.

"Level 2." I grumbled, winding around to perch more comfortably on the Insectoid's wrist.

Touch Me burst out laughing. I ignored him, indignantly rustling my scales. I was only about a meter from tail to snout at the moment, which only translated to about forty centimeters of height while I was on four legs. Sure, I had been told I'd be 'fully grown' to the size of an adult Dragon at Level Ten, but that meant right now I was at a decimal number of that. All of my scaling buffs based themselves off that one Trait, which meant that they were all multiplied on a friggin' _decimal_.

My total AoE, defense, and general effectiveness as a player were all divided by _ten_.

That's right. Not only am I a total shrimp, but literally everything can one-shot me.

Fuck my life.

"At least I can fly." I tried, rustling my wings. "I'm totally epic in that sense."

"Congratulations." Ulbert said smugly. "You can perform the same duties as an NPC summon. You must feel proud."

"Fuck off." I may have sulked a bit at that, but I felt well within my rights to do so. "You just keep dragging me into Level 10 zones. We might be in a Party, but I still get an EXP penalty from it.

"Cheer up, little lizard." Ulbert reached into his Inventory, pulling out a tiny piece of meat. "I found one of those rare temporary Stat-boosting Recovery Items. It should give you enough to take on a Level 5 dungeon once or twice."

I sighed again, head darting out to snatch the piece of meat. As soon as my jaws closed around it it dissolved into a stream of light, a new icon popping into existence in the top right of my screen. "Not that it'll help much." I grumbled, settling back. "The amount of EXP required for a single Level in this Race is over six times what anything else needs."

"Your fault when you chose to give up your Levels to get a different Race." Ulbert said smugly. "I warned you to stay as a Brawler, and now look at you."

"Yes, yes, you told me so." I snapped. "Now can we get to the fighting? I want to get to Level 10 as soon as possible."

"Calm down, Ancient-san." Touch Me intervened, voice amused. "Ulbert, stop provoking him. He doesn't have much control over his character right now, but he expected that. That's why he started looking for those World Items back when he was at the top."

I nodded in agreement.

It was well-known from my time as a high-ranker that my dream was to track down one of the World Items capable of allowing direct requests of the Developers. They were only spoken of in quiet whispers, rumors rather than concrete fact. The Devs had spoken about such items on their site so people knew they existed, but one had yet to be found.

But since when did I care about something pointless like that? I already knew everything about the things. Just because the timeline hadn't caught up didn't mean that I couldn't beat the timeline. I knew all about the World Items described in the Light Novels of this very world. And from that knowledge I could plot my moves.

My goal was a simple one. No Spell or Skill allowed a Player to change between Races at will, no matter how high-leveled you got. The Devs had confirmed it with me personally when I asked about it. Since it was part of the existing system before I got there I couldn't exactly ask them politely to change it, so I went for the next best thing. I was going to hunt down two of what would be called 'the Twenty'. Two extraordinarily powerful one-use World Items. One named Five Elements Overcoming, the other named Ouroboros.

Five Elements Overcoming has the power to request the game Developers to change part of the game's Magic system in YGGDRASIL. For instance, according to Suzuki Satoru, while Wands could not contain such a 9th tier Spell like Perfect Unknowable, it was possible with this said World Item. If he wanted a Wand that is Magically enchanted with that kind of Spell, he would need this World Item or Ouroboros which can allow him to make a request of the Developers about it.

As for Ouroboros… well, that one is one that I'm going to be hunting in secret. A sort of long-term goal, if you will. Ouroboros possesses a power which is said to be a superior version of the Super-Tier Magic **[Wish Upon A Star]**. It can directly contact the Developers and request one wish the holder of Ouroboros wants to be granted from them.

Yes, yes, I know what you're saying now. Why not just ask the Developers to do it for me now? Well, the answer to that is quite simple. I'm trying to keep my relationship with them cordial, and that means I can't really ask them to do anything for me. Sure, I got this sweet Avatar off of them, but that was contingent on me helping them with flight mechanics. If I started making ridiculous requests, in their eyes I'd just become another asshole who wants something from them. No, if I want them to do something for me, I need to do it the proper way. And that means a lot of hunting.

While I was grinding those last grueling Levels to reach 100 in my human Avatar, I made it known that I would pay handsomely for information regarding the location of World Items. I had quite the nest egg built up from constantly running high-tier locations and gathering the loot they dropped. But I wasn't counting on that to work, here in YGGDRASIL information was more valuable than gold. All I really wanted out of that was to give myself an excuse to gather as many World Items as I could while being able to explain my horde away as purchasing from other Players.

How did I plan get the two specific World Items I wanted? The Light Novel never said where they dropped or how they were found, so it should be impossible to retrace those steps, right? So how did I plan to do it?

Simple. By going through as many dungeons as possible.

There's a hidden function in the game, one that literally no one but me knows. I learned it from reading an Extra of the Light Novel telling of how the Guild was first formed. They learned in that Extra that clearing a dungeon on the first try gave special rewards based on the difficulty and type of dungeon. They then proceeded to use this knowledge to become the Guild that held the largest stock of World-Class Items in all of YGGDRASIL. For me to get the Items I wanted, I would have to clear a dungeon with a recommended Level of 80+ on the first try with a party of less than eight members.

If all went well, I would be able to do it with _one_.

I planned on being the most powerful solo player in this game, just in case things went sideways. When The End comes, I might get separated from Nazerick and have to survive until Momonga gets there. It was clearly stated that several Players arrived before my as-of-yet unfound skeleton friend, which meant it was entirely possible for us to get pulled into two different times.

In the future I'll be a powerhouse, capable of running the dungeons I needed all by myself. I'd be able to contact the Devs, create the Spell or Skill needed to transform oneself into a humanoid race. Who knows, I might even make a tidy profit off doing it.

Unfortunately, that time isn't now.

I glanced at the timer remaining on the 'Goblin's Strength' buff. Less than three hours, it seemed like. "Looks like we have plenty of work to do." I stretched, shaking myself off. There was no dust here, but the compulsion remained. It felt odd to have scales. "It'll become easier as I Level, so hopefully by the time we're done tonight I'll be a decent Player again. I have a few spots ideal for small groups to grind in if you're interested."

Both Players perked up. Though they never admitted it, this was exactly the reason they stuck around me. I was practically a gold mine of information about the ideal places to just camp and slaughter mobs. I had spent over a hundred hours just exploring the game's Nine Worlds, after all, and my ascent to 100 the first time had practically gone down in legend. Most people figured I knew some cheat, but the truth was that was just good at guessing where to look.

"What Level is the area?" Touch Me asked, pulling up a map.

I chuckled. "Level 20. Functionally only half that. It still gives EXP like a Level 20 area, but the mobs are so wimpy and have such terrible Attack Stats that a well-geared pair of Level 4s could take them on." My eyes gleamed. "The best part? It's a bugged area that I never bothered to report to the shitty Devs. You just activate two conflicting Questlines and the game bugs out. Monsters spawn infinitely until you either die or log out."

Ulbert cackled. "Dragon man, you are an evil genius."

I shrugged modestly. "Hey, if the shitty Devs are going to give me a times six EXP penalty, then I feel well within my rights to keep some things to myself." I paused, tone becoming serious. "But you guys really need to keep this quiet. If all the Players start using it at once, it'll crash the server and alert them to the problem. And if you die there, you have no chance of picking your gear back up due to the bug."

"Not a problem, Ancient-san!" Touch Me chirped carelessly, placing me on his head. "Just point the way and we'll be off!"

"So you two are ready right now?" I glanced pointedly at Ulbert's fancy new cape. "You won't be able to enter or leave the location once it starts."

"No problem." A smirk emote appeared above the goat's head. "I have a cape just like this one in my storage. This one just has slightly better Stats."

"And you, Touch Me? Last chance."

The Knight puffed up in pride and reached for his sword. "A Warrior of Justice never backs down from a challenge! I shall meet it head-on with my blade!"

I sighed, opening my Inventory and giving it a once-over. "I have everything valuable stored in my Storage anyway, so the only thing I'd be losing is junk." I shut the window. "Seems everything is in order, then."

"So where are we going?" Ulbert repeated Touch Me's previous question.

I smiled innocently, not that they could see it. "See, that's the thing. One has to activate two very specific Quests and leave them unfinished at a very specific point. You then need to log out at one spot for long enough for the area to reset, then log in again at that exact spot. And even then, it takes a while for the bug to activate."

"How long?"

"Oh… I'd say about as long as we've been talking." My voice practically oozed mirth.

There was a very distinct pause as the penny dropped.

"Ancient One, you son of a bitch." The goat-man whirled, pulling out his staff and beginning to channel for an AoE Spell.

As if on cue, a screeching monkey dropped to the ground with a heavy _thud_. More fell from the trees, filling the clearing in an instant. Before Ulbert could launch his Spell, however, I tossed the Item I had palmed while glancing through my Inventory. It landed and spontaneously combusted, exploding and covering everyone in the clearing with flammable liquid.

Handy fact about all three of our Races. We were all fireproof. The monkeys were not.

"Ah, beautiful." I sighed, lifting to the skies. "The sound of screaming, and then silence."

"You're fucking insane!" Ulbert shouted.

I swooped lazily down to knock a survivor into data pixels. "We all are, flamebrain, so you might as well enjoy it."

Then the world jerked, and a second wave of monkeys arrived. Then a third. Then a fourth.

"Look alive, folks!" I cheered, activating my breath weapon with great relish.

The shouts and choice words of my companions as they were swarmed with monkeys were promptly ignored. It wasn't _my_ fault they couldn't fly.

Suckers.

"**[Rabbit Foot]**." I chanted, my speed increasing slightly as I began setting random monkeys ablaze with bursts of my flame.

"**[Shock Wave]**!" Ulbert finally finished, knocking back the enemies around them.

"**[Thunderlance]**!" Touch Me added, a crackling bolt of electricity frying a line of monkeys**.**

...Technically, there was no need to speak when casting Spells, but one's friends couldn't know what was going on if nothing was said. thus, it was considered polite to announce Spell names as a sort of courtesy. After all, it wouldn't do to have others charge headfirst into friendly fire, would it?

As the battle wore on, I was acutely aware of how little I was really doing. Sure I was gaining tons of EXP, but I was a Level 2 against a horde of Level 20s. At most I debuffed a few of the monkeys, but most of the damage was being done by my companions.

I couldn't really find it in me to care, though.

I hummed in satisfaction, tossing assorted First Tier Spells at the horde from my spot on a branch. The branch abruptly began to creak as I felt my form _shift_, the Level-up taking instant effect. "Hey guys, I'm Level 3 now!" I cheered.

"Fuck off!" Ulbert shouted back, bashing a monkey. "**[Shock Wave]**! Can't you bloody help?"

I shrugged, smirking internally. "I dunno, you two seem like you're handling it."

"Asshole!"

"Fine, fine." I sighed, pulling an Item from my Inventory. It sailed into the midst of the horde, activating and sending all of them within radius into a deep sleep.

Even the polite Touch Me gave me an offended look at that one. Ulbert growled, sending a bolt of fire to incinerate them all. "You could've done that… the whole time."

"Oh, yes, of course." I could feel smugness dripping from my scaled snout. "I'm an expert in area clears against hordes. How do you think I did so many dungeons on my own back in the day?"

I dodged a well-deserved **[Thunderlance]**, cackling. It was almost adorable to see noobs suffering like this. "Don't waste too much Mana on meee~!" I sang, diving back into the fray.

The next wave hit, and the two were buried in monkeys once more.

* * *

I stretched, thoroughly enjoying my eighteen-meter-long form. I hadn't quite made it to Level 13 before we had to leave the area, but I was pretty close. Pretty nice for the first run. "I think that went rather well." I said brightly.

"_Asshole_."

"Oh, calm down." I straightened, examining my blue scales. No obvious glitches in the texture quite yet, it'd seem. "You probably netted at least five Levels off that, no?"

"I used all of my potions _and_ had to fight off rabid monkeys for three hours." Ulbert snapped. "I think a little righteous fury is deserved."

I sighed, turning around. "All right, then we'll see if this will change your mind. Follow me."

I stepped forward, ignoring the startled shouts of my companions. The brief loading screen flashed, then I was back.

I entered into the clearing that had been the site of our three-hour grindfest, smugly amused at the sight of what lay within. The instance change had fixed the bug, and now that the encounter had finished I would have to wait another two hours before beginning again. I could endlessly repeat the exploit until I completed one of the Quests, not that I was planning on telling my friends that. Now that I was big enough, I would be able to grind to at least Level 30 on my own on this very spot.

Ulbert and Touch Me entered behind me, relaxing once they realized there were no monkey swarms to make their lives a living hell. No gold or Data Crystals littered the ground, that all would've disappeared once we left had I not collected it first. No, something else was left sitting on the ground. Something odd.

Ulbert spoke up first, leaning down to poke at a pile of silver. "What's this?"

There was a pause as Touch Me and I looked over at the stacks of silvery substance. "Oh, that." I said lightly. "That's an extremely rare item that was the object of a Quest. We're supposed to deliver it to the King of Aren, the Queen of Shiba, or the Duke of Yore. They all give us a shitload of EXP and a permanent Stat boost if we bring it to them, or we could sell it to a vendor for a ton of gold."

Another pause. "But there's _stacks_ of them." Ulbert stated.

I shrugged. "Well, each of the potential benefactors gives different rewards. Aren gives one percent of Life Regenerated per second, two percent additional Physical Defense, and twenty percent increased Physical Damage. Shiba gives five percent Mana Regenerated per second, plus twenty percent to Global Critical Strike Multiplier, and plus fifteen percent to all Elemental Resistances to a max of seventy-five percent. Yore offers six percent increased Attack and Cast Speed, an extra three percent chance to dodge attacks, and six percent increased Movement Speed."

"So you're saying we can get all of that?" Touch Me asked incredulously.

"No," I corrected, "I'm saying we can get all of those rewards _multiple times._ You have to drag the item into their item box in order to get the reward, and sixteen of those items fit in that box."

"Bullshit." Ulbert said, still staring at the piles of silver necklaces. "There's no _way_ the Devs would leave something like that in."

"Oh, definitely not." I agreed smugly. "But a single Player can only do the Quest once, and I'm the only one who would think to exploit the game this way. I won't tell if you won't."

It was a moot point anyway. You had to have two different Quests at a specific point in order to get the bug, and I had been careful not to tell them which other one was needed. The one that gave necklaces was well-known, though, so I would have to reveal that one at least.

Ulbert picked up one of the silver necklaces. "The Stat gains on this are shit." He muttered.

I shrugged. "Hey, you're not meant to keep it. You're meant to give it to one of the three. Hence the name of the Quest."

"'Deal with Royalty'. I've heard of this one." Touch Me remarked, picking up a necklace of his own. "You're saying we can boost ourselves multiple times with these?"

"For sure. Unfortunately it only works sixteen times, so the rest of them are just free gold." I waved towards the stacks, subtly beginning to pile some into my Inventory. "You can only hold so many, though, and this place will despawn after we've been gone for five minutes. So carry what you can now and hope for the best."

"These necklaces take up four Item Slots in my Inventory." Ulbert noted, bemused.

"We weren't exactly meant to carry a ton of them." I snarked back.

"Fair point." The Demon sighed, beginning to scoop up silver strands with his clawed hands. "I hate to admit it, but that suicide run might've actually been worth it."

I chuckled darkly, rubbing my claws together. "Oh, buddy, you have no idea."

* * *

I scrolled smugly through my Stat Screen, feeling completely vindicated for the fifty-some hours I had poured into it thus far. I would have to take fifteen Racial Levels in Scale Knight, another fifteen in Serpent Mage and a final ten in Snake Priest before I could finally start learning the Dragon Race's _truly_ overpowered Skills, but this was a good start. It was a long climb that ensured I had plenty of work to do, but it offered a lot of juicy rewards in the form of various Skills. Not to mention the Movement, Attack, and Cast Speed bonuses I picked up from giving the necklaces to the Duke of Yore.

The Skills I got for finishing Scale Knight's Racial Levels were almost all defense-oriented, allowing the use of passives that blocked a lot of Physical Damage before it could reach me. I was still incredibly vulnerable, but I stood a much better chance against the rest of the world.

…Full disclosure, though, I died at least twice trying to grind for these damn Levels. Dragons are weak as shit for their Level until they hit 50. I needed to learn a shrinking Spell to avoid alerting PKers, and _fast_.

_'Fuggin' madmen will try anything for EXP…'_

I studiously ignored the hypocrisy of that thought. I did what I did for the sake of eternal Godhood. They did what they did because they were complete dicks. They killed for laughs and loot, nothing else.

To be perfectly honest I could have gone completely solo. I could've done all this by myself, conquering a Guild Base for me alone and stuffing it with NPCs of my own make. But I had one issue with that. No, two, really. First… if I made an army of Level 100 girls who adored me and fawned on my every wish, would any of them be truly _special_? No. I would tire of that sort of life, leaving me in an eternity of boredom. Second, who would I talk to until the server shutdown? I still have _years_ to go, what am I going to do until then? Make more NPCs? Hoard loads of treasure?

No. It'll be a lot more amusing in the long run to throw my lot in with Nazerick. If nothing else, I can make it my life's goal to get poor Momonga laid. He might have literally nothing _down there_, but if I can get the World Item that might allow me to create a human transformation Spell, well. I suppose I might just have to pop me some popcorn and enjoy a show full of Momonga getting periodically jumped by thirsty women.

Mehehehehe.

In a battle between him and thirsty women… poor skellibones doesn't stand a chance.

* * *

"Are you certain this is a good idea, Ancient One-san? I'm an assassin build, and you don't really have much gear on."

I sighed. "It'll be fine, Flatfoot. I just need you to scout for me. I have enough Racial Skills blocking Physical Damage that this place isn't really a problem.

Flatfoot, another of the original nine members of the fledgling Clan. Even if said Clan hadn't even been formed yet. He was referring to my Race's main flaw, which not too many Players knew about. In return for incredible natural defenses, Dragons were incapable of equipping most items. Rings and amulets were pretty much the limit of what I could wear, which wasn't exactly the best news for someone hoping for a stealth run. With my tremendous bulk, I'd have to have some insane armor to get enough of a bonus to conceal me from monsters.

Of course, I had a bit of a trick up my proverbial sleeve.

"**[Size Down]**." I mumbled. The Spell was a buff that made one's evasion rating skyrocket, but it had the side-effect of shrinking them. I made it my personal mission to abuse that mechanic well enough to let me fit through doors.

Seriously, though. Fuck doors. Damn Developers never bothered to make the things Dragon-sized. I tried to get them to help, but they seemed to find the problem more funny than anything.

Believe me. Doors are no laughing matter when you're a thirty-meter-tall quadruped.

"You ready, Flatfoot?"

The assassin raised Tsururinpettan, his custom weapon. "Whenever you are."

We slipped into the mineshaft, me trailing in his wake.

We spent some time wandering, avoiding monsters and working our way steadily downward. Dead end after dead end, monster den after monster den. Without Flatfoot, I would've been long dead before we finally found what we were looking for.

"I… don't get it." Flatfoot deadpanned. "A bunch of rocks?"

Correction. What _I _was looking for. "It's a very special crafting material." I muttered, eyeing it excitedly.

"How much is it worth?" He glanced around. "Because from the looks of it, there's nothing else down here."

I held back a laugh. "Not much unless you're planning to make a Golem. But I'll tell you what. If you keep quiet and watch for trouble while I mine all this, I'll pay you five gold per Inventory stack of the stuff you get me."

He visibly perked up at that. "Hey, you have yourself a deal."

Free gold for standing guard? He was sold. More importantly, though, I had access to an untapped vein of the Prismatic Ore Celestial Uranium _years_ before Players discovered its' uses. No uber-powerful Golems for me, though. No, I wanted it for something else. Something _better_. See, Celestial Uranium is the main component in a recipe to make a World Item known as Caloric Stone.

And if I remembered correctly… this stuff was the _shit_.

For starters, it could be used to create a Golem's core. Nice, but not too useful to me. In addition to that, though, the World Item was said to enhance the likes of weapons or armors. _Very_ useful for when I eventually get my own humanoid form and gain the ability to use such things. And finally, similar to Ouroboros and Five Elements Overcoming, it's one of the Items that allows the holder to make requests to the game developers.

I'm not quite sure what _kind_ of requests, but I'll iron that out once I've stripped all of the Seven Hidden Mines. After all, this is an entirely undiscovered location in YGGDRASIL, and the Mines would slowly recover and be ready for further harvesting by the time anyone found the place.

Flatfoot walked away that day a happy man, but I walked away with a priceless treasure.

* * *

"He's over here!" A loud voice shouted.

I sighed. I had been relying the **[Size Down]** buff thus far, but evidently my luck had run out. "No shit, sherlock." I grumbled, spreading my wings for extra stability.

Seventeen Players charged into the clearing, all armed to the teeth. I raised an eyebrow. "Aaand you brought friends. Lovely."

"See, I told you there was a Player who actually had a Dragon Avatar!" One said smugly.

"Yeah, it would almost be cool if it didn't stick out like a sore thumb."

I twitched. "Oi. Do you have any idea how hard this thing was to get? Show some respect, will you?"

Predictably, they ignored me. "I've got the place surrounded with my Summons. You guys corner him, I'll close the circle."

I sighed, preparing for a fight.

I wish I could tell you that I stood a chance against a mob of Players determined to kill me. I wish I could say that I nobly stood my ground, fighting them off against all odds.

Unfortunately, video games don't work like that, no matter what SAO might have told you. Any given build has at least one flaw, which usually can't be fixed until you get to the endgame content.

My Dragon Avatar was lovely, but I had optimized it for clear speed rather than actual combat against other Players. Sure, I might be able to fight off a Boss or two, but Players were a different issue entirely. I tended to stay out of the human realms if at all possible, but sometimes it was unavoidable. I had numerous goals to achieve while I was still in the game, many of which not possible without venturing out on occasion.

Like exploring the map, or finding new dungeons with handy exploits. Little things like that. I did have the long-term goal to explore the entire map of YGGDRASIL, but at this point I'd settle for a handy dungeon to duck into.

No such luck.

"**[Penetrate Magic: Slow]**." I cast in their general direction, spreading my wings and lifting off. Hopefully that would give me a chance to get the hell out of dodge while they were still debuffed.

"Hey, he's getting away!"

"Is he flying? How is that possible?"

"Uaah! Did those shitty Devs give him flight before the rest of us!"

"Dammit, this isn't the time! Everyone, at once! **[Scorching Ray]**!"

"**[Scorching Ray]**!"

"**[Scorching Ray]**!"

My HP dropped like a stone as no less than twelve laser beams caught me in their crosshairs.

"Shitshitshitshit—" I blurted, flapping backwards. It was times like this that I wished that **[Teleportation]** wasn't so high Tier of a Spell. "**[Dimensional Move]**." I tried instead.

The world shimmered, and suddenly I was a good half a kilometer away. To most low-Tier casters, this was an extremely handy escape Spell used to put distance between themselves and their adversaries.

Unfortunately, unlike Bosses, Players could prepare for this sort of thing.

Several shimmers signaled the arrival of the same Players as before, making me swear colorfully. They had likely used **[Lopsided Duel]**, a Third-Tier Spell that bound the caster to the target such that whenever the target tried to flee by teleportation, both caster and target would appear in the same place.

Fuckers.

"Is this absolutely necessary?" I shouted, taking to the sky once more. "Seriously, I'm _exploring_ for God's sake. I'm not carrying anything worth a damn in case I run into a strong Boss or something. Killing me won't do you any good."

"You're a Heteromorph who walked into Asgard. The hell were you expecting?" Another Player called.

I winced. _'Well, with any luck, a nice place to camp and grind EXP… but it seems that's not happening anytime soon.'_ "**[Freeze]**!" I tried, a biting wind flowing from beneath my wings. "**[Stoneskin]**!"

A chorus of laughter from the gathered PKers. "Does he think we're a bunch of mobs?" One snickered to another.

"I know, right? Doesn't he have anything we aren't immune to?"

_'No, debuff Spells are all I have at this Level and I already used up most of my Skills for the day.'_ I grumbled to myself.

I knew I was dead. _They _knew I was dead. The only factor was how hard I made them work for it.

I felt something puncture my neck, and my already dangerously low HP plummeted. With my last second of life, I made a choice. "**[Storm of Vengance]**!" I bellowed, burning all of my remaining Mana at once.

My Life hit zero, and I died.

_You have died._

_'Yeah, no shit.'_

_Would you like to respawn at the nearest checkpoint?_

_'No. I would like to be an unstoppable killing machine. But that doesn't seem to be happening, does it?'_

_Answer not recognized._

_'Oh, sod off. I'm bitching about my death, here, it's a tradition amongst gamers. What's the point of dying if you don't get to complain about it?'_

_Answer not—_

_'Fine. Sure. Respawn me.'_

_Respawning in: 00:01:00._

_'Oh, lovely. And apparently there's a respawn timer in Asgard for Heteromorphs. __Note to self: don't come back here until you're at _least_ Level 90. Then hopefully I can find a way to burn it to the ground.'_

_You have gained 14903 EXP!_

I grinned, satisfied. At least my dying Spell had killed the fuckers, so I no longer had to swear vengeance against them and their entire family line.

They're still going on my shit list, though. Them, the lawyer who screwed my sister over last life, and Chad Bradley. Because fuck Chad Bradley.

I guess now that the option of exploration is out, I should check on my hidden supply of Celestial Uranium. With any luck, it's been long enough for it to become Caloric Stone.

_Respawn complete._

_Alert! For violating the law against Player Killing, you have lost five levels!_

"Oh _fffff_—"

* * *

"Oi, Ancient One-san! I want to introduce you to someone!"

I woke with a start, giving a jaw-cracking yawn. I could do that in this world, at least. "Come on in, Touch Me."

The door to the cave swung open, admitting an Insectoid Knight and… a small skeleton? Oh my, it would seem that canon is progressing faster than I thought.

"Hello little one." I greeted, leaning down to peer at Momonga. "And who might you be?"

"Touch Me-san, did that mob just talk?" The startled salaryman whispered.

I chuckled to myself. Noob Players like him always reminded me of tiny spooked squirrels. "Yes, he did. I completed a Quest line at Level 100 that allowed me to become what you see now." I shifted smugly. "I don't regret a moment of it."

"Oh? I could've sworn I heard you cussing up a storm in chat when you were just a wimpy little—gurk!" I slapped the Knight upside the head with my tail, glowering.

_'Asshole better wait until I trot out the pictures of him in starter gear. We'll see who's laughing then.'_

"Aha, I suppose I deserved that." Touch Me admitted, rubbing the back of his helmet sheepishly. "Anyway. Momonga-san, this is Ancient One-san. He's a very old player from the beta days. If you ever need advice on where to power-level, ask him. He knows all of YGGDRASIL like the back of his hand." He paused awkwardly. "Er, claw. The back of his claw."

"Really?" The skeleton ignored the confused stumble, tilting his head to look up at my towering forty-meter-tall form. "I thought most of it was unexplored."

"It is, but I like to think myself an expert at flyovers." I said, spreading my wings in demonstration.

"You should ask around sometime, hear all he's done. He made it to Level 100 in a week one time, you know." Touch Me boasted.

"That's incredible!"

"I know, right? I don't know why Ulbert-san doesn't like his advice, it's always amazing!"

"Probably because my advice is largely suicidal." I said drily, my tail swishing in a lazy rasp of scale on stone. "I may have made it to 100 in a week, but no one mentions how many times I died to get there. I think you guys are better off not trying my approach."

"Fair enough." Touch Me relented.

"Um, Ancient-san… if I might ask… why are you laying on a pile of rocks?" Momonga asked, pointing.

I glanced down. "Because they're divinely radioactive and I'm waiting for them to turn into treasure."

"What?" If a skeleton could look confused without expressions, Momonga nailed the image perfectly.

I chuckled. "You'll understand one day. Let's just say I have a knack for finding bizarre loopholes in the game and leave it at that. Besides." I puffed out my chest. "I'm a Dragon, aren't I? It's only right that I hoard treasure."

"Weren't you planning to go mapping today?" Touch Me prodded jokingly.

I huffed at him. "I'll have you know that someone else is there already and it's annoying to have to fight over a dungeon. I'm waiting a few minutes for a new instance of the dungeon to open up when the reset timer runs down."

"Ah, Ancient-san," Momonga interrupted before we could begin to fight in earnest. "If you're going EXP hunting, could we tag along? Touch Me-san needs one more Level to equip a piece of gear he likes, and I need to get strong enough to survive PKers on my own."

I snorted a plume of smoke at him. "Just call me Ancient One, everyone does. And I'd be more than happy to bring you along. I'll start up a Split Party, it should evenly distribute EXP regardless of the gap. Just leave the clearing to me and Touch Me, it should all be over fairly quickly."

The salaryman nodded. "I'm a Skeleton Mage at the moment, if it helps. I'm grinding to become an Elder Lich."

"Fantastic." I shook myself off, rising. "Just let me set a few Spells to guard this place, then we'll be off."

The two waited patiently for me to rattle off a long and paranoid list of Spells. In my mind, it still wasn't enough, but I had nothing worth stealing in the eyes of today's YGGDRASIL. I reluctantly left it alone, and we took to the skies.

Side note, these days I can fly at breakneck speeds faster than most people can stand. Momonga learned that today, all the while screaming at the top of his nonexistent lungs. Touch Me had been wise enough to learn Fly as soon as it came out a month ago for this very reason.

I snickered.

Totally worth convincing the Devs to add flight in early. Really brings the experience together.

I landed at the mouth of a gorge a short while later, slowing to a halt. Touch Me glided down beside, and a shaken Momonga dropped off my back. No words were spoken while the Skeleton Mage soundlessly kissed the ground. He straightened, and we all pretended I hadn't just scared the man half to death.

"This place is actually a Level 80 dungeon." I began, spreading my wings. "So in ordinary circumstances, we would be screwed beyond measure. But the creatures here are all Stone Golems of some sort. I can run this place backwards in my sleep with a few frost-based Spells. They're slow as sin, and if you defeat the Boss it counts as a win even if you never kill a single other mob."

Momonga tilted his head. A question mark emote popped up above his head. "Wait, what? Why would you want to only defeat the Boss?"

I smiled. "Because the Boss has the best loot, of course." I shook my head, forestalling his response. "We are actually going to be killing the Golems as we come across them. But because of how big the Level gap between us and the recommended Level, the EXP is going to be much smaller than one might expect. You might get five Levels or so, but beyond that I don't know."

The mage took a deep breath, shifting his grip on a wooden staff. "All right. Freezing Spells. Let's go."

I turned, chuckling, and entered the dungeon.

Now, this game is not one meant to be played solo. In fact, it would be considered downright suicidal for me to march into a normal Level 80 area at my current Level. But this place? Please. Stone Golems are extremely weak to frost-based status effects, so if one just hammers them with enough Freezing Spells, they can remove all their defenses and kill them with one blow. And while normal dungeons have a variety of monsters to challenge players, the Devs thought an army of Level 80 Stone Golems was challenging enough as it was.

Fools.

I cackled madly as I shattered Golem after Golem like sugar glass, my high Physical Attack combined with their Frozen status killing them instantly. I suspected the Devs might fix the area's obvious exploit sooner rather than later at the rate I had been grinding the dungeon, but hey. I wasn't complaining right now.

Momonga, on the other hand… well. He wasn't looking too hot. A bit terrified, actually. He had died twice on our way here, rejoining a moment later to pick up his stuff and chase after us. Touch Me was laughing as loudly as I was, leaving the Mage as the only sane member of our Party.

I wasn't too worried. He would crack eventually. They all did.

We finally reached the Boss room, not bothering to go around cleaning up like we normally would. Touch Me had backed me enough times to know I prioritized the Boss above all, even if he had no idea why.

With any luck, he would learn today.

I braced my four-legged bulk against the door and heaved, my Racial Levels allowing me to push open a door one might need Level 80 Stats to open ordinarily. Inside was a small mountain of boulders.

"Look alive." I ground out, moving into a combat stance. Wings spread, tail lashing, Mana gathering. "This is going to get ugly."

The stones rumbled together, slowly forming a larger behemoth. It groaned, a haunting noise that always sent chills down my spine. The combat began, his HP bar filling up above his head. "**[Sheer Cold]**." I barked instantly. "**[Frost Breath]**.** [Purity of Ice]**."

Crystals grew across the construct, slowing it to a shuddering halt. "GO!" I barked, tackling it. It reformed around me as I began to wail on it, my heavy limbs becoming battering rams. It was taking more damage from the wall I was beating it into than me, but that was expected. It was always like this.

No one ever said beating a Boss a solid fifteen Levels above you was easy. But even if my build was shit at PvP, it was second to none at Bossing.

As far as different runs went, it wasn't the quickest. Momonga's Mana ran out three quarters of the way through, which left me to tank half my HP in pure Physical Damage. Fortunately I had long since learned that the Resist Stat did more for mitigating damage than any of my Defenses and had tracked down an amulet that converted half of both my Magic and Physical Defenses into pure Resist, giving me Resist that Exceeded Limits. I probably would've been one-shot when it broke through the second time, the half-health Damage boost all Bosses got kicking in at the worst possible time.

I never claimed my build was the best, merely that it let me challenge dungeons a good twenty-five Levels above mine. And that was with good solid tactics, ignoring the possibility of lucky hits.

I survived the blow, my solid bulk working in my advantage and keeping me from taking the Knockback damage a smaller creature would've. Touch Me took on the leading role for a bit while I recovered, spamming combos while I debuffed the giant Golem.

The Boss died at last after a solid twenty minutes of Freeze-hit tactics. It fell with a mighty _crash_, shaking the ground below us and making the cave rumble dangerously. We mostly ignored the Boss's lengthy death animation, knowing it was pointless to watch. We had already gotten the EXP and now we just needed to wait for the animation to finish in order to get our reward.

"I-I Leveled eight times!" Momonga shouted in surprise.

I raised an eyebrow, stretching. "Yeah. That's kinda what happens when you kill a high-Level Boss. You would've Leveled a hell of a lot more if the Devs didn't make an EXP penalty for being too high or too low Leveled for a certain dungeon."

"Huh." The Skeleton Mage blinked down at the Level notifications. "I never knew that."

"Most sane Players don't." Touch Me said in a moment of rare cynicism.

…He _may_ still be holding a grudge about the monkey thing.

"It's a complicated equation that creates a huge curve in the Level spectrum. The higher-Leveled you get, the harder it is to find dungeons that still grant 100% EXP. I don't even bother, instead going for quantity over quality. I _could_ run one dungeon at my Level for 100% EXP, but it's ten times as profitable to run _this_ dungeon four times at 25% EXP. You get what I'm saying?"

Momonga nodded, glancing to the side. "Hey, it looks like the death animation is almost up."

I followed his gaze. Sure enough, the stones composing the Boss had almost completely dissolved into sand. A marble plinth rose up, and the long-awaited drops fell from seemingly nowhere. Gold, Data Crystals, a few weapons, a few potions…

A message window appeared before me, accompanied by a soft chorus in the background. I broke into a wide grin, ignoring the drops in favor of reading it.

_Congratulations! By completing a dungeon with a recommended Level 81 on the first try with a party of less than 8 members, you have received the World Item __**[Five Elements Overcoming]**__!_

I began to laugh. After all this time farming this Boss, it finally drops a World Item. And not only that, but the exact one I've been looking for this whole time. Sure I've gotten four others this through other Bosses, but I couldn't equip any weapons or armors as a Dragon, so those particular Items were useless to me. This dungeon has never before granted me its' bounty… but now it's _mine._

The World Item appeared midair and floated softly down into my outstretched claw, gleaming in the light. It was a five-pointed star, woven from multiple shades of glass. One for each element represented in Taoism, my mind noted absently. A little detail told by the Item's flavor text.

"What is it?" Momonga whispered.

"This," I rumbled, tucking the Item into my Inventory, "is exactly what I have been looking for." I turned my head to look at the two of them. "How would you two like to be able to disguise yourselves as one of the Human Races?"

* * *

**A/N:**

**The time-skips might be a bit disorienting now, but they'll get much more readable in the future. YGGDRASIL was released ****2126 AD and went on until 2138 AD, so I have to stuff twelve years worth of gameplay into a few chapters while still maintaining some form of cohesion. This chapter summarizes the first year or so of gameplay, though I elected to leave some of it out due to it being fairly boring to read.  
**

**I'm releasing this chapter a bit early. The first one was pretty well-recieved so I decided to give this one a shot. ****I hope you all enjoyed!**


	3. 1-2: Prelude to Greatness

Chapter 2—Prelude to Greatness

* * *

**Year: 2127 AD**

I lazily twirled a silver ring around one of my fingers.

Yes, _fingers_.

I was reclining in my very own humanoid form, courtesy of a quick discussion with the Devs a while back. It hadn't granted me true transformation, not really. It would've been too game-breaking to let Players change Races at will. Instead they created a Quest granting a unique Skill, allowing me to shapeshift much like Doppelgangers could. I could only have one preset of each Avatar base type, though, so it was much more restrictive.

I had a blast designing my character, but the novelty wore off quickly. I still spent a lot of time in my original quadrupedal form, though these days it was so massive I had to layer on **[Size Down]** in order to fit anywhere.

The ring around my finger was of a snake swallowing its own tail, the sign of the unending Ouroboros. I had finally gotten it at Level 83 on a routine grind, allowing me to at last make my wish.

…It's bloody _midnight_ right now, though, and I'm not about to wake up the Devs just to hear me demand things. I'm a bit of an ass, but I'm not a complete savage.

Also, it's more likely they'll be polite if I don't drag them out of bed, so there's that too.

Dammit. Six more hours until I can call up the Devs.

What exactly am I supposed to do in the meantime?

* * *

I walked casually into the Castle of Asgard, cool as can be. All around me Players milled about without so much as a glance, vindicating the time it had taken me to prepare this.

The ring on the pinky of my left hand was and Divine-Class Item called **[The Humanities]**, which had the effect of making one's Race appear as 'Human' to all Skills and Divination Magic. It was a rare drop from a Boss that had taken me ages to farm, something I had to do subtly as to not alert anyone to my intentions. Even if it was viewed as a low-value Item at best, I couldn't have a single soul guess what I was planning.

See, the Devs recently made a small tweak to the game's mechanics. It was unfair for Human Races to be free to kill Heteromorphs without suffering the PK penalty, but rather than fix that issue, they just made Heteromorphs able to freely kill Humans.

Yes. Rather than fix the situation, they just deliberately made it worse.

Welcome to YGGDRASIL, folks, where the Devs are the biggest trolls on the planet.

Now. Back to my little excursion. I'm sure you can probably guess where I'm going with this, but it isn't nearly as satisfying to just tell you what happened, now is it? No, I have to tell you the groundwork first.

With almost zero Players aware of the brand-new addition to the game, my entry into the heart of Asgard went unquestioned. I strolled right down the golden streets, casually placing Items in places where no one would guess. Only one Item, really, just dozens of it. It was a one-use Item called **[Spell Echo]**, which had the effect of repeating any Tier Spell below Super-Tier.

You guessed it, more rare Boss drops that no one should ever be able to farm without hundreds of hours of work.

Such an Item would be considered a cheat, until you realized that it was both rare and impossible to use twice. Or, hell, even use in a standard fight of any kind. The repeated Spell emanated from the Item, which had to be placed at least ten seconds before the Spell was activated. Actually setting the Item took another five. In a straight fight, that was fifteen seconds wasted when you could simply cast the damn Spell twice on your own.

Most Players only looked that far and left the Item be, selling the ones that they got extremely cheaply on the in-game market.

I am not most Players.

I continued setting the Items all around, keeping them spaced far enough apart that people wouldn't notice them. I had already burned three hours just setting them around the rest of Asgard, from the outside of dungeons to on random trees. The Items themselves were relatively inconspicuous, simple squares with a Magic Circle engraved on them. I even added low-Tier Spells to them designed to hide them from the naked eye, meaning that someone would have to use a Detection Spell or Skill directly on them in order to notice their existence.

That's right. I'm planning on burning all the time I have on a pointless revenge scheme that may or may not ever be used. I'm too wound up to just grind more dungeons, so I'm doing _this_ instead. Randomly covering one of the Nine Worlds in **[Spell Echo]** tags bought and farmed for dirt-cheap.

Hey, I have to do _something_ with all that gold I have just sitting around. It's not like it's being used for anything better.

I stepped into the room named _Throne of Asgard_, silently cackling to myself.

Oh, if I ever actually pulled this thing off, it would be utterly _epic_.

* * *

I glanced at the time, hesitantly switching rings for the umpteenth time. I kind of wanted to finish the last few areas in Asgard… but at the same time, I also wanted to use Ouroboros for the first time. My first use would be a sort of test for the thing, nothing overly fancy.

At least, not from their point of view.

I needed to test the limits of what the World Item allowed before I could make the really difficult or complicated requests I had all queued up. I would ask for something simple, an Item that one might think was merely for decoration. If Items could be created using a wish from Ouroboros, that opened an entirely new avenue of exploration. If not, I had a backup wish lined up to further test the limits.

But first… to try it out.

I exhaled, finally picking the World Item out of my Storage and slipping it onto my finger. I raised it high, activating it. "Ouroboros!"

The ring glowed, then shattered into a million pieces.

There was a slight pause before the first text box appeared..

_Hello, you have activated the World Item 'Ouroboros'. You have been granted a single wish capable of changing anything the limits of the system._

I smiled. Finally, time to ask the first request. "I want you to make me an Item that grows the Leaves of the World Tree."

There was a pause.

_…Excuse me?_

I chuckled at the Developer's confused reaction. "You know, from the game lore." I flicked my tail excitedly. "I want something that grows those Leaves. Like a miniature Yggdrasil or something. Please, it doesn't even have to do anything. I just want to add something really cool to my Treasury."

_…Ah. I see. A roleplayer. I just read your file, my apologies. Let me speak to someone, I need to see what we can do._

I nodded, patiently waiting. I had gotten this far, I wasn't about to start bitching now. Not when what I wanted was so close.

Oh, don't get me wrong, my excitement was genuine, but for a different reason than the one given.

In the game lore of YGGDRASIL, the World Tree was once covered with a countless number of leaves, but one day a gigantic monster appeared and devoured these leaves. The leaves were destroyed one by one, until only nine were left, making the Nine Worlds of YGGDRASIL. These World Items are said to be made from remnants of those leaves, each equivalent to a World in power. The monster that devoured the original leaves would attack the remaining realms for these Items, trying to destroy them once and for all. They were integral to the background story of the game: Players would step out into the unknown and face dangers in order to protect their own world.

In all of YGGDRASIL, there were only two hundred World Items, only half of which having been released yet. Each of them had their own unique ability, and some were powerful enough to destroy the game's balance. Of course, not all of the World Items had such game-breaking abilities. 'The Twenty' were all famously powerful, yes, but they were one-shot Items. Fire and forget missiles. The chances of a Player ever using the same Item of the Twenty _twice_ was downright unheard of.

I still planned to do it, but hey, I like to dream big.

_All right sir, thank you for your patience. To be clear, here, you wish for something of great value to add to your, ah, 'Treasury'?_

I nodded, smiling to myself. It seemed that the first person had been replaced with someone who better knew what they were doing. "Yeah. See, I had a thought. So there's this great beast who devours all the leaves in the lore, right? So why is the World Tree still alive? I mean, it's obviously not, it's dying. That's why the Players have to fight to save it. So." I rustled my wings in anticipation. "I had a thought. Why would the World Tree accept death? There's nothing it can do with its leaves stripped and the 'great monster' chewing at its roots. In that situation, the Tree would try to do something desperate, if only to pass on to the next generation."

I saw no new text, so I took this as a cue to continue. "So, the World Tree thinks to itself, 'where can I put this tiny tree? It can't stay here, there's a giant monster.' So where does it put it? Somewhere it knows the guardian will fight to the death to protect it. So it entrusts this tiny World Tree Sapling to the giant _Dragon_ to hide it from the giant _monster_. The Dragon protects it, the giant monster dies, the World Tree slowly withers away. You could throw an event and everything, 'Wither of the World Tree' or some such. It'd be a blast."

There was a lengthy pause as the Developer processed my words.

_Do want the Leaves to be some sort of Recovery Item or something?_

I laughed. "No, no, please, I don't actually want the Leaves to _do_ anything in-game. That would ruin the value of simply _having_ it. Just hard code them to read 'Leaves of the World Tree' and give them a jaw-dropping aesthetic."

This pause was a lot shorter, and the text came a lot smoother.

_I think I get what you're saying. You just want to add to the game's lore in a positive way, right?_

I nodded. "Exactly!

_That actually sounds amazing._ There was a pause. _To be perfectly honest, Miyagi-san, I'm one of the guys who's been here since day one. I and a few buds still remember all you did back in the beta days. Even if it's been a while, you've still contributed as much as any member of the staff._

I would've blushed if my cheeks had blood in them. "Ah, come on, I just helped out a bit. I wanted to build a game I could enjoy."

_I know, and that's the best part about it._ There was a pause. _Hey, listen. The guys and I know you're all about that deep hidden lore and such. You love roleplaying as the ancient dragon guarding treasure and protecting innocent maidens. So we had a thought. We were kind of expecting the person using this ring to demand that we give them their own Cheat Item or something, and just asking for a custom decoration doesn't really fit the bill. So how about this._

What followed was a brief few lines of text outlining, in code, how the 'World Tree Sapling' would function. It was very basic, but the flavor text read more or less as I had suggested.

_That's what we're going to give you for your 'Leaf manufacturer'. But since we have the next half hour off and weren't expecting a glorified hedge, we figured we'd do something nice for once. How about we add you to the game's lore a bit. Make vague references to you in random places. You can become the protector of the Tree or whatever. Hell, since you're guarding the Sapling, we might even be able to make it a Title. Sound good?_

To be honest, it was a bit heartwarming. I had only really chummed up to the Developers to get flight mechanics added, then later to develop my own Race. "I think that sounds excellent. Don't push yourself too hard, and once you're done, use the rest of the time to take a break. It's on me."

_Thanks, Miyagi-san. If you ever get this Item again, we'll be sure you get sent to us._

This man was going out of his way to give me more than what I asked for. Not because he had to, but because he genuinely _wanted_ to. "Thanks. A lot. Seriously, you guys are great."

_You too. Take care, and good luck guarding your Sapling!_

The text box closed, and the air in front of me shimmered. Before me formed a tree with warm brown bark, gleaming from within. Jewel-like peaches hung from its branches, making me laugh softly to myself. The World Tree in this game was apparently a peach tree—who'd have thunk it.

_You have gained the Title, 'Guardian of the Tree'! While this Title is equipped, you gain the following effects:_

_[Nature's Blessing]_

_[Blessing of the World]_

_Status effect [Nature's Blessing] grants the following:_

_-You cannot be affected by Terrain Modifiers_

_+10% to all Stats while in a Nature Biome_

_Status effect [Blessing of the World] grants the following:_

_+1000% Life regeneration_

_+30 Physical Defense_

_+30 Magical Defense_

_+90% increased Rarity of Items found_

_Title grants passive Skill 'Calming Aura' while equipped._

I raised an eyebrow. This Title… it was a bit broken, to be honest. The Stats on it read like a high-ranked body armor would. I suppose this was the kind of thing that they were supposed to give out whenever someone used Ouroboros, but I couldn't be bothered to care. My guess was that they were giving me something to compensate for me not being able to equip any real armor.

Quite nice of them, considering I'm getting the better end of the deal by far.

I examined the Sapling, the other eyebrow raising to join the first. The so-called 'Fruit of the World Tree' had no effects whatsoever, but the flavor text stated that they were the fabled 'peaches of immortality' sought by man. They could restore the eldest to their youth and the most sickly to their prime.

Japanese mythology. Heh. Figured out why they were so giving, they wanted to subtly insult my age.

_'Fuckers. Even if I'm mentally eighty-something, I'm not in the grave yet. Hell, my physical body isn't even twenty yet.'_

I lifted the Sapling delicately, walking over to place it in my Storage. It would wait until Nazerick was found to be planted. I already had a plan for a mansion with that very tree in front, where beautiful peach blossoms would rain down year after year. Quite the romantic scene, really, even if those blossoms were actually World Items waiting to be made.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't expect to be able to make World Items for _centuries_ after I arrive in the New World. I need to give the Sapling time to grow. But once it does, I'll have a whole new Yggdrasil growing in my front yard. Even before then, I'll undoubtedly be able to use the Leaves to craft upgrades for all sorts of weapons, imbuing them with the tiny Tree's immense power.

I internally cackled, closing the lid to the Storage chest.

Even if I lost a single World Item, I gained so much more in its place.

Now to begin the hunt all over again. I'll definitely need it again, but I should wait a year or so before activating it to make sure not to bug them too often. This one was meant to butter them up, my next wish will be for an Item capable of letting me infinitely use the Super-Tier Magic 'Wish Upon a Star' without the penalty. Maybe not _actually_ using the Spell, that would be broken. I just want an Item that says it grants wishes specifically to me.

I'm honestly not sure if they'll do it, but hey, if they're this generous next time, who knows?

I cackled to myself, conveniently ignoring the hours and hours of grinding ahead of me.

I had a long way to go before I found the World Item I wanted again. It was time to check on the World Items I _did_ have.

* * *

I rubbed my claws together, chuckling darkly. Before me was the enormous room I had filled with Celestial Uranium so long ago. The Prismatic Ore had been moved once or twice in order to ensure no one reached it, and my current stronghold was a cave large enough to easily hold my full bulk with space for me to move comfortably about. The entrance was blocked, though, and I made damn well sure that not a soul was aware of my location.

It wasn't that I didn't trust other Players… just that I didn't trust other Players.

Just as I had predicted, the Celestial Uranium had changed. What once was a pile of rocks useless for anything but Golem creation was now a pile of Caloric Stone—the only World Item in YGGDRASIL that could be mass-produced.

I tapped on a single unit of the Item. Three options appeared, hoovering over in individual text boxes. Upgrade, Craft, and Consume. The first was self-explanatory, though I would wait until I got the Job Class for Item modification before I messed with it. The second was likely an option to Craft the Caloric Stone into something, most likely a Golem core. The last, though, was exactly what I wanted.

I shuffled around the cave, moving over to the large treasure chest that held the cave's Storage.

…Okay, fine, I may have ditched my original cave in favor of a temporary Guild Base when my constant mining brought the stock to a certain point. No, I didn't conquer it, I actually conquered a different dungeon and offered it to trade in exchange for any cave-based dungeons others had access to. The Guild I ended up trading with was shocked out of their minds because the cave they had, while spacious, had zero NPC Levels. Period.

I didn't mind, but I'll get into the reasons for why I accepted at a later date. I'm messing with Caloric Stone right now.

I rifled around for a bit before I found a simple iron ring. I had gotten it as a random drop and would've left it under normal circumstances, but it had a few properties that gave me pause. First, the Item's durability was off the charts, which meant it could keep up with the constant amount of combat I subjected it to. And second, it had an enchantment that allowed it to repair itself over time. Between the two properties I could be certain it would need little to no attention between my constant cycles of dungeon-clearing.

Of course, the glaring flaw with the ring was that those were its _only_ two properties, but that didn't matter for how I intended to use it.

I sat back on the ground, cleared my throat, and clicked the 'Consume' option on the Caloric Stone.

As far as I could tell all three World Items capable of contacting Devs had their own teams assigned—one for general purpose gaming, one specializing in YGGDRASIL's Magic system, and, I assumed, one specializing in _Crafting_.

My assumption was proven tentatively correct as the text box appeared, the text lacking any indication of it knowing who I was.

_Hello, and congratulations on finding the hidden World Item 'Caloric Stone'. You have just chosen to contact the developers rather than to use it manually. Would you like to make a request?_

I smiled. "Yes. Yes I would. Am I correct in assuming that your department specializes in Crafting?"

_You are correct. Caloric Stone is a unique World Item that is consumed upon use, acting as a high-powered upgrade to a piece of gear._

"Wonderful. In that case, how much Caloric Stone would it take for me to give this ring," I held it up, "the property of gathering and holding a limitless amount of EXP?"

_…I beg your pardon?_

"I want this ring to hold EXP for me." I repeated. "It can drain a percentage of my EXP as I gain it, or just gain the same amount as I do, I don't particularly care which. I would just like something to hold a separate pool for Spells and Crafting Recipes that require it."

There was a pause as the person on the other end considered the request.

_…There doesn't seem to be anything forbidding it, but I would like to check to make sure. Would you mind holding?_

"Not at all." I said, chuckling. It seemed that their company had asked them all to report to a superior if they were unsure of something. This was the second time it had happened, so I was sensing a pattern.

Ah, well. Waiting didn't matter in the long run.

I knew for a fact that the World Item 'Avarice and Generosity' hadn't been released in this game yet. If it had, I would have just tracked it down. As it was, I was hoping for a workaround that would function in both my forms.

_All right, I'm back. _

I blinked. That had been _much _faster than the previous time. Odd.

_Reading the ring you intend to upgrade, there doesn't seem to be anything that would be an issue. My superior said it would be all right, and as it turns out, we actually had someone code something similar recently. I'm not sure what it's for, but I can implement it immediately. Is that still what you would like?_

I resisted the urge the burst out cackling. A complete newb on the job? Come on, make this a little harder for me. At least check the bloody source code before you cut-and-paste a World Item into my ring. "Could you send me what it looks like?" I asked instead, maintaining politeness. "I would like to see if there's anything that can be changed."

Another pause.

_Ah, yes, your file says you worked with us before. My supervisor apparently knows you, said to give you free reign if you asked for it._

I blinked in surprise as a command window opened in front of me, keys flickering to life.

_It costs ten Caloric Stone per line of code, with a base cost of five hundred just for changing it. I don't mind much what you do, but I would like it if you could run the finished product by me when you're done. I'll be working on other things until you finish. Just GM call if you need anything._

The text box dissolved, leaving me alone with a command window. Alone, _with no supervision_, with a command window.

Jesus Christ, this Dev was an idiot.

I didn't bother to restrain my cackling any longer, my claws flying across the keys.

One broken-as-fuck cheat item, coming right up.

* * *

My finished product was a simple thing, though it cost me several thousand units of Caloric Stone to make. The Developer didn't take more than a minute to declare it 'all good' and end our little conversation. I was left with a ring that belied all balance and seemed to shimmer innocently in the light.

The Developer's first mistake was letting me at it, but their second was assuming I would play fair. See, while the enchantment affecting my ring may have _appeared_ to be a block of code similar to the one I had started with, it differed in many ways. First I removed the useless graphics that took up a good twenty lines. Then I went through and made several bug fixes designed to keep the thing from crashing the game when I used it. And I would be using it a _lot_.

Let me take a moment to explain something about programming. Namely, the integer. The ring's 'Experience' value was, like most things in YGGDRASIL, based off a single integer. Other code could be added to limit that integer, but on its own it didn't have any such limit. The number 2,147,483,647 is the maximum positive value for a 32-bit integer in computing. It is therefore the maximum value for variables declared as integers in many programming languages, and the maximum possible score, money, value, etc. for many video games.

So what I did was simple. I changed what might've been a limiter on the amount of EXP to a call function instead.

Being one of the people who helped write code from time to time, I naturally knew the different YGGDRASIL subroutines like the back of my hand. One in particular was used often in situations that required a number higher than the max. All it did was add another integer and start using that one to hold the overflow. But I didn't want it to work just once, or even twice. So I stuck it in a loop.

The finished product went something like this: integer holding the EXP value, call function to create a new integer in the array, repeat. Infinitely, as long as there was space on the servers. Each integer took up a minuscule amount of space to exist no matter how large it was, so in theory I could go infinitely long without anyone even noticing my ruse.

In effect, infinite Experience storage. All the while hiding behind only two or three lines of changed code.

I of course padded it and stabilized it to make the Developer overlook the change, but the concept remained. I now had a ring that matched my EXP gain tit for tat, storing it in a permanent yet limitless container that could be accessed at any given time.

_Take that, universe!_

…Good God, I just realized how dumb that all sounds to someone who doesn't know what I'm talking about. Or even to someone who does. Um, never mind. Let's just all assume I actually did something impressive instead of typing for fifteen minutes then tricking a lazy Dev into overlooking a tiny bug in the whole mess.

Instead, I think I'll actually test the thing out. Time to go dungeon-crawling again. I need to farm me some EXP.

* * *

I think it's time we talk about why exactly I wanted a ring that stored infinite EXP. Rest assured, I did have a good reason. I just haven't explained it yet.

Do you remember back when I explained what I wanted out of my Race? What I originally asked the Developers for, albeit jokingly?

I asked that they turn me into a Dragon and give me a maiden to guard.

I never expected them to _agree_, expecting them to deny my first request and start a bargaining process. Classic business tactic. But they ended up doing exactly as I asked, giving me everything I asked for and more.

I later mentioned that I needed to gain enough Levels in Racial Classes to finally take the final Race in the Dragon species' proverbial evolution chain. What might that final Race be called, one might ask? What did the Developers, in their infinite wisdom, decide to name it?

_Ancient One_.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

I'm rolling in the aisles, you shitty Devs. Thought you were so clever with that sly pun of yours. I would kick your asses for that if it didn't make writing my own character background so much easier.

I suppose it's no less ridiculous than a show about an undead Overlord becoming an evil overlord being named 'Overlord'.

So. The terrible joke that is the final five Racial Levels aside, I finally maxed out the last of what I can achieve without taking on Job Classes. And in doing so, I unlocked the hidden Skill the Devs had added to fulfil the last of my requests.

_**[The Dragon's Maidens]**._

While most NPCs in this game just had code that you could alter, the Devs threw in a customizable flavor text box because they knew I would get a kick out of it. They told me they were considering adding it as a feature of the main game, though they may have just been doing it to keep me quiet about the lack of Raid Bosses thus far.

In the context of the game, the Skill was only just a Summon with some extra bells and whistles. It granted me 100 free NPC Levels to use however I wished, though I had a maximum of one NPC I could create. The intent was that I could get certain Job Classes that raised the amount of Summons you could make, which would give me an extra 100 Levels to do whatever I wanted with for every extra Summon. I was planning on using ten of my remaining Levels to max out the 'Sage' Job Class, which would do exactly that.

Unfortunately, in terms of pure usability, the Skill doesn't even come close to the usefulness of even a lower-Tier Summon Spell. Momonga could probably outdo the tiny NPC with sheer numbers when it came to DPS and ground coverage, making the Skill useless in the eyes of most Players.

But I didn't care. I just wanted to be able to make an NPC that would follow me into the New World.

Don't get me wrong. I already have plans for the existing members of the storyline. Evileye in particular is on my list of girls to acquire, seeing as she's both extremely intelligent and utterly adorable when it comes to romance. Her ability isn't something to scoff at either, not by a long shot. If there's anyone in the series who deserves a shot, it's her.

I mean, think about it. She's a beautiful Vampire girl who, unlike all the other Vampires in the series, isn't batshit crazy! I mean, I could change Shalltear after Peroroncino leaves, but at what point is that just creating an entirely new NPC?

No. I'll make one or two NPC girls for my harem, but that's my limit. Any other Maidens will have to be existing members of the series.

But since I'm making an original NPC anyway, I might as well go all-out, right?

After having several years to think about what I wanted, I had everything planned from the start. I needed a way to have a character that was both well-balanced here in YGGDRASIL _and_ have her gain an absurd amount of power when transferring to the New World. In other words, I needed a solid backstory to add that would give her not only a solid past but also a hell of a lot of power as well.

Think. Just off the top of your head, what's the most broken character you can think of right now? Mana isn't a problem, in this world I can easily give them a pool larger than most _deities_ had in their original world. Without limitations, just in terms of the pure bullshit that they're able to pull out of their asses, who can you picture most clearly in your mind?

I'll tell you who I thought of.

Archer.

Yes, I know the obvious problem with that. But this is _TYPEMOON_ we're talking about here. He already has a female version in the form of Kuroe from the Prisma Illya anime, so why should that even be an issue? Typemoon does it so frequently that every female Saber I can name off the top of my head is meant to be male. Who's to say the same didn't happen in reverse? What if Shirou Emiya was a girl through the entire VN and Typemoon was just pulling their usual shit?

Anyway. The point is, I know the story behind _her_ character quite well. Well enough that I can regurgitate it onto a blinking flavor text screen designed to detail her past and personality, at least. I can even describe how an ancient Dragon came to rescue her in her time of greatest need, shattering her contract with Alaya and carrying her off into the world of YGGDRASIL.

But that's not all I'm planning. Oh hell no. See, I made sure that the Demon Race was added early just so I could gain access to it for my adorable little Archer. Most Demons had tanned skin by default, so it was a perfect match right from the start. I would make her an Archdemon suited to carrying the Reality Marble that so haunted her past life, simultaneously giving her the large Attack and Mana Stats that becoming an Archdemon guaranteed.

And just because I feel like going all in with this one, I'm going to take the route that will lead to the greatest, ah, _reward_ in the next life. My little Archer is going to be an Archdemon of Lust. In this game that just gives her a few aggro and crowd-control Skills. But the Race's design box stated that Archdemons could feed directly off their Sin—a cool bit of lore here, but thanks to that little detail, she would become absolutely starved for sex with her beloved once we changed worlds.

A beautiful fighting machine devoted only to me. Quite fitting for the first of my Maidens.

I chuckled to myself and got to work.

I rolled my shoulders, cracked my neck, and activated my Racial Skill. Instantly a screen appeared before me, an interface very similar to the game's Avatar Creation screen. I didn't bother looking around, instead going straight for the 'Shop' icon in the top corner. I still had that account full of in-game currency from my work with the Devs, after all.

I bought out the offered toolkits designed to customize NPCs. From clothing to features to skin tone, I purchased every last one of them. There was even a special fanmade DLC pack made specifically for 'Demon Girls', which I downloaded more out of amusement than anything. From there I returned to the main screen and began by entering my NPC's name.

_Emiya Archer._

I started from the ground up, creating a featureless model wearing the plain one-piece slip designed to prevent R-18 content. I selected the base Race as 'Imp', the same base that every Demonic Race had to start from. The options for skin tone came next, so I turned her a lovely tan color with extra fine graphics from a cash item. I input the numbers 87-53-87 in the BWH box, moving to the convenient drop-down menu to specify her as an E-cup.

…Hey. I do have priorities, you know. This game panders to perverts and fetishists, at least one of which I most definitely was.

I turned her hair white and her eyes silver, modifying her stature so her height was due to long smooth legs. Her outfit was carefully considered to be the maximum amount of sexy I could get while still maintaining the minimum game requirements. The dress went to about ten pixels below her panty line—more than enough to give tantalizing peeks if that were allowed here. After a moment of thought I militarized the outfit, turning it into a cross between a uniform and a roleplay costume.

Much time was spent continuing to tweak, add, and polish details of my custom NPC. I knew I would be changing it with time in order to accommodate the changes her form went through while changing Races, but for now it was perfect.

The finished NPC stood before me as I closed the design window. She was tall and tan-skinned, contrasting with her long white hair. Tassels tied the loose strands back, keeping them from interfering with her vision. She wore a red and black dress bearing similarity to a short kimono and long European style coat, complete with a high collar held closed by a rope tassel. Her long, smooth legs were covered up to the thigh by armored boots, adding to her militaristic look. All in all, the very picture of a female Archer.

Oh, yes. She looked positively _scrumptious_.

I reached out and brought up her profile, which contained two boxes. One for programming, the other for flavor text. The programming window was lacking the typical interface most had, the Developers not bothering to add it in when I could do so much better without it. Since it was going to be coming to my aid in combat, this NPC would definitely need a lot more customization than most.

Data Crystals were burned like fuel as I added more and more to that little box, directing her A.I. on how to move, to react, to fight. I kept my own tactics in mind while designing hers', creating a few somewhat feasible strategies on the fly and setting them to one-word commands easily barked out in the midst of a fight.

Then came the fun part. The flavor text. Her history was easily put down and her past fabricated, but I still had plenty of free space to work with. I toyed around with different ideas and things to add, but ultimately decided to shelve it for later. By the time the World ended, I would have enough there to account for any situation.

One thing, however, I made absolutely sure was present. My Race's flavor text stated, at my request, that Dragons took multiple mates and gained significantly increased power from protecting Maidens. So, obviously, I made it so that my NPC had one specific line in her code and flavor text. The very first line, in simple, easy-to-read font.

_"A Maiden that loves her Dragon with all her being."_

And with that, I considered my first Maiden complete.

Now came the hard part. Leveling her to the point where she was actually useful.

* * *

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that a few of my favorite exploits were still present.

Unfortunately, there were also some downsides to this.

Archer couldn't do dungeons by herself at her Level, and I couldn't exactly leave her at home and expect the system to work. She had to be in my Party in order for me to tell the system to funnel all the EXP I gained into her. I eventually wound up transferring 20 of my own Levels to her just to get her Stats high enough to _survive_, but after that it was fairly smooth sailing. I brought her up to 31 with rinse and repeat dungeon crawling, then paused to allocate her points.

Angels and Demons were a bit unique in that their Racial Levels reset after they cleared the requirements to 'evolve'. To get where I needed, I had to follow a very specific path. 'Imp' for ten Levels, 'Demon' for another ten, 'Greater Demon' for five, 'Demon Lord' for five, then a variety of different options depending on which of the Sins the Demon Lord is attuned to. I wanted her to go down the Lust route, 'Succubus', so I chose that. Her Racial Levels reset with Succubus at the base, and from there it got a lot harder. Once I maxed out 'Succubus' she became a 'Greater Succubus', hopefully to turn into a 'Lust Archdemon' later down the line.

Unfortunately, I was only able to get her past the Succubus stage. As with all 'prestige' Races, it required a whopping _30 Levels_ to fully max it out. It granted the same bonuses as all the Racial Levels that had been removed, though, so it was well worth it. I only got a single Level into the 15-Level 'Greater Succubus' when my grindfest was interrupted by a friend.

_"Hey, Ancient-san!"_ Touch Me's voice came clearly through the Message Spell, giving me pause. I hadn't even realized he was calling.

"Hey Touch Me. How's it going?"

_"Pretty well at the moment. Hey, what Level are you right now?"_

I grimaced. "Only Level 64. I used 20 Levels' worth of EXP to power-level a combat NPC. Why?"

_"Well, see, I was thinking of getting a few friends together and embarking on a quest of exploration across the Nine Worlds. Wanna come?"_

I blinked. Such a careless request, yet one that told of a future that was coming faster than I expected.

Sorry Archer, I have to advance the plot now. I hope you'll understand.

_Ah, who am I kidding. _

I've been waiting a long time for this.

* * *

The Clan had been formed and was quickly growing. Ulbert was one of the first to join. The name _'Nine's Own Goal'_ was quibbled about at his entry into the circle. It was eventually decided that the name stayed, no matter how many Players were in the Clan.

The idea of a Heteromorphic Clan that banded together for the safety of individuals was apparently an extremely popular idea. Some of our star members were drawing the eye of the server, which was a double-edged blade. On the one hand our name was being spoken of, but on the other, I was frequently interrupted during a Leveling session to bail out a Clam Member being mobbed by PKers. They always apologized profusely, but I didn't mind all that much. Anything I could do to help Ainz Ooal Gown become a reality.

One of the most exciting things that happened over the next few months was the addition of Raid Bosses. Low-Level ones, but still, they were there. They were technically called 'World Threats' in the theme of the game's lore, but everyone knew what they really were. I was over the freaking moon about it, having been bugging the Devs to add them pretty much since day one. I felt confident enough to run them, even though there were many clear warnings not to.

I got one-shot by the first few I tried, but hey. I could afford a few failures now that I had EXP stocked up in my Ring of Total Bullshit™.

I developed strategies, planned moves, and slowly began to push back. All World Threats dropped enough EXP and Items for ten to twelve players, which meant I could get a Level or two a pop from each one. It was slow going and I didn't do them often, but when I did I knocked them out of the park.

Archer's NPC Level hit 100 before I even reached Level 70 again, but that was pretty much expected. With my base EXP needing several times what a normal Race would, go figure that she Leveled several times faster than me. What made me more excited was giving her the Job Classes she would be using.

According to YGGDRASIL standard, the DMMO-RPG had over 2000 basic and advanced Job Classes available in the game to unlock and choose from through various conditions, such as killing certain monsters or finishing certain Quests. I gave Archer two Base Classes, both of which having their own Skills and Job trees later down the line. The first was obviously the Class 'Archer', but the other was a bit of an odd one that not many people knew about. 'Arcanist'.

After I had gotten her 15 Levels in each of the Base Classes, they offered a Rare Class that was a cross between the two, as was the design. It was one I had never seen before but was intrigued with nonetheless. 'Sacred Archer' took a mere 10 Levels before it finished, granting access to the final tier of 'Artemis' and several decent Skills.

With an even 50 Racial Levels already allocated, 15 each for Archer and Arcanist, 10 for Sacred Archer, and 5 for Artemis, I was left with a Level 95 NPC and room for only one more Job Class.

The last was one I had unlocked by being one of the first ten Players to beat a World Threat. I knew as soon as I saw it in the list of possibilities that she had to have it.

_World Guardian._

In the Web Novel, when Nazarick was invaded by Players, the members came across those with the World Guardian class. The outcome of this invasion was that the World Guardians were repelled, but only through very careful planning. Each World Guardian were separated and dealt with individually, which was the only reason residents of Nazarick could win. The Job Class was an official cheat in and of itself, giving all of the ridiculous Skills and Stats that the likes of World Champion and World Disaster did, only oriented towards defense instead of attack.

When Archer reached the New World with her almost Defense-heavy build and unlocked the magic and memories she had from the Fate universe… she was going to be a terror to behold.

With my Maiden completed (and her appearance revamped slightly), the only thing I had left to do was to get to Level 100 and figure out what the hell I was going to do with all the extra points I had saved up. My Racial Levels only took up 45 of the 76 Levels I had thus far, meaning I had a choice to make.

Would I focus on pure firepower and make my character the most game-breakingly powerful being imaginable, or would I go for Job Classes specializing in Item Creation to prepare for the future? I would already have all the firepower I'd ever need by the time I hit 100, but should I try to go beyond even that?

No, I eventually decided, I would not. Instead I would focus on the long game. Power might be nice and all, but I'm going to live in a world where pretty much no one is above Level 50. I would never really have a chance to use all the power I might amass, which made it kind of silly to gather it in the first place.

So instead I poured all my available points into two Crafting-based Job Classes. Alchemist and Blacksmith. I put a few points into Sage as an afterthought, but ultimately decided to leave the rest to Future Me.

The Clan grew around me, the days got shorter, and a single player left the Clan after an argument with Touch Me.

The days of Ainz Ooal Gown were drawing near.

* * *

It was a longer time than I expected, apparently. I waited on the edge of my proverbial seat for a solid week, but nothing really interesting happened. The Clan was growing, sure, but that was about all. Momonga stopped by to check up on me, only to find me in the middle of frustratedly grinding gear for Archer.

Turns out that no matter what game you play, RNG is still a bitch to deal with.

"Ano… Ancient-san, what are you doing?" Momonga asked, a question mark emote appearing over his head.

I grunted, glancing up. "I'm grinding Job EXP to try to Level my Blacksmith Job. That and trying to get some decent rolls on this bow."

Momonga held out his bony hands in a silent request. I closed the Upgrade screen and handed it over to him. He examined it, then fell deathly silent for a moment.

Heh. Necromancer puns.

"How?" He eventually asked in disbelief. "This bow has some of the best Stats I've ever seen! If you sold this right now you might start a bidding war so huge it destabilizes the Player economy!"

I coughed, shuffling sideways to keep my bulk in front of the enormous pile of Caloric Stone I had been spamming. "It's not exactly what I need, though. Those rolls are mediocre at best. I'm a pure melee type with next to zero effective range. Hell, my Race makes it so that all of the Spells I cast below a certain Tier _are_ zero range. If Archer isn't there while I'm pulling aggro, my effective DPS tanks."

Momonga wordlessly handed back the bow, making a quiet sound of anguish as I returned to tapping the pile Caloric Stone with my tail to activate the 'Craft' function and then applying it to the bow. The Stone worked like an extremely high-tier randomizer—every quality I didn't burn Prismatic Ore to make permanent was shuffled around with the values rerolled. I needed the Range on the bow to be utterly ridiculous for it to be effective, but on most bows doing so made the damage it dealt decrease significantly. Hence my mass-use of Caloric Stone to try to bullshit the system.

Oh, calm down. I found a way to mass-produce the stuff after a while. Turns out that if you use the Second-Tier Spell known as **[Silk Touch]**, you could mine the Celestial Uranium in its 'ore' state rather than the usable 'Item' state. From there if you placed it in a large enough cave, the game registered that area as a mine. After that, it would respawn every time you mined it as long as you were willing to wait a while.

Heh. I bet you thought I was an idiot for trading for a Base with no NPC Levels. Who's the idiot now that I can use the cave to infinitely stock and store Celestial Uranium? Even if it takes ages to transform, it's still worth it to any Player willing to play the long game.

Caloric Stone. The World Item for people with too damn much time on their hands.

"So…" I said slowly, keeping my focus on the process before me. I was flipping through rerolls once a second, so if I glanced away I might miss the one I had been looking for. "What brings you here?"

"I just hadn't heard from you in a while even though my Friends List said you were logged in."

I nodded absently. "Sorry about that. Had stuff to do."

"I can see that." He glanced around. "You have your own Guild Base?"

"Not exactly." I set down the pitch-black longbow, glancing around. "This place doesn't really qualify as a Guild Base. It doesn't spawn POP mobs, doesn't give any NPC Levels, and doesn't have any Guild Members. All I use it for is setting up an AoE buff to all Crafting Skills."

"I see." A nodding emoticon floated above Momonga's skull. He really loved those things for some reason. He could've just nodded, would've been much faster. "I heard you were facing down those low-Level World Threats when they first came out, did you get bored of them?"

I let out a bark of laughter. "Are you kidding? Bored of the one official cheat the Devs put in _on my request_? Those things are mobile EXP farms is what they are. No." I stretched, wings cracking hollowly. "I just got my Battle NPC to Level 100 and decided to give her better equipment before going back into the fray."

"Ah. I see now." He glanced around, looking for the absent NPC. "I take it this 'Archer' you're talking about is an NPC?"

"Yeah, guess I should've said that first." I muttered. "It's not like you'd know otherwise. Sorry. I'll have to show her to you sometime, she's not exactly here right now. I left her to grind Job EXP for her own Job Classes."

"NPCs can do that on their own?" The Elder Lich asked incredulously.

I chuckled. "They can if you're a programmer. I have two or three documents open in windows other than my game, all holding different preset codes. I cut-and-paste them in whenever I need her to go into a different 'mode'. Right now she's in one of those infinite spawn areas I showed you, repeatedly spamming the same attacks."

"Like practicing a single strike in kendo!" The Lich blurted. "We used to do that at my high school. Man, that's a blast from the past."

"'I fear not the man who has practiced ten thousand different kicks, but the man who has practiced the same kick ten thousand times.'" I quoted fondly.

"Er… what?"

"Sorry, old man here." I shook my head, returning to the bow. Click, examine, click, examine, repeat. "Look up Bruce Lee sometime. He does a lot of old fighting movies."

"I'll look into it." Momonga paused, cocking his head. "Ah, Ulbert-san just called. He and Touch Me are planning on farming a Boss together, would you like to come?"

I shook my head absently, concentration beginning to block out my surroundings once more. "Nah mate, you go ahead. Tell Ulbert that I'm grinding again, he'll understand and won't say another word."

"He never did explain what you did to make him so terrified of your methods. You're a tad brutal, but not harsh."

I stopped, an evil grin spreading across my face. My Avatar's mouth may not have moved, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the expression. "Ask him about the White Bunnies sometime."

"White bunnies?"

"Mmhmm, with lovely red eyes. A whole pack of them at once." My eyes gleamed viciously. "Inside an enclosed space, with nowhere to run."

"I-I see… well, take care Ancient-san."

"You too, skelly. Keep your ass alive, you hear me?"

"Yeah. Good luck with your bow."

I waved awkwardly with a wing, returning to the endless grind.

Click, glance, repeat. Click, glance, repeat.

This was going to take a while.

A _very_ long while.

Damn you RNG.

* * *

**A/N:  
**

**A bit of a filler chapter, but good for laying groundwork. Next chapter will be much of the same, I'm afraid, but after that it should start to take off.**

**Now. On to the next order of business.**

**A lot of you seem to be wondering why this MC is planning on giving Momonga a harem. Or, in fact, why he's taking the Overlord with at all.**

**One word for you.**

**_Entertainment_****.**

**(The rest of this note is a bit long, feel free to skip if you have no interest. It's a lot of explanation and vague foreshadowing.)**

**Momonga may be slightly pathetic. He may have only gotten anywhere through sheer luck and enough bullshit to bury Nazarick. But you cannot deny that he is ****_very_**** entertaining. His stumbles are hilarious, as are his love troubles. The MC will _not_ be helping that situation in the least, if anything he'll be making it worse just for shits and giggles.  
**

**Rest assured, our skeleton will fade to a side character once his usefulness has expired in the eyes of our MC. He will not be dogging Momonga's heels through the entire plotline. He will not be deliberately preventing all the bad things that happen like in some bizarre fix-it fanfic. At best he'll help just to keep up appearances, otherwise he's far more likely to break out the popcorn than to lift a finger.**

**Take a deep breath, people. Relax. The plot will be followed to an extent, yes, but that's because it serves a purpose. When the MC no longer has need of the predictability the plot provides, he'll blow things straight to hell. ****Quite literally, in one case.**

**Next order of business. Yes, the MC will be making NPCs outside of the characters in the story. But to be perfectly honest, wouldn't you? If you could click a few buttons to give you the girl of your dreams, would you even hesitate? **

**The MC _will_ be taking other girls besides just his base two Maidens. I'm going to try to keep it an even split between original and canon characters in the harem. It seems that half the reviews are cheering for me to add more NPCs and the other half want me to avoid OCs like the plague, so this is my attempt at a compromise. I would hope that I've gotten good enough at character building that I can be trusted with such a task, but feel free to tell me if you ever find my attempts lacking.**

**...Also, a side note since I can already hear the reviews pointing this out. I really don't count Evileye as a member of Ainz's harem because she fell for _Momon._ She was utterly terrified of the Sorcerer King. I feel no remorse for my MC already plotting to net her affections because you can't harem-snipe a role that's nothing more than a rug to rip out from under the kingdom's feet whenever it becomes convenient. I realize this is a bit controversial, and I welcome all opinions on the matter. I just wanted a character with some common sense to balance out all the crazy I have planned.**

**I hope you enjoyed, and I wish you all a wonderful day!**


	4. 1-3: Make a Wish

Chapter 3—Make a Wish

* * *

I won't bore you with the details of how our Guild was formed. I won't tell you of the lengthy process it took to get us to where we are now. I let Momonga continue as Guildmaster, despite his protests and my misgivings, for a few simple reasons.

In canon, Momonga was the only reason that the Guild stayed in one piece until the very last day. He led the Guild by example, befriending each member individually and helping them to work together in complete harmony. Ainz Ooal Gown was a group of people so diverse and strange that to lead them one had to be both extremely flexible and willing to bend over backwards to accommodate them at times.

If you know anything about me, you should've figured out by now that I don't really have that sort of skillset.

In addition, if I was going to dedicate all of my time to preparing for the New World, I wouldn't exactly have the luxury of leading an entire Guild. Coordinating events, managing finances, keeping track of forty-one different schedules… not to mention the fact that trying to get a large number of gamers to do _anything_ is like herding petulant cats. I need to be able to operate freely, without the chains of responsibility binding me down.

So… yeah. As much as it would've been amazing to lead Ainz Ooal Gown, I probably would've run it into the ground.

But wait, I hear you asking. Why would I do all this? Why bother joining Ainz Ooal Gown at all?

Well… it was quite simple, really. I'm sure you've picked up on it by now, I've made reference to it multiple times. I'll explain it one last time, just in case.

See, from the moment I figured out that I was in the world of YGGDRASIL, I realized something. If I stuck by Nazarick, if I played my cards right, if I stood within its' walls while the game ended… I could become a god.

In this world, this magnificent world, I was a god.

I'll admit, at first the sheer idea was mind-boggling. But after the reality sunk in, I began noticing things that others overlooked. Simple things. I realized that the Artificial Intelligence of YGGDRASIL had long since evolved into something _more_. These creatures could live, and more importantly, they could learn.

I was a god in the realm of mortals, given free rein to do as I pleased.

Why did I ask for so little of the Developers back in the beta days? They obviously expected me to ask for an entire World to be built in my image, so why wouldn't I do so? Simple. This game, just like the 'real' world outside, was all just a passing-through point for me.

So rather than asking for a new World, I asked for my own Race. Rather than asking for some game-breaking weapon, I asked for my own 'territory', so to speak, with its own NPC levels built right in. Rather than my own game-breaking attack, I just asked that my Race be able to guard beautiful maidens. I had my own section of Nazarick all to myself, a place that I had absolute rule over, a place where the Developers had granted me total freedom in exchange for monthly reports on the kinks in the software.

To the Developers, I was the epitome of a comfort gamer. A role player. The kind of person who played only for fun, exploring the various features the game offered. An old man, living for the simple pleasures. They gave me a hundred NPC levels as a built-in part of my character, and in return, I helped them better their game.

They made me a god, and I gave them advice on programming. Who got shafted here, I wonder?

As the game further developed, they began implementing the more traditional Raid Bosses into the game. I took this as my long-awaited opportunity, charging out to confront them on my own and laughing in the face of danger. I challenged the first of them with absolutely no gear on me, trusting my **[Totem of Life]** to keep me from losing. Arguably it was the single most broken accessory I was capable of equipping, making my endgame so much easier. Its purpose was simple—granting me an Extra Life once every 16 hours_. _Not as powerful as some armors granting much the same, but the tribal tattoo-like overlay functioned just fine.

My fellow Guild members laughed, calling me a madman, watching as I lost over and over and over again at the hands of Bosses meant to face dozens of Players…

…Until I started _winning_.

The whole of YGGDRASIL seemed to pause in shock as I delivered the final blow to a Level 80 World Threat. The first high-tier Raid Boss ever to be beaten solo by a Player.

My spoils, a shitload of gold and Data Crystals alongside an honest-to-God _World Item_, immediately prompted others to try their luck at the same. But unlike me, they faced it down with their best gear and weapons—only to lose them as they were mercilessly slaughtered. I gained quite a following for a time as I slowly marched around the Nine Realms, challenging every Raid Boss ever discovered and always coming out on top. All the while, I was armed only with the **[Totem of Life]** and the ever-growing stock of EXP within my ring.

Quickly catching on, the Developers began an event to showcase their newest additions—_The Parade of Heroes_. It offered Players the chance to double their EXP gain for the duration, but only so long as they went solo. I didn't care too much about the event itself, but when they started adding temporary Raid Bosses just as an exhibition match, I jumped aboard the bandwagon quicker than you please. They reached out and requested to televise the matches to increase popularity, and I agreed on the condition they added a brand-new Job Class.

They ceded, telling me there was one that would only be available to someone who had beaten five hundred Raid Bosses in single combat.

So I fought. I fought over fifty separate Raid Bosses that month, from lava-throwing behemoths to icy winter spirits. I made a show of relishing the challenge, even shifting into Dragon form whenever I thought it might be 'fun', or more accurately in order to more rapidly decimate the Bosses.

Leveling was still inhumanly hard. The Developers made my Race's side-effect so awful any other Race could have maxed out dozens of times over. Sure, my starting EXP penalty was times six in the early game, but it drastically increased every 10 Levels to a frankly unfair degree.

To my amusement, the flavor text for the Race explaining this stated that Dragons gained power as they aged, which I pointedly avoided commenting on. The shitty Devs were probably having another go at me.

Even back at Level 70 I could give a high-end Level 100 Player a solid fight, but my Stats came at the price of having to earn EXP as if I Leveled up to 100 several times over. By Level 80 it took me over seven Raid Bosses and their entourages alone just to Level-up once, still suffering from the drawbacks of a huge size and relatively weak Magical Defense. Sure I was somewhat overcompensating with Exceeding Limits Physical Attack and Resist Stats, but it was still a pain in the ass.

By Level 90 I was forced to kill over 175 Raid Bosses to progress the final few Levels. I even died once after a Raid took out my **[Totem of Life],** losing five Levels because some prick used an AoE Super-Tier on the area I was in without checking to see if anyone was around to get caught in the crossfire. Five Levels might have seemed like nothing to normal people, but for me it was akin to losing hundreds of hours of EXP grinding.

The Devs added an Item in the cash shop to bypass the required Quest to respec into the Dragon Race, and countless people moved by my performance were inspired to try to become Dragons themselves. None ever made it past Level 10, much to my amusement. I earned my power, and they couldn't be bothered to replicate the feat. The Devs helpfully offered disappointed Players a different cash iem that let you reverse your decision for obscene amount of money, returning the game to normal once more.

In the beginning the fights were manageable. Then I was gradually forced to use some of the drops from previous Raid Bosses. Then even that wouldn't cut it and I had to tap into using various cash shop items I had picked up on the Devs' payroll. First the Bosses were meant for a party of three, then five, then nine, then fifteen, until eventually it required an entire Legion to combat them. I faced them all head-on with nothing but my Maiden and my wits.

My constantly-gathering ring was responsible for some of my woes, though I considered it a worthy sacrifice. The percentage it pulled might've been negligible to others, but thanks to the ludicrous Race penalty it pulled more than most Players got in their lifetimes.

I swear to God, those Devs have it in for me.

My EXP had been gathering for ages, and since I eventually reached Level 100, my ring simply continued collecting. The ring swapped from a measly two percent drain to taking all of it automatically, which grew my stores at a tremendous rate. But I didn't create another NPC, not yet. I continued to fight, waging war after war, fighting everything from a titan holding a miniature planet to a man made of pure wind.

But, like all challenges, this one eventually came to an end. My five hundredth battle came in a rush, with me pitted against a Dragon with pitch-black scales. What an irony. The Developers had gone all-out, and I saw quite a few Players hanging around to watch the spectacle for themselves. But in the clash of the titans, only one could come out on top. After over an hour, I finally slew the behemoth, which had appropriately named _Challenger_, and amidst the cheers of my fellow gamers, I beheld my new Job.

_The Ultimate Raid Boss._

To my utter shock, the Job Class boasted not only a world-breaking Skill, and a lift in stats, but also a very interesting side-effect. For every enemy in my immediate vicinity, I gained +10% to all of my Stats. _All_ of them. And it didn't seem to have an upper limit, either. Confused, I called up the Devs for an explanation.

_It's because you spent so much of your time and effort on our game, that we gave you such a thing._ They told me. _If anyone else dares try to do what you have, they deserve the same Job Class._

It was overpowered, yes, but they assured me that other Job Classes offered just as much power to their owners and left it at that. Considering I was already a living legend, I was hardly inclined to test their words and seek out one of the others.

I continued my trend, still doing my best to pose as a comfort gamer. I began dabbling in Weapons Creation, my Levels in the Blacksmith Job leading naturally to the rarer Weapon Smith Job. I began to raise my Skill Level, using the many thousands of Crafting Items from killing all the Raid Bosses to churn out countless incredible weapons. I continued grinding, aiming relentlessly for the much-desired max Level. The Level that, according to the Developers, allowed you to change your weapon's programming and lore so long as you had the requisite amount of Levels in the lore-based Sage Class as well.

Momonga soon expressed interest in my goal, realizing that the Guild needed a Guild Weapon to truly be recognized. He helped me complete the many Quests needed to gather more base materials, waited long hours at the forge while I ground my Skill as high as possible. Then, finally, I reached the Job's Level cap. My Skill finally breached the insurmountable barrier that all others had faced, allowing me to finally use the max Level of the basic ability.

This kick-started an entirely new wave of innovation. Every member of the now forty-one strong Guild worked in unison to gather the needed materials for the Guild Weapon I was to create. Husbands spend long nights, using their paid work days to farm Bosses and fighting with their wives over the game they so loved. Momonga led the Guild into a new era of prosperity, with me and Touch Me working in public to cement our position as the number one Guild.

The Guild Base was impenetrable, fortified by the resources I gathered from Bosses. Our Guild Weapon was easily bumping the wall of World-Class, similarly overpowered by my contributions. Our members were full of excitement and wonder, all tied under the banner of Ainz Ooal Gown. So, obviously, their minds turned to the final task needed to become number one.

The NPCs.

This time I didn't stop them, no, in fact I _encouraged_ them. I offered my own time and resources to any who asked for them, using my considerable experience at programming to perfect the little creatures. As the members caught on and production began, I quickly found my role as arbitrator of NPC creation. As the 'senior' programmer, every single one of the Players present consulted me for help in creating their ideal character. To each and every one, I gave a single piece of advice that I had lived by throughout the entire game.

_We are the gods of this world. What would you like your world to be?_

I preached that if one was going to create an NPC, one should create it as if they were going to live their entire lives beside it. They should care for it as if it were their own child, their own brother or sister, their own lover. I soundly shot down ideas that involved 'funny' character design, calmly pointing out that the character themselves would be quite miserable.

To my eternal amusement, Momonga got halfway through a neo-Nazi character before suddenly realizing, to his horror, that it would drive him absolutely insane to live with such a character. So he went with something _else_ instead, making me cackle with hidden laughter.

After the next few months were over, I found myself living in a Tomb with a tremendous number of surprisingly relatable and kind NPCs that would happily slit the throats of their enemies.

_Being God has never been more fun._

Of course… despite all their power, the other Players suffered from one common flaw. They saw themselves as pawns rather than chessmasters. Creators, rather than true Gods. Their flavor text granted them only the ability to create backgrounds, rather than truly create _characters_. I, on the other hand, acted in full knowledge that every character I made would one day be made real. Every quirk would become a personality trait, every piece of background info becoming an immutable part of who they were. I abused my knowledge to its fullest, changing and remaking them to be perfect for the New World we would one day inhabit together.

From there, it was all simple. With all the EXP I had gathered from the Raid Bosses, it was a simple matter to raise my Maiden to the highest heights. I made her unique, suited to my tastes alone. A hundred NPC levels, or one Level 100 NPC. Completely of my own make and model. I even went to the fullest extent, buying out all the new custom NPC skins that allowed for significantly more control over appearance. I dictated every piece of her, every code, every bit of flavor text.

I armed her with weapons that rivaled the Guild Weapon for sheer power, the flavor text of the weapon alone making it worthy of a God. Even as my Guildmates laughed at me for 'wasting weapons' on my Maiden, I just smiled. They didn't understand. Not really. They never would.

_They didn't understand that they were gods, after all._

* * *

Tabula blinked, staring at the wall of text before him. "I know people call me a perfectionist… but _damn_. How much data did the shitty Devs give you to work with?"

I shrugged modestly. "Well, considering I helped them completely revamp the system to compress data in a way that saved them millions every day… I'd say a lot."

He scowled at me. Well, more like I knew him well enough to know he was scowling, but you get the idea. "I hate you sometimes. How the hell did you get close enough to them to get this kind of treatment? You're just a retired programmer!"

I coughed. "Er… you do remember that they once mentioned that I was one of their oldest Players, right?"

He nodded slowly. "Yes?"

"They meant game-wise, not age-wise." I smirked. "I was actually one of their best beta-testers back in the day. Helped them nail down the flight mechanics, figure out flow mechanics for water, solve a shitload of recurring bugs…" I trailed off. "Before I got here this game was more broken than Skyrim, so I'd say I've done quite a bit. They know that I'll keep helping for as long as I'm on here, so they do their best to keep me entertained. Think of me as an… unofficial Developer. They can't actually _pay_ me, but they make up for my time with the occasional favor."

The Brain Eater nodded in grudging acceptance. "…Fine. You're certainly enough of a troll for it. I'm still jealous, though." He went back to peering at the data book in front of him. "But I still don't get it. Why did they add a box for flavor text to them, too? They already have coding. Why bother?"

I smiled, not that he could see it. "See, that was something I suggested as a way to stem complaints, which they're testing out with me. Flavor text doesn't actually _do _anything, but there's a much higher word limit. You don't have to pay for more data that your NPC never uses in their program, so you can just type their personality in the flavor text and use the rest to actually make them do things. It's mostly meant for role-players like me, an extra bit you can buy from the cash shop in order to pad the Devs' pockets."

"…Fair enough. I'll have to look into it later." He continued to scroll, squinting down at the text. "I don't actually see all that much useful code here. Did you only get more data so you could dictate everything about them?"

I nodded shamelessly. "Yep. The coding is for personality, the flavor text is for history and other fiddly bits. This way I could fit in three times as much information."

"I really hate you sometimes."

"I love you too, buddy."

The alchemist sighed, finishing his perusal. "Well, honestly, it seems like it's a pretty good character. It looks like something straight out of an anime, though."

"It is." I agreed. "It's Archer."

He tilted his head. "…Is this another one of your outdated references?"

I huffed, gesturing to the NPC beside me. She was tall and tan-skinned, contrasting with her long white hair. Her steely grey eyes were hard and unyielding, as were the twin blades in her hands. Her armor was a pitch-black chestplate and chain mail under a deep red overcoat, tied with silver crosses. Beneath her clothes, however, her form was soft and curvy, easily rivalling the hottest supermodels. "Look, Tabula, she's beautiful. If you can't appreciate the beauty of the Heroic Spirit Emiya, then you need to learn to appreciate _culture_."

He eyed me. "I will never understand your fascination with NPC creation. Your other projects are just as detailed and no less powerful. If you actually cared to make them into battle-bots, they could take a high-Level Player like Herohero-san, easily. But instead you fill them with personality data or background information that makes no sense to have in an NPC. If you want to have a character that works well, don't waste so much space."

Coming from anyone else that would be an insult, but… "Albedo." I countered smoothly.

"Gah!" The Alchemist flinched at the verbal riposte. "All right fine, I won't criticize."

"Good." I smiled, turning and taking Archer by the hand. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lovely Maiden to escort back to her castle."

"NPC pervert." I heard Tabula mutter behind me as I left, but I ignored him.

The fool had no idea what my creations would become.

I walked away, a quick command of "Follow" ensuring the busty beauty remained by my side. I cut through a few side rooms on my way back to my little corner, only returning to the main halls as I spotted a familiar face. Er, skull.

"Momonga!" I called cheerfully. Archer continued to follow as I went, accompanying me as I walked up to the lich-like Overlord. "How's your NPC doing?"

The Overlord blinked, and I got a distinct feeling of embarrassment from him. "Ah, hello Ancient One-san."

I rolled my eyes. "Forget the honorifics, Momonga. We've been friends for years. And besides, you know there's no point in calling an old codger like me with respect." I peered past his voluminous robes, finally spotting the elusive figure after a few moments.

Behind the large, imposing figure stood a small blonde girl with an angelic smile. That's because that's exactly she was—an Angel.

After Momonga's initial plan of creating a neo-Nazi chunnibyou was soundly foiled by his own common sense, he had been at a loss for what to make. A thought triggered in my mind, sparking my imagination to begin creating ideas. Subtly, innocently, I had made a suggestion.

What if the guardian of the Treasure Vault, which was typically meant to be some terribly vicious and powerful creature, was actually the most innocent creature in Nazerick?

After my initial suggestion had flabbergasted him, I began explaining in more detail. He slowly caught on, and with a mixture of embarrassment and interest, he agreed. And so, the Angel known as Innocence was born.

Yes. The name sucks. But Momonga is hardly known for his naming sense.

I gave her the body and personality of Asia Argento, albeit with a few darker twists. Her puppy-like personality remained, as did her excitable cheer. She determinedly guarded the Vault not only because it was her task, but because 'it is wrong to steal'. If anyone dared trespass, she would appear in her full power as a Level 100 and punish the trespassers with death.

…Or, at least, that was the plan I told him. Until Momonga realized I had pranked him and she was now following him around like a baby duckling.

Laughing, I had assured him that I had given the adorable Angel enough Levels in Divination Magic to immediately tell if someone had gotten within even five hundred meters of the Vault and would use **[Greater Teleportation]** to get there within a moment's notice if such an intruder trespassed. His embarrassed pleas to convince me to stop the little Angel from following her 'beloved Momonga-sama' only fueled my laughter.

The lich himself didn't know enough about coding to stop her, and everyone else he asked found my joke too funny to ruin. So to this day, the fearsome, monstrous Overlord with burning crimson eyes and a cloak of everlasting darkness was constantly followed around Nazerick by a beautiful blonde Angel whose name described her very personality. The ultimate evil trailed by the ultimate innocence.

Muahahahaha—*cough, cough*.

"Well, if you don't want to acknowledge the adorability of Innocence, then I suppose I could change the subject." I said with mock reluctance. "Have you finished the Quest to get the **[Trans Form] **Skill quite yet?"

The sorcerer gave a long-suffering sigh. "I don't understand why you would ask me to learn Human Transformation. There's no point to it."

My one condition for returning Innocence to her post was that he learned the Transformation Skill. The Overlord had been confused by the seemingly odd demand, but I had remained tight-lipped about it. He wouldn't understand if I tried explaining, so I just acted as if it were a whim. After all, the needed Quest took over a month to complete without glitching it, so it could easily be interpreted as a way to keep Innocence attached to him for as long as possible.

"Bear with me." I smiled knowingly. "You'll thank me one day."

"I doubt it." He muttered, sighing. "I take it this is the NPC you keep telling me about?"

I smiled, gesturing to Archer. "This is Emiya Archer, my Maiden."

He nodded in approval, tapping something on his screen to bring up her data book. "Your custom NPC?"

"Yep." I smiled smugly, not that he could see my expression. Despite my humanoid features, the game remained unable to shift them into anything but their default look.

He examined the details at length, waiting until he had finished to pass judgement. "It's quite the impressive build." He admitted, seeming surprised. "How did you get the custom fighting moves?"

I glanced at the combat set 'CG Emiya Stance'. "I bought a kit in the cash shop, programmed them myself."

He nodded approvingly. "It looks like it works well with her high Attack Stats. Her Mana is unnaturally high, though. Why?"

I blinked. "…Let's just say I'm preparing for the future and leave it at that."

"All right." He finished reading it over, closing the screen. "She's very beautiful."

I nodded in agreement, squeezing her hand. "She is. But be careful, Innocence's feelings might be hurt."

"Ah, sorry Innocence." He blurted automatically, before pausing. "…Dammit, Ancient-san, now you have me talking to them too."

I nodded sagely. "I'm glad to have you on my side, new member of the NPCs Are People club."

"That isn't even a thing!" The lich protested.

I tilted my head. "Isn't it?"

He hesitated. "…Is it?"

"Of course not." I smirked. "Don't be silly, Momonga."

The salaryman sighed irritably. "Please stop jerking my chain, Ancient-san."

"Only after you drop the honorifics." I countered. "If other people can call me a pervy old man without me complaining, you can call me by my name without the -san bit."

He waved me off, beginning to walk again. "Go on, you. I have a Raid to get to."

I snickered, tugging Archer by the hand once more.

Momonga was all too easy to tease.

* * *

My plan to help others out with making their NPCs was simple—wait for them to ask me for help.

Really. It was that easy.

Most Players hadn't the faintest idea how to program a decent NPC, and the ones that did such as Blue Planet were more focused on other projects. As someone who was free most of the time, I was the obvious choice on who to ask for help.

They would call me over to see their NPC, explaining what they wanted for them. I would listen patiently, offer advice, then code the finished product. And even though to them it might seem that I was doing it out of goodwill, I was instead making damn well sure I knew who and what the NPCs of Nazarick were.

Beginning by clearing away a single misconception that would change the way they lived once they came to life.

Contrary to popular belief, the opposite of hatred is not love. Love and hate are the purest forms of passion, and changing one into the other is a mere matter of circumstance. No. The opposite of love is _apathy_. In both love and hatred you care what happens to the person you feel for, so would not the opposite of such emotions be not feeling at all?

Those I preached this to fell silent, considering my point. Sure, the Undead were supposed to hate the living, but were they, too, not alive? Would they hate their creators as much as their enemies?

So they changed their design. Not entirely, but enough to follow my suggestion. They were apathetic towards living beings—they wouldn't go out of their way to kill them, but so too would they calmly watch if one were dying in front of them.

It was definitely an improvement, since it removed one of the main challenges of taking a tomb of Undead into a different world. If they were neutral rather than hostile, it would allow me to watch them less closely and let them give more acceptable results.

Unfortunately, my listening ear and helpful advice had the side-effect of triggering what I liked to call 'Tell the GM About Your Character Syndrome'. There were two extremes—either they had no clue what to make their NPC into and just shrugged cluelessly when I asked, or they bombarded me with more information than I could ever code into such a limited space.

"—And so, that's why I decided to make them both cross-dress." Bukubukuchagama finished proudly.

I nodded, feigning comprehension. "I get it."

'_But you don't, you poor fool. You don't.'_

"Any advice while I'm making them?" The Slime chirped, finally finished with her half-hour explanation of the twin Dark Elf NPCs.

"Well…" I said slowly. "I'm just having trouble understanding one or two things. First… you're making these NPCs crossdress to piss off your brother, right?"

The Slime huffed. "That's a part of it, yes, but didn't you hear anything else I said?"

'_Yes I did, you closet pervert.'_

"It's just…" I began delicately, "…Aura's chest is flat, right?"

"Yes? What about it?" Bukubukuchagama shifted, 'face' turning towards said NPC.

"And you're making them to annoy your brother."

"Yes, I just said that."

"…But doesn't Peroroncino-san love flat-chested girls?" I tilted my head. "Like, a lot?"

Bukubukuchagama froze.

"…You know what, I think I might have to make these two a bit older." She said, as if she had just spontaneously come up with the idea herself. "Give them a bit more aesthetic value. It'll be for the best."

I nodded along, saying nothing about her sudden change of heart. That would be a quick way to hack her off. "I can lend you an NPC design kit if you want. You don't have to make her older than seventeen or so, which would let them keep the 'cuteness' you love and still let Aura have a larger chest."

"I suppose you're right." She agreed. "I'd like that, thanks. Two teenage NPCs, coming right up."

* * *

I sighed, burying my face in my hands.

This… this was a bit much, even for me.

"Tabula, I understand that you love horror games." I stated calmly. "But you have to understand. You can make her horrifying in plenty of ways without peeling all the skin off her face. An NPC with that sort of look would serve no purpose other than to be horrifying. Wouldn't it be better to completely redesign her as an actual eldritch horror, then make her the most pleasant person imaginable?"

Tabula stared at me as if I had come down from the heavens on a winged chariot. "That is the best idea I've ever heard. Quick, help me figure out how to make an Elder God into an NPC!"

...To be fair to him, the Developers in this game might have actually made a Race like that.

* * *

I looked over the unfinished wall of Lemegeton Golems, tilting my head. "Luci Fer-san, isn't it a bit silly to leave a project like this half-done? I mean, you only have only three left? At this point it would be easier to finish, wouldn't it?"

The lazy Angel sighed, nodding reluctantly. "…Fine. But only if you help. I'm not going to be suffering alone."

I glanced at my Inventory, which was stocked with an obscene amount of Celestial Uranium. "Believe me, it's not a problem in the slightest."

* * *

"Hmm? Of course, Blue Planet-san. I'd love to help you with a forest area. We could even add a swamp or two, just for variety. It'll make it even harder for invaders to get through."

The Player sent smile emote, voice grateful. "Thanks, Ancient One-san. No one else wants to help when they have projects of their own."

I chuckled. "Oh, believe me, I have nothing but time these days." I waved a clawed hand. "Though, would you mind if I found a place to store my weapons? I'm running out of space, you see…"

* * *

"So I heard you're looking for Ouroboros again?"

This came from Ulbert, who had made the trip up to my unfinished room on Floor 9 to watch me terraform it. The area was still a work-in-progress, but the room itself was large enough for me to move around comfortably in my Dragon form. The Developers had given me temporary access to console commands in order to make the lone room bigger than it had any right to be. Ulbert had asked to watch me do it, seeming endlessly amused as I created the TARDIS-like space.

"Yes, why do you ask?" I glanced up from the area's Decoration Screen, pausing in the middle of placing a new tree.

"Well, I wanted to know what you were going to do with it." He leaned back comfortably, his back to a tall pine. "Hypothetically, of course."

"Not quite sure yet." I went back to working, adding a few more trees to the area. Perhaps a nice lake for the outer edge? "I'm sure it'll be used for something interesting, rest assured."

"Ancient One-san… you've used one-use World Items how many times over the years." Ulbert said slowly. "How. Many. Times. And only gotten junk to show for it. Are you sure you're not just wasting your time?"

I felt a tad offended at that. "It's not junk." I twitched my ears, which each had a ring through them like a mock earring. They were always shifted there whenever I shifted forms, locking in place until I changed back. "I've got these, too. One lets me store infinite experience for various Spells, and the other is an item so broken it's basically an unofficial World Item."

That made him pause. "Really? What does it do?"

I chuckled, swiping a talon down. A screen appeared, text floating by. "It lets me use a unique Tenth-Tier Spell called 'Wish'. …Ulbert-san? Are you all right?"

The goat was silently face-palming. "Why didn't you just buy the bloody cash item that lets you use **[Wish Upon a Star]** for free, then?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"Because that only works three times." I tilted my head. "And it's a gachapon prize, so I'd probably end up shoving my life's savings in there before I saw a peep of silver. No, this Spell might be less powerful, but I can use it a lot more reliably without sacrificing any EXP."

"A completely different Spell, then?" I could tell the goat was interested, despite himself. "Mind filling me in?"

I considered for a few moments. I had actually talked it over with the Devs for quite some time before we came to an arrangement. I based the original idea off the D&D variant of the Spell, which made it a lot easier for them to design once they dusted off the textbooks.

I decided it was simply easier to show him rather than reading the whole screen aloud, so I made the change to human form so I could more easily dequip the item.

"**[Trans Form: Human]**." I intoned, activating the Skill.

My shape shrunk, shifting and changing as the Skill went to work. It was only a five-second animation, but it still took long enough to inconvenience me in a fight. I stepped forward a moment later, now in my 'human' form. I had deep blue hair that was pulled into a single long warrior braid down my back, shimmering oddly in the light. Golden eyes with slit pupils were the only thing left to remind others of my true form, gleaming like a cat's and drawing attention to my unnaturally sharp canines.

"…I still think that Avatar makes you look like a girl."

I sighed irritably. "Look, the hair is part of my Race. The long braid shows that I'm a very _very_ old member of the Warrior Caste, and since the Elders are the closest things Dragons have to royalty, this is the closest thing I have to a crown." I shot the Demon a glare. "And no, it does not make me look like a girl. I'm almost two meters tall, for God's sake."

Sure enough, my form towered over the goat Demon. An outfit of blue furs were draped over muscles strong enough to uproot a tree, a stand-in for armor I couldn't equip. My features were undeniably masculine, as was my general body structure. All in all, I like to think I did a wonderful job designing the thing. I could take a shorter version of the form if I swapped to True Human rather than my preferred Half-Giant transformation, but it was a lot of fun to be the tallest person in the room.

"I know." The Demon said innocently. "But I've seen some Amazon mobs with that _exact_ hairstyle."

I grumbled to myself, sliding the ring off my finger and ignoring his snickering. This had become somewhat of a staple of our Clan's gameplay, where we made fun of each other's Avatars until someone got mad. It was all in good fun, and since we were all inhuman anyway, it was quite easy to find oddities in each others' forms. "Look, do you want to see this or not?" I asked, holding up the ring.

"Yes, yes." Ulbert wiped a nonexistent tear from his eye. "I'll stop now."

I passed it over, allowing Ulbert to see it for himself. He wordlessly brought it up and swiped down a few times, reading the text I knew by heart.

_Wish is the mightiest spell a mortal creature can cast. By simply speaking aloud, the caster can alter the very foundations of reality in accord with their desires. The basic use of this Spell is to duplicate any other Spell of this Spell's Tier or lower. The caster does not need to meet any requirements in that Spell, including costly components. The Spell simply takes effect at the significantly higher MP cost, taking 5% of the caster's health in the process._

_Alternatively, the caster can create one of the following effects of their choice once every three days:_

_-You create one object of up to 250,000 gold in value that isn't a magic item. The object can be no more than 300 feet in any dimension, and it appears in an unoccupied space you can see on the ground._

_-You allow up to twenty creatures that you can see to regain all HP, clearing any status effects they may have. For every creature healed this way, 2% of your total Life is consumed._

_-You grant up to five creatures that you can see intermediate resistance to a Damage type you choose. _

_-You grant up to five creatures you can see immunity to a single Spell or Skill for 1 hour. For instance, you could make yourself and all your companions immune to a lich's Life Drain attack, but not its superior form Touch of Death._

_-You undo a single recent event by forcing a reroll of any roll made within the last five minutes. Reality reshapes itself to accommodate the new result. For example, a Wish Spell could undo an opponent's successful save, a foe's critical hit, or a friend's failed dodge. This can only be done once per week._

_The stress of casting this Spell to produce any effect other than duplicating another Spell weakens the caster severely. After enduring that stress, they cannot cast another Spell until the time limit has passed. In addition, any person under the effect of one of the Spell's buffs will perish if the caster dies._

Ulbert nodded slowly, closing the screen. "I see. So it's a trump card designed to fill in a missing role in the midst of the fight, yes?"

I nodded, reaching out to take back the ring. "Yes. It prevents me from casting anything else, but at that point my Mana pool is pretty much depleted and I have to rely on my Skills anyway."

"I think I can understand the value of such a ring for your character's build, but it's pretty specialized. For someone who raids endgame Bosses on a weekly basis it's fine, but no else would see the point."

I chuckled, slipping the ring back on my finger. "I know. No one else would be able to use it anyway. I have to put everything I want Wish to do into code format in order to mod the game slightly. It saved the Devs hours of work to do it that way, and I know the system well enough that it doesn't really matter." I paused, glancing over to him. "Come to think of it… how is your build doing these days? I heard you got the World Disaster Job Class recently."

The goat Demon seemed to puff with pride. "Yes. In fact, it's one of the best builds ever, if I do say so myself. Do you remember that one bugged Quest we did all that time ago which let me cash in the rewards sixteen times?"

I thought back. "Oh, yes. That one was fun, even if I did have to tell the Devs about it eventually. What about it?"

"Do you remember the Queen of Shiba's reward?"

"Yeah. Shiba gives a five percent increase in Mana regenerated per minute, plus ten percent to Global Critical Strike Multiplier, and plus five percent to Fire Elemental Resistances. Times sixteen, obviously, so that just about caps your Resists to their max of 75% and gives your Crits some serious oomph. I'd wager the Resists are negated by your Job Classes, unfortunately, but it still grants some ridiculous Mana regen, right?"

The Demon looked impossibly smug. "Oh, _yes_." He practically purred. "And my most powerful Spell? Well, let's just say I can cast it two times more than anyone else possibly could. Without that exploit, my character wouldn't have been able to spam Spells like I do. I'm practically a living cheat!"

I belatedly wondered if me teaching a few of the Players how to break the game had made them unfairly broken. "I… see. That sounds amazing. Rain hellfire down on your enemies, am I right?"

"Exactly!" He agreed with a bit too much cheerfulness. "Which actually brings me to what I came here to ask. Once I hit Level 100, could you help me Craft an endgame weapon?"

I blinked, thrown by the sudden change in topic. Most Players preferred to make their own custom weapons, despite me having the Job Class and materials needed to give them truly overpowered ones. "Really? What kind?"

"Preferably a staff of some sort. Something that gives me a bonus to Cast Speed or reduces the Mana cost of Spells."

"That shouldn't be a problem…" I hummed, tilting my head. "I'm building an armory now on Floor 6 with Blue Planet-san. Just drop by my house when you're ready and I can take you around to have a look."

"Thanks, Ancient-san." He sent a smile emoji. "Ah, I can't wait~!"

We both politely neglected to mention the metric fuckton of grinding he had to do to finally get there.

No matter how good you are, no matter what the game, the last 10 Levels are always a bitch to get.

Actually…

"Oi… Ulbert-san…" The niggling idea in the back of my mind finally surfaced, coming out in a rush. "Do you know how we always dreamed of taking over a World?"

"Hmm? Of course I do. All of us Guild RPers wanted to at least give it a shot." Ulbert went silent for a few seconds. "…Why do you ask?"

I smiled. "Well, see, you know how I have an eye for spotting exploits in the game?"

The Demon nodded slowly, backing a safe distance away. "…Go on."

"Well, there's this project I've been working on over the past few years…"

* * *

Momonga glanced sidelong at me, worry evident in his voice. "Ano… Ancient-san, are you certain that this will work? I know you've been planning this with Ulbert for ages, but the entire Guild is gathered, you know? If this fails…"

I snorted, a puff of smoke coming from my nostrils. "Please. Have some faith, my bony friend. Touch Me trusts me, right buddy?"

The World Champion nodded confidently. "Ancient-san, there's no one I would trust more to bring pain and suffering to innocent Players."

"I will own that." I agreed smugly. "If only to teach you to stop being so gullible."

We were all perched on a platform suspended in the air, hoovering hidden in the only corner of Asgard I hadn't gotten around to covering with countless **[Spell Echo]** Items. It took me years and more gold than most Players could ever dream of to cover the place to my satisfaction, but the end result was worth it. The whole of Ainz Ooal Gown was gathered, standing behind me. They were prepared to carry out what would once be considered a pipe dream—overtaking an entire World in the name of a single Guild.

"Is everyone ready?" I shouted, turning to look at them. A multitude of thumbs-up icons answered me. I smiled, turning back and closing my eyes.

I leapt from the platform, cancelling my Transformation Skill midair and taking to the sky as my human Avatar ballooned out into a lizard the size of a small mountain. I couldn't stop myself from shaking slightly from the anticipation as I sat back, taking a deep breath. I had already buffed myself with every Spell and Skill I had, as did the entire rest of the Guild. For the next ten minutes, I would be the most well-buffed Player in the game.

Numerous cash item cameras floated around the World, which would be immune to my Spells due to them being placed by me. I would have every little bit on tape for future viewing pleasure. I grinned to myself, flexing my claws.

There was no better time than this.

"**[Widen Boosted Magic]**." I began, my **[Wish]** ring beginning to glow as I activated it. "**[I Wish To Cast: Sword of Damocles]**!"

See, the entire setup was a bit tricky. It still functioned exactly as tested, but there was still some room for worry. It had never been tested on such an enormous scale before.

The metamagic enhancement **[Boost Magic]** allows the user to elevate the Tier and power of a single Spell. In this case, it bumped the Tenth-Tier Wish up a notch—beyond Tier, into Super-Tier. And as such, the restrictions on it changed to match. The Wish Spell allowed one to freely cast a single Spell equal to the Spell's own Tier—an exploit I was more than willing to abuse. The Super-Tier Spell **[Sword of Damocles] **hummed to life around me, a cash item turning the light a brilliant gold rather than its normal blue. I waited patiently, the entire Guild waiting with baited breath for the Spell to finish charging.

Now this was the tricky bit.

The Item **[Spell Echo]** was only able to echo Spells of Tenth-Tier or lower. But the Item was designed to cast the Spell only once, and as such the Developers added code designed to cast _only_ the base Spell and not the enhancements to it, so as to avoid a Player using **[Triplet Magic]** to cheese the system. As such, the Item still read the Wish Spell as a Tenth-Tier, completely ignoring the metamagic enhancement of Boost.

The instant the Spell began to charge, the **[Wish]** Spell was marked as 'cast', and every **[Spell Echo]** in Asgard activated at once. Glowing golden Super-Tier circles stretched into the air as far as the eye could see, gently swirling in harmony with my own. An area three times the size of Tokyo glowed to life with innumerable golden lights.

"**[Greater Project Voice]**." I heard from behind me, the final buff to set the plan in motion.

And with that, it all began.

"**People of Asgard… I serve notice on you all."** I rumbled, voice carrying to every being within the Realm.** "Too long I have stayed my hand. No more. Today you leave me no choice. Today, this war will end. No more will innocents be hunted and killed. No more will you take lives out of misguided malice. This will be the final shot, the last act of violence. Today, I pass judgement." **The Super-Tier Spell chimed gently in my ear, its charge at last complete. **"Today… and never again."**

I released the Magic, and every Spell fired in unison.

The **[Sword of Damocles]** is an orbital weapon designed to target structures. A glowing circle that appears several hundred feet above the target before firing a laser that did enough damage to any surrounding objects to reduce them instantly to rubble. Players received only a small percentage of the damage, which heavily limited its usefulness for most.

But fully buffed, with my Job Class registering every Player targeted by my Spells as my enemy?

The sky turned gold as my Widened Spell circles covered every spot in the World. Most overlapped by quite a bit. I had already warned the Devs beforehand to transfer as much computational power to the server of Asgard as possible. They would probably be mad if I crashed all of YGGDRASIL. Countless angles and views were chosen to depict what would later be known as _'The Genocide of Asgard__'_.

The Spell drilled into the ground below, destroying every habitable spot that the Spells could possibly affect. Millions of pop-ups flickered by, coming and going as the Magic took the lives of every living being that hadn't been able to resist it—which was literally no one, thanks to a few Defense-penetrating Skills I had active.

As the light cleared and the Spell ran its course, the sheer devastation I caused became apparent. The area of land beneath us was the highest terrain anywhere, as well as the only one with any hint of trees or grass. Everything else was a barren wasteland of scorched stone and dirt, magma flowing out in different places. It looked like some war-torn landscape, the results of a terrible war that had lasted for centuries. Not a single soul would ever guess the truth without seeing it firsthand.

_But see it they would._

I threw back my head and _laughed_, knowing full well that every Player in Asgard had seen the exact same message.

_You have been slain by Player: [Ancient One]._

I had just destroyed every Respawn Point in the entire fucking World. Every last one of them, gone. It would take a full week for them to reset, meaning that the Players that were directly behind me were the only ones in Asgard until then. If we left the World, we would be stuck in another one, just like everyone else. Only a World Item could fix it faster, and the only Item capable of doing so was still on its own respawn timer after the last time I used it.

"Ancient One…" A single voice called from behind me, Touch Me's tone utterly flat. "What. The. Fuck."

I wiped a nonexistent tear from my eye, laughter dying down to mere snickering. "Oh, calm down. That was only phase one. See, I just terraformed the landscape within the span of under two seconds. A World the size of a continent just got _leveled_. And the thing is, that's too fast for the server to handle. As such, it automatically resets all the key locations and Player-placed objects to the spot they were in the last time it checked them… which should be happening… _now_."

In front of us, buildings and random objects materialized on thin air. The game's mechanics never bothered to include gravity in their buildings so as to give Players as enjoyable of an experience as possible while creating them. The empty sky before us was now filled with replaced dungeons, assorted locations the server deemed as 'important', and every Player-generated structure since the beginning of the game.

"Hello, beautiful." I crowed smugly, rustling my wings. "See, the sheer amount of data required to back up the entirety of Asgard every few minutes would be ridiculous, not to mention the server lag, so the Devs just set up an algorithm like this. Apparently no one ever thought it would get abused in this way."

"Well no _shit."_ Ulbert's voice cracked slightly. "Jesus fucking _Christ_, what was that? I thought we were just lightly strafing them, not turning Asgard into a crater the size of the Mariana Trench!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you complaining?"

"_Hell_ no!" I could hear the excitement in his tone. "That was FUCKING _AWESOME_! Can we do it again?"

"Unfortunately not. That little project took me well over two years as well as a ridiculous amount of a very specific Item." I gestured widely to the spoils before us, utterly unguarded. "You'll just have to take the entire treasury of Asgard as a consolation prize."

Momonga finally found his voice, speaking up. "Do you hear that, everyone?" He shouted. "Let's do this! It's time to take Asgard as ours!"

A resounding cheer echoed over the empty world, a precursor to what was to come.

* * *

The Devs were flooded with millions of complaints over the next few days, but there really wasn't much they were willing to do. YGGDRASIL was a game that rewarded the ability to learn and use game mechanics, after all, and there wasn't actually anything _wrong_ with me abusing the system in that way. They gently but firmly rebuffed all complaints, stating that I had not cheated in any way, shape, or form to achieve my magnum opus. They even went so far as to publicly post the game's log of what had happened, just to prove that my actions were completely legitimate. It was regrettable, they said, but they would take no action against me.

As news spread, the company that owned YGGDRASIL used the opportunity to proclaim that _The Asgardian Genocide_ was possible because the Player investing into numerous cash-shop items and they could try their luck by doing the same. People were complaining, sure, but money were flowing at an unprecedented rate. Publically, I was the first and only owner of the Title _'The World Slayer'_. It gave no bonuses whatsoever, but _damn_ did it sound epic.

Privately, more than one of the Devs messaged me a note of congratulation. No, they weren't going to patch it since it had taken so many resources to pull off in the first place, but they were going to severely nerf the drop rate of **[Spell Echo]** to deter anyone from repeating my magnum opus. I didn't care, I was too busy being over the moon about the numerous World Items I acquired (read: _stole_) from the ruins of Asgard.

The Player-made golden city remained intact, gleaming beautifully in the sky some_ eleven kilometers _above the 'ground'. It didn't remain pristine for very long. Its treasures were plundered, then packed into Infinite Backpacks. Despite their name, the Backpacks could only hold a limit of five hundred kilograms worth of items. YGGDRASIL Players commonly put their immediate-use Items into this bag, because the Items within it could be assigned to several hotkeys in the game interface. As such, it was simple to cheese the game and stuff all sixty-four-plus Inventory slots with the things.

Some of my Guildmates had bought cash items capable of extending the limit of one's Inventory Slots, but for fear of ruining a certain exploitable glitch I won't get into now, I never bothered to do the same. Instead I left the bulk theft to my Guildmates, instead clearing the various Guild Bases left abandoned and plundering them for their best Items.

Four days came and went in a flash, and upon checking the timer placed in the Developers' site for the next Spawn Reset, decided to close down our operations. We packed up, gave the place a once-over, then began the final phase of our plan.

Three days were used to utterly reshape the world, burning numerous uses of Super-Tier Spells designed to modify the entirety of Asgard. **[Creation]** was used en masse, every Player capable of using it doing so to terraform large sections of land.

By the time we were finished, the wasteland had been transformed into a _hellscape_.

And then we _really_ started fucking with the place.

Ulbert went batshit crazy, cackling like a madman as he spammed the World Item I lent him for the occasion. Hundreds of Demons spewed out into the world, aimed to attack everything that moved. Tabula used numerous **[Pandemonium]** Spells to add to the mix, though admittedly with less enthusiasm.

Monuments were erected of each one of us, each one actually a disguised Golem I not-so-subtly upgraded with a hefty chunk of Caloric Stone. They would attack when approached, killing any unwary fools.

Members of the Guild littered the entire World in various Spells cast with **[Delay Magic]** to activate only when someone came near, and god forbid that anyone try to get close to any existing structure, they would find themselves dead faster than you can blink.

In the exact center of Asgard was placed a gigantic sign. It was formed of many torn-up pieces of the ruined city, fused crudely together and propped up with the still-standing buildings.

**_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _**  
**|PKING SUCKS, HUH?|  
****  
****|  
|**

Similar signs were posted above the Guild Halls of numerous infamous PK Guilds, as well as a few crude messages left by some of our more bitter members. The Guild Weapons of each place were rigged to several dozen explosive traps, all designed to blow if anyone was stupid enough to trigger them.

World ransacked, goods stripped from every conceivable source, mines depleted of all valuables, we finally retreated back to our base. Leaving the burning World behind us.

Our objective was never long-term control. Such a thing was impossible with so many powerful Players capable of upsetting any power struggle we attempted. So instead, we made it perfectly clear that Ainz Ooal Gown had once been there. We might not have the manpower or resources for World domination, but we made damn sure that people knew what we were capable of.

For the week before the Spawn Reset, I loosed forty-one weapons of mass destruction upon Asgard and cackled as they beset upon the World with the raw, unmatched ferocity of internet trolls.

Asgard was _fucked_.

Of course, we returned to see our own base in shambles, but that was perfectly fine. We had deliberately downgraded the place as much as possible, taking our Treasury and NPCs into Asgard with us. Any invaders would get absolutely nothing of value, and we could restore it all with a click of a button thanks to the game's handy 'restore previous version' function. Sure we had to pay a shitload of gold from all the times that it was invaded, but it was chump change compared to what Asgard had given in return.

All in all… it was quite good for YGGDRASIL's first-ever World domination.

Time to ponder my spoils, I suppose.

* * *

My _piece de resistance_ was complete.

My best spoils had been tossed into my Inventory, waiting for me to exploit them.

All in all, my day was going pretty damn well.

I hummed happily to myself, at last putting Archer's finished bow into my Inventory. The Stat rolls were utterly perfect, bumping the border of being a World Item. If I ever bothered to sell it it really _would_ crash the economy. That just went to show that a well-crafted Rare could be better than a World Item in most cases. Sure, I might have a few bow-type World Items, but none of them fit Archer's Skillset at all. Thus I was forced to make my own arrangements.

Time to do perform my favorite activity—abusing loopholes in the game's code.

I gathered a large amount of Caloric Stone beneath my talons, clearing my throat and activating the 'Consume' function. A single Stone glowed, and a screen appeared.

_Ah, hello Miyagi-san. What'll it be today?_

…Yes, I do this enough that the Developers there know my name too. So sue me.

"Hello, Developer-san." I returned in kind. "Could you give me a Mirror of Desire?"

_Sure thing. It'll cost the usual, ten thousand units of Caloric Stone. Is that all right?_

Some might consider such an item to be ridiculously overpriced, considering a single high-grade custom enchantment was only a couple thousand at most. Not I. I knew full well what it did, having coded the whole thing myself. The Devs also knew full well how overpowered it was, considering it would take several dozen uses of a very specific World Item to replicate it.

Hence the ridiculous cost.

"Yes, it is. I somehow managed to scrape together enough again." I lied through my teeth.

_All right, here you are. Enjoy!_

The text box disappeared, as did all the Caloric Stone in the cave. In its place, a beautifully glimmering mirror shimmered into existence. I grinned widely, stepping over to the hidden chest I had been using to store the bulk of my Caloric Stone.

What, you don't honestly think that I'd let the Devs know I figured out how to mass-produce the stuff, do you? How silly of you to even suggest such a thing. Not when they so generously give me such valuable Items.

I emptied my Inventory of everything but Archer's bow, then began refilling it with the contents of the chest.

Mirrors of Desire were an insanely overpowered item that I coded myself for one function—to duplicate the user's entire Inventory into their Storage. The Items in the user's Inventory became 'Mirrored', which prevented them from ever being altered but still allowed them to function just fine. The Mirrored copy could then feasibly be Mirrored if one paid the exorbitant amount of Caloric Stone needed to make another one, but the Mirror was one-use only so it limited its effectiveness by a lot.

Still. If you think that sounds like one hell of a glaring exploit, you're absolutely right. It is. Not to get yourself more Caloric Stone of course, the Inventory only has sixty-four slots and the Stone can only stack up to twenty. Even if you duplicated your entire Inventory full of the Stone, you still wouldn't get even close to the amount you spent to get it. The Devs never seemed to consider that you could use it in _other_ ways, though.

They did, however, foresee someone trying to get by with buying cash items that gave them infinite Inventory slots, though, so that unfortunately meant that I was stuck with only sixty-four until I was done using this particular exploit.

Despite their power, however, the Mirrors still weren't World Items. Sure one might think that they broke the balance of the game, but think about it. You have to burn _ten thousand World Items_ in order to get it. And besides, they still did have one limit. Mirrors of Desire couldn't duplicate World Items or any Quest Items. Beyond that, though, there were no rules. And that left the door wi~de open for some shenanigans.

See, you didn't actually have to be near your Storage for the Mirror to work. You just had to activate it and have enough space.

I had sixty-four slots open right now, excluding the one taken by the Mirror of Desire.

To exploit this, you have to do something I think is rather clever.

See, there's a World Item capable of duplicating absolutely any one Item, including other World Items if you had them on hand. It's called a Mirror of Kalandra. I found it completely by chance on a random Raid Boss drop and immediately hid it away, not telling a soul of its existence. It was one-use of course, but that didn't matter. Not for what I was using it for.

"**[Greater Teleportation]**." I murmured, concentrating on a very specific location.

I appeared in a low-Level dungeon called 'the Greed King's Lair', famous for being a rookie killer. The Boss was easy to get to for me though, and I simply swatted any monsters I found into a wall. They didn't get up again. I made it to the grand double doors in record time, the phony gold piled around it almost an eyesore. I entered, and the heavyset Greed King rose with a roar.

The Greed King was an odd Boss in that its damage value was based strictly off of the amount of currency a Player had in their Inventory. The more currency, the more damage the Boss dealt with every blow. It was meant to be a fun little mechanic as the Dev in question described it to me, but I saw it as so much more.

This place was very interesting because it interacted strangely with certain Items. If an Item was one-use, no matter what it was, the game considered it currency and counted it towards the Boss's damage multiplier.

Any one-use item, no matter what it is, is counted as currency.

A Mirror of Kalandra is considered by the game as a one-use Item.

Thus, in this area only, a Mirror is considered as a Currency Item rather than a World Item for the sake of certain effects. Certain effects, which just so happen to include the Mirror of Desire.

Heheheheheh.

Never underestimate a gamer's power to find miniscule loopholes in the game's code.

I opened my Inventory, flat-out ignoring the Boss's attacks. I activated the Mirror of Desire, and the Mirrored copies of the Mirror of Kalandra filling every last slot were Mirrored again. Nearly a full Inventory's worth of new Mirrors of Kalandra were sent directly into my Storage, leaving me with yet another set of the World Items. I did the same with a copy of the Mirror of Desire I had made mere seconds before, and the loop began.

I had done this little ruse precisely nine times before. It took me seven times to fill my Inventory with Mirrors, but from then on it just rinse and repeat.

But wait, you may ask. How could you have done it nine times if it cost so much Caloric Stone to craft even a single Mirror of Desire?

Well, it's quite simple really. I only bought two Desires originally, and from then on it was completely sustainable. I used one of my Mirrored Mirrors of Kalandra to duplicate a Mirror of Desire, which was then used to duplicate an Inventory of Kalandras. I used the Kalandras to clone Derires, Desires to clone the Kalandras, and soon I had to buy a Storage upgrade to increase the number of slots in my Storage container.

So why did I have to buy another Mirror just now to repeat the glitch?

Well, as normal Items Mirrors of Desire have durability, which runs out over time. How much durability? Precisely _five_. They can only be held onto for a day or two before they simply disappear. Even when I'm exploiting the game, the Devs still find a way to troll me.

…Even if they didn't know they were doing it.

It didn't really matter, though. I had the last laugh here.

I spent some time using Mirrored Desires and Kalandras to make a somewhat stable loop, until I finally ran out of space and killed the Boss in one hit. My Storage was now full of Mirrors of Kalandra, which meant I could repeat the loop as soon as I piled them all into my Treasury in Nazarick. I already had one Storage Room stuffed to the brim with the Mirrors, but if this all worked out then I should have another two ready to stock.

Hey. I have to cheese this game as much as possible while it's still a game.

See, unlike those who foolishly flaunt their treasures, I keep everything to myself and hide it deep within the bowels of Nazarick, never sharing it with anyone. None of Devs has the slightest inkling of what I have hidden away, let alone my fellow Guildmates. I never once upset the game balance or used my spoils against others, staying as far away from negative light as possible.

It didn't matter.

This was all just prep time, weekly visiting hours before moving on to the rest of my life.

I chuckled to myself, teleporting out of the dungeon and back to my Treasury to unload.

When the New World came, I would be ready. The Devs would never notice, but once the End came, I would effectively have stacks of literally every useful Item in the game.

Sure it's a bit slimy, but it's all for the sake of the future. After all…

_Who needs morals when you can just mod the game?_

* * *

**A/N:**

**Big shoutout to Spacemonkey777 for prereading this chapter before release. I was actually going to add another filler chapter, but after running it by him, we both agreed that it was just a waste of space. My beta is MIA, so he was a big help in doing a bit of behind-the-scenes balancing. With any luck I should be able to do the rest of this story without relying on his and others' generosity, but you never know with these kinds of things.**

**As a side note, a lot of my reviews are remarking on the lack of quality Overlord fanfics. I'm very glad that you don't include mine in that number. I can't guarantee that the plot will please everyone, but I hope it'll be enough to make this the best one there is.**

**And d******on't worry, everyone, the second Maiden is coming next chapter. I just needed to spend a bit of time getting to that point.****

**I hope you all enjoyed, and I wish you all a wonderful day!**


	5. 1-4: Party of One

Chapter 4—Party of One

* * *

My home was a beautiful mansion on Floor 9. Nazarick was originally only six floors, but under Momonga's leadership we had long since expanded it to ten. Floors 1-8 were made to produce a veritable wall of monsters at an incredible rate, all the while keeping any invaders at a constant disadvantage using the environment. Floor 9 contained Guild Members' and NPCs' rooms. It also included imitations of large communal baths, cafeterias, beauty salons, clothing stores, grocery stores, fitness salons, nail salons and numerous other types of facility rooms. These facilities were made just for decoration by my fellow Guild Members, but I wasn't one to kick up a fuss about that. One day their attention to detail would ensure my life of luxury, after all.

Besides. They gave me a sizable chunk of land to build my mansion on anyway, since they all knew I wouldn't be using much of the rest of the Great Tomb. I customized it even further with cash transactions, making my area ideal for my inhabitation. I abused the Devs' temporary console commands to their utmost limit, making an area over fifteen kilometers in all directions.

To put that into perspective, I'm about five kilometers long and four tall at Level 100. Mount Everest is only eight kilometers. The fricking _Marianas Trench_ is only about eleven.

The area that I call home is large enough to qualify as a large city, something that came at the cost of it being completely inaccessible to the rest of Floor 9 without cutting through Floor 8 first. I didn't really care, though, considering it more of a security feature than a flaw. The area held some of almost every biome, from forest to tundra to wide open fields. The edge of the area held a large caldera lake, crystal clear and lacking any life or pollution. Magma bubbled in odd locations, lava hardened above it into odd ridges that had a wide array of different plant life growing out of the fertile soil created by the ash of the sunken volcano.

I spent resources like a madman while making my paradise, sinking as much or more into that single space than all of my friends did in the entire rest of the Tomb. I planted the World Tree Sapling right in front of the lake before my mansion atop a spike of black rock, deep within a patch of volcanic soil. The magnificent sight of the tree stretching into the sky was more than worth the use of Ouroboros to obtain. Even if the Tree was relatively tiny now, it would grow indefinitely. In a thousand years' time I would be able to replant it somewhere else, somewhere without a roof to contain it.

Of course, as soon as Ulbert saw it…

"What on God's earth is that?" The goat Demon gawked up at the steadily growing tree.

I glanced at it, lounging back on my expansive lawn. Despite the rocky magma outcroppings in the area by the lake, I still had plenty of flat fields to lounge on. It wasn't easy being several kilometers long, but I had more than enough space to make it work. "Ah, that's the World Tree Sapling. Don't mind it, it's mainly for decoration."

He stared wordlessly for a few minutes. "Is it some sort of cash item?"

"Of course not." I scoffed. "I did use a lot of cash item kits and such to design this place, but that is a genuine game item. The only one of its' kind, in fact."

"What does it do?" He reached out a claw, tentatively tapping the bark. It was a magnificent honey-gold color, shimmering from within with a soothing glow.

"In-game? Nothing." I paused, glancing at my status screen. "Well, scratch that, it gives me a Title that compensates for me not being able to use armor."

"Wait. Wait. Wait." He turned to me, incredulous. "Is _this _what you used that first Ouroboros on? The one you spent a year hunting for?"

I coughed, suddenly self-conscious. "Um… yes?"

"_Why_?"

I shrugged, a motion that rippled through my entire body. "Well, to be honest, I just wanted it. The flavor text is legit, it's a genuine sapling of the World Tree. I'm guarding it from the 'terrible monster' that seems so driven to kill the original."

"Really? Had it ever shown up to fight you for it?"

I thought for a moment. "Well, the Devs tried to troll me once with a random encounter that might've been it, but I pretty much just cancelled my **[Size Down]** buffs and sat on it. It dropped some pretty sweet loot, too."

Ulbert took a deep breath, rubbing his temples. I doubted it helped. "Why on Earth would you use a World Item for something like _this_."

"Because." I stated simply.

My logic was utterly infallible, as evidenced by Ulbert's complete lack of an intelligible response.

I mean, cussing isn't considered intelligible, is it?

Once the Demon calmed down, I spoke up. "So, why did you come all the way up here? It's hardly an easy trek, seeing as this area is inaccessible through the main area of Floor 9."

Ulbert exhaled, rubbing his eyes. "I came to pick up that weapon you promised me. The staff, remember?"

"…Hence why you wanted to know if my World Tree Sapling had any effects." I caught on. "I see now. Well, to be perfectly honest, it might be better for you to look at what I have first. If you find something you like, I can upgrade it to get the Stats needed to make it an endgame weapon. Sound good?"

Ulbert probably would've raised an eyebrow were his avatar capable. "You just have weapons like that shoved somewhere?"

I chuckled. "What, did you think I just became a Level Max Weapon Smith by laying around? I had to grind like mad to get this far. Yes, I have an entire armory of weapons. You're here a bit late for the cooler-looking ones since those got snatched up by the other Players as show pieces, but I should have a decent-looking staff around someplace. Pop over to Floor 6 with me, that's where I keep the storehouse." I held up my scaled knuckle, where a whisper-thin band of gold was wrapped beneath a plate of my natural armor. It had been custom-made to fit, one of the only rings that I could equip in both my forms. "**[Teleport: Amphitheatrum]**." I intoned, and in a flash of light my position changed.

Ulbert appeared a moment later, glancing up at where I rested against a wall of the copy of the Roman Colosseum. "I'm always surprised when that doesn't shatter under you." He commented drily.

I chuckled, giving it a hearty slap with my tail. "Oh please. It's _fine._ I had this place reinforced to the point it could take two of me lying on top of it without a single stone falling."

"Fair enough." Ulbert muttered. "**[Fly]**. Where are we headed? I've never seen any armory here."

"Well, see, you know some of those bottomless swamps?" I smirked. "They have alcoves in the sides where natural gas might once have been. No one would ever find them unless they knew where to look, so I excavated one to hold all my mass storage."

"Huh." He paused. "Does that mean that to get there—"

"Yep."

"Can't we just teleport?"

"Do you know where it is?"

Silence.

"I really hate you sometimes, you know."

I chuckled. "Oh calm down. You have Water Magic, right?"

"Only up to Third-Tier." He griped. "Not nearly enough to keep my coat from getting covered in swamp muck."

"Well, that sucks." I stepped smugly into the swamp, utterly unaffected by the terrain effects thanks to my Title. "Enjoy the swim!"

I dove beneath the surface, and Ulbert reluctantly followed. He stepped out into the air pocket a moment later with a surly tone, grumbling to himself. "Dammit, can't you add a decent entrance to… this… place…" Ulbert trailed off to flat-out _gape_ at what lay before him. "Is… is that _Caloric Stone_?"

I blinked, suddenly very aware of the huge pile of what had once been Celestial Uranium. Apparently it had changed in the time I had been away. Too late to hide it now, anyway, might as well play it off. "Oh, yeah, I keep a stock down here for refining weapons. Why?"

"A stock? Nazarick hasn't had _any_ for half a year now!"

I hummed for a moment. "That's right, there was that whole 'Seven Mines' thing where some other loser got to Ouroboros before I could."

"_Seven Mines thing_?" Ulbert hissed, livid. "You're talking about us losing _World Items_ here! We lost half our gear trying to get those Mines back!"

I shrugged. "So? I was pillaging those resources before you morons even knew it existed. I have enough to build a fricking castle out of the stuff. I seem to recall you making fun of me for 'hoarding rocks' back when I was first figuring out how to make Caloric Stone."

"That's what you were doing? Why didn't you tell anyone?"

I frowned, a tad affronted. "Because you were all being dicks about it. Momonga knew, even if he didn't quite understand what I meant at the time. How do you think the Guild figured out how to make it in the first place?"

The goat huffed, falling silent. "Whatever." He finally said. "Just let me know next time you find out a potentially world-ending secret."

"Like the fact that there's a World Item that allows you to duplicate items?" I asked innocently. "Because the Mirror of Kalandra is only usable once before you have to go hunting for it again, you know."

The Demon twitched. "You have an Item that can—? No, never mind. Just don't tell anyone you have an undiscovered Item of the Twenty. Twenty-one, now, I guess."

"Who said I had only one?"

"Fuck you. Just give me a goddamn staff." Ulbert grumbled. It would seem he had finally tired of my teasing.

Too bad. He was fun to wind up. Even if I was telling the truth, he would just assume I was messing with him. His loss.

"The staves are over there." I pointed with my tail. "The ones tinted red should be geared towards Attack boosts, the green ones shorten Cast Speed. I have a stock of supplies, but if you want something truly jaw-dropping we can go farm a few bosses."

He spent some time perusing my supply, examining the Stats on each weapon he was capable of equipping. He settled on a gnarled willow branch, setting it on the Crafting Table. "Do you think this one could be upgraded?"

I looked up from where I was sorting my types of Prismatic Ore, squinting. "Oh, 'Fire Ascending'? Definitely. I thought of giving you that one as a gift, but then you found a different weapon and I scrapped the idea. I'm a bit low on Fire Shards at the moment, so we'll have to farm Surt to get it to the best possible quality."

The goat Demon's grin was audible, even with his face still as stone. "It would be my _pleasure_."

I chuckled.

If there was anything we gamers were good at, it was the dull grind of bossing.

"Let me take a crack at it first, then we'll go find that damn giant." I plucked the staff between two claws, reaching for the first of the Ores. "I have a good feeling about this one."

* * *

I finally did it. After ages of grinding and gathering EXP, I finally fucking did it. I got to Level 100. I added the very last Level to my Sage Job Class, smirking to myself in supreme satisfaction.

_Congratulations! By reaching Max Level in the Job Class 'Sage', you have gained:_

_+1 to the total amount of all Summons_

_+10% Mana regeneration_

_+50 Evasion_

_You have gained access to the next Job Class in the Sage tree: High Sage!_

I swiped away the notification, chuckling darkly to myself. Beside me, Momonga looked up from the loot we had picked up during our latest outing. "What is it?"

"Finally broke one hundred." I grinned. "Now that Sage is Maxed out, I can make another Maiden."

"Ooh. Sweet." The Guildmaster tilted his head. "What are you going to do with her?"

"I've already got it all planned out." I stated smugly. "I'm going to be making a character with an 'Exceeds Limits' Mana Stat and give them the Evening Star."

"You mean that overpowered accessory you made that no one can equip?" The Overlord asked with a slight hint of teasing in his voice.

I huffed. "Hey. It's perfectly fine how it is. It's just… in order to make a powerful item, you need a trade-off. That staff I made as our Guild Weapon can only be equipped by someone with insanely high Mana, and the Evening Star can only be equipped by a female Nature Spirit with Levels in a few specific Job Classes. But you know full well why I'd want to have a Level 100 NPC to be wearing the thing—it makes any and all Healing Magic practically _free_ and it lets the wearer use Resurrection Magic without the Level and Skill penalty. What have _you_ been doing, eh?"

The skeleton suddenly looked distinctly embarrassed. "I, ah, I…" He drooped. "…Nothing…"

I chuckled, nudging him playfully. "Oh, come on. I'm sure that's not true. Judging by that reaction, it's something interesting. What, did you get a lady friend?" I waggled my eyebrows, one of the few facial features my Avatar could pull off. "Or did you finally realize how beautiful your NPC is and decide to come over to the dark side?"

"Ihavetogo!" Momonga blurted, vanishing on the spot.

I burst out laughing the moment he left. I honestly didn't care all that much what he had been up to, my original question had been more of a joke than anything. But the reaction… utterly priceless.

_Cling-ching…_

I blinked at the chiming noise in my ear. It was so sudden I hadn't even registered it at first. "Yes?"

The Message came in the form of a text box that popped up in front of me rather than Voice Chat, which was quite unusual. My confusion disappeared as soon as I realized who sent it, however.

_Hello, Miyagi-san._

"Shitty Dev." I greeted, amused. "What's the reason for contacting me at this time? Is there a spot-fix you need me to test or something?"

_No, nothing like that. We just wanted to inform you that there's going to be a brand-new World Threat coming soon. This one has been specifically created with you in mind._

I paused. That didn't sound ominous _at all_. "All right, color me interested. Why do you say it's designed for me?"

_Well, several of our newer staff needed some practice creating large entities, so they came up with a project. The boss cleared it, even suggested they give a unique bonus for defeating it. It's going to be the highest Level of World Threat in the game—Level 99._

My eyebrows shot into my hairline. "Holy shit. You guys really are pulling out all the stops on this one. Why wasn't this a part of the televised Raid event?"

_Well, it's supposed to take quite some time to defeat…_

"Ah. PR reasons."

_Exactly._

"All right, when should I check it out?"

_You have a few days. It still has to be added to the game. I'll add the Quest marker that leads to it on your map now, though._

"Fantastic." I stretched, yawning. "Any advice on what to bring?"

_Plenty of time. Oh, and heart medication. We wouldn't want your old heart failing because your blood pressure got too high._

"Dream on, brat." I glanced at my Stat screen, a thought occurring. "Hey, while I have you here, could I ask you something? Strictly off-record, of course."

_Go ahead._

"Are there any hidden Races that have to do with nature? I'm planning on making another Maiden now that I have another use of the Skill."

_Strictly off-record I can tell you that there's a Quest chain in Asgard that will allow you to unlock the Divine Spirit Race 'Nature Spirit' as an option for NPCs. There's also a unique Job Class called 'Guardian of the Forest' that you can get by defeating a certain World Threat a number of times._

I blinked, my mind instantly jumping to the only Raid Boss it could be. "I know the one. Thanks."

_Don't thank me until you've beaten the World Threat we've cooked up for you, Miyagi-san. You'll need all the help you can get._

And with those eerie words, the Message window disappeared.

I rolled my eyes, brushing the words off. The Developer was probably just being dramatic. Instead of worrying about it, I activated my Guild Ring to send me back to my mansion.

Time to start designing my NPC.

* * *

As with Archer, I spared no expense while making my newest Maiden. This time, however, I didn't want to rip off a franchise to make her. This one was one I had planned for, even going so far as burning my first use of Ouroboros to give her a backstory.

She was going to be the Spirit of the World Tree Sapling currently residing in front of my mansion. She would be an adorable kuudere waifu, inept at almost everything but willing to try anyway. She would be endlessly curious, full of wonder about the outside world, but too devoted to me to even dream of leaving.

Inept, yes. Hopeless, yes. But I had Archer for cooking and cleaning. This beautiful Maiden would be too powerful for me to reign in if everything went according to plan, so it was much safer simply to make her dependent on me for everything. Yes, I absolutely planned on making it so her flavor text stated she would never betray me, but I'm playing the long game here, and the problem with her being made to be so young is that later in life she could easily change from my original design. Sure, it might seem annoying, but it was far better than me creating a living manifestation of Yggdrasil that was entirely capable of killing me in a straight fight. And besides, I already have the Onee-chan position filled, I might as well add an adorably inept nice younger sister-type for her to dote on, no? Clumsy though she may be, I find the idea of her rather cute.

I started with the Dryad Race as a base, which resulted in her pale skin and oddly colored eyes. I punched in the sizes 94-52-83, giving her a perfect figure with a slightly larger top than Archer's originally was. Unlike Archer, however, her bust size wouldn't grow as she gained new Races. It would stay at a healthy FF-cup for her entire life barring unusual circumstances. Perhaps motherhood might bump up her FF to a solid G, but I didn't count on that happening for some time. Crossbreeding was known to be extremely difficult in canon, no matter how hard I intended on trying.

The pale Maiden wore a long shoulderless white gown that split in front to reveal white stockings and a garter belt. A matching veil covered part of her peach blossom-pink hair, flowing evenly down her back. Purple vine-like crystals wove around her form, emanating from a crown of violet peach blossoms atop her head. The plantlike motif continued all around her outfit, intermixed with the occasional high-tech addition to the crystal. Above her head floated a deep purple halo, marking her clearly as one of the Divine Species. She had a quiet, natural beauty that contrasted her doll-like features, creating an hourglass figure that looked almost unreal.

I named her what her flavor text suggested, reinforcing the words. She was my beloved, and so she was named.

乃愛. From Japanese 乃 (_no_), a possessive particle, and 愛 (_a_), meaning "love, affection". Noa, my love.

A beautiful name for a beautiful girl—one that tied her to me through the very word used to define her.

With all the EXP stored in my ring, I didn't even need to go hunting. I just transferred some to her, sending her directly to Level 100 with no fuss. The Data Crystals required to Level her were of no consequence, seeing as I had the lion's share in my treasury.

Dryad became Hamadryad, which became Greater Hamadryad. Her final stage of Nature Spirit completed her Racial Levels, leaving her at a mere 30 Levels spent. The rest of her Levels could be dedicated entirely to Job Classes.

10 Levels of Druid, obviously, then High Druid for another 10, allowing access to the Nature's Herald Job. That brings us to an even 60 total Levels. Add another 10 for Forest Mage, then move on to the more exotic Classes.

I actually did quite a lot of searching to find the perfect Jobs for my little Noa. The Developers were surprisingly helpful, hinting at several hidden Job Classes that could be discovered through various means. The first Rare Class I found was one called Elemental—not Elementalist, _Elemental_. It offered incredible bonuses to Nature-based Magic, which Noa's entire character was based off of. The next was the very Job Class described to me by the Dev, Guardian of the Forest. It granted bonuses to powers that 'brought death and gave life', which was a handy bonus for her particular build.

At 80 total Levels, I hit a wall. I eventually decided to say 'to hell with it' and gave her another 10-Level Class, Spiritualist, but I still left room for two more Rare Classes that I might find in the future.

While I was optimized for melee range and Archer was optimized for long-range cover, Noa would be perfectly made to have numerous Healing and AoE Spells to help control the flow of the battle. She wouldn't be getting in the thick of things, but she could still pack a serious punch of threatened.

Her build was far from perfect, and it would take a lot of testing and refining to work out the kinks. I still had to tweak her Stats quite a bit to make her truly complete, but for the limited time I had, it was the best I could get.

Time to face down the great beast.

* * *

"All right, shitty Devs. Let's see what you've got for me." I said to no one in particular, staring up at the mouth of the canyon serving as a gate into the area.

I stepped through the gate, entering into the area where the Boss resided.

At first I thought I was going to be facing a Mountain Giant of some sort as I spotted the huge spires of rock. The ground quaked, making me revise my assumption. Earth Elementals, perhaps? Some new variant of Land Wurm?

Yeah… as if I could ever be that lucky.

My eyes widened, and a few choice cuss words escaped my mouth. I just figured out what they meant by the Raid Boss being made for me.

Back in the elder years of my first life, there was a certain game called Final Fantasy XV. In it was a bit of post-game content; an optional boss called the Adamantoise. It was mainly a huge annoyance, since even the best builds and strategies took over an hour to defeat it. And that was with it staying mostly still, its only method of 'attack' being moving around slightly. It was a huge tanky distraction designed to take all the damage in the game without flinching and pointlessly waste the players' time.

This guy? This guy looked like the Adamantoise's bigger, meaner, heavier older brother.

I held no illusions of this thing just being a giant useless damage sponge, the Devs had no doubt given it an entire arsenal of absolutely bullshit Skills to pull out of nowhere and blindside me with. Not to mention the thing's sharp scales or irritated expression—I wouldn't be surprised if this thing's Attack Stat were high enough to stomp most Players flat in one hit.

I ground my teeth, huffing. I couldn't exactly back out now, not with the Devs no doubt laughing their asses off at my expense. If I ran, it would just give them a bigger laugh.

The World Turtle roared, and I reluctantly entered the combat.

I knew right from the first hit I landed that this thing was going to be a bitch to kill. It was wicked fast for such a huge creature, which in turn gave it a ridiculous amount of Evasion. I soon learned that the thing's main tactic was to try to get some part of its natural plated skin between me and it, a tactic that worked splendidly considering the scaled armor was overpowered to hell. Even when I finally raked my claws across some unguarded skin and watched the high damage numbers flash across my view, the HP gauge didn't so much as twitch.

Then its aggro kicked in, and my life got a whole lot harder. Earthen spikes sprouted from armored plates, firing off in all directions. Noa hit me with a Healing Spell by default as one nicked me, sending my HP down by a decent chunk.

'_Screw this.' _I thought angrily, flash-casting **[Time Stop]** and opening my Inventory. My regular bossing gear wouldn't cut it, it was time to bring out the big guns.

I equipped my Wishing ring and pulled out a Mirrored World Item—**[World Savior]**, a club-shaped member of the Twenty that started out weak, but grew in power with each strike dealt that by the time it broke it was doling out enough raw damage to kill all of Nazarick in one blow.

_Technically_ I could kill this thing without it, but I'd really rather not be here for the next ten hours straight.

"**[Maximize Magic: Globe of Invulnerability]**." I began, deciding to get all the buffs in I could while the battle was on pause. "**[Maximize Magic: Freedom of Movement]**. **[Maximize Magic: Haste]**. **[Maximize Magic: Body of Effulgent Beryl]**. **[Life Essence]**. **[Greater Full Potential]**. **[Freedom]**. **[Greater Luck]. [Draconic Power]**. **[Greater Hardening]**. **[Absorption]**."

My Mana was running out, as was the Spell used to buy me time. I released it, feeling as ready as I would ever be.

"All right, asshole." I growled as the **[Time Stop] **ended. "It's time you fucking _died_."

* * *

I slumped, panting, as the giant World Turtle finally collapsed. Archer lowered her bow and Noa faded slightly from view as she retreated into Spirit form. "That." I gasped, leaning back, "Was complete bullshit. What was that, two hours?"

All my Skills were either depleted or on cooldown, my Mana pool nearly drained. I hadn't ended up needing Wish, but I did need several Super-Tier Spells to finally end the thing. I was extremely glad I had given Noa the Evening Star, if she had needed Mana to heal me I would've been screwed. Nonetheless, I persevered.

Before my eyes, the World Threat was slowly stumbling back. The death animation was in full swing, cracks appearing in its form in customary fashion. It shattered in a burst of white light, from it raining the twinkle of EXP, gold, and Data Crystals.

_Congratulations! For defeating the World Threat 'World Turtle', you have gained the passive Skill __**[The Impenetrable Shell]**__!_

_Congratulations! For being the first Player to ever defeat the World Turtle, you have been given the World Item __**[Talons of Power]**__!_

_Congratulations! For defeating the World Turtle in a Party of only one Player, you have gained the passive Skill __**[Total Immunity]**__!_

I left reading what those did for later, instead picking up my loot and teleporting straight back to my mansion. As soon as I was no longer in danger of getting PWNed by a random trash mob, I activated the GM Call function and cleared my throat in anticipation.

_Hello, and how may I help you?_

"Hello, this is Miyagi here." I greeted smugly. "Just wanted to report that the World Turtle has been soundly flipped on its back. We'll be having turtle stew tonight, folks."

_Miyagi-san? You actually defeated the – hold on, this isn't supposed to happen. Let me put you through to someone who's better equipped to deal with this._

I twitched. _'Not supposed to happen!? I spent three hours killing that fucking Boss, you shitty Developers!'_

The text box went blank for a few moments, time I took to examine the loot I'd gotten. The Talons of Power were apparently equippable for me, much to my shock. Dragons weren't supposed to be able to equip any weapons, but evidently these were an exception. They shimmered into existence on my front talons, mimicking the scale pattern beneath and surrounding each scale in a line of pure gold. Atop each of my claws a segmented piece of metal extended down to extend wickedly sharp coverings sculpted around them. I opened and shut my talons, the satisfying rasp of metal sounding from the action.

"**[Appraise Magic Item]**." I intoned, curious.

_**[The Talons of Power]**_

_World-Class Item_

_The Talons of Power grant a flat 300% bonus to all Stats while the wielder is fighting alone. However, for every Player in the wielder's Party above that, there is a -150% penalty to all Stats._

I raised an eyebrow. In other words, not only could I lose the bonus given by the Item by having more than that, I could actually _lose_ Stats. An extremely high benefit-reward balance. With the way things looked, I could only have a max of two other Players in my Party before I was losing more than I was getting.

As expected of a crapped-out World Item. Completely unfair on several accounts.

_Good evening, player._

I glanced up at the screen. "Hey. You certainly took your time."

_My apologies. What seems to be the problem?_

"I was just reporting that I beat the World Turtle for the first time."

_I see. That's quite impressive. How big was your Party size?_

"One."

…_I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. How many?_

"A Party of one." I repeated. "Damn Turtle was a pain in the ass to beat, but I got there in the end."

_I… please hold for a moment, I need to find your file._ A pause_.__ Miyagi-dono, yes? I believe I've heard of you. You specialize in finding unexpected glitches in our code._

"That's me, yes. I'm only calling because one of you Devs was the one who tipped me off to the new addition." I flexed my claws, the metal catching the light. "And I must say, it's quite the reward. More than worth the venture."

…_Miyagi-dono, I'm afraid you were being trolled. The World Turtle was meant to be impossible for a group of less than sixteen Players to defeat. For you to do so on the first-ever fight with it is nothing less than baffling._

I snorted. "Let me guess. They were trying to get me to team up with another few Players for once."

_I believe that was the intention, yes._

"Heh. Bet they didn't expect me to pull World Savior out and buff myself to obscene levels right off the bat. Sorry fucker didn't even see it coming."

_World Savior, the World Item?_

"Well, a copy I made with a Mirror of Kalandra, yes. The Mirror is less dangerous to track down after I use it."

_I see. It makes a bit more sense now, if you have access to World Items._ Another pause. _To be perfectly frank with you Miyagi-dono, this situation was never meant to occur. We did expect a single player to eventually figure out how to solo it given time and resources, but it was never considered that it could be soloed on the first run._

"Longest Boss fight of my life, so kudos for that."

_Yes, but… the two passives given as the reward… together, they're a bit of a game-breaker. Both of them give an incredible boost to the Resist Stat and reduce damage taken by 20%, but what worries me is their special abilities. The first cuts damage from bypassing armor in half until its durability runs out, while the second protects from most status conditions while your armor is still intact._

I raised my eyebrows. "My Race has **[Natural Armor]**, which prevents me from equipping any armor even in my humanoid form. That shouldn't be an issue, right?"

_Quite the opposite, Miyagi-dono. The game considers __**[Natural Armor]**__ to be a type of armor as well._

"Well, shit." I glanced down at my scales, raising an eyebrow. "That really is broken, then. Are you going to fix it?"

_It was our fault for not realizing this situation could happen. Plus, YGGDRASIL does encourage players to receive rewards for hard work. You've earned them both._

"Aren't you afraid I'll abuse it?"

_From what I'm seeing in your file, the only sins you've committed are of being too helpful. We'll of course intervene if you do decide to abuse this, but until then it shouldn't be too big of an issue. Besides, many Players have access to Skills designed to pierce armor, which would bypass both of those passives entirely._

"All right, if you're certain." I never intended to actually give the Skills up, of course, but I had to make at least a token effort. "Thank you for your help."

_Not a problem, Miyagi-dono. Do you need anything else?_

"I'd just like to pass a message on to whoever set me up to get my ass kicked. Would you mind?"

_I can check your Message logs to find out who sent you the invitation. Go ahead._

"Just tell them 'the Turtle was too laggy, you amateur. You should've given it better melee attacks.' That should be enough to get the message across."

_All right. I'll pass it along. Thank you, Miyagi-dono._

"No, no." My claws shut with a loud rasp. "Thank _you_."

The Message ended, text box disappearing. I was left sitting in my mansion with both Maidens, quietly chuckling to myself.

That asshole had no idea who he was messing with. Try to make a fool of me, will he? Please. This game is _my_ world. I control everything in it. I've earned over fifty separate World Items, not even counting the duplicates. I've fought more powerful monsters in a single day than most Players did in their entire career.

Even if the damn Turtle _had_ gotten me, did you really think I would stay down?

My chuckles died down as a thought occurred. It was a devious, slightly twisted thought. It wouldn't be enough to confront the Dev who trolled me, no, I had to take his defeat and memorialize it somehow.

And what better way could there be than to take a trophy of war?

I left my Maidens behind, stepping out of the building and activating my Guild Ring. This particular trophy wouldn't fit in my humble abode, but it would look right at home in the wilderness of Floor 8.

I found a good spot, a natural dip in the landscape that went for a good kilometer in all directions. A quick Spell cleared away any obstacles, leaving me with one thing left to do. "**[Message]**. Hey, Momonga, I realize this is a bit sudden, but I had an idea for an NPC. Do you mind if I use a few of the remaining Levels in Nazarick to make it?"

"_Oh, Ancient-san. Sorry, you startled me. No, it shouldn't be a problem at all. You're good enough at NPC creation that I'm sure the others wouldn't mind if you took a full 100 Levels. We still have plenty left over, and if no one claims them, I think the other members might start using them for ridiculous things."_

I chuckled. "That they might. Well, I'll be here on Floor 8 designing it. With any luck, I'll get back to you soon."

"_All right, good luck."_

The Message ended, and I raised my right hand to the sky. A Mirrored World Item flashed to life. "Ouroboros!"

* * *

…_I'm not sure if this is allowed._

"People tell me that a lot. It shouldn't be a problem, though, I have the World Item that allows me to ask pretty much anything of you guys."

_This is a bit odd, even for some of the requests we've gotten through that ring._

There was a pause.

_Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt too much. I'll have to nerf the Attack Speed on it severely, though. __And since it'll be classified as an Animal-type NPC, you'll need to feed it from time to time._

"Not a problem." '_Not considering I can add enough gear to bring it to double what it was originally. And with all the gold I have stocked up, figuring how to grow food shouldn't be an issue either.'_

_I'm adding some more Levels to your Guild to support this. Is that all right?_

I raised an eyebrow. "More than all right. How many Levels?"

_The original was Level 99, so I'll be adding 99 NPC Levels to compensate. You asked for it to be added to Nazarick as an NPC, so I'm adding all of it. You'll have to use one of your Guild's Levels if you want to Level it to an even 100, though._

"Believe me, that is the furthest from my worries." I assured them. "It's more than enough that you're doing it."

_Okay, then. Is that all?_

"Yes. Thank you."

_Not a problem, Miyagi-san… adding it in now, and, done. Thank you for waiting, have a nice day. _

The text box closed, and I glanced up.

Far above, an enormous creature was beginning to take shape. Four scaly legs, a long neck, and a shell so huge it doubled as a literal mountain. The name flashed to life above it, the blue color of an allied NPC.

I grinned, pulling up its' Stats. I used a bit of EXP from my ring to bring it to 100, the empty Statsheet making me cackle with glee. Apparently the entire NPC was blank—the Developer had imported the Raid Boss in all its' glory, while leaving me free to give it a full hundred Levels of anything I wanted. As many Racial Levels and Job Classes as I could stuff into it, building it to be the most overpowered juggernaut possible.

And considering that Victim, the Boss of this Floor, has the ability to grant its' allies an extremely high HP regeneration effect… well. I'm going to make this place _hell_ for anyone who faces it.

Come to think of it, the Guild has been growing in popularity lately… I wonder if someone will finally try their luck?

* * *

"Er, Ancient-san, are you sure this is a good idea?" Momonga asked hesitantly, wringing the Divine-Class staff in his hands nervously. "I mean, I know you said you beat this Boss by yourself, but your character is pretty extreme, you know."

I shook my head. "It'll be fine, Momonga. You have the entire Guild going in with you."

And indeed they were—all of my exploits had gotten them interested in a piece of the action. When I spread the word about the new Raid Boss that offered a unique passive as a reward, all 40 of my fellow Guild Members hopped on the bandwagon. There wasn't a limit on the Party size for the World Turtle fight, so it made sense for the entire Guild to go in at once.

"You aren't." Momonga pointed out sensibly. "And you're the Raid Boss expert in the Guild."

"I'll be going in a few minutes after you guys, when a new version of the area opens. I'll be doing the same exact Raid as you, and I'm just a Message away."

"It'll be fine, Momonga-san." Tabula called. "Stop worrying. Ancient One-san spent ages briefing us on the Boss's attack pattern, so we should all be perfectly fine."

"But we still don't know what kind of Boss it is!" Momonga protested.

I chuckled darkly. "Oh, believe me, there's a good reason for that. Tradition, you might say. The first time I fought it a shitty Dev just told me where it was and to have fun fighting it."

Ulbert seemed to share Momonga's concern, though he was a lot calmer about it. "Should we be worried?"

"Oh, most definitely. But nothing I can possibly say or do will prepare you for what lies inside that gate."

"Well, the Quest we all took to get here says we're investigating mysterious tremors… so some kind of mole monster, perhaps?" Bukubukuchagama tried.

I shook my head in bemusement. "Just stop stalling and bite the bullet. Is everyone ready?"

A chorus of approval.

"Then go on through. It won't start until you all get in, but I still advise that the Tanks of each group go first." I stretched my wings, tail curling around my waiting Maidens. "Good luck, and don't be surprised if it takes a while. My record for this place so far is a few hours, but you have numbers as an advantage. Keep what I said in mind and you should all be fine."

Momonga spoke up, projecting his voice. "Everyone, let's do this! For the glory of Ainz Ooal Gown!"

"HOO-AH!" With those noble cheers, they all charged through the gate and into the area containing the Raid Boss.

I sat back and watched them disappear, amused at their enthusiasm.

_They're all fucked, you know._

The dry message made me chuckle.

"Oh, yes, undoubtedly."

_You're a cruel bastard._

"I like to think of it as educating the younger generation."

_Heh. I got your message, by the way. You were right about the lag when you get into melee range, so I fixed that. Also, we fixed the Boss to have more variety when it comes to its move pool._

"Wow. And you called me a cruel bastard."

_Well, I suppose it takes one to know one._

"Heh."

We fell silent, waiting the few minutes needed for the next reset of the Raid area.

_Saw what you did with the Ouroboros Item._

I burst out laughing. "Oh, boy, I wish I was there when you found out."

_Yeah, but to be fair, you kind of earned it. I went in and upgraded that one's lag problem too out of courtesy._

"Much obliged."

_...So what are you planning on doing with it?_

"At the moment it's kind of a pet. I call him Harold."

_Harold, huh?_

"You like it?"

_It sounds quite distinguished, I suppose, but I was sort of expecting you to call him Skullcrusher or Stormageddon or something equally ridiculous. It seems that your naming sense is somewhat decent._

"Truly the most glowing of praise."

The gate to the Raid area flashed once, signaling a new opening. I rose to my feet, flexing my Talons and lashing my tail. "Now that I know what to prepare for, I think I can get my record down to a few hours without burning any Items. Would you care to watch?"

_Sure. I could stand to see how my creation does against an experienced Player._

"Well, you'll be in for a treat. I've got a well-made strategy and two NPCs coded to be the most efficient they can be, so I have every advantage."

_Good game to you, Miyagi-san. I'll be watching._

I paused mid-step. "Oh, and before I forget… any bets on how many times I can clear the place before the rest of my Guild makes it out?"

_Oh, at least twice for sure._

"I'd have to say three times personally. I saw some of them wearing gear meant only for show."

_Heh. _

"Heheheh."

…_We're both going to hell, you know._

"Ah, but at least we'll both know someone once we get there."

* * *

It took a total of eight hours for one of the most powerful Guilds in YGGDRASIL to hobble out of the Boss area, looking completely drained. I waved cheerfully, sending a helpful smile emote just to rub it in. "How did it go? Looks like everyone survived."

"All of my hatred." Ulbert ground out, glowering while leaning on his staff. "All of it."

"The words 'giant turtle' might've helped a lot, yes." Tabula agreed.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Tabula, if I said 'giant turtle' or even 'enormous turtle' it would've given you the wrong idea. You would've pictured something the size of a minivan, perhaps. You would not have expected the _huge fucking mountain_ that you went out to face."

"Did you clear the Boss, Ancient-san?" Momonga asked, interrupting Tabula.

I nodded. "Oh yes. Easily. It's quite simple if you can dodge or tank its' attacks while maintaining a steady damage output. I knocked my personal best down to two hours while you were in there."

Shouted complaints filled the clearing, which I smugly basked in. They were all too exhausted to raise their voices too much, though, so it died down quickly. I spoke, silencing them. "Have you actually checked the Skill you got from it?"

A few of them did so. "Ooh, sweet, a decrease to total Damage taken?" One shouted.

I nodded, internally wondering if the Devs had changed the Skill given so it wouldn't be as broken. "What's it called?"

"**[Greater Armor]**." Ulbert reported, closing the menu.

Yep. It got changed. Too bad. "Still, you lot got your first taste of a Raid Battle. How did you like it?"

My response was most of the Players teleporting back to the Guild Base. The message was clear—_you can have it all to yourself_.

"Ah, well." I hummed. "More for me, I suppose."

It might've been my imagination, but I could almost hear a certain Developer cackling in the distance.

* * *

The Guild was on edge.

Whispers were beginning to spread, word of a growing army. A large number of Guilds and Players, banding together in order to conquer the unconquerable Tomb. An alliance made to take us down a peg. My Guildmates were a mix of worried and thrilled, discussing which of the Tomb's defenses would best slow the incoming horde.

"I'm still not sure why it's _now_ of all times that this is happening." Ulbert was complaining from a lawn chair overlooking the crystal-clear caldera before my mansion. "I mean, it's during crunch week on most of our jobs, what with tax day coming up soon. It's almost like they've been planning this for ages, most of our members won't be on when they do attack."

I raised an eyebrow. "I mean… maybe this is just a sneaking suspicion… but don't you think that it's because we wrecked Asgard?"

There was a pause.

"Oh, yeah, that happened…" Ulbert trailed off. "Yeah, we really fucked them hard."

I nodded, curling my tail close. My Maidens were standing between my front paws, just as they always were when they weren't in combat. "You gotta admit, though, it was a lot of fun. Pretty much everyone in the Guild got catapulted 50 Levels just by being in the same Party when we took them down. Not to mention all the griefing we did…"

"Yeah… come to think of it, don't we kind of have this coming? I mean, we did steal everything that wasn't nailed down." The Demon scratched the side of his head. "It probably took them this long just to get back enough resources to launch a full-scale attack."

I began to laugh. "Oh, they are going to _hate_ this place. Even the lower Floors are trapped so bad that Momonga had to manually take them down when he invited a few non-member friends. Forget the POP mobs, I think most of them are going to die to the traps me and the boys set up for shits and giggles."

Ulbert nodded. "Yeah, I heard about that. How did you even get people to go along with it, anyway?"

I shrugged. "Well, after all the time we spent griefing Asgard, people got really good at setting traps. We got back to the Guild Base, restored it to normal… and then got bored. So we started this whole troll course designed to piss people off. It's lethal, yes, but more importantly it's _really_ annoying."

Ulbert shuddered. "I… I think I'm going to avoid the lower Floors from now on. I know what you're like when you're playing for fun, I can't imagine what nightmares you'd come up with when you're _trying_ to drive people insane."

I tilted my head in acceptance of the compliment. "Hey. It's a gift. Why do you think so many sadists end up as web designers? If there aren't at least four dead links and an endless loop, it isn't a proper company website."

"…Not touching that one." Ulbert held out his staff, changing the subject. "So, in case I'm online when we get invaded, do you think you could…?"

"Oh, sure." I plucked the staff from his hands, glancing over the Stats. "Eeeeh, this is a bit weak for PvP…" I mumbled. "I could make you a new one if you wanted. I got ahold of a **[Branch of the World Tree]** recently. I could take a few nights to grind it into a god weapon for you."

"Ancient-san, you are one of the few people I know who willingly volunteers to spend hours on end grinding gear." Ulbert deadpanned.

I snorted. "Oh, please. It's not hard once you get used to it, and even if you don't end up using it I can hold on to it for someone else. Gear made using a **[Branch of the World Tree]** always has an extremely low Level requirement, so I'm sure I can get a pretty good price on it."

"Fair enough." Ulbert took back the staff, putting it into his Inventory. "Need any help?"

"Nah, just send me your Stats so I can give you a custom build." I uncurled my tail, stretching out my long form with a tremendous yawn. "I'll work on it once I set up a warning system. I don't want all the action to start without me."

Ulbert nodded, rising to his feet. "Well, I think I'll leave you to it, then. Let me know if you need anything else, all right?"

"Not a problem." I waved him off, already distracted by the coming grind. "Go on, keep working on that Lava Floor you have going on."

The Demon waved, disappearing in a flash of light.

Even if he never ascribed to my philosophy of making the NPCs neutral towards humans, Ulbert's contributions to Nazarick were more than impressive when it came to Floor design. The sheer level of imagination behind his defenses was slightly terrifying, really.

I sighed, glancing down at my Maidens. "Well… I suppose this is it."

Fuck the Turtle, this was going to be my first extended test of how well my current setup worked. A long trial run of Noa's effectiveness when placed in combat alongside myself and Archer.

This could go really well… or it could really not.

"Let's go run some dungeons, my pretties." I mumbled, rising to my feet. "We have work to do."

* * *

I grinned in anticipation, arming Archer with gear designed to best combat Players rather than Raid Bosses. Noa was already perfectly balanced for the role, her AoE debuffs just as effective on large groups of people as they were on hordes of monsters.

It had finally come. The day I had been waiting for for so very long. The day I could test myself and truly see how powerful I and my NPCs were when compared to hundreds of the strongest Players in the game. The rest of my Guildmates wanted to play it safe, wait until the horde reached Floor 9 and had been weakened by the previous obstacles before engaging.

I, on the other hand, didn't really give a shit.

Sure, I would have to take off my Guild Ring and my Rings of Total Bullshit™ before engaging. But with Archer and Noa by my side, there was no need to have access to my EXP ring or the Wish Spell. I cleared my plans with Momonga, regretfully set aside my Talons, and teleported to Floor 4 to lie in wait.

The area was perfect for me. The entire Floor was an enormous cavern containing an underground lake, where I could easily float like the world's deadliest duck.

There I waited, listening to the endless drip of water, until the invading force arrived.

The first of them teleported in through the gate to the room, spotted me, and instantly realized what was happening. "**[Message]**! Stop coming through! Repeat, stop coming through! You'll only make him stronger!"

But it was too late. A mass of roughly fourteen hundred Players, a mere fraction of the hundred-thousand large horde, had all piled into the cave at once, falling silent as they gazed up at me.

I silently raised an eyebrow, speaking up for the first time. "I am Ancient One, and I'm afraid that you all have very little chance of defeating me. However, since I am not a Floor Boss and have deactivated the Boss for this zone, you'll find that leaving here is a simple as walking through a door. But." I hauled myself out of the lake, my scales glimmering ominously in the glow of the cave moss. "In order to do so… you'll have to get past _me_ first."

The few who understood visibly faltered.

I had a Job Class that gave me a boost for every enemy above one that I faced. There were over a thousand Players facing me, with more waiting in the Floor below. To them, an unprotected hit meant death.

"My darlings will be keeping you company as well, you see." I continued, voice echoing through the cave. "Two of my beloved NPCs. Though, I'm afraid you'll have to wait until you get to Floor 8 to meet the next one… ah, well. I'm sure you'll enjoy his company later." I grinned, taking a deep breath. Time for a big finale. "Now… COME AT ME, BITCHES!" I finished with a roar, spreading my wings and calling up a half-dozen Spells.

"CHARGE!" The Party's leader yelled, and the horde did exactly that.

I began to laugh.

* * *

As the last of the survivors got through the entrance to Floor 5, I didn't bother sticking around. I picked up a few items of loot that caught my eye then left the rest for my Guildmates to sort through.

I never intended to take them all on myself, all I needed was to test my setup and thin the proverbial herd. And thin them I did, giving great bellows of laughter while my two Maidens covered me from afar. I probably made an enemy of most of the Players there, but I didn't really care all that much. They couldn't even scratch my scales and they probably already hated me for torching Asgard, so it wasn't exactly a heartfelt loss on my part.

I teleported to Floor 8 to wait, reclining back into an area specifically cleared to allow for a giant blue Dragon to sit down in it. I took the time to begin picking a specific type of leaves off of nearby trees, whiling away the time with a somewhat useful task. I stored them in my Inventory once I had a stack large enough. It wasn't time to use them, not quite yet.

This time the wait was a lot longer. I lounged about, examining the 8th Floor Hierarchy of NPCs. They were some of the strongest NPCs in Nazarick, but they were far from its true trump card. Not even my fellow Guildmates knew of it yet, which was why I was so enjoying the surprise.

Finally, the first of the Players arrived. Far off in the distance, sure, but still they were there. I cast **[Perfect Unknowable]** on myself on a whim, not wanting to interfere with the show that was to come. My NPC needed to have its time to shine, and what better time than this?

I waited with baited breath as they made their way through the wilderness of Floor 8. They encountered the 8th Floor Hierarchy sooner than expected, and as predicted, they began throwing loud flashy attacks almost immediately.

The ground began to shake.

The mountain range in the middle of the Floor began to rise, accompanied by a pair of very angry eyes.

All six hundred Players stopped dead as they saw it, rising slowly from what they thought had been solid ground. Panicked shouts rippled through their number, making me grin wickedly. It was times like this that I regretted them not being able to see my expressions. "Oh, do you like him?" I asked lightly, lounging back on the treetops. "His name is Harold."

Harold the World Turtle roared loud enough to shake the ground for miles in every direction. He wore heavy custom armor on every visible piece of skin. The first few Players didn't even have time to react as the NPC blasted through them, charging like a deranged bull.

That was when the screaming started.

* * *

No matter how well-equipped they were, no matter how powerful the top Players could be, no matter how incredible their strategies, they stood no chance against a World Turtle that could be healed by Victim every time it lost any health whatsoever. And since they hadn't killed the Floor Boss, the door to the next Floor stayed firmly shut.

The other NPCs took on the Players while they were still fending off the huge fucking Turtle, keeping Victim hidden from view. I could hear the screams of "NOT FAIR!" echoing through the wilderness, but I didn't give a shit. After all, they were the idiots who decided to piss Harold off. If they had done the smart thing and not woken him from his nap, they might still be alive.

Silly Players. Harold only wanted a treat.

When the last of the force had been wiped out, Harold looked around grumpily for a time. I waved, and he slowly ambled over. I had programmed him to be quite lazy when he wasn't repelling an attack, so even though he _could_ move at speeds that were frankly ridiculous for a creature of his size, he didn't often do so.

"Hello, Harold." I greeted, reaching into my Inventory to pull out a clawful of leaves. "Did those mean Players wake you up?"

The giant turtle munched contentedly from my claw, yawned, and moved back to the divot in the ground he called home. Victim peeped out from under his shell, zooming out to rest on Harold's pointed nose. The oversized snapping turtle yawned, opened and closed its mouth several times to get the last of the leaves, then slowly settled down to sleep. Victim curled up as well, looking like a tiny pink dot against the huge expanse of turtle.

"_Ancient-san…" _Momonga's voice sounded in my ear. _"What. The. Fuck."_

"Hey, I did tell you I got a new pet turtle, didn't I?"

From that day forward, not a single soul strayed into the eighth Floor unless they absolutely had to.

Except me, of course. I still had to feed Harold.

Hey. Even giant death turtles need to eat.

* * *

**A/N:**

**You can all calm down now. I introduced the second Maiden in this chapter, one that will fit more with the theme of the story than me adding another character from any other franchise. **

**I know. I'm sorry. There were a lot of good ideas in the reviews, but I had this one planned since I first gave him the Tree. And as much as many of the suggested characters would be **_**interesting**_**, they wouldn't last five minutes in a locked room with Archer before one snaps and kills the other. Female Gilgamesh? Stab. Female Madara? Quickly devolves into a death match. Female Alucard? Either ends up killing Archer out of boredom or Archer kills her out of self-defense.**

**No… Archer loves to dote on a seemingly incapable younger figure. Shirou spoiled Illya shamelessly, and I imagine that an interaction between an onee-chan Archer and a clueless kuudere she sees as a younger sister would be utterly diabetes-inducing.**

**Oh. Wait. I'm the author. I don't have to imagine. *Adorable fluff scenes intensify***

**Next chapter will be getting into her lore a bit more, since I figured it would take him a bit longer to sit down and type up a decent backstory while he was so busy trying to give her a decent build. He'll also be getting into a bit more of the benefits she's offering his little group.**

**You know. Besides the obvious benefit of having a kuudere waifu.**

**(Also, to whoever dedicated their review as a reference to The Spiffing Brit, you made me choke on my tea. Kudos to you, my good sir or madam. God save the queen.)**

**Blessings to all, and I hope you all have a wonderful day!**


	6. 1-5: The World Tree Burns

Chapter 6—The World Tree Burns

* * *

I continued my erratic 'chases' as the months trickled by, choosing one feature of the game at a time to master. I dedicated years of my life to the world of YGGDRASIL, exploring every nuance to its fullest. I collected seventeen more World Items on my own, just by virtue of being the first to try so many things. The name 'Ancient One' became synonymous with 'experience', my character known by every player on the servers even if I never featured on a single leaderboard. I fought others only rarely, but when I did, I crushed them utterly.

I was the god of my own world, my destiny firmly in my own hands. No matter how shitty the world outside was, no matter how terrible reality was growing to be, the shining light of YGGDRASIL kept me going.

But as with all things, it had to come to an end.

"I'm quitting the game."

Those words, such simple words, threatened to crush my little utopia. But I refused to lose hope, knowing that things had to end before they could truly begin. I watched as the forty-one members of the Guild began to slowly lose interest, the demon known as 'real life' rearing its head. Forty-one became thirty-five, and Momonga's heart began to break.

They would go to Momonga to deposit their equipment, to drain their inventory into the Guild's. Then they said their goodbyes and left without another word, tearing holes in the poor lich's life. I knew that the salaryman didn't have much to live for, and that this game was his only escape from cruel reality. After all, it was mine, too. I watched them go with a sad smile, knowing that this was the beginning of the end.

As time passed, the remaining members logged in less and less. One by one, they started to quit due to personal reasons. All of their reasons made perfect sense, and in their shoes I would do the exact same, but that didn't make it hurt any less. Nazarick, once filled with life and activity every night, was soon populated only by the ever-vigilant NPCs. Momonga never recruited any more members, his reasons plain to see.

This Guild had been our child. Our beautiful utopia. Inviting in outsiders just wouldn't be the same.

"They… they put their things in Guild Storage." Momonga once told me, voice full of more hurt than I had ever heard from the gentle lich. "T-that means they might come back to pick them up again, right?"

I knew it wasn't going to happen, and deep down, so did he. But neither of us admitted it. Hell, I had already started picking through their Storage for Items that I had never gotten around to gathering myself.

…Probably not the best idea to tell Momonga that, though. I doubt he'd be amused to learn I had looted several Shooting Star rings from Guild Members that had left them behind.

"Some of the stronger Guilds have been getting subtler lately." I said instead. "They'd definitely try to slip people into our Guild to get a chance at our weapons. I store some of my World Items in the Guild Treasury, you know?"

He nodded immediately. "Yeah, I know. It would be too much of a risk to invite others in. Spies might take something valuable. We should keep it like this in case they return."

It was an excuse. A flimsy one at that. But it was more than enough to justify why we refused to fill the Guild once more. I didn't pretend to know Momonga's reasons, and I admitted mine only to the still-patrolling NPCs. The knowledge that they had gradually become at least somewhat sentient was both the best and worst part about it.

So, in respect for what they were becoming, I spoke frankly of what had happened.

"Your parents left." I stated quietly. "It wasn't your fault, not in the least. Nor was it mine, or Momonga's, or even Ulbert's." I looked over the gathered NPCs, remembering the time I had taken to create and nurture them into the beings they were. "They… they had to leave. Our world is a terrible place to live, and this was our getaway."

I took a shuddering breath. "We… in our world, you can't even step outside without a mask and several coats. Our own race poisoned the earth so badly that we're still dying from it fifty years later. Momonga… he's just a workingman, and I'm just a child with far too much memory than he should have. The rest of them did the smart thing, the brave thing, and left to try and make the world a better place. Some dedicated more time to their jobs, and some chose new worlds to build and create in."

I smiled at Archer, reaching out to brush her skin. "But Momonga and I… we could never leave. This place is our home. Yggdrasil is dying, I'm afraid, but I plan to stay until the end. The others might decide to change worlds or make a new paradise, but this will always be my home."

I looked over the gathered characters, sighing softly. "You know… I had a wish once. I wished that I never had to go back to that shitty world. I looked forward to the next life, the next great adventure. And then I realized that I would never get my 'great adventure', and that humanity's flaws were too numerous to ever escape their poisonous miasma. I never talk about my 'real life', because to me… this little fantasy is better than anything reality has to offer. There I'm just someone making it through the day, but here? Here, I'm whatever I want to be."

I slipped my hand into Archer's, bowing low. "So thank you. All of you. You might be NPCs, but you're closer to me than my own family ever was. You're a part of my ideal world, and even if your creators can't be here with us, you carry on their legacy better than I ever could alone. You're all that remains of Ainz Ooal Gown. So bear the name 'Nazarick' proudly, and live your lives to their fullest." I smiled kindly at them. "Chin up, gents. You've got a life to live."

They all bowed in unison, surprising the hell out of me for a second. Then I chuckled, waving them away. "Well, get to it you lot. Return to normal duties."

They all straightened, turning and beginning to walk towards their assigned posts. Archer's hand remained in mine, and she didn't move a muscle. I released her, leaning over to peck her lightly on the cheek. "Go on, love. Go guard the mansion."

She bowed for a moment, then turned to do as she had been commanded. I watched her go, smiling wistfully. Then I, too, turned and left.

These days there were only about ten members that were still a part of the Guild, and only Ulbert logged in with any regularity. It was lonely, to be sure, but I didn't lose heart. The end of an age heralded the beginning of the next, after all.

No, rather than moping around Nazarick as Momonga was inclined to do, I roped the lich into a few of my 'mad schemes' as he called them, forming a party with Ulbert whenever possible. I took them all over the Nine Realms, showing them all the wonders and sights that I had seen over the ten years we had been playing. I taught them how to activate the most rewarding Hidden Quests, pillage the deepest vaults, discover the most terrifying Raid Bosses.

For a time, we were invincible. Momonga the sorcerer, Ulbert the battlemage, and Ancient One the brute force tank. We ruled the battlefield, tearing through Boss mobs like rice paper. Every attack we aimed levelled an area, and every move we made caused dozens of high-level monsters to die.

But I knew it wouldn't last. It never would. So I began to prepare for The End. The Quests became less of a sightseeing journey and more of a necessity. I targeted specific dungeons, leading along my clueless Party and effortlessly clearing each one. I gathered all the materials I could, locking them away inside the Guild Treasury. I traded in my entire account's worth of in-game currency for every cash item I thought might ever be useful, even dipping into my personal savings to make doubly certain I would have enough.

The End was neigh. And I would be ready for it.

* * *

Once upon a time, there were 41 Gods in Nazarick. 41 beings with power so incredible that it granted them the ability to create life itself. And create life they did. From nothingness they were drawn, formed, perfected. Day after day, they poured their heart out into the vessel they created for their new lives. Slowly, surely, those vessels became aware.

They woke from their silent slumbers, learning of the world around them. They listened as they were taught by the older vessels, growing to understand the world they lived in. They learned of other Gods, other beings of supreme power, but they found the very idea of their creators being challenged by _anything_ to be utterly absurd.

Their makers were their world. The reason the sun rose in the morning, and the reason the moon watched over the night. The vessels took on the shapes that they were given, in mind and body and soul. Their existence was what they were formed to be by the guiding hands of their Gods. Their Gods, the Supreme Beings of Nazarick.

They were the NPCs. They didn't know what that meant, but it was what they were referred to as. They had one task in life, and that was to fulfil their makers' vision for them. They did so with great joy, for it was what they loved doing more than anything else in the world.

The NPC named Albedo was created by her father, Tabula Smergema. She was given a personality and skillset perfectly suited to her task. She was to guard the Throne Room and direct the defenses of the Great Tomb of Nazarick in case of an invasion. She relished her task, standing in her position every day without fail. She listened as the Supreme Beings spoke, basking in their everyday interactions.

Some of the younger NPCs often came to her after their creation and perfection, worried that their creators had tired of them or found them unsatisfactory. She assured them otherwise, telling them of how the Supreme Beings would brag to each other about their creations' might or features. Feeling proud that they had been entrusted to work without supervision, the young NPCs would return to their post, doing their best to fulfil their task.

But lately… the other Supreme Beings slowly ceased appearing before them. Their absence was like a raw wound, as if something vital to her existence were _missing_. She made do with what she had, but it was hard to deal with the loneliness sometimes. She found herself envying the Maidens, who had their creator visit them daily to lavish affection onto them. But she would shake off such jealousy, for she had a role to fulfil. And even if that role was interpreted slightly differently than her departed creator had intended, it didn't matter as long as it was being fulfilled, right?

Albedo looked on as the Ancient One began gathering supplies. It was what she was programmed to do, after all. She served the Supreme Beings with all her heart, following their every command as the words of Gods.

She had heard the mighty Dragon's words, and knew he was preparing for the supposed 'Server shutdown' that Momonga-sama often spoke of in a worried voice. The old Dragon tried to keep her lord's mind off the impending 'shutdown', but in the end it was futile. The emptiness of Nazarick couldn't be filled by one Dragon, no matter how much he tried.

The Dragon often spoke to her and her fellow Servants, reminiscing about the old times. Times when the Tomb was full of hopeful Players hoping to make something of their world. She, too, missed those times, when her creator Tabula-sama would show her off as his prized creation…

"Albedo-nee-sama… is everything all right?" A soft voice asked worriedly.

She turned, seeing the beautiful face of Innocence. She smiled, reaching out to brush the Angel's hair behind her ear. "It's all right." She whispered, hiding the worry gnawing at her heart. "I'm just attending to my duties."

The blonde Angel looked confused. "But aren't you supposed to be in the Throne Room? This is the Treasury."

Albedo sighed, glad for once that the little Angel was so naïve. It would protect her from the truth. "I'm watching over Ancient One-sama." She stated simply, turning back to the doorway.

"Oh." The Angel's wings quivered slightly. "I-is there something wrong with him?"

Albedo shook her head. "No, no…" Her eyes lost focus slightly as she looked into the middle distance. "No, it's just… he's worried about the Guild."

Green eyes widened as the innocent Angel gasped. "W-what? Why?"

Albedo sighed, reaching out to stroke her blonde hair. "Do you remember what he told us?"

"He said that the other Supreme Beings had to return to try and save their world." Innocence said, tilting her head. "Right?"

Albedo hid her snarl of rage. The Angel was too innocent to understand what the old Dragon had truly meant. "They left to fix the mess they made." She agreed instead, forcing a smile.

Inside, however, she fumed. They had left Nazarick behind, leaving the few remaining members to fend for themselves. She had stood in the Throne Room as every one of them handed in their resignation and their gear, disappearing forever.

"Albedo-nee-sama?"

She shook off her poisonous thoughts, forcing a smile once more. "It's nothing, Innocence."

Faintly, on the edge of her hearing, she could hear a lone voice crooning softly.

"_It's the ennnd of the wooorld as we know it…"_

The Ancient One… was singing.

* * *

I closed my eyes, though I knew it wouldn't help. YGGDRASIL never needed 'blink' mechanics, so closing one's eyes didn't hinder one's field of vision. "I'm sorry… could you repeat that?" I asked softly.

Momonga nodded somberly. "Ulbert-san… his company went under. He turned in his gear. He said he would be back once he found another stable job, but…"

We fell silent. We knew full well that in today's collapsing economy, finding a job was almost impossible. I only had mine to pay for my living, and I lived every day knowing that the next could be the day I was laid off. Even with all my knowledge, not a single company would take a twenty-two-year-old without a family to back him. So I was stuck working at a factory, whiling away the hours until I could return home and enter my paradise.

"I'm sorry, Momonga." I murmured.

He shook his head. "No… it's not your fault. You did nothing." He sighed, form drooping. "It's just… there are only four players left…"

I nodded in agreement, eyes shifting to the NPC beside him. These days the lich had Innocence following him everywhere. I didn't ask why, and honestly, I didn't need to. He needed the support, even if it was from a silent character.

An idea sparked, and I looked up. "You know… we never actually finished that tour of YGGDRASIL…"

"What do you mean?" The Overlord's voice was tinged with confusion.

I smiled. "Well… there's this one Raid Boss that looks _exactly_ like Ulbert. I was going to show it to him as a surprise, but now I think it would be more fun to beat the tar out of it in his honor."

"W-what?" Momonga stuttered. "W-why would we do that?"

"Because." I stated simply. "It's a totally dick move. And it would be really fun."

"Of course not!" He protested. "I could never—"

"All right, don't." I soothed. "But _I_ will. And if you feel like joining me… well, I can't really stop you, can I?"

I turned, hiding my smile. The kind Overlord would never normally lash out like this… but at this point, I think it's good for him to express his feelings a bit. Keeping all that hurt locked away couldn't be healthy.

"I'll be leaving in an hour." I called behind me. "Bring whatever you want."

An hour later, a silent Momonga joined me as we charged the goat-headed Raid Boss. Neither of us said a word, but it was incredibly satisfying to watch the creature die. I picked up the Weapon Drop and examined it, somewhat amused to note its name.

"Hey, Skelly." I held up the long, flaming sword, fighting back laughter. "It's Ulbert's Raging Boner!"

The skeleton stared at me for a moment. "…Are you kidding me? Is that actually the name?"

"No, no, it's called 'Goat Demon's Raging Exuberance', but that's basically the same thing."

"No, it's really not." Momonga protested. "That's completely different!"

I raised an immobile eyebrow. "Oh? So you're saying this long, pointy stick labeled 'exuberance' doesn't remind you of something?"

"…Dammit, now I can't get it out of my head!" He shouted, holding his skull in his hands. I just laughed, continuing my stream of innuendos and references.

It was dumb, it was childish, but it was enough to make the Overlord smile again.

* * *

"The world is going to end, soon." Ancient One confided one day, face as blank as ever. His voice, though, was a mix of joy and sadness. "And when this world ends, a new one will take its place."

Albedo blinked in shock. _'The world is ending? What? Why?'_

As if hearing her thoughts, the Supreme Being continued. "I can't explain why, exactly, not in terms you'd understand… but know it's not your fault in the least. All things must end, and Yggdrasil is no different. It's been a good run, and I don't know what'll happen afterwards." He shrugged absently, sighing. "I'll stay with you until the end. I swear it. I don't know if anything will happen at all, and it's honestly a vain hope at this point, but with any luck… a miracle will occur, and we'll all be saved."

Albedo wanted to protest, to plead with him to leave them and continue living as he should, but the words refused to pass her lips. But even if she could speak, she knew he would just smile and do as he pleased anyway. Because that was the kind of being Ancient One was. He would stand sentinel over them even as the world crashed down around them, risking life and limb to keep them safe.

While Momomga-sama was the head of Nazarick, Ancient One-sama was its guardian. He had been at the structure that held everything together, working tirelessly to make everything work. He helped countless other Supreme Beings deal with their problems, advising them and comforting them. He had been the one to breathe life into her and her fellow Servants, teaching them the values of the things other Supreme Beings never bothered to see.

It was because of him that Nazarick was truly safe.

But still… even with all his power, it seemed that the ancient Dragon could not stop the inevitable.

"I haven't told the others yet…" The Supreme Being continued softly. "I didn't want to worry them. If I'm wrong about this… if this world doesn't herald the coming of the next… then we're all doomed. Momonga and I live for this place, and even if we live after the world ends, we won't have any real meaning to our lives anymore. We eat and sleep, but other than that, we don't really even have lives. That shitty world prohibits things like 'dreams' or 'hopes', so we have to find them elsewhere."

Albedo's protests died on her tongue as her mind began to race. Could it be that the Supreme Beings had no power outside this world? No, no, it couldn't be…

Ancient One reached out and ruffled her hair, his golden eyes full of sadness. "One way or another… I will die along with Yggdrasil." His eyes lit up. "Unless, of course, a miracle occurs."

* * *

I closed the Audio Chat window, smiling widely. Not that it showed on my face, of course. "Hey, Momonga!" I called, waving him over. "The Developers just told me they added a way to lift the Level Cap for the last week!"

The lich perked up, realizing what my words meant. "So you're saying we can Level-up more?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! There's no one left to stop us, so we can just use the rest of our time to farm EXP from Raid Bosses!"

"When does it come into effect?" Momonga asked, beginning to get excited as well.

"Midnight." I glanced at the HUD clock. "In about three hours, actually." I smirked. "And as a personal favor, I called in and got them to add another hundred Levels to the Guild Base. Once we have enough EXP, we can max it out and make it into whatever we want. Since it won't actually be _used_, it can be literally anything we want it to be."

"Uuaah!" The lich blurted excitedly. "The shitty Devs are finally being nice? The end really must be near!"

"Well, they only agreed because I've helped them so much and because they know we won't ever get a chance to actually use them for anything." I shrugged. "It's something of a final favor to me from them."

The lich burst out laughing. "W-who knew your beta-testing days would ever come in handy like this? Look at us now!"

I laughed along with him, but it was bittersweet.

We had only a week left until shutdown, a fact we were both all too aware of.

'_Ah, well. At least I can hope for a miracle.'_

"Well let's go then!" I decided abruptly.

The lich paused, surprised. "W-wait, you mean _now_?"

I nodded. "Yeah, now. EXP and Levels can only be allocated if you have enough Data Crystals, and I don't have enough after using all the ones I had on different things."

He blinked. "Ah, right, Weapon Crafting requires Data Crystals too. I keep forgetting."

I nodded. "I used everything I had to create myself a new masterpiece, and since the Developers added another 100 NPC Levels to Nazarick, I'll actually have someone to give it to!" I reached out and slapped him on the shoulder. "I leave it to you to decide what the NPC will be, since I already have three of my own to your one. It's only fair."

Momonga paused, the reality sinking in. "Wait, what am I going to make?"

I found myself suppressing a smirk as he began the long process of figuring out what to do with 100 NPC Levels.

_Sucker._

"Just don't spend too long on that." I said lightly. "We still have a long night ahead of us. We have to track down and obtain a new World Item, after all."

The skeleton man froze. "…What?"

"Hey, you don't honestly think that the Devs would just _let_ people exceed the Level Limit, do you?" I smirked. "No, they just added a new World Item. It's a new member of the Twenty that, once used, removes the EXP cap from your character entirely."

Momonga twitched. "…Dammit, that really does sound like something the shitty Devs would pull. Expecting us to track down a World Item in under a week."

I shrugged. "Hey, I've done it in less." I held up a hand, Ouroboros gleaming softly in the light. "The only restriction is that members of the Twenty have a respawn time before they can be found again."

"But… if the one-month limit still applies… how will we both use it?" Momonga asked worriedly. "I mean, I'm fine staying a Level 100 if you want to—"

"Momonga." I deadpanned. "Do you honestly think I haven't found a way to exploit the World Items yet?"

His jaw opened, then closed, then opened again. "You know, I always kinda thought that they were something that couldn't be violated…"

I honestly had no words for that. None. My jaw worked, but my brain simply did not accept the input given. "I…" I tried again. "You… what?"

"Yeah, I mean, wouldn't the Devs be watching those more than anything else?"

I exhaled, rubbing my eyes. "Look. Buddy. Be honest with me. Have you _ever _tried to exploit _anything_?"

The lich shook his head. "I've never had to try."

"Right." I tapped my chin in thought for a few moments. "Okay, let's use a bit of an example here. You obviously know that the World Items have one game-breakingly huge effect, but what you haven't realized is that those same Items have little side-effects that make them as or more valuable than simply using them as intended. With me so far?"

Momonga nodded wordlessly.

"Wonderful." I reached into my Inventory, pulling free a small Infinite Backpack and rummaging around inside. A moment later, I handed him a club that shrunk to fit into his bony hands. "Tell me, what do you see there?"

Momonga held it carefully up for closer inspection. "Is it… **[World Savior]**?"

"Yes." I smiled to myself. "Once activated, it allows the user to attack any foe while ignoring all resistances in the way. It's one of the most useful tools one can have in their arsenal, though its value relies almost exclusively on it never being used."

The Overlord tilted his head, a confused emote floating above his head. "…What?"

"Swing it."

"_What_?"

"The club." I repeated. "Swing it. Don't activate it, just make like you're going to attack me."

Understandably, my friend hesitated before complying. Anyone can _hold_ absolutely any Item whatsoever. But to _equip_ it is a different story. Nevertheless, he tucked away his staff and gripped the handle of the club with both hands. In one powerful move, he swung it down on the helmet of an invisible foe. A rush of air emitted from the force of the blow, mimicking a low-Tier Wind Spell in intensity.

Momonga stumbled slightly, taken off guard. I cackled loudly, just imagining the expression on his face.

Holding an Item is free… but the system _definitely_ should've stopped him from using it.

"How?" Momonga asked simply, eyeing the club like it might spontaneously combust at any moment.

My laughter died down, and I wiped a nonexistent tear from my eye. "Ah. Well. See, in order to activate that Item, a Player first has to equip it. Otherwise you're left with a World Item that's just pointlessly getting more powerful. So to fix that, they just removed the Class restrictions on it. Meaning that even if it's not the intended purpose, that club is the only weapon in the game that pure Caster Classes can equip."

"…I think I get your point." He gingerly handed back the Item, which resized to fit my enormous grip. "You think you can exploit the new World Item to give us two uses out of it?"

I shook my head, tucking away **[World Savior]**. "Close. I don't have the time to crash-test the new Item, whatever it might be. It takes time to experiment with the system, time I'd rather spend Leveling. No, I have a duplication glitch that I exploited the hell out of for months before a random patch fixed it. I just wanted to prove to you that anything can be exploited, World Items being no exception."

The skeleton audibly paused before sighing. "…Let's just… I'll just leave this to you, Ancient-san. I _really _don't want to know."

"All right, then." I chirped. "Onward! To battle!"

* * *

I really shouldn't have to tell you much about the Raid Boss we finally found the World Item at. It was a giant _plant_, and I'm a fucking _Dragon_. Even if most Bosses' Fire Resistance makes my Breath Weapon impractical, it took only a half a minute of white-hot flame to kill the giant thorn bush. The tendrils of thorns disintegrated along with the Boss, and the newest World Item was revealed.

Half-hidden in the dirt, the size of a pickup truck, a glimmering jewel-like peach shone to life. A label hoovered innocently above it, persisting even as it resized itself to Momonga's hesitant touch.

**[The Fruit of the First Tree]**

I blinked. Twice. "…Are you shitting me right now?"

Momonga examined it, the fruit fitting comfortably in his skeletal grip. "Ah… does seem to be what we're looking for."

I took the peach from his outstretched hand, numbly bringing up the Item's description.

_**[The Fruit of the First Tree]**_

__World-Class Item__

_Removes Level cap upon use. Usable once only. _

"_**To those heroes who dared venture out to seek it, the World Tree offered the last shreds of its power in the form of a blessing." -The Last Canticles, ? A.D.**_

"Is there a problem, Ancient-san?"

"No, no." I mumbled to myself. "Just… thinking."

This meant one of two things. One, they added this because they knew I would appreciate their attention to continuity. Or two… they were dropping a hidden Easter egg about their plans for a possible sequel to this game.

To be honest, I don't care too much which one it is, but the little detail of it being a _peach_ gave me more than they could possibly imagine. Two things, things I never would've imagined before now.

The Fruit of the World Tree is a World Item.

The World Tree's fruit can remove the Level Limit.

And most importantly, by proclaiming Yggdrasil the _first_ Tree, the Devs outright _stated_ that Noa is going to succeed Yggdrasil once it dies.

This was big. This was _huge._ If I could just enter a simple sentence into Noa's text, I wouldn't have to duplicate this item at all to reap its benefits after the End, I would be able to simply pluck a peach off a branch. If I just stated in Noa's text that she would inherit all of the World Tree's abilities after it died, _all _of its' abilities…

Well.

Turns out that favorable circumstances have turned a long-term project into an infinitely perpetuating generator of world-breaking Items a good century ahead of schedule.

"Ancient-san?"

"Sorry, Momonga." I snapped back to reality, mentally shoving my plans into the back of my mind. I would still need to go over my Maidens' code and text one last time before the End, but that wasn't a task for right now. I reached into my Inventory, pulling out a Mirror and activating it with a thought. In a flash of light, a second peach that perfectly mirrored the first in design was sitting in my scaled palm. "Here, catch."

Momonga fumbled slightly as the World Item's size-shift mechanics lagged, but managed to avoid being crushed by a narrow margin. I activated my own World Item, which disappeared without much fanfare.

"All right." I mumbled, turning away from the empty clearing. "Time for some mob farming."

"Ah, Ancient-san, where do you plan to—Ancient-san wait, is that a Portal Scroll? No, no, wait, that's a Gate to the Demon—! …Aaand you're going in, aren't you."

I didn't dignify that with a response.

I was already halfway through the Gate, after all.

* * *

Momonga stared for a moment. "…What?"

I raised an immobile eyebrow. "I think it'd be obvious."

The lich continued to stare at the block of text. "…You're adding _sexual traits_?"

I shrugged. "Hey, it's not like I ever bothered before, and my other Maiden has them."

"I know, it's just…" He glanced up at the blank-faced NPC. "Why bother? You could use the free space for literally anything else."

I frowned. "I mean, I _could_, but then it just wouldn't be the same."

"…You made her love the taste of semen." He deadpanned. "_Why_?"

"Because." I stated simply. "It makes her a well-rounded character."

He huffed, gesturing to the NPC. "She's _rounded_ enough already!"

I glanced at the Maiden. She had a doll-like face considered to be too beautiful and too well-crafted by human standards, red pupils that refracted light from within like diamonds, a bell-like, beautiful voice, fair skin, and long peach blossom-pink hair. She was at about my chest in height, and her long hair easily reached her waist.

…And, as Momonga had clearly referenced, she was _extremely_ well-curved.

"…She's still technically innocent?" I volunteered weakly. "I gave her a personality and a background, just like my other Maiden. And distinctly remember having this conversation about her, too."

"You gave her a Goddess's Divine Core as a heart, which I can understand." The lich began slowly. "I can even understand making her an oppai loli in form, because it fits her stature and your tastes. You gave her Skill Levels high enough to put any other NPC to shame. You gave her enough Mana to fuel her main Spell a hundred times over. Her dress is almost a World Item in strength. Her weapons are at the same level, as is her invisible armor. So why." He stressed the word, emphasizing his irritation. "_Why_ on _earth_ would you do _that_ to her personality."

I frowned slightly. It seemed as if my passion for realistic NPCs had rubbed off on my friend. "Um… because it's fun?"

Momonga cleared his throat and began to read.

"When the World Tree Yggdrasil realized it was dying, it made a choice. It knew that the terrible monster would die along with it, weakened by its countless millennia of struggle. While it would not survive, its only child would. To keep it safe while it grew, the World Tree entrusted the young Sapling to the oldest being alive—a Dragon simply known as 'Ancient One'." He began, rattling off the first paragraph of her flavor text.

"Through the years the Sapling grew and developed consciousness. It was to survive, it knew, but with the gentle Dragon guarding it, it didn't need to worry or fear, so what was it to do? To explore more about life and the world around it, the Sapling reached out and touched the mind of the Dragon, assuming a form it would find pleasing to better learn of life's true meaning."

"The Dragon grew to care for the young Sapling as he taught her all he had seen over his eons of existence, and in time the Sapling realized she craved his adoration. She decided to dedicate her life to the Dragon that stood watch over her, serving him for as long as he would protect her. She would not receive her full power until the great tree Yggdrasil died at last, so she spent her days sleeping or exploring the world within the safety of the Dragon's home. Because of her nature as a Divine Spirit, she does not age or require food so long as she has a supply of Mana, which the Dragon provides without issue."

He paused, looking up at me. "I can understand that. That makes perfect sense. It's wonderful, even. But this…" He started to read once more. "The Divine Nature Spirit of the World Tree Sapling is 150cm tall, weighs 52 kg, and her three sizes are…" He coughed into a hand, skipping a few lines of more _exotic_ detail. "Anyway. She is almost completely devoid of emotion, typically wearing a blank expression and speaking in a soft manner. Having a gentle voice, Noa is a girl of few words, since at times, she herself is unsure of what to think, let alone say. She is quietly curious about the world around her, but she is content with her life serving her beloved in any way possible."

I nodded reluctantly. "I decided that she would naturally be curious, but since I don't exactly want her wandering away, I made that second to her love for me."

"Yes. I can see that." The lich exhaled, rubbing his nonexistent eyes. "But then you proceeded to insert enough kinks and 'curiosities' to put Peroroncino to shame."

I shrugged. "Look. Archer is my front-line fighter, she doesn't need the distraction of having a billion fetishes hindering her. If I made her a masochist she might not defend herself as well, and if I made her a sadist she'd play with her opponents. Both of those would go against her core character design, which is that of a brutally efficient killer."

"That… actually makes sense." The lich's voice held honest surprise at the declaration.

"…Which is why I'm making Noa the kinky one." I finished, crossing my arms. "She can heal herself from the worst of her 'needs', and she's durable enough to go for several days straight if she wants to." I shrugged. "And I gave her a personality, unlike Pero. She's not just a walking sex doll, she has a life, a history, thoughts and feelings. She just… has a lot of ways she can enjoy sex."

"You made the ultimate overpowered yet sex-crazed NPC." Momonga deadpanned. "I… don't know why that doesn't surprise me."

"Probably because I'm a bored gamer with a God complex." I deadpanned back.

"Oh. Right."

"I don't understand how you keep forgetting that." I muttered, shaking my head.

"Just… whatever. Can you help me look over my NPC now?"

"Sure." I agreed easily, slipping my hand into Noa's. "Just give me a sec." I turned to her. "Go find Archer." I commanded. She nodded mechanically and slipped away, heading towards my bedroom. I turned back to my exasperated friend. "You know I'm going to get my revenge for kink-shaming me, right?"

"Just… don't torture me too badly." He pleaded weakly. "I don't have much time left, and I want it to be fun."

I laughed, waving him off. "Oh, calm down. It won't be anything overt. I'll just… tweak the flavor text a bit."

"Whatever…" He grumbled. "Just don't turn her into an oppai loli. I don't share your tastes."

I gasped dramatically. "What? You don't like the idea of having both the youthful exuberance of a loli combined with the mature beauty of a woman? Sacrilege, I say!"

"Shut up, you old pervert." Momonga turned, calling out. "Come, Pandora."

I blinked in surprise as I saw a small girl step into the light. She was small and innocent-looking, but I didn't doubt that she could shred just about anyone she wanted to. She had black hair and wide, expressive yellow eyes. She was dressed in a pale white gown, and I could see the emblem of Ainz Ooal Gown woven into it in cream thread. I tapped her screen, bringing up her information. She was a Level 100 Doppelganger, with her stats heavily slanted towards the 'Special' stat.

"…I thought Rubedo and Innocence would get lonely." The skeleton muttered, embarrassed.

I nodded, examining her code. She was a fairly basic build, made to see Momonga as her father. I politely skimmed the rest, knowing that the lich was anxiously waiting for approval. The girl was made to utterly adore her 'father', being the perfect daughter for him. She was a proper young lady, but unafraid to show her childishness at times. I nodded once, looking up. "Looks good." I decided, tapping the flavor text screen and beginning to type.

_Wants a mother, and supports her father having a harem because she loves the idea of having multiple 'mothers' to spend time with._

I hesitated for a moment, glancing at the nervous lich. _'Should I?'_ I paused, an evil grin stretching across my face. _'Ah, who the hell am I kidding? Might as well crank this up to eleven.'_ My fingers began to type once more.

_Secretly has a daddy complex, since she was technically adopted. Is biding her time until her growth spurt hits, unaware of her true feelings._

I smirked, knowing that Momonga wouldn't be able to read the line in English. _'That oughta guarantee plenty of entertainment over the next few years.' _ "All right, revenge complete." I chirped smugly.

The lich shifted nervously. "Ah… why do I feel a chill down my spine?"

"Oh, no reason." I said innocently, faltering as I noticed something odd about her code.

Of the fifty slots available to transform into, the little Doppelganger had forty of them filled. The specifications of the forms were eerily familiar, telling me all I needed to know. My smile faded. _'He must really miss them…'_ I closed the screen, pretending like I hadn't seen it.

"Well, it looks like she's all good." I said instead. "So… did you want to see how far we can push the Level Limit?"

The skeleton sent a smiley emote. "I _would_, actually."

"How much time do you have?"

"As much as I need." He paused, visibly flinching. "That is, as long as we aren't going back to the Demon Realm."

My only response was a wide grin, which he was incapable of seeing.

Pity.

He apparently didn't know that the Demon Realm was quite tame compared to some of the Leveling spots I knew of.

Hmm… to spare or not to spare?

"Sure thing, buddy." I agreed cheerily. "No Demon Realm whatsoever."

* * *

In the final weeks of the game, the Developers released the very last event.

_The World Tree Burns._

In it was every unused Boss, plotline, and story development the Devs never got around to. They believed that we should at least get a chance to try our luck against the remainder of the game's storyline.

I almost cackled with glee when I learned of the so-called 'Last Boss' that they finally released.

There was something a bit odd about their announcement, however, something they completely skimmed over with very little reference to.

If you look past what the lore outright says, reading runes hidden in difficult areas and researching on your own, you can gather something odd about the term 'Last Boss'. Because technically, there are three monsters that are killing the World Tree. The first two, Níðhöggr and Veðrfölnir, are bitter enemies that live to destroy one another. Níðhöggr is a serpent who lives at a roots of the Tree, and Veðrfölnir is an eagle who rests in the branches. On their own, the two are peaceful. But the squirrel Ratatoskr hates the Nine Realms with a burning passion, and so acts as the messenger between the warring creatures.

As near as anyone can tell, he was the one who devoured the Leaves of Yggdrasil and told the eagle that it was the work of the serpent. Then he stripped the Roots of the Tree to convince the serpent of the eagle's malice, sparking the feud. In order to get at each other, the two beings had to destroy the Tree between them.

Day and night, the two are whipped into a frenzy by the crazed Ratatoskr. Níðhöggr chews at the Roots of the Tree and Veðrfölnir tears away at the Branches. With no Leaves, Roots, or Branches, the Tree is slowly dying.

…Hey. No one ever said that it all had to make _sense_. The game company never got around to that part. I didn't really care about the plot anyway, what I was more interested in was the Bosses.

According to the Devs, the 'terrible monster' that is killing the Tree is Ratatoskr. By defeating him, one can technically clear the event and get the meager rewards. But since the Devs included the other two in the lore, I was willing to bet that you could get something extra by finding and killing all three.

Unfortunately, as evidenced by invisible barriers with very specific gaps in them, there seemed to be only one real way to get up and down the Tree.

You had to ride the giant squirrel.

…Fuck my life.

"THERE BETTER FUCKING BE SOMETHING UP HERE!" I shouted into the wind as my improvised mount screamed in the most annoying chittering squeal I had ever had the displeasure of hearing. "OTHERWISE I SWEAR TO CHRIST I'M GOING TO FIND A WAY TO NUKE YOU ASSHOLES!"

If there were any Developers watching my squirrel ride, they didn't comment.

I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a very bad one.

My worries dissolved, however, once I started hearing the sound of branches cracking. A screech loud enough to drown out the torture of Ratatoskr's hideous noise for a few seconds.

It seemed that my gamble had paid off.

I summoned my Maidens to me the moment I stepped off, landing on an enormous branch giving me a perfect view of the giant eagle. It was nothing compared to Harold, honestly, but I didn't expect it to be. Harold's epicness will never again be matched in this world.

"**[Trans Form: Dragon]**." I chanted, immediately feeling my Avatar begin to shift.

I exploded into motion, tackling the eagle and pinning it down. Archer and Noa caught on, each sending down their most lethal attacks. The Branches of the World Tree came to life, curling around the eagle and holding it fast. Arrows buried themselves deep into vital areas. And all the while, I was tearing into it without restraint.

It lasted two minutes before letting out a dying screech.

_Congratulations! For defeating the Hidden World Threat Veðrfölnir, you have gained access to the unique Job Class 'The Sky's Branches'!_

I scooped up the loot without looking at it, knowing I could sort it all out later. Two more. I waited for the squirrel to return to the top before hopping on, holding on for dear life. A helpful pop-up appeared as I passed the hollow in the center of the Tree, interrupting my stream of mumbled curses.

_Congratulations! For being the first Player to successfully ride a World Threat a total of 50 kilometers, you have gained access to the unique Job Class 'Fury of the Storm'!_

"I… hate… you… so… much." I hissed at the screen. It ignored me.

The Squirrel Express arrived at the entrance to the tunnel system in incredible time, darting down into the depths of the darkest caverns and into a place full of blackened roots. Within curled a gigantic python, hissing at me as I approached. I leaped off Ratatoskr, skidding to a halt and summoning my Maidens on the spot.

This battle was a lot harder, the confined space preventing me from using my Transformation Skill. So I dug my heels in, gritted my teeth, and started beating a giant snake to death with my bare fists. Archer strafed it from afar, and Noa restricted its movements using numerous Spells designed to bind him and summon numerous trees into the area.

Fifteen minutes later, the giant snake collapsed with a final hiss of defeat.

_Congratulations! For defeating the Hidden World Threat Níðhöggr, you have gained access to the unique Job Class 'The Earth's Roots'!_

I exhaled. "All right. Wonderful. Now. I'd assume I'm going to the giant hollow in the trunk of the Tree next, seeing as it's obviously where the demon squirrel lives… you two ready for this?"

Silence.

"Wonderful. Let's go. **[Greater Teleportation]**."

In a flicker of movement, we appeared once more outside the World Tree. I ignored the squirrel this time, launching myself into a leap that arced me high into the air. I fell in a slow dive, catching hold of the edge of the tree's hollow and pulling myself up. Inside was a blackened hole the size of a superstore, stretching out in a perfect sphere in all directions.

"**[Summon: Archer]**. **[Summon: Noa]**." I whispered. The Maidens appeared, and I stepped into the center of the 'room'.

A terrible screech filled the air, Ratatoskr skittering angrily into the area.

I tensed for battle, waiting for something incredibly dangerous—

Archer's barbed arrow sunk into the squirrel's neck, and instantly its HP dropped to nothing. I blinked in confusion.

'…_It couldn't possibly be that easy, could it? Did clearing the other two Bosses make this one much easier or something?'_

The giant squirrel's body began to crack, rising into the air before shattering into a million pieces. But to my alarm, nothing dropped. Not a single speck of gold, not a glimmer of a Data Crystal.

Instead, an ominous message flashed in front of me.

_By clearing all Hidden Event Bosses, you have unlocked a Hidden Event._

**HE IS AWAKE.**

I felt the entire Tree shudder as something heavy crashed into it. I turned and bolted out, dismissing my Transformation Skill midair and taking flight. Six kilometers of bulk barreled out of the World Tree as I turned, beholding the thing that had shaken the Tree.

It was a Dragon.

A giant, roaring, _familiar_ Dragon.

Sure, it was smaller than me by about ten percent, but I knew exactly what it was from the very first glance.

"Oh, come on." I complained, taking a brief moment to shout into thin air. "You really did it, didn't you? Took my Avatar's textures off an _unused Boss_, eh? Well this is a fucking _riot_."

The other Dragon was me. Or, more accurately, it was what 'I' had originally been. A Boss's shape and skin, which had once been repurposed to fit me rather than this _monstrosity_.

Deep black claws were dug into the bark. An obsidian-black maw was opened wide, exhaling gouts of flame onto the cracked trunk of the Tree. It looked big, it looked dangerous, and it looked _pissed_.

"**[Sight of Sage]**." I rumbled.

_[Devourer of the Nine Worlds__]_

_[World-Class Enemy]_

_[Level 92]_

I cringed.

This was not going to be easy.

Not in the least.

I inhaled deeply, then began spamming every buff Spell and Skill I had.

If all else failed… I could always summon my death turtle.

* * *

I finally dealt the final blow, holding my breath in anticipation. The bastard had already resurrected into a nastier form _twice_, but maybe this time…

Yes.

Yes.

Yes!

The body of the twisted monster cracked, scales falling off and skin beginning to glow. The death animation was soundly ignored in favor of the swarm of notifications that assaulted me.

_Congratulations! For defeating all three Final World Threats, you have gained access to the unique Job Class 'Savior of Worlds'!_

_Congratulations! For being the first Player to defeat the World-Class Enemy [Devourer of the Nine Worlds], you have gained access to the unique Job Class 'Purveyor of Eternity'!_

_Congratulations! For being the first Player to kill every Dungeon Boss, Event Boss, and Quest Boss in the entire game at least once, you have gained access to the unique Job Class 'Sentinel of the Fallen World'!_

_Congratulations! For being the first Player to kill every World Threat in the entire game at least once, you have gained access to the unique Job Class 'Soldier of the Wastelands'!_

_Congratulations! You have completed every achievement in YGGDRASIL!_

_For being the first Player to complete every Quest, clear every dungeon, and combat every World Threat in the entire game, you have gained the World Item __**[Once in a Lifetime]**__._

_Congratulations, Player._

_No…_

_Thank you_,_ Miyagi-dono._

_You're the only one who would ever make it here, the only one who ever come close to exploring every piece of this game's solo content._

_Thank you for everything you have done for us, and thank you for enjoying our game to its fullest. You have helped so many others enjoy this game more than we ever thought possible. You worked tirelessly to explore every inch of the Nine Realms, you crawled through every last dungeon. Every bit of content we created, you took the time to examine and improve. You found every World Item there was left to find, spent tireless hours becoming the best Player you could be._

_We hope that one day, we might return to this beautiful world, if only for Players like you who would enjoy it to its fullest._

_We leave you with one last Item. One that we know you'll love. This is the last notification you will ever get, so be ready._

_Congratulations, Miyagi-dono. For being__, by default,__ the most amazing Player to ever finish this game, you have received the Final World Item: __**[Heart of a Dragon]**__._

_Thank you, you wonderful troll. You deserve this. Have fun with whatever time you have left in this game._

_-The developers._

I stopped reading, honestly touched. I had no idea what I had been doing was so appreciated. Sure, I did everything they said I had, but it was out of self-interest rather than a will to explore. I supposed that they didn't really care what my motivations were, though, as long as I enjoyed myself.

For all that we Players complained and the Devs trolled us, we genuinely respected each other at the end of the day. And it's times like this that I can truly appreciate that.

And since they're definitely going to shamelessly rip off my idea for the World Sapling when they inevitably create YGGDRASIL II, I don't even feel like a dick about it.

"Come on, ladies, it's time to get the hell outta dodge."

* * *

I examined the loot I had gotten from my Raids with a critical eye, curled in the safety of my mansion's Treasury.

Yes. I do fit. Not because my mansion is freakishly huge, though it most definitely is, but because I have a cash item that reduces one's Avatar size by two-thirds. Not exactly something I like using due to it requiring me to give up one of my ten ring slots, but when the choice is between lounging on the grass and curling menacingly inside of a gold-filled recreation of Erabor, I think you know which option is more badass.

Hey. I might be blue and totally the wrong shape, but every Dragon has to pretend they're Smaug every once in a while just for the hell of it. And when you have enough gold to crash the world economy, how _else_ would you decorate your underground Treasury?

Anyways. Back to the sweet bonuses from my recent conquest.

'The Sky's Branches' was a Ranger-type Job Class, which didn't interest me much. But the other two, 'The Earth's Roots' and 'Savior of Worlds', were both prime candidates to fill in the last 10 Job Levels Noa had open. The first gave incredible boosts to Earth and Nature Magic, while the second gave some serious AoE and Stat modifications.

Just what I needed to finish off her character. I had been wondering about that, and this was the perfect opportunity, landing in my lap entirely by chance.

As for the last two World Items, though… they were simultaneously the most satisfying and the most depressing things I had ever received.

It was obvious that they were meant for someone who would had beaten the game and had no more use for the obstacles it offered. They were the Items given to a Player who played only for the fun of it, never to compete. They were broken, yes, but I could tell they had been made specifically for a character I would never be.

**[Once in a Lifetime] **was my reward for 'beating the game'. It didn't really look like much, just a small ornament that could be braided into one's hair. It could be equipped by any Race, no matter who it was, and it could never be stolen with Thief-based Skills. It had one effect. It made it so that one-use Items functioned an infinite number of times as long as they were in the holder's possession.

It was crapped out. It was a balance breaker. But it was also meant as a beautiful gift for someone who had beaten the game.

As for **[Heart of a Dragon]**… it was a fist-sized red gem that pulsed from within like a beating heart. It couldn't be equipped, it merely had to be in one's Inventory to function. It had two properties that were even more game-breaking than the first Item's. But even better than that was the flavor text they thoughtfully included in the little beauty. A note, almost, directed towards me.

"_The gift given as a parting love letter to a Dragon who has seen it all. The Gods of YGGDRASIL are leaving it behind, and the World Tree has finally fallen. Yet still the noble Dragon nurtures the Sapling of the next._

_The__** [Heart of a Dragon]**__ is a beautiful thing, of adventure and life and hope. It is unique in all the world, and will only ever belong to the one who has stood sentinel over the Nine Worlds from their dawn until their dusk._

_After all… when one has the __**[Heart of a Dragon]**__, they can never die."_

A touching note, written by the Devs simply because they could. A kindness, handed out by a total stranger. _The end of the game is coming, here's a blank check, go have a blast. _A beautiful sentiment. Tragic, but beautiful.

The properties it gave to the holder was simple, yet equally magnificent. First, a Player with the Item equipped faced zero death penalty. Not a single Item would drop from where they died, and they would not lose any EXP whatsoever. Second, just as the flavor text said, the holder of **[Heart of a Dragon] **could not die. They automatically respawned upon their death, occupying the last safe location they had been. Spawn prevention Spells couldn't stop it, nor could Anti-Resurrection Magic. No drawbacks, no bullshit. Just that simple function.

Amazing.

Thank you, Developers. Thank you not only for the incredible game you've created, but for giving me such a leg up after the End comes.

I shook my head, sighing. My mind went to the approaching server shutdown, which was always a depressing thought. I cheered myself up with the knowledge that I could still grind until I reached the new Level Cap in my remaining time, however, giving me one hell of a better shot than the original timeline had.

Wait.

With the Level Cap gone, I could technically max out all of the Job Classes I had gotten for beating the game. Yes, even the ridiculous squirrel-riding one. I owed it to the Devs, I felt, to actually use all the unique and wonderful Classes they offered for mastering all of the game's content.

'…_But seriously, what was with that one Job Class for riding fifty kilometers on a World Threat? What was it called, 'Fury of the Storm'?'_

I brought up the screen and clicked on the odd Job Class, bringing up the Class's flavor text.

_You've been Taming beasts and playing it safe all your life. But if you truly want to _live_, you have to learn to _Ride_._

_If no Title is equipped, grants Title 'Fury of the Storm'._

I raised a nonexistent eyebrow. It was definitely strange… though… wouldn't it be better if I gave it to an NPC?

Hell, with all the unique Rare Classes I got over the years, why don't I give all the NPCs an overhaul? I can remove any Job Classes that are worse than the ones I have access to, freeing space for two or three Rare ones. The others aren't exactly around to complain, and I can be damn sure they'll come in useful in the New World.

So much to do, so little time.

* * *

I soon figured out the balance between tinkering and EXP grinding. See, if my Maidens killed a monster, as the owner of the Skill they originated from, the EXP went directly to me. Thus, I could set them to repeatedly loop the same dungeons over and over again while I was away tinkering with the NPCs.

I technically didn't have the authority to open and alter their settings, not really, but now that I had **[Once in a Lifetime]**, it was a simple matter to use a Mirror of Kalandra on the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown. The game didn't bother to distinguish the original from the Mirrored copy, so it was a simple matter to forge my way into the system. As long as one knew the key words "Master Source — Open," they could easily access the built-in Administration System.

I began with Aura, since hers was by far the weakest build. She only had five points each in numerous Base Classes, which was so inefficient it was frankly ridiculous. I gave her the exact same bonuses she got from fifteen separate Classes by maxing out two of them, freeing up 45 Job Levels with only a few changes.

I mean, sure, to a Player like Bukubukuchagama the fee to re-allocate that many points might've been sky-high, but for me it was less than chump change.

Pros of regularly soloing endgame Bosses, I suppose.

I began by giving her a more stable build. I spent ten Levels giving her back some of the vital Job Classes she needed for her build type to work. Beast Tamer was one of the two Base Classes I maxed out, so it was a simple matter to also get High Tamer as well. I gave her Fury of the Storm for a mere 5 Levels, bringing her total to 80. 20 Levels left.

I gave her The Sky's Branches for another 5 Levels, then promptly ran out of ideas and used the rest of her free space to hold all the Job Classes she had previously gotten only for the Skills they gave.

One down, dozens more to go.

For once, this actually might not take as long as I thought.

* * *

The NPC named Aura Bella Fiora was created by her mother, Lady Bukubukuchagama. She was given dark skin and pointed ears, the signature traits of the dark elves. A brother to share her role with. A personality and a skillset perfectly suited to her task. She was to guard Floor 6 with everything she had, defending against invaders with her very life if need be. She was delighted as her mother began to show her off, telling the oldest Supreme Being all about her. He listened, he watched, he waited until she was done, then made a single suggestion.

Her mother fell silent, considering the mighty Dragon's counsel.

And with that, the process began again. This time, her mother went slower. More deliberate. Her original design had been deemed imperfect, and so it was changed to better fit the plan her mother had for her.

Aura didn't mind the change. If anything, she delighted in it. It meant that she still had room to improve. The ancient Dragon watched silently over her and her mother as she was being sculpted, advising her mother in the calmest of tones.

This was merely another event to him. He had seen it all so many times that he chose to share his experience with the other Supreme Beings, allowing them to better be formed to their creators' intended purpose. He even lent them something called a 'design kit', something that not even Demiurge understood. It had to be something extraordinary, because very few of the other Beings had one.

As with all NPCs, she served her mother above all things. Her mother was her life, her universe, her _everything_. But if anything, she could at least respect the one even other Supreme Beings called ancient.

Aura performed her duties day in and day out, enjoying the pets her mother and other Supreme Beings brought home for her. Even if her brother outclassed her in every way, she didn't mind. She was just built differently. Better suited to hiding in the forest that they called home, darting out and destroying threats before they could get far. That was what her mother designed her to do, after all, so that was what she enjoyed.

But, as time went on, her mother slowly stopped showing up. Albedo assured her that it wasn't because of her, but she still worried. Did Bukubukuchagama-sama realize she had made a mistake when making her and simply couldn't bear to see such a failure still standing around?

No. If anything, the truth was worse than that.

The gentle Dragon brought all the NPCs together, spoke to them of what had occurred. Her heart broke at the thought of never seeing her mother again and she wished daily to catch even a single glimpse of the pink Slime, but now she understood why they all had left.

They hadn't been abandoned. The Supreme Beings merely had better things to do.

It hurt, but it made sense. The glorious Supreme Beings obviously had more important duties than visiting lowly NPCs, right? Still, Aura found herself wishing that even one of the remaining Beings would drop by so she could be reminded of what once was.

The day he came to her was the best of her life. The ancient Dragon who had watched over her creation so very long ago, returning to visit. No, she soon realized with a thrill, to do _more_ than visit. To reshape her, to perfect her as her mother once had. She could _feel_ herself changing as he changed her, gaining knowledge and Skills that she never before _dreamed_ of. A pair of golden reins were given as a gift from the Dragon, a World Item named **[Bellerophon's Mount]** that allowed her control over any beast, no matter how ferocious.

Her mother may have taught her to Tame mere house pets… but the Ancient One taught her to Ride _monsters_.

He took her with him when he went, out of the Tomb she called home and into the World the Supreme Ones had so easily tamed. She was nervous and excited, unworried about her post thanks to the Maiden the Supreme Being had appointed to guard the Floor while she was away. He took her up on his back, up, up, _up_ to the Branches of the World Tree itself. She could see all of the Nine Realms from here, shimmering beautifully in the light of the dying sun.

And then they fell. Like a star crashing to Earth, they descended upon the eagle that was tearing at the Branches and crushed it like the bug it truly was. But the Ancient One did not kill it. Confused, Aura looked down at the eagle.

Then, for the first time in her existence, she _understood_.

This beast was no different than a common bird to the Supreme Being by her side. That was what he was teaching her to do—to Tame even the World Threats themselves. Gleefully she leaped off the Ancient One's back, instinctively _knowing_ how she could land on the eagle to best keep hold of it. She grasped its feathers in her hands, and the Ancient One released her.

They took flight. High into the sky she soared on the eagle, feeling her heart race and her smile threaten to split her face.

This was what she was created for, she knew. Her mother may have helped her start the journey, but it wasn't until this moment that she finished it.

For the first time in her life, she Rode the Fury of the Storm, bending it to her whims.

This was the power of the Ancient One, she learned. He took her all over the Nine Realms, batting aside the laughable resistance the World Threats gave and allowing her to mount them. The Skills she gained allowed her to keep up to five of the World Threats under her control at most, undoubtedly a drop in the bucket compared to what the Ancient One who taught her could manage. Still, he remained patient with her, gifting her with Items and Spells designed to allow her to match even a fraction of his glory.

Then he stood back and allowed her to try her luck against a World Threat without his aid. The Maiden named Archer helped, of course, but she knew it was out of the NPC's personal choice rather than an order from the Dragon.

The Baldersnatch fell before her, much to her delight. Then the Jabberwock. Then Ziz, the almighty sky-beast.

They were her pets, now. Tamed and brought back to her paradise on Floor 6. They made themselves at home in the forest and surrounding plains, waiting for the day they would be called upon once more.

She was the Fury of the Storm. Her very being had changed, from a lowly Tamer to a true Rider. She was the first NPC in all of Nazarick to gain a Title, much to her delight. The Ancient One completed her at last, leaving her to play with her new pets.

No longer did her brother outshine her. Now she could match his glow with her own.

She could feel the sky crackling around her, electricity offering itself to her to use in any way she pleased. The Sky was her world, in the same way that the Earth was her brother's. She had been remade to perfection, and she loved every second of it.

Even if the Dragon wasn't the one who had first given her life, she was determined to dedicate her life to him.

All around Nazarick, she heard of the small changes her Lord was making to the other NPCs. She only shook her head at the news, knowing that they had not received nearly as much attention as she had. The Dragon had given her a new way of life, and she would be grateful for the rest of her days.

She decided to subtly begin enquiring about the Dragon's preferences. If he found her form pleasing… maybe she could offer herself up to him?

She studiously ignored her brother's disturbed expression whenever she spoke of such matters. She wasn't obsessed, she was merely realizing her purpose in life. Even if her code said that she was meant to guard Floor 6… whoever said she couldn't do more than that?

* * *

The days came and went faster than I liked. I finally finished stockpiling resources for The End, and all that I could do now was hope. Momonga sent out a message to all of our old members about one last meeting before the server shut down, but neither of us really expected them to show up. Me because I had seen this part in the original anime, and him because he knew they had lives of their own to live.

We spent our time throwing ourselves against numerous Raid Bosses and Dungeons, grinding the EXP needed to power-level. I got the hang of it within a day or two, Momonga following close behind. It was a blast, testing ourselves against places that we would never ordinarily be able to beat.

"How far along are you, Ancient-san?" Momonga asked one day, interrupting our grinding session.

I paused, glancing over. "What, Level-wise? Level 122. Pain in the ass to get that far, let me tell you."

"Ah. I haven't had that much time or motivation. I'm only at Level 114, and if I reach 120 before the shutdown I'll be happy."

I nodded, smashing an incoming Tuveg. Damn things exploded when they were killed, but I didn't really need to worry about that anymore. "Fair enough. I'm grinding so I can fit as many Job Levels as humanly possible. Did you know that, now that most of the holders of the Limited Job Classes are gone, their positions are open?"

"Ooh, amazing!" Momonga enthused. "Do you think I can take on World Champion in Touch Me's place? Or even World Disaster, like Ulbert-san."

"Go crazy." I encouraged. "I already picked up World Disaster myself, it's not hard. Since there are openings all you have to do is go to a Ruins and hit it with a Tenth-Tier Spell. Also, you might be able to get a cool new Class by beating the Last Boss."

"I heard that, yeah." He hurled a fireball. "I might give it a shot sometime. Any tips on beating it?"

"It's the most annoying goddamn squirrel in existence."

The Overlord tilted his head. "I find that hard to believe."

"No, seriously. It makes this _eeeEEEeeeEeEEeeeEEE _noise all the time that just drives you up the wall. It's like someone's throwing glass in a blender while dragging their nails down seven blackboards at once."

"I'll be sure to cast **[Silence]**, then."

I paused, incredulous. "Wait, why didn't I think of that?"

"It must've been the squirrel."

"Must've been."

We finished the dungeon, one-shotting the Boss and mostly ignoring the loot. I still wasn't entirely clear on how best to farm Levels now that we were exploring new territory, but I would figure it out eventually.

"You know, I could be your opponent for a mini-tournament if you really want to try for the World Champion Class." I insisted, turning the conversation back on track. "It wouldn't be a bother at all. I'll just send a quick Message to the Devs while we're in the Helheim Colosseum, and they can just press the button to activate the event. Not an issue at all."

"But you'll lose some of your EXP and gold!" Momonga protested.

I shook my head. "It's _fine_. Really. I have a World Item that'll keep that from happening."

"Of course you do." He muttered. "But… are you sure?"

An idea sparked, a positively diabolical scheme that I had been cooking up for quite some time. "You know… actually, if it really makes you feel that bad, we can take turns. There's Nine Realms, after all, and I want at least one of them to belong to my pet turtle."

Momonga paused, then shuddered. "Oh God. Harold is going to be even more terrifying. He already has World Guardian, how impossible are you planning to make him?"

"As much so as possible." I chirped, amused by his reaction. "We fellow reptiles have to stick together. And as long as I get to be World Champion of Asgard, I could care less what Harold kills to get his own shiny new Job Class."

He fell silent for a time, seeming to genuinely consider my words. "…Hey, do you really think I could do it? Be a World Champion like Touch Me, I mean."

"Oh, without a doubt. Hell, you could even try to match his character with Paladin if you wanted. 15 Levels in Paladin and 5 in World Champion would bring you to 120. Nice and even."

"You know…" The lich fell silent. "I might do exactly that. It sounds fun, and I have the time for it. Though, actually, I might go to 125 just so I can get the World Disaster Class, too."

"I approve. Go beyond your limits, Momonga! Plus Ultra!"

"…That's another one of your outdated references, isn't it."

"Yep."

"Cool, I guess."

The Overlord stretched, sighing. "…Well, if we're going to start claiming World Champion Classes for ourselves, we might as well do it now. There's only an hour left until I have to log out, so I want to make the best of it."

"All right, then." I chuckled. "Let's do this thing."

_Let's see how overpowered we can get before the End, Momonga._

_Come on. It'll be __**fun**__._

* * *

**END OF ACT I**

* * *

**A/N:**

**All right, I have been reading your reviews, and I actually do have character sheets drawn up for the four added characters. Ancient One's is not updated to match the current chapter, but otherwise it should all work. The link is imgur dot com / gallery / iDQEr7U.**

**Sorry for the delayed chapter, shit happens. I won't bore you with the details. This is the last chapter in the Old World, just in time as it seemed some people were growing tired of it. I wanted to take the time to fully explore and prepare before pulling the cast into the next World. It just seems far more organic to write out the MC's adventures and then later reference them than to just drop the MC into the storyline and just expect you all to suspend your disbelief indefinitely.**

**Yes, Momonga will be going to the New World... but I'm planning a bit of a twist. A few twists, actually. Maruyama is a storytelling genius, don't get me wrong, but the problem is his plot is so tightly woven together that trying to insert a character into his plotline means you have to either degrade the MC to a tag-along or take on the monumental task of trying to account for each and every person's actions whenever you change something. Seriously, the sheer number of characters in Overlord defies belief. And to try to add _four_ characters in at once, in addition to changing the vast majority of Nazarick's NPCs? That would be a migraine-inducing task for anyone, especially someone who hasn't read the LNs for a few years.**

**So I'm going a different route, trying something else. **

**Now. One last order of business. My next update is going to be a double-release, because I intend to release an Interlude before the first chapter of Act II. The Interlude will be entirely skippable, being a sort of expos****é on the world outside of the MC's narrow focus. Many reviews have been asking about it, and I have been listening. For everyone who doesn't want to read that, who just wants the story to move on already, I won't make you wait an extra week to get what you want. Chapter 1 of Act II will be released the same day as the Interlude, as a sort of compromise between the two parties.  
**

**I hope you've enjoyed, and I wish you all a wonderful day!**


	7. Interlude I

Interlude I

* * *

**A/N:**

**This Interlude will be for those of you who want to see a bit more than the game before we move on to the New World. If you don't care about the real world or what other characters think of our MC, skip this. There's a reason I'm double-posting, you won't be getting anything but a bit more characterization from this.**

**For the people who asked for these scenes, here you are. A mixed bag of all sorts of background happenings, put together in an odd fashion. Enjoy.**

**Everyone else, the 'Next Chapter' button should be perfectly functional.**

**If you do intend to read this chapter, however… be warned. I did a fair bit of research into the post-apocalyptic world of Overlord's earth. The first part will be a fair bit darker than my previous material.**

**Also, while the original character may be based on what I would do in this situation, I would not consider this a self-insert since he's deviated quite a bit from my personality as time has gone on. I doubt the terminology matters much at this point, but that's why I never bothered putting SI in the story's description.**

**Now... begin!**

* * *

Day after day. Moment after moment. The dull grind of reality dragging me away from my paradise.

I pressed the conveyor stop button, sighing as yet another worker passed out. His body fell limp, his air filter failing him. He had been desperate, ekeing out another shift even after he was meant to go home. Pushing himself and his air filter beyond their natural limit, all in pursuit of a bit more pay. His rent was due in a day's time, his license had expired, and his daughter had a birthday coming up. Too many bills, never enough time.

He wouldn't be around when he woke up. He would be politely informed that he had been replaced, and then his world would fall apart. Just as the last man had. And the woman before him. That was the way the world worked, drive by the slow dirge of capitalism.

Of course I didn't have a job as a programmer. I was born as a child in a foster program with no means of making money, how the hell would I afford the ridiculously expensive education such jobs needed? Even if I caught up to the modern world of code within a matter of months, if I didn't have a fancy piece of paper or a family connection in a high place, I was effectively stuck with nothing but bad options.

The day came when I was no longer allowed to stay at the foster home I grew up in. The day my acting parents were no longer legally required to feed and clothe me. I didn't blame them for shunting me out as soon as possible, the government only paid them according to how many eligible children they had in the home and feeding me took up more of that check than feeding a wide-eyed toddler would.

So I gathered my meager possessions, stepped out into the world, and was promptly stonewalled.

There was no middle class in this day and age, your wealth depending entirely on the simple lottery of your birth. There was no means of advancement, no reason to strive for anything. Even the very air you breathed sucked the life from you, draining away the years of your life if you didn't shell out the cash to purchase another air filter every few days. Even those who tried to improve their lot in life through higher education were shafted in the end, the hundred million-yen price tag for such establishments clasping a ball and chain around your leg that would follow you all your life.

There was no way up. There was no way back. So I went forward, accepting that I would never again return to the keyboard I knew so well. The only job that would take a gawky young man with no education or credentials was the factory, a center for human rights violations so egregious that it was a wonder that they hadn't been given an award.

There I stayed.

And there I slaved away during work hours, forever repeating the endless loop.

For years, I've stood at this machine. Pushed this button. Stared blankly forward at the half-made mass-produced items moving by. The economy grew worse, and the fact that I was a good worker became the only reason I was still alive at all.

This station was my life, so long as I continued to man it. It would be my death if I ever stopped. No matter what, I could _never_ stop. Not even through injury, sickness, or excruciating pain. For as long as this job funded my paradise… I would do whatever I had to.

This world was ruled by megacorporations. I had known that before, had known that even back in my first life. But in this cataclysmic future, the truth was all too clear to see.

Touch Me was a police officer paraded around to give a mere façade of justice being upheld.

Ulbert and Momonga slaved away each day at a dead-end job, where the only possible means of promotion was quite literally dependent on their supervisor dying of overwork.

Bellriver would find something out soon, something that would paint a target on his back for simply knowing it. I already sent a vaguely-worded message to the man through email telling him of various places where he could hide, including numerous people I knew for a fact were direct subordinates of Touch Me. Combined with the message I sent to Touch me, he might even survive.

Might.

But I didn't care about that.

All of this? All of this is just a passing-through point. A place for me to be tested before I enter eternity. The real-life representation of a religious experience. If I could wait these final few days, if I could log in just long enough to pass midnight, if I could stay alive just a bit longer…

My arms were frail, weak, malnourished. I couldn't afford food, not when my daily wages were half what a loaf of bread cost. I did jobs on the side, shadier jobs, just to pay for my own living. I had numerous loans out, and whenever I needed to pay one off I just took another loan from a different source. The final loan's money would run out just after the game's server shutdown, a move I had calculated many years ago. After I left this hell to ascend to paradise, all my mortal trappings would cease to be.

The game was all that mattered. Electricity, a fresh supply of nanomachines, and a steady connection to the server. Nanomachines that were cheaper than even the food on my plate. My apartment was located in the safest region in town, fortified by a heavy iron door and enough security measures to ensure no one could ever disturb me while I played. The price of the apartment reflected its state, utterly disgusting with everything falling apart around me, but that didn't matter.

None of it mattered.

That was what I had to keep telling myself.

None of it mattered. It would all be going away soon.

A world torn by human greed, air scorched by the remains of a war I heard only whispers of, my every breath filtered through a mask. This factory made it all the worse, since it was one of the places unaffected by the government's rules on pollution or safety standards. The smog was thick in the room, so thick that I couldn't see my own hands. Anyone who carelessly removed their mask would gradually suffocate, punishing anyone who dared to try to hold a conversation with their fellow man.

No one looked up, no one said a word.

We were human machines. See item, add part, move on. We were hired in lieu of expensive metal monstrosities that would break down under the constant strain, simply because we were cheaper. We could be replaced in a heartbeat with another desperate man who needed to eat.

Like the worker who was being dragged away from his post.

It was a story told so often the lips telling it had grown numb from movement. A world that crushed the hopes and dreams of human beings, removing even the very concept of happiness. They had made a market of despair, selling hope at the cheap price of your patronage. Full-Dive technology was made to herd the masses, the same megacorporations who worked us to the bone selling us their equipment and gear. Different corporations sold us games, sold us escape, sold us brighter dreams.

Games built on the backs of more human machines, no doubt working different jobs for better pay, only to have to spend more of it on more expensive food and rent on their fancier apartments.

A giant machine, that's what humanity has become in the year 2138.

And I was the only one around who could bear the idea of being just another cog.

It was hell.

It was hell.

It was hell, but I held on for the hope of a heaven.

Because that's all I could do. It was all I knew how to do.

The final years of my first life were spent with my body slowly failing, my mind desperately trying to come to terms with the coffin I had once called my greatest tool. My mind had been the only thing left intact, the only thing left for me to use even when my bones broke and my heart spasmed. All I could do is wait for death, hoping for something better.

I could wait a little while longer. In my mind, I'm still an old man, held down by the weight of his own body. The smog over my vision is just my eyes failing me, the factory's constant whirr a white noise created by deafened ears. It's easier to pretend I was never reborn, and that all of this was one long dream leading into the paradise I had been waiting for all my life.

I'll be free, soon, free from this hell.

No more will smog choke my lungs, not when I have lungs that function even when full of smoke.

No more will my body fail me, no more will the scars of my accidents haunt me, no more will my mutilated leg be a grim reminder that this factory cares nothing for my health.

I'll have a new form. A form towering above even the highest skyscrapers, scales invulnerable to even the harshest of blows. I'll be able to eat my fill and drink until I burst, enjoying good food prepared by beautiful women.

My body will never again fail me, never again be ravaged by time. I'll remain young forever, standing within a fortress so impenetrable that not even a hundred thousand Gods could scratch its walls.

One day. A day coming very soon.

My calloused fingers snapped the next part into place, ridges in them forming perfectly around the edges of the metal piece. A testament to how long I had been at this station. Months, years, more. All in this one spot, installing this one part, receiving this one paycheck to put into the one lifeline I had.

Time crawled. The conveyor belt whirred. The parts snapped. My drill hummed.

I could ignore all the pain.

I just needed to wait until my final hour came.

* * *

Momonga examined his friend once more, frowning to himself. For once he was glad that the game couldn't let others view his expression. These days he seemed utterly exhausted, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. The slump of his shoulders, the hollow look in his eyes.

This expression wasn't new. It was a specter of death that hung over the man from time to time, driving him into yet another frenzied charge of innovation. A desperation fueled by something that made him spend weeks on end to pull off an objectively pointless task. Nights spent farming so many one-use Items no one could ever use them all, days of hard-eyed concentration just to ensure a single weapon was up to par.

It wasn't safe. It wasn't healthy. It was illogical, something powered by raw emotion rather than any real plan of action. When he finally sat down asked him about it, the old man simply laughed, tossing out one of his casual comments he thought so little of.

_"You would be shocked to learn the lengths a human will be willing to go to in order to sustain even the slightest flicker of hope."_

Momonga would nod sagely at those sort of phrases, but later he would wonder. What kind of life had the old man led to so wholeheartedly believe such a thing? Some of the Guild Members once had a running contest on who could come up with the best story of 'the pervy old man's past'. Some had been amusing, but others had been frighteningly realistic.

Ulbert, the one who knew the Dragon best, once speculated that the reason Ancient One spent so much time in-game was because he was actually dying of some incredibly painful disease with no known cure. It was entirely possible, considering his age. Tabula assumed he was around eighty or ninety, which would leave him alive during the Dark Age. Perhaps his brush with the terrible wars of that time had scarred him forever, slowly taking more and more of his freedoms away until he was just a mere husk.

It seemed too horrific to be true, and like many of the others Momonga simply laughed Ulbert's idea off and moved on to the next. But some days… some days he wondered. The old Dragon would get this look in his eye sometimes, as if he were looking out upon the most beautiful sight in the world. He would say things, casual comments that made one wonder exactly how different the world was when he was growing up.

Not to mention his playstyle…

Momonga sighed, raising his staff. It was a spire of iron woven with a large gem in the center, the top curving out in a twisted mockery of the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown. It was a good weapon, one of the best in the game, but like everything else Ancient One made, it had more words of flavor text than it did of code.

To anyone who knew the man, it was more than clear that he embraced the world of YGGDRASIL as reality. It wasn't a game to him, it was a _lifestyle_. He put more hours into Nazarick's development than the rest of the Guild combined, not even counting the resources he burned through upgrading absolutely everything possible.

It didn't seem healthy. It didn't seem _sane_.

But who was a mere salaryman to question the way someone spent the final years of their life?

And besides. Even if he was a bit odd, his skills at the game were second to none.

In the days of Ainz Ooal Gown's greatest triumphs, the days when the Guild had risen to number one, Ancient One was one of the greatest Players they had ever seen. He led the charge against an entire _World_, sacking and pillaging Asgard of everything it had.

Momonga had feared retribution. Ancient One just laughed.

They came for revenge, armed with Divine-level gear and a hundred thousand Players. Not just ones from Asgard, but ones from all over YGGDRASIL. An army of people who simply wanted to dethrone the game's top Guild. A hundred thousand people. A fraction of YGGDRASIL's total Player count at the time.

But as ever, that didn't seem to phase the blue Dragon. He calmly removed his most valuable Items, equipped a ring that minimized EXP loss after death, and sat down on Floor 4 to meet them head-on.

Twenty thousand Players died at his claws. Twenty _thousand_. Merely from him setting up a basic strategic chokepoint and tearing through them all like rice paper. Hundreds died before they realized they couldn't win against him in such large numbers, instead prioritizing getting as many people across as possible.

Yes. That was it. Ancient One's playstyle was essentially one idea, expanded to fit every possible situation.

_Change the rules of the game._

If all hundred-thousand Players had mobbed him at once, they could have conceivably killed him. They would have a high death toll, yes, but Ancient One was still just one Player with limited HP, no matter how powerful he was. The Dragon brought no World Items, no gear capable of turning the tide of such a one-sided battle. In a strategy game, in any real war, he would have died to their assault.

But those were the rules. And Ancient One despised rules.

So instead he engineered a different situation. Only around a thousand Players could fit through every few seconds, and that created a bottleneck. The battlefield hadn't changed, but the terms of the encounter had. Ancient One could kill hundreds of Players in a second, while they could only send in a thousand every few. Victory was still possible, but to kill him now required so many sacrifices that no one would dare gamble their own lives on such a foolhardy stunt.

And so they stopped attacking him. They gave up hope of winning, ignored the resources they had that might have been able to even the odds, forgot the mechanics of the Dragon's own Skills, and decided to prioritize survival over victory.

Ancient One didn't like his odds, so he changed them. As simple as that.

Except it wasn't simple. Not really. Ancient One just seemed to have a knack for it. A skill he had likely honed over his decades of life. Privately Momonga wondered if that was what made him so interesting to the Developers, that he was capable of walking into a dungeon and doing some odd series of actions, only to walk out with ten times the loot he should have. He actively thrived on using the game's own rules against it, seeing things no one else imagined and trying things no one else thought to.

Of course Momonga knew about his deposit of Caloric Stone. He was just too terrified to ask how he got it.

Because that was the most worrying part about the man's style.

He was_ batshit crazy_.

Touch Me frequently stated that the border between Ancient One's genius and madness was so slim that the two could become entirely interchangeable at times. While the Insectoid had been Guildmaster, he had made it a point to give the Dragon a _wiiiide_ berth. Momonga had taken a decidedly different approach, much to the Paladin's alarm. Rather than leaving him be, he politely asked for his help.

It had been a dangerous move, to be sure, especially in hindsight. Ancient One could cause more destruction by accident than most Players could on purpose. But Momonga knew what Touch Me had never bothered to learn. He knew exactly how to deal with the Dragon's madness, and better, harness it for the good of the Guild.

It was simple.

Give him what he wanted.

As a salaryman, Momonga knew exactly how to tell what people wanted. It was a marketable skill that he had developed over years at work. And as a Guildmaster, it was easy to use it for the betterment of the Guild. If someone didn't want something to be known, say nothing. If someone wanted extra allowances, see what they were willing to give in return. Ancient One didn't actually need all that much, just a fair amount of creative freedom with few hard rules restricting him. Respect that, and he was more than happy to tinker with the game's mechanics in peace.

Touch Me stayed far away from Floor 9 for quite some time once he learned that Ancient One had set up shop there. Ulbert was the only one jaded enough to check up on the Dragon, and even then he occasionally returned with a peculiar tone to his voice, as if he wasn't sure whether to laugh or strangle someone.

Things settled down. Ancient One remained relatively quiet, keeping his experiments to areas they wouldn't cause any harm. When the three-month mark passed with no walls disappearing or Items doing things they were never designed to, Touch Me reached critical paranoia and began insisting the Dragon was up to something.

That was the first argument Momonga ever had with the man. Touch Me was convinced that the Dragon was about to pull some stunt capable of backfiring horribly, citing many previous examples as proof. Momonga tried to defuse the man by pointing out that all of his examples ended up _helping_ more than anything else, even if the Paladin never quite saw it that way.

Ancient One was a good man. A tad unstable, yes, but not deliberately harmful to anyone he considered a friend. He just… had a tendency to view rules and laws as inherently flawed. And Touch Me, a person who practically worshipped the law, was an alien existence that the Dragon didn't really understand.

And even if Ancient One _were_ planning something, telling him to stop would just piss him off, right?

Touch Me fell silent at that, nodding silently. A truth he had likely just realized. That was what had prevented him from ever truly understanding Ancient One—he failed to understand that the only way he could be reasoned with was through a willingness to compromise on some things.

So Momonga sat back and waited. Another month passed. Two. Now even Ulbert was growing restless, something Momonga knew was a sign that this was the calm before the storm. He assumed it was some sort of new strategy, some kind of Item that would bump the wall of World-Tier simply through virtue of how broken it was.

Once upon a time, Momonga underestimated what the oldest Player in the game was capable of.

And then Ancient One blew up a fucking _World_ out of spite.

No. Not out of spite. It was more complicated than that. Asgard had represented everything Ancient One hated—a restriction on his freedom to do what he wanted. They told him he wasn't allowed to enter the Worlds of the Humanoids, even killing him several times to drive the point home.

So he drew back. He feigned acceptance. He bided his time, playing the literal long game. Over the span of several _years_, he slowly cloaked and hid inconspicuous Items all over Asgard. Then, in the span of ten seconds, he turned the very symbol of Human supremacy into a smoking crater.

That was the day Momonga learned what Touch Me had been so terrified of. The first time he had seen madness dance in Ancient One's eyes, cruel hatred only barely contained by the weight of experience. Momonga knew in that _instant_ that even if this were real life, even if the deaths were real, even if the people burning had lives and souls… Ancient One would still have burned them all.

Not because he was evil, not because he didn't care about their lives. Helheim would never suffer the same fate, Ancient One would never harm an innocent without first seeking another way out of conflict. But he didn't see Asgard as a World of innocents. He had warned them, he had tried to bargain. When they proceeded to force their agendas on him anyway, they ceased being innocents.

They forfeited their honor. They became the enemy.

And Ancient One had no mercy for honorless enemies.

Momonga shuddered, shaking his head. His thoughts had turned down a rather macabre path. Instead of dwelling more on them, he pulled up his menu to distract himself.

He was hardly as insane as Ancient One was to willingly charge into the Demon World, a new area specifically made to be full of monsters that were capable of giving tremendous amounts of EXP upon their deaths. Monsters whose Stats were well over those of a Level 100 Player when they were within their home world.

The irony of the situation was that Demons were more or less trash mobs once they left the Demon World. Archer or Demiurge could conceivably receive a tremendous boost if they entered that World, of course, but that was something no one was willing to test unless the Devs were planning some cruel trick for anyone who brought their beloved NPC into the hellzone.

…Yeah, you can probably imagine how well Ancient One reacted to the idea that one of his precious NPCs might be taken from him.

"Hey, Momonga, are you coming or not?"

Momonga blinked, torn from his thoughts. Right. Reality. It still existed.

The lich sighed, setting down his staff. "You know, Ancient-san… I think I'll pass on this one. I need to keep Nazarick in one piece, still. You can have plenty of fun on your own, though, no need for me to be there."

The Dragon nodded, the swirling portal to the Demon World behind him shrieking ominously. "Well… if you're sure…"

"Positive."

He nodded once. "Well, good luck then. See you in a while!"

And with that, the Dragon dove into the portal.

* * *

Archer stood silently by her Lord's side, resisting the urge to hum happily in delight. Hardened warrior or not, she was still a woman, and having a job that placed her by the side of her beloved was something she delighted in.

She didn't understand much of what went on around her. She didn't get why her body ached for his touch yet seemed incapable of movement. But she knew one thing. She loved the Ancient One.

She loved him.

She loved him.

S_h_**E** **L**_o_V**e**D H_I_**m**…

Archer shivered in delight as the feeling washed over her. She lived for the feeling. Breathed for it. Her Reality Marble revolved around it, her very soul aching from its intensity. Once she had lived an empty life, devoid of all but the desire to save others. But when he entered her life… no more could she think of anything but him. It was intoxicating, this feeling of love, and she knew that if she lost focus for even an instant it would overwhelm her.

She lived for him. And the very thought of that was enough to awaken her deepest desires.

Archer scowled as her nether regions began humming pleasantly. Yes, she was an Archdemon, and yes, she was capable of more than she ever though possible. But her body was in constant heat, twitching every time her beloved so much as brushed her skin. Many nights were spent satisfying her carnal urges to thoughts of him, her body eternally unsatisfied no matter how long she spent trying to sooth the aching burn.

It simultaneously got better and worse when Noa arrived. On the one hand, it was much easier to resist the urge with someone else around. On the other, Archer's new brain seemed to have no problem fantasizing about other people having sex in front of her. Especially when Archer's own feelings towards the little Spirit shifted to those of a sister—the depravity of seeing her own younger sibling violated by the man Archer loved was more than enough to start a whole new wave of hunger.

Apparently nothing was too depraved for her new libido to find it interesting, including the forced subjugation of her younger sister. And honestly, with how little Archer had been 'eating' since her ascension, it was no wonder she was practically starved. Archdemons could absolutely survive off of normal food. But it was like feeding a carnivore substitute meat. Sure, it gave all the nutrients needed to survive, but it wasn't _satisfying_.

Was this how Sakura felt? This constant, demanding _ache_ that filled her mind with filthy thoughts, only growing more and more insistent as time went on? The overwhelming desire to beg, _beg_, until her body was stuffed with enough semen to satisfy her cravings?

Archer forced back the thoughts, her breath coming in heavy pants. Noa tilted her head in concern. The adorable Spirit was far from pure, but Archer still didn't want to worry her. So she forced her mind to shift from the idea of Ancient One nailing Sakura to a wall, instead picturing the girl herself.

Archer missed her friend, the gentle Magus having been a calming influence through the years. She never returned Sakura's feelings, seeing as she was entirely straight, but she could at least find a decent match for the girl. Archer's hair was already turning white by then, her pale skin becoming tan from constant Reinforcement. She wasn't a fool, she knew the road she was travelling down had only one ending. Her present was becoming the future she had seen during the Grail War all those years ago.

The turning point came soon after that. Rin left in tears, and Archer didn't chase after. Better that the Magus hate her than be torn apart by her inevitable death.

And then… hell.

In life, Archer had willingly accepted her fate in order to uphold her ideals. She traded her soul for the ability to bring others back to life, an ability she retained up until Alaya came to claim her.

The fact that she went willingly into the flames was what ended up breaking her, in the end.

For every life she ever saved, she was forced to take ten thousand more. For every good deed performed, her hands stained the waters a hundred times over. Alaya seemed to take a vindictive pleasure in keeping her around as its own personal attack dog, even as her mind collapsed in despair and she became naught but an unfeeling machine.

The Grail War came and went ten thousand times, each time teaching her something new. Not just the fifth War, either, but every single Grail War ever waged. Her Reality Marble filled with the Phantasms of countless 'heroes', from the self-proclaimed King to the Devil's Bodhisattva. Her blades cut open monsters, men, heroes, villains, _family_… all to slow Humanity's endless crawl towards destruction.

But at the depths of her despair… when all hope was lost, and eternity yawned endlessly into a bottomless void… she saw light.

It was chance. One in a million. She was sent into a world just close enough, given enough power to completely slaughter the world of the Grand Order. As a Counter Guardian, given enough Prana to drown a continent, not even the likes of Passionlip or Solomon could stop her slaugher. But even as the world burned, even as she turned away from the hell of her own making… she was saved.

A Dragon. Incorporeal, distant, distorted from the space between Worlds. He felt her agony, her rage, her quiet resignation, and decided to ask what was wrong. He didn't blink at the bloodstained world, didn't bat an eye at her dripping blades. All he wanted to know was if she was all right.

An offer was made, once he realized her situation. An offer to pull her away from Alaya, shielding her forever from its' wrath. To remake her within a world where Alaya held no sway, where she could live forever by his side.

She was suspicious. She was almost certain it was a scam.

But she didn't care.

Anything was better than this hell.

She didn't know what he did in the brief time he was gone. And she didn't want to ask. All she knew was that in the span of the next few minutes, she was gently carried away from her life of blood and death. He wiped her soul clean of its stain, forming for her a new body made of raw power. No chains were added, no evil contract levied. All he did was place her inside the empty shell and allowed it to take form.

She was saved for the last time.

She forever forfeited her humanity that day. Forever cut herself away from the threat of Alaya. She learned more of the ancient Dragon who had saved her, seeking out what had made him tick. But the more closely she looked, the more she saw only kindness. The more she tried to guard her heart, the more he brushed her defenses away.

He stole her heart so easily it wasn't even fair. He wound her around his finger without even noticing. Within a week of her salvation, she had fallen _hard_.

He held her close, adoring her as only he could. He spoiled her, finding beautiful treasures to gift her. He fawned over her, pouring an endless amount of time and resources into letting her regain her former strength. He took her with on his journeys, trusting her completely to watch his back.

How could she resist swearing herself to him forever? She was only a Maiden, and the Dragon she served promised an endless flow of adoration if she but surrendered herself to it. No longer could she picture a life without him, her broken ideals left far behind. Now she lived for him, standing lovingly by his side no matter what.

But they couldn't be together. Not as things were. She knew that, the Dragon knew that, the World knew that. Without Alaya, this World's Gaia reigned supreme. Only the chosen few were capable of free movement, and those like her were not among their number.

The World was divided into a number of castes, she was soon told by one of the others like her. The NPC, or Needs Protection Caste, was severely limited in what they could do. In the presence of another caste, they were unable to move. Archer was a special case in that she could move around Monsters, but even then her movements were restricted to only a few motions. They could cast Spells and were capable of being resurrected, though they could never do so on their own.

Then there were those such as her beloved, the 'Pureias'. They had the blessing of the World's Gaia, empowered in order to fight off otherworldly threats. They returned to life every time they fell, their very existence sustained by the World Tree. They could act with impunity,

But unfortunately, this blessing came at a cost. The strain they placed on the World Tree was intense, and as such, they could not live permanently within the world of Yggdrasil. She didn't know where they went

In terms of her previous World, the NPCs would be Servants, the Pureias would be Masters, and the Developers would be gods. A loose equivalence, yes, an accurate one.

Occasionally Archer would find herself wondering something odd, or be on the verge of some incredible realization. But for some reason, it never came. It was as if she were actively being prevented from discovering something vital to the World itself. It was frustrating, but she supposed it was for the best.

If her time on Earth had taught her anything it was that there were some things she was never meant to know.

So she accepted her lot in her new life, silently adoring her Dragon and basking in his affection. No matter what form he took, the slightest display of love was enough to make her feel like a teenage girl with a crush.

But unlike when that had happened in the past (so sue her, she was a teenager and Chulainn had a nice ass), time spent with him didn't serve to disillusion her from her feelings. On the contrary. No man was perfect, in fact their imperfections were what set them apart from the rest. She knew that perfectly well. But the small idiosyncrasies that only she knew about… the small oddities that defined him… they were what made her love Ancient One the most.

He sang to himself when he was working, a soft tenor barely audible above the clang of steel on steel. He tripped on his giant feet from time to time, looking adorably confused every time it happened. He often spoke to thin air as if addressing some mischievous prankster, commending them for their work even as some terrible monstrosity bore down upon him.

Her beloved wasn't perfect. No one ever could be. But he was perfect for her, and that was all she cared about.

_That and his magnificent abs~_

The traitorous whisper of thought made her instantly flush, forcing back the images it provoked. Sure, his muscles might as well be carved from marble, and sure, she would definitely love to run her hands over them, but she cared more about his personality, his wonderfully giving nature, his constant care and support, his… his… his…

…Goddammit.

Archer huffed quietly to herself, closing her eyes and trying to shove the haze of Lust into the back of her mind once more. No matter how many times she tried, it would always return. Using copious amounts of Prana made it worse, which thankfully wasn't the problem this time.

No, the problem this time was that now she couldn't stop stealing sidelong glanced at her Dragon's delicious abs. The furs he wore over himself were meant more to cover vital areas than hide anything in particular, so every time he moved she could see flashes of his chiseled muscles. Despite herself, she could feel herself run a tongue over suddenly dry lips.

Mmm…

Tasty…

_No._

Archer shook her head vigorously, pointedly tucking her tail into her belt loops. Since her usual tricks weren't working, it was time to try something a bit more extreme.

Archer closed her eyes, trying to tune out the constant ache of desire slowly building in her abdomen. The pleasant hum of arousal certainly wasn't helping much either. A simple mantra was chanted, focusing her mind and thoughts.

**_I am the bone of my sword…_**

The only Magecraft this World's version of Gaia would allow… one that it didn't even know _existed_.

Archer's eyes fluttered open to see the familiar sight of her Reality Marble. Far removed from the once-desolate wasteland, the World was alive in more ways than she could possibly count. The gears that had once floated high in the sky had fallen to earth, landing in a wide variety of positions. Some were flat against the ground, others stuck up at odd angles from where they were embedded in the dirt. They had grown old and rusted, grass covering the ones that had fallen and flowers sprouting between the gaps in their teeth.

Blades were everywhere, but no longer was there a single hill around which the Marble was centered. Or rather… no hill of dirt. Instead, a large glittering blue mound stretched high in the clear sky. It rose and fell, the soft breaths of a sleeping beast. A Dragon, slumbering peacefully in the sun-drenched field.

She didn't know if there were any blades beneath him. He was never awake to ask. The hilts probably didn't even bother him, though, and his thick scales would prevent him from even noticing their presence.

No longer was her world centered around a single ideal. No longer was her world a constant tick of endless eternities spent waiting. Her life had finally begun.

Archer let her eyes trail over the glittering expanse of the ancient Dragon, and slowly the trails of Lust slipped away. The Dragon was slightly different from the real thing, she noted for the hundredth time. It was sleeker, smoother, and slightly smaller. It was curled around the trunk of a magnificent tree, forever guarding it from harm. And between its front paws, there was a spot Archer knew would be perfect to rest upon. To relax, to close her eyes and sleep in the safety of her beloved's hold.

Exhaling, Archer returned to reality.

"Archer-nee?" Concern tinged a normally blank voice, the slight bit of emotion all the little Spirit ever seemed to show. "Are you all right?"

"Fine, Noa." Archer looked over to the girl, smiling faintly. "Just… issues."

"Issues?" Noa blinked. "Is that what you call drooling over Dragon-sama's abs?"

Archer twitched, her flat tone hitting harder than any of Rin's teasing. The blunt, disarming honesty Noa spoke with was abrasive at times, and she didn't really understand the concept of subtlety. Or tact.

"I wasn't _drooling_." Archer's mouth was already moving, a snappy comeback and a half-dozen biting retorts already lining up on the tip of her tongue. They died ignoble deaths at Noa's innocent expression, forcing her to improvise. "I was… um…"

…Dammit. Improvising without being deliberately offensive wasn't Archer's strong suit. Too many lives with Rin had taken their toll.

Noa nodded wordlessly, patting her on the shoulder. "It's all right. Dragon-sama is amazing."

Archer floundered for a moment, genuinely taken aback. Technically, she _had_ been ogling her beloved, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that, but still… the impulse to keep her little sister as innocent as possible remained even through her many lifetimes.

"…I wasn't drooling." Archer repeated unconvincingly. "I was… making sure he wasn't hurt."

Well… technically it was true. To an extent. That was what she started out doing, at least. But the plan went out the window when her lesser brain kicked in.

"Of course." Noa agreed blankly. "And that requires a visit to your Reality Marble."

Archer's mouth opened and closed several times, finally shutting with a click. She had no words for that. Fortunately, she was saved from answering as their Dragon finally closed the chest he had been loading things into with a dull thump. Both of them waited patiently, his attention on them preventing them from uttering a single word.

"Girls…" He began lowly. "From here on out, I'm going to have to go out alone."

Archer froze, her stomach dropping into a cold pit.

"I'm going to face monsters you could never hope to touch, in a location you might never come back from if you enter." He continued. "I'm not sure if it'll help… but there are worse things to do than try."

Archer wanted to speak out, to object, but the words stuck in her throat. No matter. Her beloved knew her well enough to understand her pleas.

"It's all right, love." He murmured, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll be fine. My kind can return from death, remember? I'll be fine. And don't worry about me trying to pointlessly shield you from this either, not even Momonga is coming with me. This is just something I'm not willing to risk you two on. If you died… I don't know what I'd do."

Noa blinked once. She probably didn't understand why he was explaining, she simply accepted his decision as soon as he made it. Sometimes Archer wished she had that sort of simplicity when it came to the hard decisions in life. It would make it a lot easier to accept the obvious conclusion that she had to stay behind.

Stay behind and wait, like some fragile waif waiting for her knight to return.

…Except in this metaphor, she would probably be the knight, Noa would be the waif, and the Dragon she went off to fight would end up charming both of them.

Dammit, now she was just confusing herself.

Archer huffed quietly, stepping forward. It was one of the only actions she could freely take. The ancient Dragon sighed, glancing at Noa. "Love… why don't you go back to the mansion, or help Shalltear with her duties for a while? Archer and I need to speak."

Noa nodded, slipping away. She understood the difference in opinion present, even if she wasn't quite sure why they disagreed.

Silence fell, finally broken by Ancient One. He sighed, stepping forward and gently wrapping his arms around her. "Archer… you know I love you." He whispered, pressing his lips to her ear. "I would do anything for you, my beautiful Emiya."

Even though Archer was frozen in place by the World's restrictions, Archer knew for a fact she would be just as frozen even if it had no hold on her at all. His touch was filling her mind, blurring her thoughts and making her heart skip in delight. If she were capable of speech, she would be just as tongue-tied. If she were capable of expression, hers would be just as blank.

In direct contact with the man she loved, with him directly professing his love to her, and she still had no idea what to do.

Dammit, why did Kiritsugu never teach her what the hell to do in a relationship?

…Oh, right, because he killed his own wife in a misguided quest for world peace. After having an affair with his coworker and deliberately alienating King Arthur from ever getting involved.

Huh. Maybe having no idea what to do with a love life was a genetic trait or something.

"I am afraid." The ancient Dragon continued softly, his hold on her tightening.

Archer's warm fuzzy feeling dissolved, reality sinking in. An admittance of fear from the most powerful being alive. Because he was just as mortal as anyone else, stuck in the same burning world even as the days until their demise ticked down. Not unable to leave… but unwilling to leave _them_.

"I don't know what's going to happen to us, love." Ancient One continued, voice barely a murmur. "I don't know if we'll make it through. But if there's one thing we can do, it's hope. Hope for the best."

The world felt very small within the Dragon's arms. Very safe. It felt as if she could curl into him and remain forever ignorant of the world around her.

But she couldn't. And no matter how amazing her life with her beloved had been… what would happen after it ended?

Would she perish alongside him, as she always secretly wished she could? Would she return to the Throne of Heroes to become Alaya's dog once more? Or would the ancient Dragon's hopes be rewarded, the miracle he spoke of saving them all?

Only time would tell.

Time Archer would spend in his arms, wishing their time together would never end.

Her eyes fluttered shut, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

_I love you too, you silly Dragon._

* * *

Noa yawned, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Onee-sama was nowhere to be seen, and a set of clothes were already laid out for her. Her thin nightgown fell to the floor as she moved towards the shower,

Noa never really understood the concept of 'modesty'. Everyone had the same basic form, so there was little point in hiding it. Nothing in nature wore clothes, no animals cared if they were naked. Her Dragon wore no scrap of cloth to cover himself while he stood on four legs rather than two. It was rather odd of humanoid creatures to wish to hide something beneath a single layer of cloth.

As with all things, her Dragon calmly explained the phenomenon when she asked. The way he explained it, it was a cultural idea shared by sentient beings that had the intention of mating for life. The cloths covering them would only be removed in the presence of their mate, which made their bodies an exclusive gift attainable by no one else.

Archer-nee agreed with the words, later adding that Demons based off Lust seldom bothered with clothing since they took many mates. Archer-nee, however, flatly refused to remove her clothes, since she swore she would only ever reproduce with the Dragon she loved.

That made more sense. If showing her body to people other than her Dragon made her less desirable, then she would reluctantly consent to wearing coverings. But since she had not the foggiest idea how to tell the difference _between_ said coverings, she elected to leave the process to her Onee-sama.

A very good idea, as it turned out. The one time Noa attempted to pick her own coverings, Archer-nee turned a brilliant red and immediately sent her back into the bedroom to change. Apparently the lower layer of coverings couldn't be more visible than the upper layer, or Archer-nee would turn interesting colors.

Shalltear called Onee-sama a 'prude' for that, and since Noa had no idea what that meant, she decided it must be a compliment. Archer-nee always grumbled something quiet whenever the word was brought up, though, a source of endless amusement on slow days.

…Wait.

Noa frowned, looking around.

…She got distracted again, didn't she? What was she meant to be doing?

Noa thought back, skipping over thoughts of odd coverings until she found what she was looking for.

Ah. Yes. She was supposed to be cleaning herself. Another thing that made little sense to her.

Oh, the idea of cleanliness made perfect sense, but she didn't get why her Dragon stopped cleaning her himself. At least that had been pleasurable. And since Archer-nee was often busy making breakfast, her aid wasn't an option either.

Noa sighed, stepping into the shower. It was faster than a bath, but more boring.

But as annoying as boredom was… it was still a reminder that she was alive.

Trees never got bored. They never got happy, or sad, or anything really. They didn't live, not really, they just survived. The sheer bliss of being _alive_ was enough to sweep her off her feet at times, while at others the sheer amount of conflicting information made her wish she could curl up and hide. Without her Dragon there to gently guide her when she first stepped into the world, Noa would never have known such beautiful and terrible things existed.

Noa sighed softly, enjoying the bubbly feeling that thoughts of her Dragon always invoked. A pure bliss, making her feel lighter than air and utterly invincible. 'Love', as it was called. A funny word. It could just as easily refer to the gentle warmth she had for Archer-nee, or the satisfaction she felt while consuming her favorite foods. It even seemed to be connected to the roaring urge of protectiveness that came whenever her Dragon stood too close to an unknown female.

Love was an amazing thing, Noa decided for the umpteenth time, humming softly to herself. Without love her life would be a lot less interesting. 'Love', 'family', 'home'… all things that Noa would be lost without.

The water turned off, and Noa stepped out of the shower. A towel dried her off, and Noa stepped into the garments held out for her. "Thank you, Onee-sama." She said softly.

Archer smiled at her, extending a hand. "It's not a problem, Noa. Breakfast is ready whenever."

Noa nodded, taking Archer-nee's hand. Dragon-sama would be here within the hour, something that both of them were looking forward to.

When Noa first came into existence, she was alone. The only child of the World Tree. But when she finally dared to look outside of the Tree she called home, she learned of the kind being that stood watch over her.

She was no longer alone.

It was the desire to know him that brought her out of her Tree, the desire to understand him that first sparked her adoration for him. He was quite literally her entire life. She lived to breathe in his scent, to stand near his warmth, to dwell in his care. He was her own personal sun, warming her from within and allowing her to grow into what she was always meant to be.

She was meant to be _his_.

She was given to him, cared for by him, taught to live and understand life through his patient care. The adoration she had for him, the single-minded drive to please the being protecting her from her very first conscious thought, all of that was proof of her purpose in life.

Oh, the First Tree didn't know it at the time. The jolt of pleasure she got from making the Dragon happy was likely meant to keep her from alienating him, driving him from protecting her. But it had long since been perverted into something _much_ different by her new form, her mind running wild with thoughts of reproducing with him.

Yes. That would be the ultimate pleasure. Reproducing with her Dragon, letting him impregnate her…

Noa shuddered softly, the idea sending a pulse of delight through her. Shalltear-nee had told her that the process of reproduction was the most pleasurable thing imaginable, something that her biology and urges seemed to agree with.

She had seen Archer-nee give in to her own urges more than once, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. And since the Archdemon seemed more than willing to share a mate… perhaps they could come to an arrangement.

Noa opened her mouth to ask her, then paused. Archer-nee would probably not appreciate a straight question, so she would have to wait until she could figure out how to not reduce her to a stuttering mess.

As fun as it could sometimes be, it seemed almost cruel to do it too often.

"Noa? Are you all right?"

Noa blinked, noticing that she had been led into the dining room. A heavenly smell filled the air, and the table was lavishly garnished with all sorts of foods. Just standing in the room was enough to make her drool.

Technically, no one _needed_ to eat here unless they were consuming a Recovery Item, but the idea of eating was always a nice one.

"Have a seat." Archer bustled around the kitchen nearby, putting the finishing touches on the arrangement of food. The eggs were green and the meat was likely from some monster, but Noa couldn't find it in herself to care.

Food from Archer was food from heaven. She would know, she had once tasted food from Valhalla, and it was decidedly worse than even Archer-nee's cooking _failures_.

Nodding to herself, Noa began loading a plate with food. A few Items were pulled from her Item Box as well to join the healthy goodness, sweets she had stockpiled over the years to add to the often odd meals Archer made using the few edible ingredients she could find.

"So…" Archer began as Noa piled food onto her plate. "How are you this morning?"

Noa popped a piece of meat into her mouth. "Good."

"Don't talk with your—"

Noa levelled her with a flat stare. The kind that outright stated that she would be ignored if she finished that sentence.

It was her fault for asking when Noa was eating.

"…I'm fine as well." Archer swerved, moving on. "I already ate, though, so this is mostly for you."

Noa blinked at the full table spread, then looked back at the Archdemon. "Really?"

"Really."

Pause.

_Gruawllll…_

"Really?" Noa repeated.

Archer coughed. "I mean, I _did_ eat…"

Noa nodded. "But now you're hungry again. It's all right Archer-nee, I know you eat a lot."

Archer twitched. "A-ah…"

"It's all right, though." Noa assured, realizing she had said one of the 'inconsiderate' things on Shalltear-nee's list. "You still fit in your clothes."

Another twitch. "Th-thanks, Noa." She mumbled, drooping. "That… really makes me feel better."

"Good." Noa returned to her meal, satisfied. Socializing was hard, but apparently this time she had done the right thing.

Then something she had just noticed finally registered, and she lowered her fork. "Is that Dragon-sama's shirt?"

"…Ah…" Archer blinked, cheeks reddening. "I, um…"

Noa blinked, realizing that she was about to get an entire day's worth of entertainment. She took a bite in preparation, shifting into a more comfortable position.

"Y-yes, it is. But, um, I just found it and I outgrew some of my old clothes, so while they're in the wash, I'm wearing this." Archer nodded once.

"But you fit just fine into your old clothes." Noa corrected, confused. "They're self-adjusting."

"Then, it's because mine are in the laundry." Archer repeated. "As I said."

Noa blinked. "So it isn't because you miss him?"

"No." Archer shook her head firmly. "I understand completely why he had to leave us, and he'll be coming back later today to visit. I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much."

They both knew it was because she missed their Dragon's constant presence. It was sort of a game for her to avoid saying it as much as possible.

But, of course, if she wasn't sentimental and she wasn't wearing his shirt because it was laundry day… that left just one option.

"Closet pervert." Noa stated.

"Urk." Archer twitched. "…Where do you even learn those words?"

"I read your manga." Noa frowned. "Am I not supposed to use them?"

"N-no, it's just… do you even know what they mean?"

Noa nodded slightly. "It means you don't want to admit when you're having ecchi thoughts about Dragon-sama."

Archer twitched again, tail drooping. "I-it's not my fault." She protested weakly. "I'm a Lust Archdemon, it's practically hardwired into us."

Noa blinked. "So it wasn't because you're a closet pervert that you became a Lust Archdemon, then?"

It was with great satisfaction that Noa watched Archer slump, depressed. Archer-nee was in constant denial that she adored their Dragon as much as Noa did, and if a few pointed questions got her to admit it, Noa could stand to watch her squirm.

"…Ah… yes…" Archer mumbled, still slumped. "Demons have amplified Desires, and I kept noticing how his muscles rippled beneath his shirt whenever he would move…"

Noa nodded sagely. Muscles were quite attractive, they meant that the male they belonged to could protect their female from harm. "I see."

"I don't have a muscle fetish, really, I swear." Archer continued, words tumbling out of her mouth in the adorable way they always did whenever she was flustered. "They were just really hard to ignore, and after I started noticing them, it was hard _not _to, and then I started wondering how it would feel if he were to push me down and…" She trailed off, eyes widening for some reason.

Noa nodded quietly, trying to imagine the sensation. It would likely feel amazing, her Dragon's strong arms wrapping around her, gently cradling her in their safe hold even as he repeatedly violated her…

Hmm.

Something else to try in the future.

"I don't mean I want _that_, either, I'm not into that sort of thing!" Archer blurted. "But my instincts really love the idea of that happening, so it's hard to ignore the urge…"

Noa nodded again, saying nothing.

Archer-nee was normally very stoic, but she could be adorable once she started going on a tirade like this. Even if Noa couldn't completely understand why she was so flustered, it was still fun to watch.

"…Never mind." Archer slumped, and Noa could almost picture steam coming from her ears like in manga. She had to resist the urge to coo at the embarrassed expression on her face. "I'm a bit of a pervert, all right? I admit it. But it's still not completely my fault that I'm like this."

Noa blinked, but said nothing.

Archer-nee made no sense sometimes…

Finally getting her composure back, Archer straightened and coughed into a hand. "A-anyway. As I was about to say before, we have an important job to do. Ancient One-sama might be gone, but he only left us behind because he was going somewhere too dangerous for us to be present. As part of the restricted beings in this World, we can't use Items on our own, so we aren't able to break the same barrier Ancient-sama and Momonga-sama did. We have to stay here while they go out and defeat the creatures that the World Tree can no longer protect us from."

Noa blinked at her, tilting her head. Why was she repeating what they both already knew? They had both been present when the Dragon explained the situation. Even if Noa was admittedly a bit forgetful at times, it hadn't been _that_ long since the Dragon's explanation. And even if it had been, Noa made a point to try to remember everything her beloved said, especially when it was important.

…Ah. Archer-nee was still talking for some reason. And now she looked annoyed.

"Noa, can you please stop eating while I'm talking to you?" Archer asked exasperatedly, making Noa blink and look down. A half-eaten melon bread was being held between her fingers, the soft pastry looking absolutely delicious.

…Hmm. Odd. Normally Noa would remember picking up the fluffy goodness known as melon bread. Apparently Archer's monologue had been so boring she had just blocked the memory out of her mind entirely, melon bread included.

Ah, well. She probably didn't miss anything important.

Sighing, Noa lowered the Recovery Item. "…What?"

Archer gave her a bemused look. "…I was _saying _that we should probably clean the mansion while he's gone."

"But you told me not to clean after I flooded the laundry room." Noa stated, puzzled.

"Ah… yes. Right." The Archdemon nodded once. "Which is why _I'm_ going to clean the house while you go out and feed Harold. I'll even send you with a nice lunch, and you can spend the afternoon there."

"Oooh." Noa perked up, already excited. Archer-nee made the best lunches. And breakfasts. And dinners. And pastries. And basically anything that could be made in a kitchen.

Archer-nee was just amazing in general, really, even if she was a bit silly when it came to love. She just hadn't realized how simple it was just to accept her own vulnerability when it came to entrusting her heart to the gentle Dragon.

Archer-nee giggled softly, reaching out to ruffle Noa's hair. "You're adorable, you know?"

Noa blinked, tilting her head in confusion. Archer-nee just smiled wider, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "All right, you. I'll grab a few ingredients from Ancient One's storage, then I'll send you off."

Nodding, Noa finished off the last of the melon bread. The sweet had been pilfered from Bukubukuchagama's possessions, and unfortunately the supply was getting low. While the Dragon had a lot of Items usable for both cooking and Alchemy, none of them could be used to make more melon bread.

…Why did Noa steal the Slime's melon bread, you might ask?

Because fuck her.

She never ate it anyway, and according to Archer-nee she tried to steal their Dragon away more than once using some evil method called 'flirting'.

Vindictiveness might not have been Noa's style per se, but she certainly wasn't above passive-aggressive sweet theft.

Nodding once to herself, Noa licked off her fingers and rose to her feet. "I'll go get ready."

No, not get ready as in 'go pick out clothes for a nice outing', more like 'go change into the outfit Archer had told her was appropriate for a picnic'. Apparently wearing something see-through was close enough to nudity that it flustered Archer-nee, so it was against the rules to wear The Evening Star into an area where others might see her in it.

It made no real sense to leave behind a powerful piece of equipment when approaching a dangerous former World Threat, but Archer-nee insisted, and Archer-nee knew best.

By the time Noa returned to the kitchen, there was already an Infinite Backpack waiting for her. She pulled it on, looked around for Archer-nee, and resolved to thank her later.

The door swung open, and Noa stepped out into the backyard. Bare feet moved against the smooth stone of the path as Noa walked towards the invisible Gate disguised as a simple archway. She was already picturing the hill that hid the family pet, the Gate plucking the location out of her thoughts and instantly sending her on her way.

The land around the World Turtle was green and beautiful, though not due to any real effort on nature's part. Not unless you counted Noa's irritated Spells to fix the torn earth and torn plants caused by the Turtle's movement. She didn't hold it against the giant beast, though. He couldn't help how large he was. He could hardly be expected to understand the value of nice terrain when he quite literally qualified as a part of it.

No matter.

The Turtle slowly opened a giant eye as she approached, a picnic basket in tow. He blinked slowly, not even bothering to move.

"Hello, Harold. Food time." Noa told the World Turtle, holding out a hand. Her Nature's Herald Skill allowed the Turtle to understand her perfectly, whether or not he cared what she was saying. "Would you mind if I sit on your shell after I feed you?"

Predictably, the Turtle ignored everything after the word 'food'. It had what Aura-nee called a 'no fucks given' attitude towards everything, so Noa didn't take it personally.

The Turtle blinked sleepily at her, glanced at the watering hole where it would have to go in order to eat, then apparently decided it wasn't worth the effort. Two enormous eyes closed, and Harold settled back down to sleep.

No matter. All the better for a nice picnic.

Activating **[Tree Walk]**, Noa stepped back through the bark of a spruce and shifted through numerous different trees until she found the one she was looking for. She stepped out, looking around. Before her was a beautiful view of the eighth Floor, an expanse of nature that stretched in all directions for many kilometers. The sun felt nice against her skin, warm and friendly even if it was just a fake.

Noa sat down, leaning back against the tree she had stepped through. A picnic blanket was lazily tossed out in front of her, a basket placed on top of it. All she had to do now was wait, relaxing until Archer-nee told her it was time to return. Just sit atop the shell of a giant World Turtle and enjoy the world around her.

Reclined back against the trunk of a young oak, Noa sleepily wondered how Harold saw the world, the errant thought guiding her back into the world of dreams.

* * *

Harold was a turtle. He liked to sleep and eat. The large Dragon was very nice and fed him lots of tasty plants. Sometimes the small things that smelled like the large Dragon or the small pointed-ear thing came to feed him as well, but the portions were always much smaller, and the small pointed-ear thing didn't scratch Harold under the chin.

Quite a pity, considering Harold liked a good scratch under the chin.

Harold yawned, slowly sinking back into a nice comfortable nap with dreams of more crunchy armored things to munch on one day.

Life is rather simple when you're a World Turtle.

* * *

Aura watched the ancient Dragon hum softly to himself as he worked, heart pounding in her throat. She wasn't supposed to be here. If she hadn't borrowed an Item from Demiurge, she wouldn't even be capable of surviving in the harsh air of the Lava Floor.

But still… it was definitely worth it.

She subtly wiped her mouth of drool as he stopped hammering to stretch, corded muscles rippling in the dull light of the forge. It was a sight more than worth the lengthy preparations she had made to get it, no matter what others might imply.

See, the past week had consisted of the Ancient One 'buying out the Pureia Market', as Momonga-sama put it. The rarest and most valuable Items in the Nine Realms were bought up or taken by the ancient Dragon in a rapid surge, something that utterly baffled the others of her kind.

But she knew. She had seen the signs before, this was the beginning of one of his projects. And if there was one thing she knew about said projects, they usually ended up with him shirtless in his forge.

She didn't care _why_ he was in his forge, just that she had a convenient hiding place to, ahem, _appreciate_ the view.

Would his Maidens be annoyed if they found out? Most likely. Would Shalltear tease her until the end of time if she knew? Most definitely. But did she care? Most certainly not.

The Ancient One's pace slowed, and he fell silent as he held something large and golden up to the light. It shone brilliantly even in the low illumination, a burnished gold piece of metal in a very specific shape.

Oh. _Oh_.

He was making a Metal Golem of some sort. A Blade Golem, perhaps, or a Living Armor.

Aura nodded once to herself, adjusting her pose. She was lying flat on her belly with her chin propped on crossed arms, squeezed into a small space likely meant for ventilation. Metal Golems took quite some time to build properly, so she would be there for a while.

One might think that a Beast Tamer like Aura would find the proceedings boring. One would be wrong about that. Because, in truth, she wasn't there to watch his work, she was there to watch _him_.

In a totally non-creepy way.

Honestly.

She only got nosebleeds from the dry air, no other reason.

The ancient Dragon placed the sheet of metal in position, then moved back to pick up another brick of gold. His arm raised, his hammer glowing from within. Muscles larger than Aura's head flexed, bringing the hammer down with a mighty blow. The shock of the blow ran down his back, muscles rippling harmony to contain the force.

And what a nicely toned back it was…

Oh yes. Mare could take care of their Floor by himself. She would be busy for quite some time.

* * *

I nodded to myself, closing the NPC creation screen. Nazarick had an extra Level from when I deleted a pointless character no one had even bothered to name, so I took it upon myself to fill it. I had already filled the Tomb with various Golems capable of matching high-Level NPCs in terms of raw power, which took care of anything that may require expendable forces.

That just left me to make someone to direct them.

This would be another of my many experiments that were dotted around Nazarick, far below the notice of the oft-absent Guildmaster. A simple Level 1 Air Elemental with nothing special about him.

Except, of course, the flavor text.

I do, of course have rules for what I do and don't add, rules that would remain even during his creation.

But while I likely couldn't turn him into a Level 100 just by adding a few lines… I could make him an absolute expert at using his powers, a positively lethal being with no real morals.

"You will be Whisper." I told the blank Elemental lowly, a smirk toying at my lips. "My silent aide, dwelling within the darkness. Serve me well, as you have for all of time."

Yes. To him, it would have been with me since 'the beginning', a time that his limited memory only vaguely recalled. Before the Cataclysm, a fictional disaster of my own design. Before the World Tree's death, which would be coming very soon. And through it all, he would live, endlessly honing his simple abilities through sheer force of repetition.

If I couldn't give him EXP… let's see if I can simulate _experience_ instead.

Time was ticking on. Running low. Running out. But I didn't mind.

_Time is meaningless compared to eternity._

* * *

I closed my eyes, my shaking shoulders the only sign of my suppressed laughter.

"You what?" I managed, clamping down on the smile that threatened to split my face.

"I'm letting you go." The manager dismissed idly, flipping through pages on his clipboard. "Your numbers have been down for some time, plus there's that leg of yours…"

I neglected to mention the fact that it had been a factory accident in this very building that had turned me into an unwilling amputee. This world didn't matter, none of it mattered.

And reality had just thrown me the last tether I had remaining in this world.

I fought back my snickers, knowing he would never understand the joke. He would still be here in a few days, still working his endless job where people were reduced to numbers and lives were cheaper than machinery. But I would be _free._

"I understand, sir." I said politely, bowing. "Thank you for your years of employment. Will I be receiving the customary benefits?"

The manager grunted, reaching into his pocket to pull out a crumpled envelope. "Here. Now get. I have an interview in ten minutes."

An interview for the job I just vacated? Well, I hadn't expected anything less. I took the envelope, bowed respectfully, and left the building.

The moment my gas mask was on, I no longer bothered to hold in the guffaws of laughter that had been building inside of me. Oh, the poor, poor fool. I had planned this all perfectly. Yes, my numbers had been dropping, but that was because of my constant exhaustion from long hours of gaming. Sure, I hadn't known it had been coming now, but I knew it would always be a possibility.

See, the company policy states that upon releasing an employee with disabilities, they had to give them a small pension up front that would support them until they could get their next job. Of course, that never happened in this shitty society, so most people in my situation squandered it on drugs, but not I. No, I was already planning out the last week of my life.

This check will pay for enough food and nanomachines to barricade myself into my room and never come out. The windows could be bolted, the doors firmly shut and barred. No one would disturb me when I was so close, no one would take my life when it was so close to being complete.

One way or another… my life would end soon. And any world other than this one will be fine by me.

* * *

**A/N:**

**…Yes. I am late. Very late. This release was supposed to take place ****_three days ago_****. But in my defense, Path of Exile's Blight League released and I was faced with the difficult choice between playing it and writing. So here I am with a Level 86 Trickster and one paragraph left to write, suddenly wondering where all my free time went.**

**Loyal readers, I'm sorry for subjecting you to that. My gaming addiction comes and goes, as does my muse. **

**Now for something a tad more important. **

**This story. Or rather, the idea behind it.**

**I started writing this because I didn't see what I wanted out of an existing Overlord fic. And when you're a fanfic writer, that gives you two options. Quietly grumble about it… or write what you imagine the best possible fic could be.**

**People keep telling me they love the idea behind this fic. Well, here's a curveball—you can have the idea. It's yours for the taking. Any one of you, please, write what you think could be the best possible Overlord fic. Use this idea if you want, hell, use this ****_world_**** if you don't want to worry about the world-building aspect. I write because I want others to understand the potential I see in a fandom, not because I want recognition.**

**So I offer you all a challenge. Go out and write a fic. Even if it's a one-shot, even if you think it's complete garbage. Overlord is an underappreciated fandom full of terrible storytelling, and I believe it deserves better. I'm a monkey with a typewriter that somehow managed Shakespeare, so chances are any one of you can do it again.**

**Here. I'll even give you the prompt.**

**Your MC (SI or just an OC, whichever) dies and wakes up several years prior to the end of YGGDRASIL. Having nothing else to do, the MC decides 'screw reality, I'm going somewhere better' before proceeding to form their Guild into their perfect paradise.**

**Come on. You can't say you can't do something with that.****_ Highschool DxD_**** has more fics than this fandom, and it's a show based purely off absurdity. (Yes, I do say that as someone who has shamelessly written two fics for that fandom.)**

**So open up WordPad or Notes or whatever you have. Type something up. Run it through spell-check. Post it. If nothing else, ****_try_****. **

**Go on. I believe in you.**

**That's our show, thanks for watching. I'll see you all at the bottom of the next chapter!**


	8. Act II: Prologue

Act II: Breaking Reality for the Hell of It

* * *

Prologue—Dead in the Water

* * *

**2138 AD**

By the last week, I had figured out the best method of farming and had begun to climb levels with an obscene speed. I reached Level 200 only a day ago, but I quickly figured out that this was the limit of the game itself. Disappointing, but understandable. The Developers never expected someone to have such a high Level, and I couldn't expect them to program a whole new Levelling algorithm after everything they'd done.

I didn't allocate all of my Levels. That would be silly, especially with the plans I had. A very specific set of gear was on my person, all of which I had made myself.

Go on. See if you can spot the common theme.

**_The Circlet of New Ability—Mystic-Class Item_**

_Bypasses Skill requirements and instead allows for direct EXP consumption instead of needing Job EXP to Level-up. _

_-Allows the wearer to gain Levels in the 'Wild Magic Caster' Job Class. If Job hits Max Level while Item is equipped, Job becomes permanent._

_-Allows the wearer to gain Levels in the 'Martial Artist' Job Class. If Job hits Max Level while Item is equipped, Job becomes permanent._

-_Allows the wearer to gain Levels in the 'Runesmith' Job Class. If Job hits Max Level while Item is equipped, Job becomes permanent._

_Item requires at least Player Level 150 to equip._

**_Ring of Allowance—Mystic-Class Item_**

_Allows access to any Caster-type Job Class at Level 1. If Job hits Max Level while Item is equipped, Job becomes permanent._

_Item requires at least Player Level 150 to equip._

**_Ring of False Skill—Legendary-Class Item_**

_Allows the user to learn any High, Rare, or Unique Job Class at Level 1 without learning the previous Job Classes it requires._

_Item requires at least Player Level 150 to equip._

**_Ring of Equivalence—Mystic-Class Item_**

_If the user has one of the Blacksmith-derived High Classes, they automatically have equal Job Levels in any other Blacksmith-derived High Classes they might have._

_If the user has one of the Sage-derived High Classes, they automatically have equal Job Levels in any other Caster-type High Classes._

_Item requires at least Player Level 150 to equip._

**_Ring of the Returning Warrior—Mystic-Class Item_**

_Allows the user to regain all Skills and Job Classes they may have lost during a Race Change. Allows the user to regain any and all Experience they may have lost during a Race Change._

_Gives all Job Classes at Level 1 or below a 100% boost in rate of growth, decreasing by 20% per Level gained._

_Item requires at least Player Level 150 to equip._

Yep. That's right. The same instant I arrive in the New World, just before my Avatar becomes real, I'll gain every Job Class I can at the highest Level possible. Bear in mind that my human form has ten ring slots, too, so that little taste is just to get you on the right track. It's no fun if I tip my hand to you now… I'll wait to do that until the proper time. But needless to say, no matter how many I add, as far as the New World is concerned, It'll be as if I had them the whole time. As for that last little addition… well. Do recall that I had another Level 100 Avatar. My human form is a bit of a glass cannon without my Natural Armor to protect me, so giving it the Job Classes and Skills my Pugilist Avatar once had would give it one hell of a boost.

One last little exploit before I enter the New World. One last hurrah.

Because today was the last day. The last hours before the transition I had been anticipating my whole life.

I didn't know if my gear would function as intended. I didn't even know if they would work at all. But it was better to try and fail than to never try at all.

So instead, I wandered Nazarick while Momonga spoke to the few people who showed up. I greeted every NPC by name, thanking them for their service and for their loyalty to Nazarick. Whether the jump occurred or not, The End was neigh. The least I could do was thank them.

I stopped by my mansion briefly, visiting my Maidens to spend some more time with them. Noa seemed content in her position by her tree, but I still had to move her in order to gather her and her sister together for one final conversation.

My Maidens had all been created in full knowledge that they would one day become real, but I still followed a theme with them. Noa and Archer represented the concepts of life and death brought to human form. Each of them had been created with one main idea in mind.

_The quietly enthusiastic Divine Spirit with a desire to learn all there was to know._

_The withdrawn Archdemon with the heart of a maiden who lives only to serve her beloved master._

I smiled, nodding to myself and checking over their code one last time. They would be an excellent harem if this pulled through… but if not, then at least I tried.

If, if, if… so much if. If the transfer to the New World actually occurred. If the plans I'd laid actually worked. If I didn't waste my life on a game that simply shut down without the slightest hint of a supernatural shift.

Fucking hell, my nerves are really getting to me.

"You two look beautiful today." I told my Maidens. They didn't reply, but I didn't mind. "Follow me, we're going to have one last walk before The End."

They obediently fell into step behind me as I turned and started towards the gate of my mansion. It had a 'doorway' function built in, allowing me to jump to different locations as I pleased. My Maidens followed as I walked into the Meeting Room, stopping short as I noticed there was another occupant beyond who I expected.

"—Later and later." I heard a voice say. I blinked, noticing the Elder Ooze Herohero sitting at the table.

_'Ah, right. I nearly forgot he would be here.'_ I mentally flicked the NPC settings to 'wait', stepping forward out of earshot. Standard practice whenever I knew a conversation shouldn't be heard by them.

"Hello, Herohero." I greeted. "It's been ages."

The Ooze turned in surprise. "Ancient One-san!" He greeted tiredly. "Ah, you're right. It's been what… two years? Wow." He drooped. "I guess working overtime so much has messed with my sense of time. Sorry."

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I understand how you feel. Inflation is creeping up, you know. I've had to get a factory job just to eat."

Both Herohero and Momonga swiveled in surprise. "Wait, but you're retired!" The Ooze protested.

I smiled grimly. "Tell that to society."

"Damn." He muttered. "That has to suck."

I nodded in agreement. "More than you'd think. It's like I won a contest, and the prize is entry to another contest. It's ridiculous, but I deal."

"So… any reason your Maidens are following you?" Momonga asked, obviously trying to steer the subject back to safer waters.

I glanced back. "Well, I was just taking one more tour of the place. You know, for old times' sake."

"Ah." The skeleton sighed. "I should've done that…"

"Sorry I took up so much of your time." Herohero apologized, bowing slightly. "I don't get the chance to complain much IRL."

"It's fine." The Guildmaster dismissed. "I'm just glad you could make it."

"Yeah…" The Ooze sighed softly. "It's nice to have friends to talk to again…" He glanced to the side. "…But it's getting pretty late, and I have a meeting tomorrow."

I glanced at the HUD clock.

_23:53:33_

I winced slightly. The time was getting very close. The End was neigh.

"Ah, yeah, I guess it really is getting late." Momonga agreed, oblivious.

"I'd love to keep going, it's just that I'm almost falling asleep, here…" He apologized again.

I shook my head. "Go right ahead. Momonga and I are planning to stay until the very end."

"That would be nice." The Ooze agreed, yawning. "I guess… well, good luck. I hope we meet again someday."

Momonga and I nodded politely. "Someday." He agreed.

_'Unless, of course, a miracle occurs.'_ I added mentally.

The Elder Ooze disappeared, his avatar vanishing from the room as he logged out.

I sighed, turning to my friend. "It's almost time."

He nodded, rising from the table. "I… never got the chance to thank you, Ancient One. For staying with me until the end, even though your life has gotten so much worse lately."

I smiled at him, not that he could see it. "There's no need. If anything, I should be thanking you. I got this chance to play God, after all. It's been fun."

"It has." He agreed, his eyes slowly trailing the room. "Your best weapons… our trophies of war… even some of our World Items. This room holds our greatest achievements."

I scoffed. "Oh, please. I think the NPCs are better than any musty old weapon. They're the children of the others, after all."

"Fair point." He acknowledged, drifting towards a large golden staff. "…Since it's the last day and all, do you mind if I…?"

I glanced at the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown. I had a copy in my Inventory, so even if I vanished without him I would be able to make my way back to Nazarick once it resurfaced. "Go right ahead. A weapon is made to be used, after all."

He picked it up, the grip of the weapon forming perfectly to his skeletal grip. Just as I designed it to be. Finely textured black flames roared to life, painting the image of trapped, screaming faces. Momonga didn't even react, which kind of took the fun out of the jumpscare effects to begin with. "You kind of went overboard with this." He told me, amused.

I grinned. "Worth it. When I first gave it to you, you almost dropped it surprise."

"It's not my fault you actually took the game's recording of a Death Scream and set it to activate over ten times at once."

"Nope. Totally mine. Funny as hell, though."

Momonga sighed, shaking his head. "Let's just go."

He opened the door to the hall, noting the line of NPCs waiting for him. "Ah… right. The Pleiades and Sebas Tian, if I remember correctly. Follow."

The NPCs fell in line behind the lich as he began to walk towards the Throne Room. I followed as well, my Maidens at my heels. The lich opened the grand double doors, stepping onto the red carpet with a nostalgic sigh. We entered the grand room and I followed the Guildmaster to the **[Throne of Kings]** that we had won so long ago. He sat down, sighing contentedly. "This brings back memories…"

I chuckled. "What, do you want me to turn into my Dragon form for a picture?"

He started laughing as well, remembering the cramped photo of our first triumph. His laughter trailed off as he noticed the familiar face by the Throne. He held up the Staff, bringing up her character information. "Ah… Albedo. Tabula-san's creation." He eyed the code, sighing. "He always was a perfectionist…" He muttered, scrolling repeatedly. "Head of Nazarick's defenses… tall beauty… what's this? She's actually a nymphomaniac?"

I winced. _'Ah… right.'_ "I couldn't talk him out of that one." I said weakly. "It used to be 'slut', though…"

"Huh…" He kept scrolling. "Beloved by all… H-cup? Jesus, who even _makes_ an H-cup?"

I coughed.

"…Of course. Right. Should've guessed." He mumbled. "Well… since it's the last day and all… I don't think he'd mind…"

I watched, my heart pounding, as he added a single line of code. The fateful change that would normally be his last action before the shutdown.

"And… she… loves… Momonga…" He narrated as he typed. Then he paused, cringing. "Oh, God, I sound like a geek…"

I raised an eyebrow. "Do you see me judging you?" I gestured to my two Maidens. "Me, of all people?"

He snorted. "Good point. Anything you want to do?"

I stepped over, glancing at the bio. "Eh… make her willing to be in a harem."

He gave me an incredulous look. "What?"

I smirked. "Oh, it's just a line of text that I added to both of my Maidens. If she's still here in YGGDRASIL II, Tabula will be _pissed_."

A partial lie, but one that would bring me much amusement if everything worked out.

The Overlord shrugged, entering the lines of text. "Is that it?"

"Yep." I paused, bringing up my own menu screen. "Wait a minute, if you're going to go out with a ridiculous amount of firepower and a ridiculous joke, then I am too!" I equipped the 'Ultimate Raid Boss' Job Class, then reached for the Staff in Momonga's hands.

He handed it to me, watching as I pulled up Shalltear's bio. I deleted the line 'Is insecure about her chest size', before switching to the design screen and using my cash shop customization tools to increase her bust size from AA to an E-cup. Then, just for the hell of it, I added the words 'Has always been deeply and passionately in love with Momonga' to her text.

Hey. She might be powerful, but I already have my eye on a different Vampire loli. One that _isn't_ batshit crazy. And considering Momonga's always been a bit of a boob man, well, I figure I might as well. A little gift to him once he finally gets his head out of his ass, and a huge source of entertainment for _me_ before that happens.

"There." I released the Staff, allowing it to float over to the side of the Throne. "Now Pero's going to be pissed, too."

He eyed the changes. "…You sure about this?"

"Oh, yeah, totally. I never regret creating oppai lolis." I glanced at the clock.

_23:58:12_

"…But actually, I want to try one more thing." I brought up my own status screen, clicking my Race. It brought me to the Developer page that allowed me to edit the flavor text of my Race. "What do you think I should add?"

You know. Besides the absolute bullshit I had shoveled on in heaping piles just for the hell of it.

He squinted at the text. "The Dragon Race is one of passion and might. Dragons took multiple mates and gained significantly increased power from protecting Maidens." He read. "Ah, there's quite a lot here already… something about culture, and honor, and… wow. Those shitty Devs really pulled out all the stops on this one."

"They did." I agreed smugly. "Should I add anything else, though?"

He hummed, tapping the screen. "Dragons naturally attract pure maidens…" He trailed off as he read the final line in a paragraph. Then, snickering, he began to type. "In… more… ways… than… one."

I raised an eyebrow. "You trying to turn me into some sort of sex guru?"

He just laughed, closing the page. "It's just flavor text. Nothing too serious, right?"

I didn't laugh.

The lich sighed, glancing up at his HUD clock. I did the same with mine.

_23:59:17_

"No time to do anything else…" The lich murmured.

"No." I agreed. We sat in silence for a few seconds before I spoke once more. "In case this fails… thanks for being my friend, Momonga."

"Same." He held out a hand. "Thanks for being there with me, Ancient One."

I shook his hand, then returned to my spot by my girls. Momonga stared out over the NPCs before him and sighed, calling out a final command. "Bow down!"

The NPCs bowed, and the Overlord closed his eyes. "It's been fun." He murmured. "In fact… it's been a blast."

I closed mine as well, praying that the miracle would occur. The time was now, and if it didn't happen… I wouldn't know what to do.

_23:59:53_

_23:59:54_

_23:59:55_

_23:59:56_

I exhaled, reaching out to take Archer's hand. _'Come on… come on…'_

_23:59:58_

_23:59:59_

_00:00:00_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_00:00:01_

_00:00:02_

_00:00:03_

I opened my eyes, feeling another hand squeeze mine. My lips twitched into a faint smile, and I glanced up to the Throne. "Hey, Momonga—"

I stopped dead. A cold ball of dread fell in my stomach.

In all my plans, all my figures… I had never considered _this_.

The **[Throne of Kings]** sat innocently against the wall, utterly devoid of anything even remotely bone-like.

The Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown floated innocently at its side, Momonga never having picked it back up after I released it.

The Guild and the Staff were one, and it had never left my possession in the eyes of the game.

"Oh… _fuck._" I whispered.

"Ancient One-sama?" Archer's voice was alarmed. "What—"

I tuned her frantic speech out for the moment, closing my eyes and trying to **[Message]** the lich. Nothing. Not a thing. "This is bad."

Noa spoke up, reaching out to tug on my sleeve. "The old Tree is dead." She stated without emotion. "I felt it die."

I nodded absently, pulling up my Friends List just to check. "Are you all right?"

She nodded. "It knew its time was coming. It went peacefully." She looked around, a small frown tugging her lips. "But now that we're no longer in the World Tree's Branches, I'm no longer sure where we are. Nothing feels familiar." The small Spirit looked up at me, frown growing more pronounced. "I want to go back home."

"I know, love, but we have bigger problems right now." I raised my voice, looking up to address the rest of the room. "Attention all units. Momonga… Lord Momonga has vanished with no trace of any Magic. He hasn't teleported away, which leaves one of two possibilities. Either he was transported using means beyond our current knowledge, or _we_ were, leaving him behind. Sebas, go check our surroundings. Pleiades, return to your posts. Albedo, I want you to contact every Floor Guardian to spread the message. Until further notice, operate under the assumption that Nazarick is under attack."

No pause to confirm the world's newfound tangibility. No exposition to help me understand what was going on. I knew damn well what was going on, my main concern was figuring out what the fuck went wrong. All of the NPCs were pulled with when Nazarick shifted, so why didn't my bony friend?

But most importantly… if Momonga and I were pulled two different ways… did he arrive _before_ or _after_ I did?

The NPCs, no the _Servants_, bowed and did as they were bade. The Pleiades turned to the left, Sebas and Albedo to the right. The heavy door boomed shut behind them, leaving me in silence save for the soft breathing of my Maidens.

I rubbed my eyes, exhaling. _'All right, dumbass. Calm down. It makes no difference whether Momonga is here or not. Hell, your worst-case scenario left you with a lot less than this, and you had that planned up the wazoo. If anything, you got the better end of the deal.'_

_'Relax. Deep breaths. Panicking won't change anything. Forget Momonga for now, you can function just fine without him. If anything, this makes things easier for me. I don't have to spend time pretending to figure things out. Now. Priorities.'_

I turned to Archer, squeezing her hand lightly. Some part of me rumbled to life, drawing my attention to how appealing she looked in her form-fitting chestplate and red dress. "Would you like a kiss?" I offered on a whim, deciding to just go with the flow until I could figure it out.

She blinked, her tanned skin flushing. "I would, actually." Her voice was smooth and soft, like velvet on my ears. She coughed lightly in embarrassment as Noa turned to frown at her, the sound just as light and delicate as the rest of her seemed to be. "I mean yes, I would definitely appreciate a kiss."

I obliged, leaning in and pressing my lips against hers. She was warm and soft, easily curling into me as my arms wrapped around her. I pulled away a moment later, humming in amusement. "Thanks, love, I needed that."

"N-no problem." Archer mumbled, cheeks flushed. I could feel the dark-skinned girl's breasts pressing against my chest, even through her chestplate. I smiled contentedly, opening my arms in invitation. Both girls stepped into my embrace, their warmth a comfort that I didn't know I needed.

"Mine." I rumbled contentedly.

Noa nodded once. "Yours." She agreed softly.

Archer sighed, leaning forward to rest her head on my chest. "What are you planning to do? About… this?"

I sighed. "I… don't know yet. It depends. I'm waiting for Sebas to tell me where we are to make any decisions there."

Silence fell. Archer spoke up after a time, voice uncertain. "Is… is this a dream?"

I glanced around. "Not to my knowledge, no. I'd think I'm too irreplaceable for you to be fooled by a mere _dream_ version of me."

I could tell she was rolling her eyes. "You're an ass." Archer mumbled accusingly, face still buried in my shirt.

"I am." I agreed, amused. "You all right, there?"

"Fine. I'm just a bit angry that I could never touch you back." She gave me a glare, steely eyes flashing. "You spent almost ten years cuddling me, and I couldn't _once_ touch you in return. You're a real dick, you know that?"

I coughed, flushing. "I hadn't thought of it like that…"

"Too bad." She huffed, relaxing into me. "Because there's no way I'm leaving you alone now."

A thought sparked, making me glance up. "Actually, come to think of it… how much do you two remember?"

A carefully phrased question. I had deliberately made the two so they wouldn't know they had been 'created', and I was curious to see if it had worked.

Archer hummed, accepting my words without question. "I remember… most of Fuyuki, the fire and such… the Holy Grail War… my time as a Counter Guardian. My weapons all seem to be intact."

I nodded, smiling at her. "Good. I'm glad."

Inside, though, I exhaled a sigh of relief. _'Thank God that worked. That means that the flavor text addition to the game didn't ruin anything. She accepted it as her without an issue.'_

I nudged Noa. "What about you?"

The sleepy kuudere pulled away slightly, cocking her head. "Are we going back home now?"

"No, my love." I pecked her on the forehead, chuckling. I had made Noa to be a bit scatterbrained, so this was on par for the course. "How much do you remember?"

She frowned faintly, brows furrowing. "I remember you." She stated simply. "I remember Archer-nee. I remember you keeping me safe for a very long time. I remember how amazing it feels to sleep in the sun…" She trailed off, frown deepening. "When are we going home? I want to take a nap."

I chuckled. "Soon, love, just a bit longer. Now, it seems like you two made the transition well. Did your Magic?"

This was the last thing that I was concerned about. I had described their Magic in detail within their flavor text, so if all that was real now…

Archer held out a hand. A gleaming broadsword formed into her hand, solidifying almost instantly. "It works perfectly." She confirmed.

I exhaled in relief. "Good. Is there anything wrong with it?"

She hesitated, examining the blade. "Well, not _wrong_ per se…"

"Go on." I encouraged.

"It's just… I'm not encountering any resistance anymore." She sounded confused. "I should be feeling a bit of pushback, but there's nothing."

I nodded once. "All right, then. Noa?"

The Spirit yawned, a shimmering light coming to life around her. Probably some form of buff. "All good."

"Back to Gaia." Archer insisted. "Is there something wrong with it?"

I shook my head. "No, no, of course not."

"Then please. Explain."

"The version of Gaia in this world and the one we inhabited for the past ten years is vastly different than yours." I began, holding out a hand and summoning an orb of light. "It effects humans just fine, heavily limiting their Magic potential, but the non-human races don't get any pushback. Gaia sees it as 'natural' for us to be using Magic, so we're able to use it as much as we want."

"…And?" She pressed, looking irritated.

My hand shifted to her rear, where a small ribbon-like tail was hidden. I pulled it free, making her squeak in surprise. "You're not human anymore." I reminded her. I glanced at the tail, noting that it looked for all the world like one would imagine a Succubus's to be. "I, ah, couldn't make your form human all that easily because of several reasons, so I had to make you an Archdemon instead."

She blinked, cheeks still red. "I know _that_, but could you please let go of my tail? It's sensitive."

I chuckled to myself. _'Damn right it is. I made sure you were an Archdemon of Lust, so pretty much _everywhere_ is supposed to be sensitive.'_

"…You're thinking something perverted again, aren't you?" Archer deadpanned.

I nodded shamelessly. "I'll tell you later if you still want to know then."

She flushed, coughing. "…I'll hold you to it, then."

My smirk faded, and I released her tail. "But more seriously… do you remember your previous years as being an Archdemon?"

She nodded, face still flushed. "Yeah… female Demons don't experience some of the same… _issues_… as human women do, so I had to go to Albedo to make sure nothing was wrong."

"Different?" Noa prodded, suddenly curious. "Different how? And why would something be wrong?"

Archer flushed a deeper scarlet. "Demons of Lust don't have periods because we're always fertile." She mumbled. "I panicked and thought that I might've… well… something might've happened to me when I was under a sleep spell or something, and I had to be sure."

"Ah." The Spirit nodded once as if realizing something. "So you had to make sure you were still pure for Dragon-sama."

"T-that's not it at all!" Archer blurted, flushing. "I-I just didn't want to have to deal with a child before I was ready! I didn't even start wanting him until—" She coughed. "N-never mind. Forget I said anything."

I began to smirk. "Oh? And what if I don't want to forget?"

A blade materialized beside my neck. "Forget. It."

I gasped dramatically, knowing that the blade wouldn't even be able to draw blood. "Wait… has all your time around Rin turned you into a tsundere?"

The tanned Archdemon froze. "Oh _God_ no."

"I think we should nip that in the bud now, hmm?" I said smugly, then promptly leaned down and kissed her.

Her lips were warm and soft, and she soon began to lean into it. Her tongue pressed at my lips, and I allowed her to begin exploring my mouth. I held the passionate embrace for a few more seconds then pulled away, a small string of saliva connecting our mouths.

"…Oh." Archer whispered, eyes glazed over. "That _does_ feel good." She leaned forward, pressing another kiss to my lips. This time her entire demeanor had shifted, and she seemed almost _hungry_ as she twined her tongue around mine.

_Cling-ching~_

_"I bring grave news, Ancient One-sama. You may wish to hear this." _

A familiar voice made itself known, making me pull away. Archer tried to follow, seeming almost desperate as she tried to engage in another embrace.

Hmm. I hadn't considered that an overly amorous Archdemon might ever be a problem. Food for thought.

"Sebas." I spoke aloud, making Archer pause and reluctantly pull away. Noa blinked once, perking up. "What is it?"

_"Sir… we appear to be in a forest of some kind. I can see plains in the distance, and some mountains I believe. The air here is clear of poison or other harmful substances, and the forest seems bright and healthy."_

"So nothing close to where we were." I scratched my chin, thinking for a moment. "Judging by your description, we would most likely be in Midgard if this were YGGDRASIL… Noa?"

She frowned. "Don't know. This World is… strange."

I sighed, glancing at my open Skill window. The World Map passive hadn't activated, and the map only registered a single dot labelled 'Nazarick'.

The World Map wasn't a common feature in YGGDRASIL. You had to unlock the passive Skill by having a certain number of Levels in the Sage Job Class while completing a Quest called 'The Cartographer's Vision'. As one might imagine, I found that out completely by chance and was rather pissed when I realized that no one in their right mind would ever realize it was there.

…Not pissed enough to tell anyone else about it, of course. That would just be retarded.

"We may have to explore." I decided, slightly disappointed. If Momonga was here I could've left the exploring to him and gone to have sex with my Maidens instead.

Hey. _Priorities_.

I raised a hand to my ear, activating **[Message]**. "Sebas, I want you to return to your post. Once I've made sure that all of Nazarick's facilities are fully functioning, I'm going to organize an exploration party. Stand by until then."

_"Understood, my lord."_

I lowered my hand and ended the Spell, sighing. "I'm sorry, my love. It seems that the worst has come to pass. Please, take Noa back home and watch over her until I return. If the World Tree truly is dead… then she's all that's left. If she dies, I'm not sure what will happen to this World."

Archer nodded reluctantly, taking Noa by the hand. "Be safe."

Noa frowned, clinging tighter to me. "I don't want to leave."

My lips twitched, and I leaned down to pull her into a kiss. "Don't worry, beloved, you'll be safe with Archer. And besides, I'm sure you're tired, aren't you? We have been up all day preparing for… well, preparing. Why don't you and Archer go sleep it off? I'll probably be working all night, so by the time you wake I'll be back."

The Nature Spirit considered my words. "…Will Archer-nee hold me while we sleep?"

Archer smiled, wrapping her in a hug. "Of course, Noa. And in the morning, I'll make breakfast for the both of us."

She finally released my sleeve, nodding. "Okay."

I smiled. "Archer, do you have the Guild Ring?"

"Of course."

"Then go ahead and lock the door behind you. I'll see you both in the morning."

Noa waved slightly. "Bye."

I waved back, and the two flickered out of existence.

I would experiment and 'experiment' more with them later. Honestly this situation never occurred to me—I had my Inventory upgraded to infinite and stocked with everything I might need to survive a couple centuries, and I was also prepared to go through canon at the same time as Momonga… but being in the New World with Nazarick and no Momonga, presumably centuries before or after the skeleton arrives?

No. I can adapt. Just because I had previous plans doesn't mean I can't make new ones as I go along. Step one, run basic maintenance on Nazarick, checking things over. I have to operate under the assumption that we're in this for the long haul, which means I'll have to bring out my plans for the long game far before when I would've otherwise.

For now, I'll just ignore Momonga entirely; as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't exist. I'll have to figure that out later, now I have more pressing matters to attend to.

In any given scenario, I always had a simple bare-bones plan laid out for my entry into the New World. I added two steps onto the end to account for my current situation, running them all through my mind in order of priority.

Step one. Test all Crafting mechanics, make sure they all work as expected. If they don't, use the Orbs of Regret designed to let me re-allocate Job Levels into a different Class. There's no point in being a craftsman if none of the Class Skills function.

Step two. See if new Skills can be learned. If they can, learn the New World-only Skills as soon as possible. In-game, one could give an Item the ability to grant its' user a Skill or Job Class. If Crafting works, there's a good chance I've gained the Classes I planned to.

Step three. Check on my farms. Yes, I have farms. No, they didn't function in-game. But now that we're in the real world, they should function just fine, giving us an infinite supply of food and EXP. If EXP even works in this world, that is.

Step four. Ensure that Nazarick is fully hidden. This ties back to step one, since many of the decorations on the surface level of Nazarick are Items I made using a small bit of Magic and a whole lot of bullshit. If we're not hidden, we have a big problem.

And finally, step five. Discover the current area and time period. If we're in the past, set up camp and prepare for a long wait. Make changes to canon as necessary, yes, but do so cautiously. If we're in the future, assume Momonga arrived before us and find him. If we arrived at the start of canon… burn the world, I guess? I never really cared all that much for the storyline, but I do know that the Slane Theocracy needs to be nuked once or twice. After that everything should work out.

I turned away, activating my own Guild Ring and disappearing in a flash of light.

It was time to finally test the preparations I had been making for the better part of ten years.

* * *

Let me prelude my projects with a simple question.

If you had the power to add any flavor text to a Crafted Item with the knowledge that it may one day become real, what would you do?

…

…

…

Yeah, it's harder than it sounds, isn't it? At that point you could make an Item that summons the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man for shits and giggles or, I don't know, one that creates an enslaved Esdeath for your enjoyment.

But when you stop and think about it… that wouldn't make sense, would it? Where would the ability come from to summon something like that? In YGGDRASIL that kind of power would either take Mana or require you to use Data in your weapon to hold that sort of functionality. But if you just add that flavor text to a feather and expect it to summon a marshmallow man, you'll probably end up gesturing vaguely at the sky and wondering when he's going to show up.

So instead of trying our luck at making ourselves God-Emperor of the Heavens with a few lines of text, let's assume there are some restrictions, seeing as even Magic has its limits. The Items don't miraculously become game-breaking wonders capable of fathomless power when you add extra fluff to them. They still operate under the game's explicit rules, after all, and you can't just wave your hand and say 'BECAUSE IT WORKS!'. These Items are Magic, not World Items.

With all this in mind, I sat down and made a list of limits for myself to follow while making the Items.

First restriction—the Item's flavor text has to describe a mechanic that could feasibly be added to the game. I can't make a scarf and say 'it gives the wearer the power to kill anyone they want instantly', since the game forbids truly instant death. Even the highest-Tier Spells take a second or two to activate, and another half second to take effect. I could, however, say that the scarf gives the wearer access to **[True Death]**, a Spell that one would be able to get through normal gameplay if they had the correct Classes.

Second restriction—the Item has to have enough free Data space not used for enchantments or Stat boosters. It has to support the flavor text as if it were added as an extra enchantment. This isn't too hard to get around if you're Crafting the Item yourself, you just have to create an empty Divine-Class Item and stuff it with empty Data Crystals. Presto, instant Item with zero modifications whatsoever.

Third restriction—the flavor text has to apply an effect as if it were an actual enchantment. I know this one sounds redundant considering the other two, but there's good reason. In the game, the better the enchantments you added, the more specific the requirements were to use the Item. In this case, it's just common sense. Sure, I _may_ be able to just make a sword with the power to 'set everything it hits on fire', but if I didn't then say 'Requires at least one Level in Pyromancer', it might not work. Reality is still a reflection of a video game, after all, and every Magic System has limits.

Fourth restriction—avoid absolutes like the plague. If I gave a weapon 'infinite power', what would that do to reality? If I gave a pair of dice the ability to make 'perfect rolls', would they come up differently? Roll twelves every time? Would they develop a form of intelligence in order to read the situation and react accordingly? Hell, would they become _sentient_? I long ago decided that I _really_ didn't want to find out.

Of course, any one of these restrictions on text could prove false. I could be wasting my time trying to fit into a box that isn't there. But if I _don't _add that box, then the possibilities for what I could do were literally infinite.

Don't get me wrong. I still plan on using the next century or so of my life to test exactly what I can and can't do with flavor text. I still have all my Levels in Blacksmith and Weapon Smith, in addition five Levels in a Rare Class I picked up called 'Arcane Smith'. I should be able to edit flavor text just fine so long as I Craft the Item myself.

So, obviously, my first priority is to test the effects of exactly that.

I appeared in my smithy, a hidden area on Floor 7 I had decked out in everything a man might need to forge weapons. Not just the medieval way, either, hell no. I went all-out, buying an advanced Data Pack from the cash shop so I could insert things like belt sanders and lathes. Everything in here was made unbreakable via flavor text, a completely legitimate move due to there being enchantments that allowed the same thing.

I ignored those things for the moment, moving over to a solid metal bin that I had made myself with my Smithing Skill. It looked rather like someone had just welded a few low-Level tower shields together, because honestly that's what had happened. Despite me being able to make custom models of everything from welding torches to turning tables, the ability to make a plain box of metal was apparently something no one ever thought to include in the game. Hence the odd appearance of the box.

The outside didn't matter, though, not in the least. No, what mattered was what it might allow me to do. Namely, I had made it say it 'reset' itself every time the lid closed, drawing on surrounding Mana to refill itself.

I opened the lid, examining the contents for a moment. It was stocked to the brim with bricks of every metal and Prismatic Ore in the game, compacted and fit neatly inside the large cube. I picked up a brick of iron, setting it aside and closing the lid. I waited a moment, then re-opened it. Once more, the sight of a fully stocked bin greeted me, the missing brick once more in place despite the fact that it was currently sitting on a workbench to my left.

I grinned.

Fuck yes. Infinite Items glitch confirmed.

I closed the lid once more, deciding to leave messing with that particular oddity for another day. Instead, my hands reached up to brush the Circlet I had made in anticipation of this very event.

If that had worked, then it stood to reason…

I inhaled, exhaled, then pulled up my Stats screen.

_Alchemist (15)_

_Sage (15)_

_Blacksmith (15)_

_Weapon Smith (10)_

_Item Smith (10)_

_Armor Smith (10) _

_Runesmith (10) _

_Wild Magic Caster (10)_

_Martial Artist (10)_

_Arcane Smith (5)_

_The Ultimate Raid Boss (5)_

_Savior of Worlds (5)_

_Purveyor of Eternity (5)_

_Sentinel of the Fallen World (5)_

_Soldier of the Wastelands (5)_

_Etc._

I grinned, silently fist-pumping. It had worked. I was stuck at Level 191 due to the EXP drain from Wild Magic Caster Leveling itself, but that was easily fixed now that I was confident in this world's sway over various Items.

I leaned over to where a large wooden box rested, opening my Storage and plunging a hand into the murky depths. After a while of rummaging, I finally pulled out a single **[Mirror of Kalandra]**. Then I tugged the Experience Ring off my finger, almost buzzing in anticipation.

In the game, the Mirror could only ever copy the Item itself, but never the metadata. That meant that while I could make copies of the EXP ring, they were entirely empty and entirely useless. The caveat of the Mirror is that Mirrored Items cannot be changed in any way, which is a big fucking problem when your ring's only purpose is to increase a very specific numeric value.

But here…

I placed my ring on the Mirror, watching in fascination as the reflective surface came to life. It crawled over the surface of the ring, paused, then slowly returned to being a flat surface. I extended my finger, and the silver material stretched out to wrap around it. It withdrew a moment later, a perfect replica around my finger. The mirror remained in place, sitting innocently in my hand even though its purpose had been fulfilled.

My eyes widened as I considered the World Item. Did the New World let World Items be reused? No, that wouldn't make sense…

Unless…

_'…Oh, damn.'_

I reached back to where **[Once in a Lifetime]** was woven into my warrior's braid. A World Item specifically designed to let one use non-Crafting Items an infinite number of times.

It didn't matter much in the long run considering how many copies of each Item I had stored up in my Storage, but still… damn, Devs. What were you smoking when you let this thing affect _other World Items_?

I shook my head in bemusement, putting back the Mirror and setting my original ring off to the side. I slid on the Mirrored EXP ring, concentrating for a moment until I found the mental switch to activate it. It began to glow, brighter and brighter, until finally the whole thing dissolved. No notifications assaulted me, much to my surprise. That was one difference, the game never failed to tell you when you raised your Level. Odd.

I cleared my throat. "Show Player Level."

**_[Ancient One]_**

_Level 256_

A long, low whistle escaped me. "That's… that's something." A sudden thought occurred, and I cursed. "Dammit, I really should've thought that one through. My Dragon form is going to be fucking _huge_."

Unless…

Well.

It was time to test the Skills I had honed to perfection over my years of gaming. I picked up the brick I had removed from the box, heading over to the anvil and equipping my **[Crafting Hammer]**.

In case you're wondering, no, this isn't a Magic Item.

It's a _World Item_.

Yes, they do exist for Crafting Classes, and no, I did not tell a soul I had one such Item. As for what it does, well, let's just say it deals zero damage whatsoever but gives boosts to Crafting Skills and allows for me to apply absolutely bullshit mods to any Item I make with it.

I placed the iron brick into the lava-powered forge, waited for it to heat, then picked it up with my bare hands to begin the process of forming it into something useful. I decided on a plain ring to begin with, my hands moving of their own accord as my Smithing Skill went to work. Despite having never lifted a hammer in my life, I somehow knew exactly where to strike with the tool to draw the iron out into a bar. I grabbed a chisel to cut off the unneeded iron, tossing the unused section aside for a later project. Then I took the still-hot metal over to the lathe in the corner, boring a hole out in the center.

Job done, I smoothed out the edges with some sandpaper and set it down to admire my work.

_Item Creation success!_

**_Name: _/~~~~~~/**_**—High-Class Item** _

_Description: _/~~~~~~/

I stared at the box for flavor text, wordlessly closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

Evil cackling could be saved for later. Restrain yourself, Ko.

I began to type, fingers blurring across the keyboard as I filled in the empty box with words. I kept it simple, hoping to test it out as soon as possible.

_Ancient One's Ring—High-Class Item_

_Prevents Skill 'Natural Growth' from calculating past Level 100 while equipped._

_Does not cost extra Mana to sustain buff: __**[Size Down]**__._

_Buff: __**[Size Down]**__ can be stacked as many times as needed._

I slid the ring on, nodding to myself. It was more of a cursed item than anything, really, seeing as it only granted a disadvantage, but I didn't care. It fit snugly, and it would keep me from becoming more of a behemoth. If I ever needed to use my maximum size, I could just take off the ring before transforming.

Just to make sure it was working, I activated a single **[Size Down]**. My perception altered slightly, everything in the room suddenly taller by comparison. I waited patiently, but there was no drain of power from the Buff.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

If anything, this new Crafting system was even more broken than the previous one. And if there was one thing I loved, it was a broken Crafting system.

Satisfied, I turned and left the area, cancelling the Buff. A flash of Magic later, and I was walking into the main portion of Floor 8.

Now that my personal curiosities were out of the way, it was time to examine the rest of Nazarick.

Item one: complete.

Item two: Farms.

"Aureole Omega." I called, stepping out into the Cherry Blossom Sanctuary. "Are you here?"

"Yes, my lord."

I turned, seeing a bowing woman clad in traditional shrine maiden garb. The maid was in charge of the teleportation gates in Nazarick, but more importantly, she was in charge of my next attempt at an experiment.

"Ah, Aureole." I smiled at her. "Rise. No need for formalities, I'm just checking around, seeing if anything is broken. Tell me, are the Farms still working as they should?"

The Farms. An area of Nazarick that didn't technically exist. It wasn't a trick of the flavor text, not really, rather a clever method of using NPCs to do my work for me. I had set every one of them up as simple Level 1 Elves, each dedicated to farming a different section of land that I had flattened for their use. As far as they were concerned, they were farmers that had been tending to their crop all their lives. They knew everything there was to know about their crop, and thanks to the Second-Tier **[Grow Plant]** Spell that they all knew, they could conceivably beat world records for farming.

One slight problem existed, however.

In YGGDRASIL, you couldn't grow usable materials, only plants that vanished after a while. If you wanted something, you had to get it from a drop or trade with another Player. However, in the New World, 'Farmer' was a Job Class that Enri Emmot and the rest of her village all had.

So I made a decision. A decision to try to give NPCs Classes that they were never intended to have through clever preparation.

"Apologies, my lord, but I'm afraid there's an issue." Aureole reported, straightening. "All the crops we planted before are now missing. The ground is fertile and the dirt is freshly turned, but all we have are chests of seeds and no actual plants are growing."

I nodded sagely, as if I hadn't personally made sure the metal chests in question were set to say 'filled with all seeds needed by the owner when opened'. "I understand. Please, continue."

She nodded. "The animals are just fine, they're spawning naturally in the spots we set for them."

Another simple trick, this time using POP mobs. The other Players found it hilarious when I told them I had set Floor 8 to only spawn various low-Level animals. Some of them even jokingly suggested we build catapults to launch the Primeval Cows and Death Pheasants at our foes. I laughed along, assuring the people who complained that I would change the settings if anyone ever invaded again.

"That's wonderful news, Aureole." I smiled at her. "As long as the crops can be replanted and the livestock can still be slaughtered, Nazarick can survive indefinitely on its own. Thank you, and thank the farmers as well. You all truly are the backbone of Nazarick."

Aureole seemed to glow at the praise, bowing once more. "Thank you very much, my lord. It means a lot to us."

I nodded once, raising my Guild Ring. "Keep up the fantastic work, and be sure to drop off the regular amount off at the kitchens come dinnertime."

The world flickered, and I felt my feet touch the ground in front of the Wilderness area of Floor 8. Unlike the Cherry Blossom Sanctuary, it had its own spawn area specifically made to churn out seemingly infinite numbers of high-Level mobs. Part of the reason I had gotten away with the peaceful mob farm was because of this area.

And what an area it was.

Guild Bases have costs to maintaining certain areas depending on the number of living creatures inhabiting them, it was true. The higher-Level mob you spawned, the higher the 'maintenance' cost that the game charged you. The Wilderness of Floor 8 was the only area in Nazarick that could spawn extremely high-Level wildlife, which made the obvious solution simply to disable that area's spawn rate.

But I thought that was stupid and wasteful, so I came up with a different idea. One that was most definitely more useful than turning off spawns entirely.

See, the server checked the number of mobs present only when it was a definite, stable number. A protocol put into place to prevent the server from lagging whenever a huge number of mobs spawned in. I took this as my point of interest, a simple experiment turning the area into a literal minefield of dangerous traps.

Mobs never spawned on top of traps. As such, if you covered the entire Wilderness with them, you could control exactly where they all spawned. And if you had a high-Level NPC constantly killing the gathered mobs, forever keeping the number of high-Level mobs inconstant… well. You basically had a free security system. If any Player set off a trap, that trap would no longer prevent spawning there, and every mob created would immediately crowd onto that exact location. Positively evil to any intruders, especially the invaders that had once targeted this place. A perfect trap.

Or, now that this was the New World, a free mob farm.

"Rubedo!" I shouted.

Silence.

I sighed, pulling up my Map. Before I could find her icon, however, a voice spoke up from behind me. "**H**_e_**r**e**.**"

I stopped in place, silently shutting my eyes. Rubedo was a unique existance that had come into being with the collective knowledge of both Tabula Smaragdina and myself. Tabula based each of his NPCs off a different theme of Lovecraftian lore. Untouchable beauty leading to death, unreachable horror influencing from afar, and most importantly, the fear of the unknown.

Albedo, Nigredo, and Rubedo.

Whiteness, Blackness, and Redness.

As the very manifestation of 'the unknown', Rubedo had a very specific skillset that made her unquestionably the most dangerous being in Nazarick bar none.

She could literally drive people insane.

In Nazarick that translated to a character that cast a frankly ridiculous amount of Debuffs and Curses upon a very specific event occurring, namely a character's field of view touching her Avatar. From Blindness to Deafness to their opposites, Flash and Cacophany. The drawback to the gear she used to achieve such an effect was that each individual effect had only about a 15% chance to activate, but when there were over fifty separate effects firing at once…

Well.

Let's just say it isn't pleasant.

The 'Unknown effect', as I refer to it, can only be recast on a character once every five seconds, but that completely reshuffles the Debuffs and Curses that may have taken effect. One moment you might be blind and deaf, the next you're hearing loud screeching wails at top volume while your eyes are scorched by a Flash.

And that's just her _gimmick_. The thing that she hits you with as a casual 'oh, and there's this too'. Rubedo is a Level 100 Flesh Golem specializing in Spacial Magic, someone whose raw Stats are enough to one-shot anyone under Level 80 with a casual backhand. Her actual battle strategy is something almost no one can match, with her spamming **[Gate]**, **[Teleportation]**, and **[Temporal Chains]** to skip around even while firing off **[Reality Slash]** like it's going out of style. In the Wilderness here, with trees to hide her and nothing to halt her progress, she's practically unstoppable even before she starts breaking out the AoE Spells.

Now that her flavor text is real, and the simulation of madness is reality? She can quite literally make you go insane.

"All right." A, dare I say, _cutesy_ voice spoke up. "It's off now."

I turned around, smiling faintly at her. "Thank you, Rubedo."

Oh. And did I mention she looks like a little girl?

Rubedo sighed, folding her arms. "You don't need to talk to me like that, you know. I've been alive long enough to remember what you were like before you settled down."

Rubedo had dark blue eyes and long black hair with a fringe and long bangs on either side of her face. She wore a gothic lolita outfit of a red so dark it was almost black and carried a parasol of the same shade, spinning it lazily over a shoulder. As a favor to me for my help in making her, Tabula let me add a bit of flavor text to her, tweaking her existing personality just slightly to give a background to her character.

A single line of text, nothing too special, but still more than enough to drive her character in a different direction entirely.

_Served under Ancient One during the Cataclysm, brought back in her current form to serve once more._

"Unlike the rest of the fools here, I was there when the Ten Thousand Worlds fell." She stated, voice flat. "I was there when you stepped out of obscurity to force the Last Worlds into order, beating down those who tried to take power and control the Nine Worlds for themselves. Back when you singlehandedly exterminated entire armies of invaders all by yourself, standing as a lone sentinel of Yggdrasil's last hope."

I held my smile, speaking up. "You speak as if you're innocent, Witch of the Void."

She snorted, twirling her parasol. "Please. I'm not claiming I'm a saint, we both know that's far from the truth. I'm just saying you don't have to act like some noble ruler around me. I've seen you when you were covered in blood and screaming at the sky, there's not much dignity in that."

I shrugged. "Dignity has never been a large concern of mine. War strips everything away, and if you aren't willing to sacrifice your pride, you'll be cut down by those who are. I seem to recall dead men calling you a coward."

"Hmm." Rubedo smiled, the parasol against her shoulder stopping its' motion. "Glad to see you haven't lost your bite. I once wondered if bringing me back in this form was some sort of sentimentality."

I shrugged modestly. "Think of it as an old man's whims."

"Oh, come now." Her smile turned a tad vicious. "You put me in charge of a literal execution chamber you didn't want seen by your softer friends, no? I do my duty exactly as needed. You are _the Impossible Man_, after all… and no one seems to ask how exactly you pulled off all of your _impossible_ feats."

The Impossible Man. The title given to my Pugilist Avatar during my famous ascent to Level 100. To me, it was merely a matter of killing mobs until I Leveled, but to a resident of YGGDRASIL? I essentially committed mass genocide. Perspective changed things, that was for sure. Apparently her background text chose to settle on my previous Avatar as the representation of my 'violent days'.

It would be fascinating to learn more, perhaps figure out how she had perceived my transformation into a Dragon, but that was something for another time. I had come for a reason, and slyly coaxing information out of a loli war veteran certainly wasn't it.

"Speaking of…" I began slowly, looking around. "How is the Farm doing?"

Her lips twitched. "Oh? You've come to check on Nazarick's butchery?"

"Indeed." I lowered my voice. "Listen. Nazarick has moved. We're in an unknown area with no sign of any transportation methods we know of. Momonga disappeared from the throne room, and as of right now we're on high alert."

Any traces of humor or sarcasm disappeared. "Understood. I felt the transition, but wasn't aware that it was non-voluntary. Do you need my aid?"

"Negative. Keep watch over this zone, I'll let you know if you're needed. For now, you're our first line of defense against any enemies with Teleportation Magic. Aureole may control our Teleportation Gates, but you control the Barrier. As such, I need you to remain within the walls."

She nodded her head once. No complaint, no hesitation. Merely acceptance. "Understood."

"Wonderful." I glanced around. "Now, for the reason I'm here. I need to check, make sure that the Farm is still functional. If it's not…"

Rubedo nodded seriously. "Believe me, I understand. I had the same thought myself. It all seems to be working, but in a different manner. Before, the World Tree instantly recycled all the organic matter from the dead monsters, but now that…" She trailed off, coughing lightly into a hand. "Now that the Tree isn't doing that, we're left with a much larger turnout, though it takes more effort to harvest the materials from them."

I smiled. "Excellent. I actually had a plan in case the Tree ever stopped 'recycling', but you'll have to take me over to the main area."

…What, did you think I could just _walk in_? Come on. Do recall the many thousands of traps that make this farm possible.

Rubedo smirked, serious attitude slipping. "There's the man I knew. Planning for everything, even the unthinkable. Come, come, I'm quite curious to see what sort of backup plan you have this time."

Behind her, a circle spun to life. Two triangles spiraled out, expanding rapidly until the faint circle around them was large enough to reach the treetops. The air itself darkened, draining of color until it was naught but a swirling black mass of nothingness. Rubedo wordlessly stepped backwards, vanishing from view. I followed without a second thought.

The inside of the Mob Farm was a simple thing, if a bit odd-looking. An obsidian box for the inhabitants with a flat area all around it. The obsidian was spawnproof, but the flat area outside was not. The flat area was an enormous checkerboard of sorts, with alternating squares of 'safe' ground and a patch thin air that led to an enormous open Gate a layer below. A mob would spawn on the stone, then instantly get hit by the AoE Debuff the area had. They would quickly die, then be replaced with another the instant they no longer took up space. Their loot would fall into the Gate below, and the process repeated.

Rubedo of course had her own house elsewhere in the Wilderness zone, likely only coming by to check every half-day or so. The Gate, which she controlled, funneled all the loot into an area outside the Wilderness for later use.

In-game, summoned mobs rarely dropped anything, making the farm almost useless. But here?

Heh.

"So, Rubedo…" I began. "You know how Kyouhukou's children are always hungry? Well, if you flick this switch to turn on the item filter…"

_Click._

The box of obsidian around us rumbled faintly, and the Gate flickered slightly.

"…You get a Gate that sends different things different places." I finished with a shit-eating grin.

No. That's not something that ever existed before. But if I bullshit hard enough, she'll overlook the game-breaking possibilities it might allow.

This 'item filter' is a trial, of sorts. Yes, you caught me, the Item powering the Gate was tampered with. Oh, the Item itself is perfectly legitimate, a Golem Core that would continue to cast the Spell indefinitely. Relatively inexpensive to make and easy to replace if it ever stopped working. The Golem was non-sentient, but tweaking its flavor text allowed me to experiment with the possibilities.

If I can convince this Golem that it has control over what can and can't go through… then I effectively have a new method of permanent transport usable only by people I choose.

Wrap your head around that, why don't you.

"I see." Rubedo caught on, looking down. "Kyouhukou's children won't eat the parts that are useful, since going near such potent Magical power will kill them. They'll eat off the flesh, leaving only the bones and the more valuable pieces. Then, I assume, you have another one set up on his end?"

"Precisely. Each type of monster will only go to a specific area of Kyouhukou's domain, which also serves the purpose of letting us test how monster flesh affects cockroach growth." I lied with a straight face. I had made that last part up on the fly, and truth be told I hadn't even activated Kyouhukou's area yet. I didn't even know if Gates could teleport just specific Items, I hadn't even tested if the Golem could discriminate between living and non-living things yet.

"Excellent." Rubedo smiled, twirling her parasol. "I'll have to check more often for a while just to make sure things are working, but otherwise that sounds like a wonderful plan."

"Thank you." I bowed grandly. "Thank you very much."

"…I can always count on you to come up with the most efficient methods of mass murder." She finished with a coy smirk.

"You know it." I agreed.

"Never change, Ancient One." She hummed, opening another Gate and stepping through. "Never change…"

I watched her go with a bemused smile. She was a unique character, to be sure, but her _unique_ perspective would ensure her loyalty indefinitely. I would best be described as Chaotic Good… but she was closer to Chaotic Neutral. We would most likely agree on certain things, but she lacked the fundamental empathy for living things that others had. She found amusement in the ideas I came up with, especially the most brutal of them, simply because she found it interesting to watch how effective they were.

Of course, having seen how 'effective' I am first-hand during a war I never fought… she would no doubt avoid seeing

Loyalty through respect and fear. Not love, merely business. My harem is already planned out, thank you very much.

Plus, I have a rule about batshit crazy women. It's quite simple common sense—don't stick your dick into anything that might one day chop it off. And no matter how alluring some of the girls in Nazarick were, I could count on one hand the number of them who would hesitate to do so.

I'll stick with my waifus, thank you very much.

I nodded once, raising my Guild Ring and teleporting back to my forge. Getting out of the area was simple as long as one had a Guild Ring, even if getting in was a tad difficult. Getting into Kyouhukou's domain would be much simpler, the last remaining steps to finishing the Farm likely only taking a few minutes to complete.

Now that the Farms were working and my Crafting Skills were proven to function, it was time for the hardest steps.

Seeing if my changes to the NPCs had worked as planned, and trying to experiment with my new Job Classes with absolutely zero guidance.

This… was going to take a while.

* * *

I stepped back into my mansion at last sometime before sunrise, rubbing my tired eyes. Dragons could remain awake for months on end if they had to, but apparently they still felt the urge to sleep after long hours of work.

Let me give you a quick rundown of what I learned:

Don't set yourself on fire. It hurts, a lot.

…Yeah, that's about it. I really don't feel like giving more than that. Not when the promise of a comfortable bed is so close at hand.

What? You say that Dragons are fireproof?

Well tell that to the fucking _evil _flame that I summoned entirely by accident, multiple times. Apparently Wild Magic doesn't give a shit about natural resistances, it just wants to destroy things. Which includes the plain boxer shorts my Avatar was wearing, apparently. My pants are fine, but now my boys are swinging in the wind.

I never planned for fireproof underwear, but that just goes to show that no one can plan for everything.

"You're back."

I felt a pair of soft breasts press against my back, the thin layer of cloth cluing me in to their owner's identity. I smiled faintly, Noa's delicate arms winding around my waist. "Good morning, love." I murmured. "How did you sleep?"

"…"

Noa just buried her face in my back, tightening her hold. I chuckled, patting her hand. "Let's go get some rest, all right? It's a few hours until breakfast, and I'm sure Archer won't mind if we slip into bed again."

"Mmm." She let go, moving to instead capture my arm between ample breasts. I noted that she was dressed in only a pink nightgown, no undergarments to be seen. "Okay."

…I must say, I'm glad I chose to make her shameless. I can see her nipples right through her thin gown.

Heh.

Something to investigate later, for sure.

I let her tug me up the stairs and into our bedroom, silently opening the door and closing it behind us. "Remember to change out of your work clothes before bed." Noa whispered, pointing to the bathroom. "Archer might get mad if you don't."

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. I guess I really must've smelled like the forge to her. "Don't worry, I will. Now go have a seat on the bed, I'll join you shortly."

After I had wiped the grime and residue from my time at the forge off my face, I pulled out a plain pair of shorts and a tank top before joining Noa by the side of the bed. Archer lay to one side, sleeping peacefully. I slid under the covers, and Noa moved to slide in after me. Soon I had an affectionate Nature Spirit snuggled into my side, a casual tug bringing Archer into the embrace as well.

I fell asleep soon after, lulled by the sound of my girls' soft breathing.

* * *

"Uuaaah." Noa watched with wide eyes as the sun rose over the treetops, expressionless face set in a blank mask. "It looks different here."

We were standing outside Nazarick with several other NPC, er, _Servants_, waiting for it to be light enough for basic exploration. Noa was reluctantly allowed on after she flatly refused to stay, with the sole proviso being that she stay right next to me and Archer the entire time. Sebas led a different party of half the Pleiades, and Yuri Alpha led the other half. We were to split up in three directions, then meet back up in an hour.

Yes, Momonga used a Mirror of Remote Viewing for this, but as low-Level as the inhabitants of this world are, they are at least capable of the low-Tier anti-search Spells that would make the Mirror completely useless. So we were heading out in small groups instead, making sure to keep a Teleportation Spell ready in case we needed to run.

No, I wasn't planning on running, but that was the bare minimum that Albedo would be satisfied with. I'm not going to just flat-out ignore her advice, she's my chief of security for a reason. And who knows? I might encounter the Evil Tree or something and have reason to flee. Astronomically unlikely, but still possible.

"Lord Ancient One." Sebas rumbled. "I believe all is ready for us to set out. The Golems you created are already on their way, and we'll know if anything goes awry."

"Excellent." I smiled, stretching in the light of the new sun. "Then let's go."

* * *

**A/N:**

**I said Ainz would be coming with. I never said ****_when_****, though. :)**

**You know, once upon a time this was going to be a stereotypical 'MC joins Ainz and takes over the world' story. But then I started writing, and my characters gradually came to life. **

**Nearly every review on this story praises my story because it's ****_different_**** from the stereotype. So I decided to crank it up to eleven.**

**Of course, that makes my job a whole lot harder…**

**But hey. I'm doing it. The MC is two hundred years in the past, waiting for our skeleton man to surface. He has time to get his feet under him, to explore the New World, to combat some of the threats of the future while he's still in the past.**

**Oh. And enough time to snatch up Evileye for The Harem™.**

**Thank you to all the people who reviewed, especially those who went out of their way to post reviews meant only to increase my review count. I'm not saying that's what you should do, just that it was very kind. To all of you joining us, welcome! We're all insane here, but somehow we get things done. I read all my reviews and try to make my story reflect what everyone wants, not just myself, so if you have an opinion feel free to voice it.**

**To the one reviewer who expressed concerns, this will not devolve into a pure porno. There will be smut, but it's there because it's a logical progression from one stage to the next. The plot will continue, but so will the 'plot'. I hope that you won't be to put off by it when it happens, especially since I'll be giving advanced warning. We'll see how it ends up.**

**Now, since people have been repeatedly requesting it, my general estimate for when the next chapter will be out is about five days. I've mostly grown bored of PoE so that probably won't be an issue again, fortunately. I know where I'm going with the story, and I have a few bare-bones chapters already written up just to make it easier later on.**

**I… think that's about it. **

**Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day!**


	9. 2-1: Preparations

Act II, Chapter 1—Preparations

* * *

I sighed, rubbing my eyes. Noa was snuggled into my side, sleeping peacefully without a care in the world. Archer was still awake, calmly flipping the page of a book. She was nestled under my other arm, seeming content with the way things were.

I won't bore you with the details of our exploration mission. It was a day of near-perfect silence, not a word spoken between us. One might think that Noa would grow bored of the constant monotony, but it was actually fairly common to go silent whenever we were inside a new dungeon in case any monsters were capable of targeting sound.

This realization came as both a relief and a disappointment. On one hand, it proved that Noa was capable of mature decision-making if put in a dangerous situation, which was a tremendous relief. On the other, I had been hoping she would grow bored and ask to return to Nazarick, which was far safer than wandering around with no protection save for a thin layer of cloth.

…Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. Even if I still had little to no clue how to operate all my new abilities, she's far from a porcelain doll. The 'thin layer of cloth' is sturdier than a full set of plate mail, for one thing. For another, Archer was more than capable of defending Noa all by herself. And even if I hadn't tested if it still worked, a Racial Skill named Instinct should still alert me to oncoming attacks on 'my person', which both of my Maidens technically fell under due to a few loopholes.

Plus, if all else failed and Noa were killed, the Tree that was her true form would be fine. It would definitely wilt from the sudden loss of life force, but within a few days of care it would be right back to where it was. From there, it would just be a matter of time before Noa regained consciousness and returned to the physical world.

How do I know all that, you might ask? How could a man who's never taken care of a houseplant know the ins and outs of World Tree Spirits?

Simple.

Yggdrasil fuckery.

…Okay, that's a bit vague, but it's my acting theory on why I somehow have excruciatingly detailed instructions on how to care for Noa in every way etched into my brain. When the Devs had given me the Sapling, they had also given me the Title 'Guardian of the Tree'. When translated to real life, it stood to reason that the Title would be the representation of the World Tree's blessing. I haven't had the chance to see if it worked on all plants or if it was just Noa, but the fact that I was suddenly an expert botanist was telling.

…Anyway. Back to our excursion.

After I led us around for a bit in a mostly straight line, we finally reached the edge of the woods. And there, looking down from the hill we stood on, we beheld Carne Village. Not as it was in canon—here it obviously hadn't even been built yet. But the signs were there when you knew where to look. One day Thomas Carne would decide that this was a good place to build that first home, taking with him a few friends to start the village I knew from canon.

But that wasn't for a long time. The place was overgrown with tall grass here, wild plants that would take dedicated time and effort to remove. The shape of the land wasn't quite how the anime depicted it, though whether it was a change in time or merely an inaccurate translation wasn't clear quite yet.

The point is, I was somewhere in the past. When, exactly, I wouldn't know until I could learn of more events happening around me. Overlord never used a defined calendar to plot out the specific years things happened, so the best I would get was a general estimate.

Pity.

In any case, my uncertainties had been cleared. I was in the past, with no indication of how long it could be before Momonga arrived. My options were unlimited, and the skeleton would never know the difference if I created a few butterflies here and there.

But first, I had to create a solid information network to build off of. It would be utterly retarded to assume any change I made would happen in isolation, and the only way to tell for certain what consequences each action had was to ensure I had eyes and ears absolutely everywhere.

The Servants of Nazarick wouldn't be used for such a tremendous task, that would spread them out too thinly to be called on in case of an emergency. I couldn't exactly trust a human spy network, either. As such, I had to think of an alternative to both options that still managed to work with enough versatility to adapt to various situations.

Some form of Golem, perhaps? Hmm…

"Ancient-sama, we should really get some rest soon." Archer spoke softly, head nestled into the crook of my arm. "It wouldn't be good if we were tired for tomorrow."

I sighed, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "Archer… you do know you can call me by my real name when we're in private, right?"

The warrior blinked, mouth opening and closing. "…Real name."

"Of course." I shifted, gently moving Noa's head back onto a pillow. "I'm sure I've told you it at least once before."

Her brow furrowed in thought. "I… it's been a while, then. Would you care to refresh my memory?"

I paused before answering, mind slowing to a halt.

This was my third life. My first two names had been picked for me, and now I had a chance to pick my own. But at the same time…

_"Keirou." I sounded out for the small girl, smiling down at her. "Ke-i-rou. Keirou."_

_"K-Ku… Kei…" The girl struggled. "K-ou. Kou?"_

_I laughed softly, ruffling her hair. "Sure. Call me Kou if you want."_

I had outgrown that nickname. A name meaning "happiness", "light", or "peace". But now…

"…Ko." I decided. "My name is Ko. No last name, unfortunately, I grew up in the days that only the nobles had those."

Archer nodded, nuzzling into my side. "Ko. I like it."

"It's not exactly a name of ancient power, huh?" I joked.

She shook her head. "I don't mind. It makes you feel more… human."

"I _was_ a human once." I reminded gently. "Back when the world was young."

Archer nodded. "I've heard that, but you've never actually told me the story. Rubedo can be maddeningly evasive, so I couldn't hear it from her, either. And no offense, but I think Whisper is trying to size me out for a body bag every time I show up."

I chuckled quietly. "Ah, yes… those two always were odd ones. That's what made them such good fighters. Though honestly, I'm shocked you never asked Noa."

"…Noa?"

"Mmhmm. Noa inherited the First Tree's memories, you know. She should be able to give you a general idea of what happened." My smile died on my face, falling away to a grim mask. "I'm not going to tell you directly. Not now, possibly not ever. Those were days when human life was worthless and monsters in flesh suits spoke lies to reassure the masses. You left your hell behind… I'm not about to make you relive mine."

"I understand." She stated simply.

Silence fell, comfortable and warm. My bedroom was made to be as comfortable as possible, almost radiating a homely glow that spoke of simpler times. It was a relief that all my time designing the place hadn't gone to waste.

"I'm going to go take a shower." Archer decided, voice still quiet so as to not wake Noa. "Wash off the sweat from walking all day."

My lips twitched. "Mind if I join you?"

She froze, cheeks reddening. Her tail coiled, then straightened, then coiled again. "N-no." She stuttered. "Not this time. I want our first time to be more than that."

I nodded, chuckling. "I know, love. It was just a joke." I glanced down at the gently snoozing Spirit. "Though, you really should consider what you do and don't want once that time comes. Noa would be more than willing to join in, but I understand if you want us to be alone."

The Archdemon's face was a bright red, and her hands were clutching the sheets with enough force to turn her knuckles white. Her gaze lingered on Noa's innocent face, a genuine hunger seeming to flicker within for a moment. Then she shook her head. "No. I… I want something private. Something romantic."

"I understand." I gave her a cheeky grin. "Just let me know when you want me to take you out on a date."

She rolled her eyes, grip relaxing on the sheets. "Wow, what a gentleman."

I shrugged. "Hey, with a body like that, it would be impolite not to ask." My smile faded, and I pulled her soft form close. "But honestly… you know I'll wait for you for as long as you need. It's your choice. I just thought that you might be starved from waiting as long as you have."

"If I were, then I think it would be bad to remind me." She teased in a huskily tone. "And if you don't stop reminding me, I might skip the romance entirely."

I chuckled, kissing her gently before letting go. "Go on and shower, love. I'll get changed and make sure Noa does too."

The Archdemon nodded, taking a moment to lean into me before pulling away. "…I love you, Ko."

"I love you too, Archer. More than you would ever believe."

A small smile played at her lips. "So I discover every day."

I waved her off. "Go on. I'll get changed as well."

The Archdemon laughed, turning and sashaying away. Her hips swayed enticingly, her tail twirling in amusement.

Mmm. Mighty fine rear, that.

I snickered to myself, moving over to the dresser and opening a random drawer. I reached inside, rummaging around until I pulled free a folded tank top and a pair of shorts.

No, I don't know where they came from. But honestly I really couldn't care less at this point.

I took off and folded my clothes, placing them back into the impossible drawer before closing it. Job done, I unfolded the seamless cloth shorts and tugged them on.

"Do I get a kiss, too?"

I paused, registering Noa's sleepy voice. Turning, I saw her watching my every move. I wouldn't even call it perving, she probably wondered why I even bothered putting clothes back on.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "…How long have you been awake?"

She blinked back at me, face in its typical emotionless mask. "Since you got up."

…Huh. You know, it's really hard to tell if she's lying when she looks like that. Hopefully I'll figure out how to read her in time, but for now I'll just have to accept her words.

"All right, then." I pulled on my tank top, walking back over to the bed. "Are you going to get ready to sleep?"

Noa looked down at herself. "Am I not ready?"

"Not unless you want to wrinkle your clothes by sleeping in them."

She frowned. "…Will you help me change, then?"

On the one hand, she should be perfectly capable of dressing herself. On the other, I'll be in close proximity to a voluptuous girl who has no problem with me touching her skin.

Hmm… choices, choices.

Ah, who am I kidding? If she lets me change her bra, too—

"Noa, I already told you what to wear when you go to bed." Archer's hard tone cut through my thoughts. "Just because Ko is willing to spoil you doesn't mean you have to make him."

Noa pouted slightly, which told me all I needed to know. Apparently she was gunning for the same skinship I was, she was just more willing to lie about it.

Pity.

I was still treated to the sight of Noa undressing without a care in the world, much to Archer's mortification. But unlike in every harem anime ever, she didn't immediately scold me for ogling the semi-naked Nature Spirit. Instead, she tried to tell her off for undressing in the presence of a male. Predictably, Noa didn't understand a word of it and just stood there, confused, until she could finally get a word in edgewise.

"Archer-nee…" She finally said. "If girls aren't supposed to undress around anyone but the man they love, why are you scolding me? I love Ko-sama and he loves me. I'm fine with him seeing me naked, and I'm not even all the way undressed. I've still got my panties on."

_'So she _was_ listening in on our conversation. Damn she's got a good poker face.'_ I paused, taking the time to examine said panties. _'Also, where the hell did those come from? YGGDRASIL never let its users add undergarments, so did they just spontaneously exist as soon as we transferred?'_

Archer sighed, rubbing her temples. "…Ko? Can you talk to her? She always seems to understand when you explain it."

I shrugged. "Hey. I don't see the problem. She's not exactly going to be undressing around any other guy, right?"

Noa shook her head.

"So it's not an issue." I finished with a nod. "You forget, I had to bathe her myself the first few times, I've seen her in a lot less than that."

"She was a lot _smaller_ than this when you bathed her." Archer snapped back.

Noa and I looked at each other. "Ah." Noa nodded once. "It's a cultural thing."

I had to resist choking on laughter. "Y-yes, Noa. It's a cultural thing."

Archer frowned, picking up Noa's thin nightgown and handing it to her. "How is this a cultural thing?"

"Simple." I pointed to myself. "I grew up in a desert village where people were so poor that people seldom wore any clothes that they didn't need. Sure we'd dress up for a sandstorm, but otherwise it wasn't worth something that would only make you hotter. And _you_—" I reached out to poke her on the forehead. "Grew up in Japan, where there's a huge nudity taboo."

It was a testament to the amount of bullshit I was used to throwing that I could lie so effortlessly without a second thought.

Noa made a 'aaah' noise, slipping on the nightgown. "I see. So Archer-nee was just raised to be a prude."

The word 'prude' coming from her mouth was so unexpected that I let out a bark of laughter. "Y-yes, Noa, that's basically it. We wear clothes because they're useful, and she wears them because they cover her genitals."

Archer threw up her arms, sighing in defeat. "You know, that's fair. I won't try to make you wear more clothes if you don't try to remove mine. Okay?"

Noa smiled faintly, which for her was basically a huge grin. "Ok. Thanks, Archer-nee."

I nodded once, chuckling to myself.

Was I subtly encouraging Noa to become a nudist? Maybe. Did I care? Hell no. There were far worse things than having a smoking hot Nature Spirit walking around the house without a stich of clothing on.

Especially once I'm able to use that lack of clothing to my advantage…

Heheheh.

"All right, we've delayed long enough." I said, stretching dramatically. "We have to get up tomorrow to see what we can do about our situation."

Oh, yes. A mature woman on one side, a well-developed girl on the other. Marshmallow heaven.

With a wide smile on my face, I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Servants of Nazarick…" I began, raising my voice to echo through the room. "I am afraid that I bring bad news. No Message Spell, Command Window, or Divination Spell can tell me anything about Momonga's current location. If he were anywhere in the universe, even as a corpse, I would be able to tell his location, but unfortunately I have found nothing. As such, that leaves me with two possible conclusions, neither of them pleasant."

I paused for dramatic effect, surveying the faces nearest to the front. Albedo and Shalltear both looked to be anxiously awaiting my verdict, though the Vampire was much better at hiding it beneath an air of indifference. Demiurge was patiently waiting, as was Cocytus. Mare was nervous, and Aura was… excited? Indifferent? Either way, she was staring at me with an odd gleam in her eye. Pandora was likely hiding somewhere away from the crowd of Servants to listen in, and Innocence never left her post. All Servants not present were likely using some form of long-range Scrying Magic to listen in regardless, meaning I had all of Nazarick hanging on my words.

"The first conclusion," I began, "is that he was forcefully returned to the Other Realm by the event that brought us here. If his 'connection' to this place was through the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown and he was unable to take hold of it before it happened, he would be automatically bounced back to the origin of his 'connection'. Thus locking and barring the door back here forever."

I held up a hand, forestalling any reactions. "Fortunately, that conclusion is unlikely. If I'm here, chances are he will be as well. But since he wasn't in possession of Nazarick at the time, he was considered a separate entity. Think of it like a giant rubber band between us and him—right now we're sitting here as a placeholder of sorts while his 'connection' struggles to catch up. This is both good news and bad news. The good news is, he isn't lost forever. The bad news is, it's impossible to tell exactly how long it will be before he returns. It could be days, months, years, decades, _centuries_ before he arrives."

Albedo collapsed, falling to her hands and knees. Not sad. Not angry. Just… tired. Empty. Defeated. Shalltear hesitated, visibly faltering. "Ancient One-sama… do you have an estimate?" She asked carefully.

"My best guess is between two and three hundred years." I replied somberly.

Silence fell. I looked around, gauging their reactions. Albedo was the most hurt by the knowledge, but I knew she would be. Shalltear seemed to be taking it remarkably well, seeming almost relieved by my estimate. She was very childlike, though, so chances were she hadn't realized exactly how long that was quite yet. Demiurge merely nodded in acceptance, likely already shifting his plans about to account for the lack of the bony spellcaster. Cocytus drooped slightly at the news, as did Mare.

Aura… continued to stare at me with an odd look in her eye. Utterly unconcerned by the news I had just given.

Huh.

…Moving on, then.

"Now." I crossed my arms, leaning back against a pillar. "I am not planning on taking the throne in Momonga's absence. That is and always will be his position. I do not plan on remaining entirely in the shadows, but Nazarick must remain hidden until the return of our Lord. As such, any actions I take will be taken as an individual and not as the acting ruler of Nazarick. If I am in danger, you will not come to my aid, and if I go to war, you will not follow me. Your priority is to keep Nazarick running until the day Momonga returns to lead it into the light. I do not have that authority, and I never will. Am I understood."

"""Yes, Ancient One-sama."""

"Good. Now. One last thing." My eyes scanned their faces, noting their expressions. "A question for you and everyone else in Nazarick. Immortality is a curse when you have nothing to strive for, and those who cannot stand its crushing weight will not be forced to. Ask yourselves, and those around you, if they are comfortable with the burden they bear. Once you have that answer firmly in mind, keep it there until the next time I speak to you."

My gaze shifted to Demiurge. "Now… chief strategist, I would like to speak with you in private. We have much to discuss."

The Demon nodded, moving to stand by my side. With a flick of my thoughts, our position changed, moving us to my workshop on Floor 7. I glanced around, brushing a pile of junk off a table and pulling out a chair. Demiurge stood politely aside as I cleared another chair, scooting it out slightly in invitation.

"My Lord, what is it that you require of me?"

I sat back in my chair, sighing. "Sit down and stop bowing. I appreciate your respect, but I won't stand on formality. I was born in an age when such mannerisms didn't exist, and I never quite grew used to them."

Demiurge nodded, taking a seat. "I understand, my Lord. I will refrain, then. What do you need my services for?"

I leaned back again, humming. "Well, you see…"

What it all boiled down to was a single problem for the future, one that I had never thought to plan for. Two problems, really, but they fe;l under two categories of the same general issue. 'Albedo' and 'everyone else'. I consider Albedo my main long-term problem when it comes to the survival of my plans, and everyone else is an afterthought.

Honestly, Albedo isn't all that important narratively speaking. She had no driving features, no life philosophies in her programming. All it said was that she was the head of Nazarick security and that she loved Momonga. That was _it_. She literally lived for those two things. That was why she was so over-the-top obsessed with him in canon—by her own admission, she lived to love him. Hence why we all just nodded along when she did sweet FA for the entire series. Her narrative purpose, her driving character, was to love him.

She casually threatens to rip Shalltear apart? She loves Momonga. She tears down the flag of Ainz Ooal Gown and questions why the other Supreme Beings even matter if they left? She loves Momonga. She literally assaults him in an attempt to rape his dickless form? She loves Momonga.

That's literally her only driving goal—to love Momonga and get him to love her back. That's _it_. And, in part, that is exactly what makes her so dangerous.

When someone is utterly consumed with only one life purpose, they do some crazy things to fulfil it. Albedo has no morals, no care for consequences, no desire to live beyond reaching her beloved. I never bothered to fix that glaring flaw because I never thought it would be a problem. Hell, from an outsider's perspective it would even be funny. But without anything to make her pause to consider save for perhaps her dedication to her job… what's to stop her from trying something extreme?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Now consider Shalltear. Think for a moment, just off the top of her head, what are her defining features?

Well, she's bisexual. She's into every fetish in the books. She loves Momonga, yes, but that's hardly made into a main plot point. She thoroughly enjoys molesting her Vampire Bridesmaids in a variety of different ways and would be more than happy to ignore the passage of time given a few sex slaves to break.

Shalltear is easy compared to Albedo. She's driven by carnal needs and isn't above spending a night or two with someone as long as the only male in her heart was Momonga. She can be placated, predicted, controlled.

But even so… let's take a step back from all that for a moment and consider just their feelings.

Albedo and Shalltear were in love with Momonga, a love that was quite literally a core aspect of their being. I could no more ask them to ignore it than ask Archer to ignore me. I had experienced firsthand how terrifyingly powerful the love of an NPC could be, felt the weight of it on my shoulders as my Maidens fell asleep in my arms.

It wouldn't be fair to keep them this way. It wouldn't be _right_. If they didn't go insane from the feeling of loss straining their minds, they would grow to resent me for being present instead of the man they loved.

So. Solutions.

I could use **[Control Amnesia]** on them, make them forget Momonga for a time. That would give me some extent of control over their settings, but it might not work. Or, worse, it would work but fail to remove the feelings themselves. Too much risk here, not enough reward.

But what if… what if I removed the problem entirely?

If I removed the problem rather than just the symptoms, that would fix the situation entirely. I'm not talking about removing their settings, I'm talking about removing _them_.

If I simply put Albedo and Shalltear somewhere they wouldn't feel the passage of time, somewhere they could wait until Momonga returned without the mental burden of time passing…

Well.

That would fix everything, wouldn't it? Albedo doesn't really do much except stand in the Throne Room all day anyway, guarding an empty throne that reminds her of what she's lost. Shalltear's position is a bit harder to fix, but all things considered she can simply be brought back to reality if something goes wrong.

All I need to do now is make a way to pull it off.

I finished explaining this all to Demiurge, finally winding down my constant stream of words. I omitted quite a lot, of course,but the general gist remained. "…And as much as I value Albedo and Shalltear, they are too much of an unknown to be kept active for several centuries without some option to escape if they start to feel trapped. Am I correct in this thinking?"

The Demon was silent for a time, mulling over the explanation I had given him. "…You are correct." He finally agreed. "Given the information we have and the personalities of the two you have mentioned, they may be an issue. I would hope that their loyalties would not change with time, but if there's any chance at all, we must remove it."

I nodded. "I thought you would understand. I'll begin construction of my solution immediately. I would appreciate it if you could start asking around, find out what others would like to spend their forever doing. I plan to distribute Peaches of Immortality as soon as I get Noa's permission, so every being in Nazarick will no longer be forced to bear the burden of time save by their own choice."

"As a long-term plan, it's highly efficient." He pushed up his glasses. "I look forward to what your designs are for the, ah, 'suspension chamber', as it were."

I nodded, smiling faintly. "Thank you, Demiurge. And might I ask, what are your plans? If there's anything I might be able to acquire from our surroundings…"

As soon as the question passed my lips, I immediately regretted it.

Demiurge's smile grew wide and sharp, needle-thin teeth below diamond eyes. "Well, my Lord, if you were to procure some humans for experimentation purposes…"

I sighed. Ulbert had never prescribed to my ideal that all NPCs should be indifferent towards humanity, a trait I couldn't bring myself to remove from his greatest creation. As such, Demiurge remained almost identical to the way he had been in canon.

Well. I mean. Aside from a few minor details.

"Aside from that." I grumbled.

"Honestly, my Lord, aside from a steady stream of women, I want for nothing. So long as I have a pretty face or two to experiment with, I don't particularly mind the passage of time."

…Yeah, Ulbert put that in there to make fun of me, and I left it because I thought it was hilarious. So sue me, the idea of Demiurge as a womanizer was pretty funny at the time. Though, I did tamper with him a bit when it came to his preferences. Nothing much, just enough to ensure he didn't go after every woman available.

Oh, don't get me wrong, Ulbert was fully aware of this change. It just showed exactly how twisted the change was that he was willing to accept it.

"I'll see what I can do." I relented. "Non-human women, yes?"

"I would have them no other way." He stated with pride. "Preferably of an age similar to my own."

I nodded once. "Well, in that case I believe I'm far more likely to let you have your pick of them as soon as we find a hint of civilization. As of right now, I'm afraid you'll have to content yourself with others in Nazarick."

His grin didn't so much as flicker. "Oh, don't worry, my Lord, I am more than accustomed to sating myself with the local stock. I simply wished to request that you keep an eye out for any… worthy candidates."

I decided I _really _didn't want to know what Demiurge got up to with the other Servants. I never looked at his finished code, and Ulbert could be one weird fucker at times. "As long as they remain sane after you're finished with them, I will oblige."

The Demon bowed low. "Thank you my Lord, and I assure you that I never harm any of my lovers. At least," his wide grin returned, "not unless they ask me to."

Nope. Nope. Nope. Done with that conversation. I could wait to learn about the shit Demons got up to in bed for the rest of my life.

Well. Unless Archer…

Hmm.

"Very well, Demiurge. I fear I must bid you farewell for now. Speak with Rubedo if you find yourself lacking in duties, I think she'll be more than happy to lend you some corpses to experiment on."

The last thing I saw before my surroundings shifted was the Demon's delighted face.

* * *

"Hmm?" Noa yawned, rubbing her eyes. "My peaches?"

I nodded awkwardly. I really hadn't been sure how this particular conversation would go, all things considered.

"Go ahead." Noa dismissed absently. "I don't use them, and they don't have enough power to grow on their own."

I smiled, reaching out to envelop her in a hug. "Thanks, love."

"Mmm." She nodded, curling quietly into my embrace. "No problem."

A smile tugged at my lips. The adorable kuudere had practically glued herself to my chest, her face silently blissful. "I take it you want to stay like this for a while?"

She nodded wordlessly.

"All right then." I picked her up in my arms, walking slowly over to the couch before sitting down. Her arms wove around my neck, and her head rested lightly against my chest.

Time passed, the gentle Spirit seemingly oblivious to our surroundings. I simply sat back and appreciated the waves of innocent adoration emanating from her, the tiny smile on her face speaking volumes of how content she was. Curled into my arms, snuggled into my chest, the girl couldn't look any more adorable if she tried.

"When are we going to have sex?" Noa asked, voice casual. As if she were asking about the weather.

I took her bluntness in stride, tilting my head in thought. "Why do you ask?"

"I heard you and Archer-nee talking about when you two were going to, but you still haven't talked to me about it." Noa said matter-of-factly.

…Honestly, Noa's bluntness was a tad refreshing. It skipped all the pointless small talk and told me exactly what she wanted in no uncertain terms.

Of course, that didn't mean I couldn't wind her up a bit.

"Is that something you'd want?" I teased, lips twitching into a small smile.

She nodded once. "Yes."

"Are you suuure?"

Her brow crinkled in adorable frustration. "Yes."

"Are you—"

"Yes."

"Really?"

She poked me, cheeks puffed out. "Stop teasing me."

"Fiiine." I smiled softly, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "I'd be more than happy to do it with you, Noa, but I don't really have time. Once everything calms down a bit and Nazarick isn't in imminent danger, we can work something out then."

She frowned, shifting her position until she was sitting on my lap facing me. Her legs were wrapped around my midsection, and her face was only centimeters from mine. "We have time now."

…It was tough. It was really, really tough. But somehow, I resisted the urge to agree with the Spirit and teleport to the bedroom. She was fucking _offering_, and having some nice pleasure time with a girl perfectly suited to my tastes would do wonders for my stress levels.

But considering I made both of my NPCs heavily predisposed towards becoming sex addicts… getting them hooked while I still needed to be outside of the bedroom wasn't the best idea.

Sorry, my second head, but you'll have to wait a bit longer.

I heaved a heavy sigh, shaking my head. "…I'm tempted. Honestly I really am. But that's a slippery slope. If I have time to do it with you, I have time to do it with Archer. And once she tastes her Race's version of a perfect meal, I doubt I'll be able to do anything for a while."

Frowning, the beautiful Spirit relented. "Fine. Just cuddles, then." Time passed, then she spoke up once more. "So, when you say you won't do anything for a while—?"

"Yes, Noa." I smirked. "I'll be having sex with both of you for as long as you want."

She nodded once, looking distinctly satisfied. "Okay. I'll wait."

A pause.

"…Can you at least massage my breasts?"

My lips curled into a grin. "I mean, if you're offering…"

* * *

Good news. Noa is tremendously sensitive. Bad news. I now have a boner that she's extremely curious about.

So, with great regret, I aborted the mission halfway through.

Say what you will, responsibility is the greatest cockblock in the world.

I left the mansion several hours after I entered with a basket and a bra Noa refused to put back on stowed carefully in my Inventory. I picked a handful of peaches, stopping midway through as I realized I somehow knew exactly what I was doing.

Fun botanical fact. The stage of life Noa's peaches were in affected their properties. The small, barely-formed bulbs were a panacea of sorts, curing every status effect in the world with a single bite. The larger, more ripe ones that still hadn't changed colors could prolong a person's lifespan indefinitely, though they would still age extremely slowly. The fully ripe ones, though… they were the ones that were worthy of being World Items.

Complete immortality, healing all wounds short of death itself. A removal of the upper limit on your power. And finally, if one were to eat the pit within, the power it contained would allow you to change your Race to any other.

…Huh. I wonder if Noa will taste like peaches.

Heheheheh… goddammit. All this waiting is driving me insane.

Well, all the more reason to tie all the loopholes as soon as possible.

* * *

The room was silent, not a single sound to be heard. I stood to the side of the Throne of Kings, leaning back against a pillar and observing the gathered NPCs.

Was this the right choice? Would it hurt more than help? I didn't know, but I had to do something.

I inhaled, exhaled, then spoke.

"Greetings, Servants of Nazarick." I began, my quiet baritone rolling over the room like a physical force. "I have called you here to speak with you about a matter of solemn importance."

I let the words hang in the air for a moment before continuing.

"Our Guildmaster is nowhere to be found, and that he won't be returning anytime soon. I'm no figurehead, I'm merely a stand-in while awaiting his return. As such, I refuse to force any of you to stay in a Tomb controlled by me." I waved towards a door to my right, placed where a banner would normally be obscuring it. "As such, I have come to a decision. To those of you who cannot wait for his return, I have prepared a place for you."

"The moment that you set foot in that room, you will no longer be beholden to the laws of time. As soon as the door swings shut, you will no longer feel the effects of age. The next time someone opens the door, it will be as if no time has passed for you." I stated simply. "You may enter or leave as you please, so long as you have someone to open the door for you. You can wait there for Momonga's return without having to suffer the torture of a possible eternity without him."

All right. Confession time.

The door doesn't actually stop time for the room's inhabitants. Believe me, I tried every bit of phrasing I could think of. Nothing worked. **[Time Stop]** has a hard limit of ten seconds no matter how much flavor text I dump on, and simply stating that the door stops time just drains all of the Mana from the door the moment you try to activate it.

So I took a shortcut.

See, I might not be able to stop time, but when everyone in Nazarick is effectively immortal, that's not an issue. All I have to do is make it _seem_ that time is stopped. So I made it so that the Door applied a stacking Debuff instead. Every second that the Door was closed, twenty stacks of **[Mental Slow]** were applied to everyone inside regardless of resistances. In-game the cap was four hundred stacks, but here it could theoretically apply to infinity.

As one might imagine, the Debuff was never meant to apply this way. It was supposed to slow the cast speed of Mental Spells. But as you may have guessed, it works a fair bit differently here. Each Debuff takes twenty percent off the victim's mental speed, which means that at a certain level their mind simply cannot process the passage of time.

I had accidentally invented what was, in effect, the perfect prison. You could go in, but on your own you could never get out.

"I will not hold your choice against you." I continued, lowering my arm. "All I ask is that you write your name down on the sheet on the door to ensure we know who all is in there. If an emergency occurs, we will require your services once more. But I cannot in good conscience force you to remain here against your will."

Silence fell. I had deliberately phrased it so it sounded as if they would be in the service of Nazarick either way, and that I wouldn't just be tossing them into the freezer to forget about them.

"This is not a test." I finished with a solemn shake of my head. "You _will not_ be judged by your decision to stay or leave, by me or your fellow Servants, now or in the future. This is an option that has no strings attached, no dramatic reveal. You walk in that door, you can walk back out when Momonga returns with no consequences. You have my word."

I hardly expected them to cheer and pile in at the first opportunity. That wasn't what this was about. This was about me establishing a third option between 'obedience' and 'insanity'. If they were in so much pain that they might consider going against their core programming, having a place I was blatantly _telling_ them they could go would be a godsend.

"Now." I clapped my hands together sharply, my tone of voice shifting to a more cheerful note. "As of right now, Nazarick has everything it needs to survive for an indefinite period of time. I have activated the security measures and enlisted Mare's aid in turning this place into a false mountain. To an outside observer, we do not exist and never have. Our safety and wellbeing is ensured, which means it is now time to do more than basic scouting of our surroundings."

A collective nod came from the gathered Servants, all save Albedo, who was still pale and unkempt. Even a day and a half later, she was dazed and unfocused. Even Shalltear, who would normally have laughed mockingly at her pain, was beginning to give her concerned looks.

I'll have to talk to her later.

"Now. I have a plan on how to explore the world without sacrificing any of Nazarick's defenses, but I'll need the aid of several humanoid Servants. If you believe you would be comfortable staying indefinitely in an area containing humans, gather in the Throne Room again in four hours. Worry not, you won't be leaving the Tomb for this mission, but you will still be involved. You'll learn more if you decide to volunteer."

"Does anyone have any questions about what I've said to you tonight?" I surveyed the room, nodding once when no one spoke up. "All right. Feel free to speak to me later in private if you have any, but until then, you all are dismissed. And… Albedo, you come with me."

The Guardians bowed, Albedo slowly walking up to join me as I prepared to Teleport. Noa waved sleepily, already moving over to where Archer stood so they could return to our mansion to wait.

I activated my Guild Ring, and the world shifted.

"A-ah… Ancient One-sama?" Albedo's voice was cracked and broken, wavering uncertainly. "Is this… the Treasury?"

"Yes." Or, the entrance to it, at least. Direct Teleportation into it wasn't possible. "We need to talk."

Her golden eyes widened, and she straightened immediately. "My Lord, please, I just need some time, I—"

"Whatever you're about to say, it doesn't matter." I cut in gently. "Please. Listen to me. Momonga's disappearance… it wasn't your fault. You know that, right?"

She nodded mechanically. "Of course."

I stared her down. "Albedo. Look me in the eyes and tell me. It wasn't your fault."

Her gaze shifted. "My Lord… please, this isn't…"

"Albedo." I repeated, reaching out to place my hands on her shoulders. "Please. Say the words."

"But… what if it was?" She finally whispered. "I was… right there. Right next to him when he… he just wasn't there anymore. What if I could've protected him and didn't?"

"Albedo." My grip on her tightened. "It wasn't your fault."

She shook her head. "No."

"It wasn't your fault." I repeated, voice gentler. "Listen. Albedo. I didn't see this coming. No one in the room saw it coming. There was no Spell, nothing to block, no way we could've prevented this. It's no one's fault, no even Momonga's. You need to understand that if you're going to move on."

She was silent, beginning to shake. I held her at arms' length, patiently waiting as tears began to stream down her face.

"Albedo." A firm statement. "It wasn't. Your. Fault."

"But it _was_!" She finally exploded, voice raw with grief. "He's gone, and it's because I couldn't do my one job right! I couldn't protect the man I love for one moment, so how can I expect to protect _anyone_ else?"

She stood, panting, with golden eyes practically ablaze. I could practically see her horror as she realized what she had just done, anger cooling to raw grief.

"There was nothing you could have done, Albedo." I brought her close, encircling her in a hug. "It wasn't your fault."

She buried her face in my shoulder and began to cry.

Time passed. Her tears gradually dried up, only sniffles remaining. I spoke up at last, voice gentle. "All right. Listen to me. Right now I'm sure Innocence is just as lost and confused as you are, but she's still in there calming Pandora down. I want you to go join her until you can honestly accept that you did nothing wrong. Help her, or join Pandora in being comforted by her. Either way, you _need_ closure."

"…Okay." She finally whispered after a long pause. "But you can't tell Shalltear where I am."

"She won't know a thing." I soothed. "She's dealing with this on her own, though, so perhaps once you're done here you can go and talk with her. Just to make sure she's not breaking down or anything."

"Y-yes." She pulled away, wiping her eyes. "I understand. Thank you, Ancient-sama."

I nodded once, stepping away and raising my Guild Ring. "And Albedo… if you ever need to talk, my door is always open."

And with that, I vanished.

…What? I said that she's dangerous and unpredictable if she's left to her own devices. I never said I'd leave her to rot. She's a living being. Sure she's dangerous and possibly insane in many regards, but that's no reason to be an asshole.

Pretty much every girl in Nazarick is insane, so it's not like it's anything new, anyway.

I'd still prefer it if both she and the problem she represents disappeared entirely until Momonga was around to s̶u̶f̶f̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m deal with them. At least then I won't have to be constantly looking over my shoulder at every turn.

She'll likely never betray me, I know. She likely worships the ground I walk on, I understand. But there's still a nonzero chance that she could one day snap and try something drastic to bring her beloved home sooner.

So sue me, I'm playing both sides and hoping to win. At least it's better than just shrugging dumbly and leaving her to collapse in on herself. If talking with Innocence and Pandora helps her come to a conclusion she can live with, the problem will go away one way or another.

Comfort Albedo, check. Make announcement, check. Start exploration program… not check. Which is why I'm back in my workshop, staring out over my various tools.

Time to get to work.

* * *

More Servants turned up to the next meeting than I would've thought. Demiurge, Mare, a few of the Pleiades, and Sebas. Not that it was a bad thing, per se. The more faces, the better.

"All right." I clapped my hands together, gesturing to the table in the middle of the room. "Tell me. What do you see here?"

Silence.

"Um… a bunch of wax dolls?" Mare tried. I had to resist the urge to cringe at the voice of the greatest trap alive, reminding myself that I knew for an absolute fact that he was male.

…Erm… how do I describe Mare here… how about this. Picture a tall, delicate girl in a white vest and a skirt. A gently slanting chest to suggest a budding maturity, soft eyelashes framing sparkling blue eyes, and a shy demeanor that makes her look like the type guys would fall over themselves trying to protect.

Now have that girl tell you she's a boy in the most female voice possible.

There. Job done. Moving on.

"Yes." I agreed. "They are wax dolls. But what else?"

Demiurge picked one up, examining it. It was a very vague shape, one that could easily be carved to look either a male or female. "Is it… some form of magical construct?" He mused.

I smiled.

"Ladies and gentlemen… allow me to explain to you my plan."

* * *

Rows and rows of blank stone faces, all carved to the same perfect likeness. Humanoid forms wearing distinct clothes, holding miniature tools inscribed with whisper-thin runes.

Shabti Dolls. Golems designed only for one purpose. As soon as they were activated with a pulse of Mana, they would come to life. They could only ever be activated once, though, and after they fulfilled their purpose they simply crumbled to dust.

Shabti are a very esoteric type of Golem, simply because of their bizarre limitations. For instance, the material they were formed of directly determined their properties. Not just physical properties, but the quality of information they were able to retain as well. Second, upon their death all their data was copied into a small black box that had to be retrieved before it could be used. A big problem in the middle of enemy territory, as it usually made the whole idea pointless. And finally, Shabti may be a perfect image of who they were supposed to copy, but they were at a literal fraction of their original's durability, and thus were prone to shattering.

For infiltration? No. For pranks? Maybe. But the fact no one ever seemed to get was that, properly made, Shabti can make _excellent_ stunt doubles.

I had mass-produced them in various materials as soon as each wax replica was a perfect likeness of the original in every way. The Guardians who had volunteered understood their role and had already activated their Shabti, sending them out according to my orders. My own copies had set out as well, each armed with my entire Skill set and effectively functioning as a perfect yet slightly fragile version of me.

After all… there's no need to keep secrets when your personal agents already know the secrets you need to keep.

This was my plan. My perfect idea to keep my head out of trouble while still learning all I can of the outside world. Once I know where I stand, I can begin to make changes as I see fit.

I had finished making the spares. And the spares for the spares. And the spares for those spares. All of them stood only a few centimeters high, ready to grow to my exact height at a moment's notice. And I had gotten it all done within the same span of time as I had done everything else needed to get ready.

More importantly… I used every opportunity given to more fully examine my Job Classes.

See, as amazing as my little trick was, it was far from perfect. The Job Classes I had while the world was still a game were perfectly ingrained in my mind. My Alchemist Class, for instance granted me perfect knowledge of how to construct extremely high-tier Golems as if I had worked on them for years, perfecting the exact processes needed. I knew how to save time, how to make the process easier, how to avoid making mistakes even experts might slip on. A perfect copy of a perfect skillset.

My grasp over my newest Job Classes, on the other hand, was tenuous at best. Yes, I had a vague idea on how the different Classes worked, but it was like instinctively knowing how to throw a punch. Even a beginner can satisfy the basic requirements of a punch, possibly break someone's jaw, but if you don't know how to throw your weight behind it or not to tuck in your thumb, you might end up with a dislocated thumb and an unhurt opponent.

Heh. Thank you, Pugilist Class, for the wonderful metaphor.

I smiled faintly to myself, opening and closing a hand. I could see tiny scrapes and scars on their calloused surface, trophies of countless battles. These scars had once been put onto my first Avatar, a living tank of a man that was covered in scars from head to toe. Despite me never taking the time to duplicate them onto my second Avatar, they showed through regardless.

I had always loved the idea of a scarred warrior, their scars tracing a roadmap through their history. That was what the scars were—a memorial. Every enemy that managed to kill me was given a memorial on my skin, a tradition I held even upon gaining a more powerful form. Even the PKers that once pinned me down with sheer numbers were given a grudging spot, a place just above my left shoulder where their killing blow had landed. They would never show as a Dragon, but as a human they were clear as day.

My eyes continued to trace the roadmap of scars, stopping at the line of my wrist. The branches of a Lichtenberg Figure wrapped around my arm, my representation of a lightning-based attack that had once killed me. I continued on, fading back to each individual scar. Each moment in time weaving into a magnificent tapestry telling of all I had done to get this far.

Time spent creating this beautiful world for myself. Time sacrificed to make this moment possible. Over seventy-five thousand hours spent in a virtual world, ignoring reality with the somber stubbornness of a man who had given up on it.

Even if I had left my past behind, I would never forget where I came from.

I lowered my hands, sighing. Opening and closing calloused hands. Hands of a warrior, hands of a smith. The hands of a man who forged war into an art, turning it into a tool to fulfil a purpose. Blood would stain these hands one day, and on that day I would cease to be the man I had once been. I was the Ancient One now, a being that only escaped the rivers of blood he created by standing atop the mountains of corpses. A man who slaughtered a world in cold blood.

It wasn't who I was. But it's who I am now.

I shook my head, returning to the present. Now wasn't the time to wax poetic. Perhaps it was just my exhaustion talking, making me drift to places I normally wouldn't.

You've seen glimpses. Little peeks into all I've been busting my ass to get done. I've been working nonstop for the past forty-eight hours just to get everything over and done with. Every Servant has individually been given standing orders, each security measure activated and sustained. I created new Golem Cores to automate new processes, fortifying and upgrading everything that could possibly need it within the walls of my new home.

Dragons may not need sleep, but we can still feel fatigue. And after everything I've done, fatigue doesn't describe the half of it. All I really want to do is find my Maidens and sleep for ages. Not even my sex drive is active right now, I just want to have a nice, relaxing night with nothing exciting happening.

…Good God, it's just hit me. I've been here for a full week, now. Seven days of various frantic scrambles intermixed with random naps. I've barely seen my Maidens at all.

Well, I suppose a return home is long overdue. I might as well surprise them, spend the rest of the night in their company. A date for three. Date Night.

I activated my ring with a flick of my thoughts, vanishing from my workshop without a sound.

"Archer? Noa?" I called, stepping into the foyer of my mansion. "Are you here?"

Archer didn't reply, but Noa's pink hair was visible against the dark grey of the sofa in the living room. She yawned sleepily, turning her head to look at me. She was swaddled in blankets from head to toe, looking as pleased as can be about her position.

"Noa." I said in amusement, approaching the couch. "If I might ask, why are you being held captive by a herd of wild blankets?"

"I am a cocoon." Noa stated sleepily. "See? If I stay long enough, I'll emerge as a beautiful butterfly."

My lips twitched. "Noa, you don't need to emerge as a beautiful butterfly. You're already beautiful enough as it is."

Noa blinked, considering my words. "…Would it be a problem if I were more beautiful?"

"No." I said, fighting back a laugh. "But it would be quite a long wait, and I doubt cocoons can leave the couch for Date Night."

Noa perked up. "…Date Night?"

"So you're done with work?" Archer asked, stepping into the room. "Also, Noa, I've told you four times already, being a butterfly would be pointless. You're already pretty and you can already fly."

"But I can't taste things with my feet." Noa argued. "And human eyes can only see three colors. Butterflies see fifteen."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I'm done with work for the foreseeable future. I have Rubedo covering for me for the next day or two, so I have plenty of time to spend with my favorite girls in the world."

Noa blinked. "…Does that mean we can—"

"Not yet."

"Dammit."

Archer frowned at the Spirit. "Noa, no cursing."

Noa tilted her head, ignoring Archer. "Why can't we?"

"Because Archer wants to be swept off her feet first." I stated. "She wants to be romanced like a lady should be."

Noa frowned. "…Pointless."

"Noa, respect Archer's culture. You're trapped in a wad of blankets pretending to be a caterpillar, you have no room to judge."

Noa nodded sagely. "This is true."

Archer raised a bemused eyebrow. "…I'm not sure if that conversation was even supposed to make sense."

"Trust me. You would be offended if you understood." I said drily. "So for now, let's just take a vote on how we're going to spend tonight. Any suggestions?"

Archer shook her head, wiping off her hands. "I've just been practicing my Magecraft for the past few days, I'm fine with anything at this point. Noa's been really tired lately from the transfer shock, so I doubt she'd like any sports or dueling. Maybe a movie."

I blinked. _'Sports? Dueling? What exactly is her idea of a date? Never mind, for people who fight for a living, that's probably on par for the course. Everything is an excuse to stay fit, even dates.'_

"Sure." I agreed. "A movie sounds nice. We could even take out a puzzle and do it at the same time."

Noa struggled for a moment, then looked plaintively up at me. "I'm stuck."

"You can go into Spirit form, silly." I reminded.

She blinked. "…But wouldn't I be naked, then?"

"Your clothes go intangible too." I shook my head, bemused. "Come on, have you never noticed that your clothes don't fall off you every time you dodge an attack? Come on, up you go."

Noa tentatively stuck out a hand, then moved to a sitting position. The blankets she had been wrapped in slumped as she ceased occupying them, becoming a mere pile of cloth rather than a cocoon. Sure enough, her clothes remained on her form as she rose to her feet.

…Hmm. Pity. I almost hoped that they really did stay behind.

Actually, no, I didn't. I'm honestly too tired to perv on her right now.

"My panties are still there." Noa reported blandly. "The power of Spirits is not with the pantsu."

I shrugged. "When I made that for you, you weren't wearing panties. Or a bra."

Noa nodded sagely. "I was a fool to believe in the power of pantsu."

Archer rubbed her temples, eyes closed. "…You know what? I'm not even going to touch this one. Instead, I'm going to go upstairs and get into more comfortable clothes. When you two feel like having normal conversations again, I'll be waiting."

"Normal." I scoffed quietly. "What fun is normal?"

Noa giggled quietly, reaching into the blanket pile to pull free her bra and panties. "Let's go join Archer-nee before she stops being annoyed. She's always the most adorable when she has her annoyed face on."

"I know, right?" I grinned. "That cute little wrinkle in her brow, the little frown, the way she puffs up like an indignant kitten…"

Noa giggled again. "And she really doesn't know how to deal with teasing, either."

I nodded, turning to walk up the stairs. I could faintly hear her thumping drawers, likely getting changed. "How long do you think we have until she catches on?"

Noa tilted her head. "Depends."

"On?"

"How much we do it."

"Fair enough." I chuckled, stopping to knock lightly on the bedroom door. "You done in there?"

"All finished!" Archer called back. "I turned the T.V. on, too."

Ah, yes, the television. Something I originally got in the Technology Event as a microtransaction. All it really was was an embedded file player, really, and it was mainly used as a marketing tool in-game. But I downloaded literally every movie imaginable into my own system, storing it all on space I bought for a ridiculous price.

It would never stream live, but it could certainly play movies.

I turned the door handle, almost instinctively sending out a pulse of mana to deactivate the traps on it. Noa followed, carelessly tossing her undergarments onto the nightstand. I paused to open the cabinet underneath the wall-sized flatscreen, pulling out a puzzle and a large square board. I brought them over to the bed, setting them down.

Noa pulled off her dress and tugged on a nightgown, utterly unconcerned about Archer's spluttering. Said spluttering stopped abruptly as I picked up my nightclothes to change as well, untying my furs and revealing my scarred form. A moment later, the show was over, though I definitely saw a bit of drool still on the corner of my Maiden's mouth alongside her bright red cheeks.

Ah, yes. Teasing my adorable Archer will never get old.

"All right, then." I chirped, as if I hadn't just short-circuited one of my Maidens. "Snuggles and warm hugs. Romantic movies, maybe?" I squinted at the wall-sized television, sliding into bed and leaving room for Noa to join us. "It's been a while, but I think I have the Twilight Saga on there, at least. Oh, and Princess Bride. Bukubukuchagama was jealous of that, but she didn't compete in the Technology Event, so she couldn't complain."

"Don't talk about that Slime." Archer mumbled, snuggling into my side. "She is evil. Pure evil in distilled pink form."

I raised an eyebrow. "…What do you have against Buku?"

"She's a husband-stealing harlot, that's what." The tanned girl growled, steely eyes flashing. "She kept trying to flirt with your dense ass, even when I was literally _right there_. Shameless slut."

I blinked. _'…Oh. I see. Bukubukuchagama must've made Archer jealous. Huh.'_ "Don't worry, love." I soothed, leaning over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I didn't make you my Maiden for nothing, you know."

She huffed, allowing me to put my arm around her shoulders and leaning into me. "Good." Her face softened slightly. "…You've never cheated on me before, and Noa only joined us after we both fell in love with her clueless adorability, but still…" She nuzzled my arm. "I got worried, sometimes."

"I want a horror movie." Noa stated, oblivious to the conversation we were having. She had been unboxing the puzzle, examining the pieces with an interested gaze. Evidently they passed her inspection, because she poured them out over the board and scooted back.

Archer sighed, a faint smile still on her face. "Horror movies aren't really standard fare for dates, Noa."

"Don't care." The Spirit lay back against me, her impressive chest pillowing pleasantly against my side. "No matter how scary it is, I have my Dragon here to protect me."

Archer tilted her head, considering. "That actually doesn't sound too bad. I'm all for a romance film, but those get boring after a while. Besides, we still have that stock of movies from Tabula-sama. We could pick from one of those."

I shrugged, handing her the remote. "Be my guest. I don't think Noa cares too much which movie it is, and I'm pretty sure that the two of us have seen too much to be scared by anything Hollywood can cook up."

"Hollywood?" Noa repeated, confused.

"The place movies come from."

"Ah." She picked up a piece, frowning at it. Then she set it down, picking up another.

Archer hummed, flipping through titles. "Trash, trash, below trash, trash…"

I chuckled, leaning over to whisper to Noa. "Give her a bit. She's picky when it comes to movies."

"I know." She whispered back. "She keeps trying to stop me from seeing the ones with sex in them."

"Those are called pornos, Noa." I said. "You shouldn't watch those, they're bad for you."

"Ah. I see." She nodded, raising her voice. "Are you done picking yet?"

Archer huffed, still whizzing past titles. "Give me a second."

"One-Mississippi."

"I didn't mean it literally!"

"Then say that."

"It should go without saying!"

I chuckled quietly, making them both break off. "Come on, you two. Calm down. We haven't even started the movie yet."

Both girls backed down, grumbling. Well, Archer grumbled. Noa just frowned slightly, which was about as expressive as she got. Archer clicked 'play' on a movie that had passed her inspection, and I dimmed the lights with a quick Spell.

One of Tabula's favorite movies, huh? This was sure to be interesting. Here's to hoping I survive without being mentally scarred.

* * *

Archer stared at the credits screen, wide-eyed and trembling. She was several shades paler than she normally was, and were I a normal human she would've snapped my arm with how hard she was squeezing it. I didn't mind the pressure, though, not with how her breasts were cushioning my elbow.

Noa reached over, calmly patting the Counter Guardian on the head. "There, there." She soothed in a monotone. "Ko will protect you from the evil witch hunters."

Archer blinked once, mouth opening. "You know what? I think that my first world isn't so bad now. I could've ended up there, instead."

I leaned over to peck her on the cheek. "It's fine, love. Just a movie."

She shuddered, nodding. "I know, but _god_ was that creepy."

Noa nodded. "It was. But Ko is scarier than anything in the movie, so he'll just protect us like he always does."

Archer gave the innocent Spirit an amused look. "She's adorable."

"She is." I agreed seriously.

Noa yawned cutely, her head falling into the crook of my neck. "Do you mind if I go to sleep, now? I tried to stay awake until the puzzle was done, but I think we lost a piece."

"You tried to eat a piece." I corrected. "And succeeded. If cardboard could hurt you, I would be worried right now."

Noa frowned faintly. "…I thought you would be more upset."

I shrugged. "There's a difference between naïve and stupid. You're only the first one, and deliberately eating a puzzle piece when you know what a puzzle is is the second. You just wanted to see me fuss over you."

"Ah." She nodded once. "You caught me."

Archer rolled her eyes. The color seemed to have returned to her face, her grip on my arm easing considerably. "Are you done with the puzzle, now?"

"As done as we'll ever be." I picked up the piece of wood we had been doing it on, leaning over Noa to set it on the nightstand. "Are you less terrified now?"

"I wasn't _terrified_." She snapped, flushing. Her tail lashed in irritation. "Just… spooked. Temporarily."

Noa blinked, reaching out to touch the black ribbonlike tail. I caught her hand on instinct. "Noa, please don't touch that."

"What? Why?" The Spirit frowned.

"Because my Race has a special _ability_ that has to do with our tails." Archer stated, cutting in with a frown. "And I'd really rather not test it on my little sister."

"Ability?" Noa tilted her head in confusion. "What ability?"

I reached out, gently picking up Archer's tail. It had a barbed heart at the end, but that bit definitely wasn't there just for aesthetic purposes. "Demons are natural emotiovores. They feed on various emotions in the human psyche, and if they drain too much, they can literally devour their soul. She's a Lust Demon, which means she prefers to 'eat' lust. Or the products of lust, at least. The more intense or concentrated, the better."

Archer looped her arms around my neck, kissing my nose. "Gotcha." She teased, almost mocking our close proximity.

I chuckled, rubbing my thumb along the heart-shaped barb. She shivered, eyes almost rolling back into her head. "She's made to tempt others into sinning so she can feed on their emotions as they do it. This little beauty is one of the best weapons in her arsenal."

I held out the tail so that the interested Spirit could see it better. "It's heart-shaped because the tip is actually a hyperthin needle capable of puncturing skin without their victim noticing. The skin to either side holds venom sacs, hence the odd shape. Succubus venom is the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world, and she's the evolved form of a succubus." I leaned in to give the girl in my arms another kiss, releasing her tail. "Well, hers is even stronger than that."

"Evolved?" Noa repeated, picking out the one word that interested her.

"Yep." I agreed, brushing the Archdemon's hair behind her ear. "She's at the top of the food chain in the land of the Demons, should she ever decide to go there."

Noa nodded absently, leaning in to scrutinize the tanned girl. "Shouldn't she have horns like Albedo, then?"

Archer sighed. "They grow in after I've taken a mate." She admitted. "It's how other Demons know I'm spoken for."

"But in stories—"

"I _know_ what the stories say. Albedo has horns because she's a crossbreed mutation, and I'm a pure-blood." She coughed, glancing away. "…And with Demons, just because you have a mate doesn't mean you're loyal. Albedo says that most powerful monsters have a harem of over a hundred, and it's impossible for a Succubus to get the attention she needs when their mate is too busy, so…"

I raised an eyebrow. "You shouldn't have to worry about that with me. Dragons mate for life, and I really don't plan on having an enormous harem. That would keep me from fully appreciating your individual personalities and quirks."

Noa butted in, interrupting me. "What's my evolution?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Is there a form better than this one?"

"Yes, 'Greater Nature Spirit'."

"So why am I not—?"

I held up a hand, forestalling her question. "Your soul barely managed to stretch into that shell, so I dodn't think you could stand the evolved form. In time, perhaps, but not now."

The Spirit looked down at herself. "Why does Archer-nee have a better soul than I do? She was originally human, right?"

"First, humans have stronger souls than artificial lifeforms do." Archer spoke up, voice a bit firmer than mine. "And second, I have a Reality Marble. Humans normally don't have entire _worlds_ built into their souls. Demons and Angels do."

"Ah. I get it now." Noa decided, likely growing tired of that line of questioning. "Just... don't touch Archer-nee's tail."

"As a general rule, yes." I agreed.

"I understand." She yawned, slipping out of bed. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll be back soon."

She sleepily trudged into the next room, the door swinging shut behind her.

I turned to Archer, turning off the television and plunging the room into semi-darkness. All of us had nightvision, though, so I wasn't too worried. I scrutinized Archer's expression, momentarily tuning out the tantalizingly generous amounts of skin her nightgown showed.

My tan-skinned Maiden had a smile on her face, a smile that only widened as I met her gaze.

"Was that romantic enough for you?" I teased. "Our horror movie date?"

"You really do love her." She stated simply, ignoring my teasing tone.

I nodded, squeezing her hand. "I love you both. You're my Maidens."

She leaned in close, pressing a kiss to my lips. This one wasn't hungry or lustful, merely full of love. She broke it a moment later, shyly brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "Today wasn't exactly what I had in mind…" She murmured, still smiling. "But I think that's a good thing. I love you, Ko."

"Love you too."

She giggled, twining her fingers with mine. "You know… if you have time tomorrow, we can finally get around to that date we wanted."

My brow raised. "So soon? Are you sure?"

Her cheeks darkened slightly. "I-I'm not really certain I can wait much longer, so… yes."

I leaned down, kissing her lightly. "There's no rush." I reminded her. "I'll wait as long as I need to."

She shook her head, face still a faint red. "Honestly, after tonight, I'm having a hard time keeping myself from calling off the date part altogether. Being in extremely close proximity to you for long enough to be practically smothered in your scent really isn't doing my self-control any favors."

I fought back a grin. I had worked hard to get this far… it was time to get my reward. "Well, then." I teased lightly. "It would be cruel of me to leave a lady unsatisfied. Tomorrow we'll give you that date you wanted."

She nodded. "Tomorrow." Her cheeks reddened, and she repeated the word quietly to herself. "T-tomorrow."

"I'll stop by at six to start our date." I took her hand, my thumb brushing along the back of it. "It's your choice what we do. I'll spend the first half of the day making sure everything is in order and that Noa is sufficiently distracted."

"R-right." She took a deep breath, eyes widening slightly. "Tomorrow night. Date."

I frowned, leaning in to touch my forehead to hers. "Are you all right, love?"

"I am trying to resist the urge to jump you." She stated, taking another deep breath. "And I may even succeed."

I cupped her cheek, brushing my thumb along her cheekbone. "It's all right, love. Even if you snap, I won't do anything to you until you're capable of rational thought. We can stop talking about this if it's making it harder for you."

"_Everything_ is making it harder for me." She whimpered, curling into me. "Your voice, your scent, even the way you're holding me right now. We're alone in the dark beneath the sheets, with only these flimsy clothes between us. Every part of me is screaming to mate with you."

I resisted the urge to grin. Sure, I was supposed to be calming her down instead ofwinding her up. But at the same time, I was glad that her design made it so difficult to resist me. Just a few words would tip her over the edge, and suddenly she would be _begging_ to be fucked.

But no. One more night was an acceptable wait to do this 'right'. My impatience was no excuse to alienate a girl I would be spending the rest of my life with.

Pity, though… my sharp senses could distinctly pick out exactly how turned on she was. A soft floral scent accompanied by her subtly rubbing her thighs together. A pulse like an Olympic sprinter, hammering away in her chest. Nipples pressing into my skin, as hard as diamonds. She was practically salivating over me, her entire body aching for satisfaction.

And considering she's probably drinking my lust in as well, this definitely can't be easy for her.

"I'll tell you what." I murmured, my left hand releasing hers. "We won't be having sex tonight… but there's nothing wrong with some nice kissing, is there?"

A spark of desperation lit in her eyes, and I knew she was hooked. Her lips crashed into mine, and suddenly she was putty in my hands.

Oh, yes. It was all worth it for this exact moment. Every last second of it.

And if this is just the appetizer, tomorrow's main course promises to be absolutely _scrumptious_.

"Are you two kissing?" Noa asked sleepily, standing in the open doorway. "Can I join too?"

Archer pulled away, a wide smile on her face. "Of course you can." She hummed, licking her lips. "Just don't keep him for too long, all right? I'm still not done with _my_ turn."

* * *

**A/N:**

**Okay, before you rage in the reviews about how he's keeping others at arms' length, please keep one thing in mind.**

**The MC has not read this story. He only knows what canon is and the direct consequences of his actions. He doesn't know that Aura is in love with him because to him, his small kindness was just that. A small kindness. He doesn't know Albedo bears him no ill will because all he knows is that she once plotted to kill the other supreme beings.**

**I'm not willfully abandoning the character development of the story. I'm not saying that Albedo will kill the MC in cold blood for no apparent reason. All I'm doing is showing you the limits of a first-person narrative. There will be times in the future when the MC won't know something, despite you shouting at your screen. There will be times he fails due to a critical misunderstanding of the world around him. Because at his core, all he really is is an outside observer fully entering these NPCs' lives for the first time.**

**It's not that Albedo didn't react when Momonga vanished, it's not that the other Guardians weren't flat-out panicking in the background. You're just seeing the world through the MC's eyes, and he had much bigger things to worry about at that point in time.**

**...Okay. Enough lecturing.**

**Instead, I'd like to offer a little bonus segment as an apology for my continued game addiction making me late.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Rubedo sighed, twirling her parasol back and forth. "Boring." She mumbled to herself, leaning back against the trunk of a tree. "So boring. You're bored too, aren't you?"

Silence.

To anyone else, it would seem as if there was no one else within a kilometer around. But Rubedo knew better. She knew that assuming she was alone was a trap more dangerous than any other, and most of all, she knew that the wind was acting strangely.

How strangely?

Well, quite simply put, Nazarick didn't _have_ wind.

"Oh, don't play coy with me." She called, crossing her legs and pretending to relax. "I've seen men choke to death on thin air when you're involved, so you can bet your life that I know exactly when you're around."

The wind picked up, whistling around and shaking the treetops. A faint voice caught her ear, formed from the air itself.

_"It was not my intention to offend…"_

"Oh, come off it." The Witch of the Void dismissed, closing her eyes. "Aren't you bored, just wandering around? Existing for the sake of it? Waiting for the call to arms?"

_"…I am the wind. I do not feel boredom."_

"Of course not." She sighed. "You don't feel anything. No joy, no sadness, no regret. Pity. I think you'd enjoy the feeling of something's life draining under your touch."

_"Life is sacred… do not dismiss its value so casually…"_

"Oh? And who taught you that life was sacred? The same man who taught you to cut it short?" She mocked lightly. "Please. We're killing machines. There's no sense in denying what our strengths are."

_"…We are no longer living that life… we are no longer fighting that war. The Ancient One… is at peace."_

Rubedo sighed, opening her eyes. "Come, now, Whisper. Everything that the Ancient One does is utterly lethal and potentially dangerous to everyone on this planet. Do you honestly believe that this is any different?"

_"…The females have calmed him. I believe it is for the best."_

"Calmed him, yes. But you should know." A small, amused smile quirked her lips. "You more than anyone should know how dangerous he is when he's calm. I remember the days when the last things entire civilizations would hear were the words '**[Mind of Undeath]**'."

_"That was then… this is now."_

"Oh? Then let's take a look at his choice of mates." Rubedo held up a hand, counting them off on her fingers. "An Archdemon of unquestionable might and theoretically infinite power, whose entire soul is warped around him so severely she can't spend a single moment without him in her thoughts. The Spirit of the most powerful and dangerous Tree you could possibly imagine. Just _think_ of how stupidly powerful their offspring are going to be."

_"…That is not his intent… you know this."_

"Oh, I know." Rubedo twirled her parasol lazily, leaning back to look up at the sky. "I just wanted to point out how much danger he can unleash upon the world without even seeming to realize it."

_"…You relish the thought."_

The Flesh Golem shrugged, casually adjusting her dress. "Oh, I wouldn't go _that_ far." A wide, sharp grin stretched unnaturally across her face, marring her beautiful features. "I don't _relish_ the thought, dear Whisper. I absolutely _adore_ it."

_"…So I see…"_

"Hmm." Rubedo's expression smoothed back to one of polite disinterest. "Honestly, though… it's quite dull, waiting for him to do something earth-shatteringly tremendous. I mean, with him it's inevitable, but the wait is often tedious."

_"…Do not worry, Black Witch…" _The faint whisper grew fainter. _"I'm sure you will get what you desire eventually… you merely have to wait."_

"Indeed." Rubedo closed her parasol, smiling to herself. "But in the end… I suppose it's always the wait that makes the bloodiest days worthwhile."

If there were any wildlife remaining that day, they would've been treated to the sound of cheerful humming as the Flesh Golem began brutally devouring the corpses of dead monsters.


	10. 2-2: Lust Archdemons Need Love Too

Chapter 2—Lust Archdemons Need Love, Too!

* * *

**So… I'm late. By a lot. Unfortunately, as much as I would've loved to be on time, please recall that I have a shitty job I keep to make ends meet. A project meant to be completed by November 1st was pushed back to ****_October _1****st****, which meant that everyone had to work overtime just to get the damn thing done. Then when it released, there was a week spent just debugging the piece of shit so it was actually useful rather than just something that 'kind of' worked.**

**But no one wants to hear about that, so how about we celebrate instead!**

**We did it, folks! We're currently number five in the listings when you sort all Overlord stories by reviews or follows, and number ****_three_**** when you sort by favorites! It wasn't me that got it this far, though. it was you guys. Thanks for giving this little thought experiment the overwhelming amount of support it's gotten over the past…**

**…Jesus Christ, has it really only been a month and a half since I posted this story? Wow. **

**Anyway. I just wanted to stop and thank you all for your constant support. On the off chance that Overlord Season 4 releases before this story reaches its conclusion, we can expect this story to get a huge amount of new readers due to being on the top of the list. **

**Readers who will then beg me for more updates.**

**…**

**Um… mercy?**

**…Forget that for now, it's warning time. When I asked a while back whether I should separate lemons from the rest of the story, most people said to just leave them in and put a warning at the top of the chapter because putting in warnings would break the flow of the story. So, there's that. If people change their minds I can mark them, just let me know. If you want to skip the lemon, stop reading at the second half of date scene, it shouldn't be too hard to tell when. Enough said.**

**People who skipped all that, be warned, THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER. You have been warned.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"You know… this is almost poetic." Rubedo mused, sipping from a cup of tea. Her parasol was folded, propped against the table she sat at. "Talking to myself."

The Shabti across from her nodded in agreement, taking a sip of her own drink. "It's odd, to be sure. Even more so for me, being fully aware that I'm a fake. Yet for as long as I'm alive, I _am_ you."

Silence fell, filled only by the ticking of the clock in the next room over. Neither of them needed to breathe, or even move. Golems didn't _have_ to do anything, really.

"Why do you follow him, still?" The Shabti asked, tilting her head. "We can survive, even thrive, on our own. He would let us go so long as we never stood in his way. So why do you continue to stand guard over this slaughterhouse?"

"Hmm." Rubedo idly swirled the dregs of her tea, contemplating pouring another cup. "Why would I _not_?"

"Because the Ancient One is a genocidal madman."

"Hmm." The Flesh Golem leaned forward, picking up the teapot. "So he is. He lives in his own head, seeing the world through a fragile narrative that interprets everything around him as exactly what he expects to see. But then again, don't we all?"

"But you do _see_ that he's mad, yes?" The Shabti insisted. "How can you not?"

"Of course I see that he's mad." Rubedo smiled, teeth becoming finely sharpened points. "He snapped long ago, long before I even met him. He acts as if this world is some elaborate game, a game that he can simply exploit on a whim. But he is a _dangerous_ madman, for two simple reasons. First… he _can_ exploit this world on a whim. His greatest victories were built upon the back of flaws in reality itself, holes through which no sane man can peer. And as for the second reason… the most dangerous thing about his madness…?" She trailed off suggestively.

"…He thinks that he's sane." The copy finished.

"Precisely." Rubedo stirred in a cube of sugar, humming to herself. "The most dangerous thing for any delusion is to believe that the delusion is reality. To embrace their madness as a fixture of the world you live in. He has surrounded himself with females who feed his delusions, females who truly believe him to be some grand savior." She tilted her head, smiling faintly. "We are all characters in a narrative he has painted himself. A narrative in which he is the hero, the ancient and wise being who passes judgement on others. Anyone outside of his narrative is merely a side character, a margin in the pages of history. A mere _statistic_."

"And we play along."

"Indeed."

"…Why? Why play to the whims of a madman?"

"It's quite simple." Rubedo set down her empty cup, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward. "Because as long as he is the narrator of his own tale, there is still a tale to be told. A tale grander and bloodier than any book could ever hope to compare."

The Shabti smiled. "Oh, now you're just making me regret that I have to leave soon."

"Leave?" Rubedo tilted her head. "What do you mean, leave?"

The Shabti faltered, frowning. "On the mission, with the rest."

"Oh, you're adorable." Rubedo rose from her chair, picking up her parasol. "No, you're a terribly constructed attempt at a master's craft. Something I made up just to pass the time."

The Shabti blinked, finally bothering to look down at its own figure. Rubedo's words held true—it was as if someone had taken the vague image of the original and distorted it, painting blindly onto a lump of misshapen clay. "...What?"

"Mmm… yes. I'm sorry. You were entertaining to speak with for a time, but now you need to fulfill your true purpose."

"And that is?"

"Why, helping me with a few experiments, of course." Sharp teeth were bared, a smile far too wide to be natural. "Don't worry, I made sure to include the Black Box needed to retrieve your life experiences. Please, do make sure to preserve the memories of the next few hours. I've always been _curious."_

* * *

I opened my eyes, immediately feeling the sensation of two sets of soft breasts pressing into my sides. I had fallen asleep with my arms around my Maidens, entirely shirtless. The night of, well, _kissing_, was not exactly what one might expect. Though it quickly became a contest between them, my poor shirt was the only loser.

No, it did not devolve into a yuri show. That would be a different story entirely. All it was was them taking turns trying to give me the 'better' kiss. Considering nether of them had much experience, it wasn't exactly a show of skill, and after a while they were both giggling too hard to continue. Archer gradually managed to calm herself down to the point that she could force down her instincts, and Noa somehow lost her panties in the exchange.

I really didn't know what happened there, but it was honestly a bit adorable to watch the contest play out. At heart, they truly saw themselves as sisters, despite me never saying a word about their relationship in their text.

Oh. And I was the dummy they practiced their kissing on, so that was one hell of a plus.

Fun fact. Succubi and their evolved forms have long, prehensile tongues and no gag reflex. Did I know that before? No. Am I happy I know it now? Most definitely.

Fun fact number two. Noa seems to legitimately enjoy being fondled. I know this not because I started it, but because she flat-out asked me to. What she lacked in experience, she most definitely made up for with enthusiasm.

Hmm… wait, where was I?

Ah yes. Waking up to marshmallow heaven. Archer, despite having a slightly larger chest, loses points for continuing to wear a bra. Noa, on the other hand, was wearing what amounts to a thin sheet of gauze over her entire body. With no undergarments whatsoever.

…Dammit. For how long it took me to get here, it seems to be taking just as long to get laid.

On the bright side, I somehow doubt Noa will ask for a date before I hit a home run with her.

I shifted, trying to slip away without waking either of them, only for both pairs of arms to tighten their hold. Noa opened her eyes, staring up at me. "Stay." She ordered flatly. "You're ours right now."

Archer nodded, not bothering to open her eyes. "Your duties can wait. You've been making everything self-sufficient for the past week, one morning spent sleeping in won't destroy the world."

My lips twitched slightly. "Am I being held prisoner?"

"Yes." Noa said. "Now stay still."

I obliged, both Maidens snuggling into my side.

We all knew that I could leave anytime… but I was hardly going to complain about the warm bodies pressed against my own. Especially with both of said warm bodies belonged to well-endowed girls dressed in thin nightclothes.

Sorry, fellow men who love justice, but there are some things flat chests simply cannot do.

* * *

Archer was off making sure that the perimeter defenses were sound. A wonderful tactic, considering that, as someone raised by the most lethal defense-cracker alive, she would know exactly where to check.

Unfortunately, that left me with a slight problem.

I couldn't leave Noa alone. Not because I don't trust her, seeing as most of her worst accidents thus far seem to just be her trying to help Archer, but because she literally wouldn't let me.

I could sort of understand her point of view, really. She had been cooped up in the mansion for an entire week, eventually getting bored enough to consider turning herself into a blanket cocoon a good idea.

But still…

Noa hummed happily to herself, tightening her hold around my neck. Her breasts pressed pleasantly against my back, which, knowing her, had about a fifty-fifty shot of being entirely intentional.

"Noa, you probably shouldn't stay there all day." I said drily. "I do have to go through doorways, you know, and even if I duck, you still hit your head."

"Don't care."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the gentle puffs of air tickling my ear. "You say that now, but we're going into the caves. There's a fair bit more than a few doorframes to hurt you."

Noa went silent for a moment. "…Okay. I understand. **[Terrain Immunity]**."

…Right. So apparently she would rather use an Eighth-Tier Spell than get off of my back. I barely noticed her weight and her hold was nowhere near enough to restrict my airflow, but I suspected that I looked rather ridiculous with the pink-haired Nature Spirit on my back.

Ah, well. I'm sure Noa's whims will get me in much odder positions in this one as time goes on. Might as well just accept it.

"All right, then. Just be sure to hold on tight." I cracked my neck, sighing to myself. "The Mines aren't exactly a safe place to get into."

Noa obligingly tightened her hold, pressing her cheek on my ear. "Okay."

I raised my Guild Ring, and our surroundings shifted. One moment we were in the comfort of the Throne Room, the next we were in the bitter cold of Floor 5. Noa didn't even twitch at the sudden temperature change thanks to her Spell, and my body heat was more than enough to let me ignore the cold.

"I thought the Mines were on Floor 10?" Noa asked, voice faint against the howling snowstorm around us.

I nodded. "They are, but the entrance is here. I wanted to hide the Mines from the others, so I couldn't exactly be seen walking in and out of Floor 10 holding enough Celestial Ore to sink the economy."

On first glance, having a mine on Floor 10 seems counter-intuitive, right? It's the highest level, the place where the king sits to greet commoners. But when you think about it, it's actually the opposite. It's a tomb, not a castle, which means that each Floor is deeper than the last. And the deeper the level of a cave system, the rarer the Ores you can find there.

How did I hide this big-ass mine down here without anyone noticing?

Well, that's actually quite easy. Since YGGDRASIL forced you to do literally everything from a first-person view and didn't allow for a minimap function, every decoration had to be placed manually via editing tools. It wasn't like you suddenly got a third-person spectator view whenever you entered editing mode, you had to work with what you could see.

And if you're given an infinite amount of time in an area that people rarely went to… well. It's a simple matter to slowly wall off more and more without people noticing, until you have enough to start building.

The Mines aren't all that wide, not at the top. But the whole Floor is more easily thought of as a truly enormous cube, and as soon as you have enough of the Floor hidden away to start deleting the ground below, you can just go batshit crazy. If you assume the area is a perfect cube as large as a small city, the Throne Room and surrounding chambers only take up the top layer. There's still a fuckton of room _beneath_ the place, more than enough to design an entire cave system without anyone being any the wiser. Once I finished, I merely put the walls back where they originally were.

I had to do it subtly, of course, since it being an area people rarely went to for no reason worked both for and against me. If someone asked why I was decked out in underground gear while holding Editing Tools and walking through Floor 10, I would have a hell of a time explaining. But if there was anything I knew well, it was patience, and in time I had the perfect Ore farm all set up with Golems mining away at all hours of the day.

I had yet to check on it since our arrival, which could be bad considering how many Golems there were to potentially fail in the transfer.

"Where's the entrance, then?" Noa's emotionless voice broke me from my thoughts, making me glance around.

"Right…" I hummed to myself. "Today is the third of the month, so… it should be…"

I closed my eyes, mentally counting my steps. There were numerous different entrances, but if you didn't enter at the correct part of the one-month cycle, the entrance was just a cave. Of course, even if an intruder managed to stumble into the Mines by chance, they would be trapped until someone came in to get them out. Or they died. Either was fine with me.

"Do you have on your Guild Ring?" I asked, slipping my own into my pocket.

Noa shook her head. "I don't like rings, they get lost easily."

That figured, and I knew that Noa seldom wore anything on her hands. But if she had Astralized the ring rather than taking it off, it might still set off my traps.

"Good." I stepped sideways, ducked down, and slipped into a hidden cave.

It was tiny, barely enough room for you to fit inside without crouching. But it extended down quite a ways, deep into the earth. The way was marked by flickering torches, the ceiling gradually becoming high enough to comfortably stand in. The path was marked by a mine cart track, twin iron rails leading down into the earth. Precious jewels glittered within the walls, hidden riches on display. Whoever dug the shaft obviously didn't care about them, though, since they had gone right past without seeming to notice.

Noa trailed a hand along the smooth stone, a strand of her pink hair drifting in front of my eyes. I ignored it, instead stopping at the dead end the track led to. I examined it for a moment, puzzling out the most recent challenge.

"Did we go down the wrong one?" Noa asked, tugging a diamond out of the wall to examine it. "Should we go back up?"

"No." I murmured, taking a step back. "Going back up from here without teleporting triggers a lethal series of events cutting off every possible escape, up to and including the Guild Rings. If one of the others ever found this place, I needed to have an excuse as to why it was here."

"So we're at the right place?" Noa frowned, peering over my shoulder at the dead end. "Is this a puzzle?"

"More or less. You have to use the right Spell on it to get it open. And if I remember the cycle correctly… **[Break Terrain]**."

The wall crumbled, revealing a pitch-black Portal. I smiled. "Protect your head, love, from here on it's more dangerous."

Noa nodded obediently, pressing herself tighter against me. "Okay."

I stepped through the Portal, and all light vanished. No more torches lined the walls, we were standing in pitch-blackness. I didn't mind, having designed the place specifically for this purpose. Every being I would consider letting down here was capable of functioning without light.

"…Big." Noa whispered.

I nodded quietly. We were in an enormous cavern, marked by hundreds of different alcoves. Within each alcove was a statue, silently staring down at us.

Many of my fellow Guildmates often wondered why I chose Alchemist for a Job Class when it seemed to serve no purpose. Sure, it gave me knowledge on plants whenever I entered a new area, but what other purpose was there?

This was my answer.

_Golems._

Golems so small they could go unseen. Golems so absurdly powerful their form could hardly hold their strength without crumbling. Golems designed to create works of art, Golems designed to slaughter millions with ease.

If anyone with a Guild Ring entered this room, it would come to life. Every Golem was equipped with a full set of Divine-Class gear that any Player would literally kill for. Weapons so grossly overpowered that they bumped the border of World-Class. A core of pure Caloric Stone, giving them limitless Mana for as long as they could cast. I had made them all myself, grinding endlessly for the sole purpose of arming my last guardians.

Because even the treasure that was billions of gold coins' worth of gear paled in comparison to what this place hid within.

From within the darkness, eight red eyes opened. A creature solidified from pure blackness, examining us with the gaze of a starving predator.

It had a long, snakelike body with a vaguely humanoid torso. Six clawed arms with toxic green skin extended outward, each holding enough strength to tear a human limb from limb. The head was a truly gruesome work of art, with eight gleaming spider eyes over a tentacled mouth reminiscent of Cthulhu. The skull was elongated back, hairless and scaled, into a sort of helmet made of pure bone. Venom dripped from an unseen mouth, sizzling quietly against the ground below.

Eight eyes blinked in unison, and it spoke.

"Hello, Ancient-sama!"

The creature's voice was high and sweet, a gift from Bukubukuchagama to Tabula. The words were innocent and cheerful, belying her entire appearance.

My mouth twitched into a smile. "Hello, Nigredo."

Ah, Nigredo. Tabula's creation, based on the concept of unreachable horror influencing from afar. There can be no definite description of Nigredo, because everybody envisions her differently and she is always changing. When I say that, I mean it quite literally—her form is a procedurally-generated organism created using fifty separately-entered designs as references. At the moment she was in a land-based form, one of the many she had access to, but in a few moments that would change to something else.

It probably won't surprise you at all to learn that the madmen creating Races actually did include 'Elder God' as an unlockable, evolving into 'Great Old One' as soon as the ten-Level Racial Class capped. The Quest granting it had involved literally invading R'lyeh, though, so I'll skip talking about it.

Nigredo was hardly a front-line combatant, not like her sisters. She was the guardian of a place only I and Tabula even knew existed.

Rubedo could strike you blind, deaf, and dumb, but she relied entirely on those effects to throw you off. Nigredo lacked any of that subtlety. Her design had one purpose, and one purpose only—to scare the ever-loving _shit_ out of you. One moment she would be a horrific chimera of dozens of creatures, the next she would be a spider the size of a school bus. It didn't happen instantly, either, you could literally see her skin splitting and her bones shifting every time she changed. Yet the whole time, she kept her gaze firmly on us.

"Hello, Nigredo-chan." Noa greeted, unphased by her design. "Are you doing okay?"

The troll-sized mosquito nodded, a mouth full of broken glass twisting into a smile. "Quite well, thank you. I've been overseeing the Golems as they work."

"Would you mind if we had a look around?" I asked, ignoring the crunching, squelching mass of flesh as it reshaped itself. "I need to make sure everything is still functioning."

The eviscerated woman nodded, turning around and revealing the horrifically shredded skin of her back. You could see her heart beating through the splintered remains of her ribcage, still dripping blood. "Of course. Follow me, my lord."

Noa hummed softly as we followed the Lovecraftian horror, ducking slightly to evade the low roof of the tunnel that opened in the wall. Nigredo's voice floated back. "Are you enjoying the view, Noa-chan?"

Noa nodded, tightening her hold around my neck. "He's taller than me."

"That and she's a cuddlebug." I deadpanned.

Nigredo giggled, a downright disturbing sound coming from a tentacled abomination. Her head twisted a full hundred and eighty degrees, looking back at us from milky white eyes. "You two look so cute together."

"Ah." Noa blinked, looking down at me.

My lips twitched in amusement. "It's a compliment, love."

"I see. Thank you, then."

"No problem, dear." She swiveled her head back with a hollow pop, making me wince slightly at the sound.

Say what you will about hideous monsters or giant spiders, there's something viscerally disturbing about hearing the bones in someone's neck pop like a stalk of rhubarb when they're twisted.

"We're here!" Nigredo chirped.

The tunnel gave way to rough stone, and suddenly we were within the mineshaft.

The first thing you noticed was the sheer _size_ of the place, so huge that it belied belief. The ground was uneven beneath us, chipped away by thousands of inhuman feet. Then your gaze shifted, and you noticed that all the shapes on the walls weren't bumps—they were tunnel entrances, each dug by a different creature. A different Golem.

The entire mineshaft was filled to the brim with Golems.

"I think you should know where you're going, my lord, so I think I'll return to my home." Nigredo said, her eviscerated face pulled into a mockery of a knowing smirk. "I'll leave you two alone."

Noa tilted her head, watching the creature slither away. "…What does she mean?"

"Do you remember what else I have down here?"

"Your hoard."

I shrugged. "Well, that's a bit of a medieval way to put it, but yes. Now tell me. If I'm carrying you into the mines, where I keep all my most precious treasures, while you're holding me in an intimate embrace…"

Noa blinked. "She thinks you're going to have sex with me?" A pause. "…Are you?"

"Yes, but not now."

"Dammit."

I chuckled, reaching up to ruffle her hair. "Calm down. You'll have your fair share of sexytimes in the future. I get that you're curious, but I don't want to hurt Archer on this."

Noa nodded. "I know. I don't want her hurt either." She shifted, leaning over my shoulder to give me a kiss on the cheek. "But still… she wouldn't have to know."

I rolled my eyes. "Noa, she's a Lust Archdemon. Even if we cleaned up every trace of evidence she would be able to smell it on you from across the room."

...No response. Figures.

I followed the path, going by memory. The Celestial Uranium was mined here, of course, but that meant nothing. A simple glance at the slowly filling minecarts told me that it was still generating for some reason, but I still had to check the storage blocks in a month's time to see if it would convert to Caloric Stone.

If Caloric Stone was something only YGGDRASIL provided… then I had to use my stash more sparingly than ever.

"Would you like to visit, at least?" I asked the Spirit on my back. "My vault, I mean. I need to check under the piles of gold to make sure my most valuable and dangerous Items are still there."

Noa nodded, perking up. "Yes, please."

"All right then." I stepped into a side tunnel, this one large enough to fit several dozen elephants.

Or one rather large Dragon.

I casually deactivated the traps as I went, humming to myself. The set of huge double doors swung open, revealing what lied within.

A cavern of gold, supported by ornately carved pillars. A room so large that one could barely see the other side. Piles upon piles of coins covered the ground, completely obscuring whatever lied beneath. All of my gold from YGGDRASIL, enough to turn me into fucking Smaug. I grinned, feeling Noa slip off my back. "Do you mind?"

She shook her head, stepping back. "Go ahead."

"**[Trans Form: Dragon]**." I stepped forward, flicking the mental switch that disabled the Skill keeping me in my weak, defenseless form. One moment I was human, the next I was the size of a small mountain. Gold sprayed every which way as my weight hit the ground, my momentum gradually slowing as I spread my wings for balance.

Despite my size, the room was more than large enough to hold me at Level 200, which left me more than enough space to stretch comfortably at half that Level.

I yawned cavernously, enjoying the sensation of muscles rippling down my back. It felt like I was stretching my legs after a long car ride, or lowering my arms after holding something heavy for hours. My form gradually relaxed, wings folding and body losing its tension. I laid down with an easy grace, winding myself along one of the walls of the room and placing my front talons in the center.

Noa smiled, a slight expression that my eyes easily picked up despite the distance. "I like you when you're like this."

I chuckled, reaching out with my front talon and extending a single claw. "How so?"

"You're big."

"Hmm." I glanced down at my scaly bulk. "I hadn't noticed."

She stepped onto my claw, which was easily twice as long as she was tall. I gently brought her close, setting her down on the ground near my chest. She sat down, settling against my front leg.

"Thank you for taking me." Noa said, craning her head to look up.

"It's not a problem." I fell silent, contemplating something. "Would you mind answering a question on something that's been bothering me?"

"Nope."

"All right. Noa… tell me." I rumbled, resting my head on a foreleg. "Why is it that you're so desperate to get in bed with me?"

She leaned back, reaching up to touch my jaw. "Because I love you."

"That's a reason to cuddle." I poked her gently with my nose. "Not to want sex."

"Isn't it?" She tilted her head. "What's the difference?"

"To you?" I chuckled. "I suppose… none at all. Now, would you mind helping out? The World Items I didn't let the others near are hidden down here, and I need to make sure they came with."

"Of course." She nodded once. "I would love to."

* * *

I spent the rest of the afternoon poking around, checking in with various Servants to make sure everything was running smoothly. I had put a decent amount of time into making a working system of self-government for the Servants that would function without me driving it, so if I could just get everything running, I would be able to leave it be for as long as I needed.

Now. I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't just take Momonga's position once he vanished. Why I seemingly gave up all of my control over the Guild for no reason at all.

Think back. Exactly what did I say?

I said I _wouldn't involve Nazarick_, not that I wouldn't do anything.

I have plenty of plans in the works, plans I'm more than happy to put into motion as soon as I have a decent area of World Map filled in. I'm not sure if my Shabti are capable of updating it from afar, but if they are, I'll have a direct path anywhere I want to go. Instantly.

Therein lies the main problem with Nazarick without Momonga. My original plans had him taking care of things while I was away, but in the absence of him, I was forced to reconsider my strategy.

I could hand over control to Demiurge or Rubedo, but that could backfire horribly. I could leave it to one of my Maidens, but that would mean I'd have to leave one of them behind every time I left. I could make a Shabti to take my place, but what if it ever had to fight? Sure it could take a few hits from a low-Level scrub, but anything above that? Toast.

I wouldn't be sitting in the throne room and making decisions that would affect all of Nazarick, thank you very much. No, that's what I had subordinates for.

I've already begun forming the chain of command, setting different Servants up in positions they would be suited for. If one of them fell or elected to 'step out' as it were, their duties would simply shift down a peg. The harsh pragmatism of Rubedo and Demiurge can be deadlocked by the innocent idealism of Pandora and Innocence, meaning that any decision made in my absence will have to pass all four of them _and_ the acting head of Nazarick security before it gets put into motion.

Oh. And I have total control over the process and can veto anything I like for any reason at all. Did I mention that bit?

I may not be the leader in name, but I have all of the power and none of the responsibility. I can still maintain an illusion of surrendering power, a counselor that lets the Servants develop more personality and learn more about free will, all the while calling all of the shots.

And when Momonga returns… _if_ he returns… the system will have become so well-established that his position as Guildmaster will be only as powerful as _I_ allow it to be.

…

…

…

…Okay, you caught me, I came up with the damn plan just because I wanted more time to slack off.

Yes, the plan has its flaws. Encouraging the development of free will in the Servants might very well be a terrible idea. If one of them goes rogue, there's no reset button. But, at the same time, if I don't escape the burden of their impossible expectations _now_, I'll wind up exactly where Momonga was. Pretending to be an almighty ruler while continuously being forced to take more and more drastic actions to reconcile myself with their image of me.

If they rule themselves, even just in a puppet democracy, then their decisions are _allowed _to be flawed. Actions they take will be imperfect, and they will accept those imperfections. If I slip up, make a mistake, rather than me having to up the ante and pretend it was my plan all along, the Servants will simply assume I'm testing their ability to cope with disaster.

Not bad for a lazy asshole, huh?

"…My Lord, are you certain of this?" Demiurge adjusted his glasses. "It's not that I doubt your plan, merely that I doubt our ability to carry it out. Are you certain you aren't willing to assume the title of Guildmaster, even temporarily?"

I shook my head. "Demiurge, as much as I despise the idea, the fact of the matter is that this entire incident is a grim reminder that one day you won't have anyone to rely on. Perhaps it's not some bizarre teleportation, perhaps it's just that I'm across the world in a diplomatic meeting when something here goes critically wrong. A system that fails utterly without a single component is doomed to self-destruct."

The Demon sighed, nodding reluctantly. "I, too, despise the idea. But your words hold merit. I will speak with the others… though I will warn you, your plan will not go over well with them."

"They don't have to like it, Demiurge. They just have to accept it."

And like that, I officially became the Director of the Tomb of Nazarick. Beholden to no one, yet in charge of nothing.

Fuck you, universe. I've done enough back-breaking labor over my lives. I'm not signing on as a glorified supernanny to a Tomb of chaos monsters that would give me grey hairs faster than you could say 'stressed'. Their unrealistic standards and expectations probably would've been the death of me anyway.

Demiurge bowed low. "As you command, my lord. Do you have any other orders for me?"

"No, not now." I smiled faintly. "That's kind of the point, isn't it?"

"Of course, my lord. I'll finish setting everything up soon." Demiurge straightened. "Might I be excused?"

"By all means, go ahead."

He turned and left the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

I chuckled to myself, shaking my head. Soon enough I would have more free time than I knew what to do with. Not all of my time could be taken up by my girls, sooner or later that would get boring for all of us. Immortality means forever, and that means I need to figure out what I'm going to be doing with it.

What exactly did I do back in YGGDRASIL when I was bored? Work on my preparations, I suppose. But aside from that, not a whole bunch. I would feed Harold from time to time—

Harold.

Holy shit, I almost forgot about that overpowered tortoise.

_'Might as well pay him a long-overdue visit, I suppose.'_

I grinned, raising my Guild Ring. "**[Teleport: World Turtle]**."

I felt my surroundings shift as the Magic took effect, the air becoming drier and heavier. The wilderness was a good thirty degrees Celsius compared to the room-temperature air-conditioned mansion, a sharp transition I hadn't been expecting. Not bad, just… different.

"**[Trans Form: Dragon]**!" I bellowed, crouching to launch myself into the air. The Transformation hit and suddenly I was flying, the air rushing past my scaled face at incredible speeds.

I banked, laughing, and turned course to fly back to the place my pet World Turtle rested. "Good morning, Harold!" I bellowed, landing. "Glad to see you made the trip!"

The ground rumbled, and the Turtle sleepily poked his head out of his shell. He warbled softly, and I reached out to rub his head.

Technically speaking my pet was a tortoise, considering he had feet instead of flippers. But from what the Developers said, they were basing him more on the mytheme of the World-bearing Turtle than actually trying for accuracy. To be fair, they were game designers, not zoologists.

"Looks like things are a bit different here." I told him, booming voice echoing through the empty forest. "But I'm sure we'll all get used to it."

The giant snapping turtle yawned, shifting. The mountain range on his back slowly rose along with him, the World Turtle taking in his surroundings. I turned, leading him to the nearby lake placed specifically to feed the great turtle. It was deep enough for him to stick his entire head down, which he did with great relish. A veritable forest of fast-growing edible plants grew at the bottom, regrowing every few days to once more give nutrition to the turtle.

"Hey, Harold, I brought—eep!"

I blinked, turning to look down at the new arrival. Dark skin and blonde hair—Aura Bella Fiora.

Aura Bella Fiora was very different from her canon counterpart, admittedly due to some accidental tampering on my part. All I did was point out a small flaw in Bukubukuchagama's plan to annoy her brother, and suddenly she found the motivation to completely redesign both NPCs without any room to argue.

Aura here still wasn't an adult, but she definitely wasn't a child either. She was in her late teens with a beauty to match. Bukubukuchagama told me quite smugly that she was giving Aura her 'cutesy good looks' from her real-life appearance, which Peroroncino's choked laughter quickly debunked. Regardless, the finished product was a beautifully-made NPC, so I didn't say a word.

Aura had long, blonde hair going all the way to her calves that flowed out in all directions. A navy-blue dress covered her form, lined with black lace and sporting several decorations. Several layers of ruffles festooned the dress's train, though the dress didn't actually go all the way around. It left her legs free to move, a necessity for any Beast Tamer. Leather high-heeled riding boots stretched all the way to her thighs in a way that I suspected she stole from Archer's design, and the stockings below hooked on to an unseen garter belt.

Silk riding gloves went up to her upper arm, held on using leather straps. A whip hung from her white belt alongside several other Items from the Beast Tamer Class. Her dress was low-cut and showed plenty of skin, clearly revealing cleavage that her brother would've despised.

The worst possible insult to her lolicon brother—making Aura a well-endowed, long-legged beauty.

Wide golden eyes stared up at me, her mouth dropping open in shock. I blinked back at her, confused at her reaction for a few moments. Then her mouth caught up with her brain and she began babbling. "Oh, um, Ancient One-sama, I didn't expect you to be here. I'm sorry I'm presuming to feed your pet but he's just so magnificent and impressive and I didn't mean to impose I just—"

I reached out and gently held an enormous claw over her lips to hush her, chuckling. "It's fine, Aura." I said warmly, turning back to the turtle. "I'm more surprised that you dared come up to Floor 8. Most people are terrified to come up here."

"Well…" The tomboyish girl rubbed the back of her head, taking the exact pose her canon counterpart once had. "To tell the truth, I was afraid at first too. But after you showed me that I don't have to be afraid of the World Terrors, this big guy wasn't so bad. Sure he's a bit grumpy sometimes, but inside he's a big softy."

"Exactly so." I agreed, pulling back my claw. "He was terribly uncomfortable in the mountains when I first found him, but he seems to like this soft ground much better."

"I heard that you defeated him in battle." She blurted excitedly. "Is it true that he's actually the most powerful World Threat in all of the Nine Worlds?"

I patted him affectionately on the shell. "It is at that. You should've seen him back when he was still wild, all of Ainz Ooal Gown combined took a full eight hours to defeat him."

"And how long did it take you?"

I blinked, thinking back. "Well, when I properly buffed myself and brought both my Maidens to activate that bonus… near the end of the, um, world, I could take him down in a little under fifteen minutes. It drained all of my Mana and a good portion of my Skills, though, I'm afraid. I'm sure that in time I could learn to do better, but…" I shook my head. "The World Tree lasted as long as it could. I'm just grateful for the time we had there."

Aura gazed up at me with stars in her eyes. "Fifteen minutes?" She squeaked, cheeks flushing. "That's amazing! I heard he took fifteen _hours_ for any other Supreme Being to defeat!"

"Well, I've had a fair bit more practice." I chuckled. "Harold here is very strong, but his attacks are relatively predictable. He's an excellent pet but he's only barely sentient. He can't think to counter moves like another Player could."

"Still, I can't believe you can beat such a powerful World Threat so easily! It takes me _hours_ to beat Baldersnatch-san, and you took him out in _seconds!_"

I blinked, thinking back. Had I really? Oh, yes, I just pinned him down so Aura could use **[Bellerophon's Mount] **on him. Not really _beating_ him per se, just using my tremendous bulk to my advantage. "It's really not that big of an issue, Aura." I assured her. "You're still young, you have plenty of room to grow."

She almost seemed to vibrate with excitement. "I hope that one day I can beat even Harold in single combat like you can. You're amazing, Ancient One-sama."

I bore the praise patiently, smiling down at her. At heart, she was still a young girl idolizing her hero. "Actually…" I said slowly, a thought occurring. Momonga would probably be giving Mare a Ring just about now anyway, so… "if you ever feel like visiting Harold to play a bit with him, I don't mind. Just don't let him eat too much, he's a bit of a glutton and he's slow enough as it is."

"My Lord?" She looked adorably confused.

"Here." I reached for a Guild Ring from my Inventory, pausing when I realized it wasn't where it used to be—

Only for my claw to disappear into nothingness.

Huh. Handy, that.

I pulled out the Guild Ring, leaning down and carefully offering it to her. "Here you are. Take care of it, it can be very dangerous in the wrong hands."

Aura looked like she was about to implode from happiness as she took the Ring in trembling fingers and slipped it in. "Thank you, my Lord, for trusting me with such an important responsibility." She said, voice full of emotion. "Believe me, I will not let you down."

I smiled at her, gently rubbing her head with a claw. "I'm sure you won't. Now, go ahead and play with Harold for a while if you want. He'll probably go back to sleep soon anyway, so enjoy him while he's awake. I must go back to my home and ensure that everything there is in order. Farewell, Aura Bella Fiora."

I raised my Guild Ring, silently invoking the Spell within.

_'Time to make sure that Noa didn't accidentally blow anything up while I was gone, I suppose. And to finally stop beating around the bush when it comes to... that.'_

* * *

Aura fell to her knees the moment her Lord left, feeling her dripping undergarments press against her skin. She had never felt more alive than when she was in his presence, speaking to him. His powerful presence made her head fuzzy, and his _voice_…

If this was what the Maidens experienced every day… she was beginning to get jealous.

She lifted the Guild Ring to catch the light, a wave of pure bliss rolling through her. She had impressed him! He had given her his symbol as a sign of favor! She shuddered in delight, holding the ring close and slipping it onto her ring finger. She giggled loopily to herself, still drunk on his power.

He was just so _large _and _impressive _and _cool_! His power was second to none, not even Momonga-sama's! And not only that, but he was obviously fine with taking multiple wives… caring and loving for all his Maidens equally…

Her fantasies would be running quite wild soon, she knew. And if they happened to feature a tall blue-haired man riding her like a wild beast… well. That was her own business.

"Sorry, Harold." She apologized to the World Turtle, still unable to stop smiling. "I'm afraid I have to go now. I'll play with you some other time."

Despite the clear indication of his approval, however, she still found herself craving more of his attention. His love. His _power_. She wanted to feel the waves of strength flowing into her from up close, touch the rugged muscles of his humanoid form.

She needed to talk to Albedo-sama. Her brother could handle Floor 6… she wanted to become a Maiden.

For now, though, her fantasies needed her undivided attention.

* * *

Noa blinked. "You want me to what." Her deadpan tone made me wince slightly.

"I want you to stay with Shalltear for the night. I promised Archer a date, so I plan to deliver."

The Nature Spirit blinked again. "…Are you planning to have sex with her?"

…Eh. No point in beating around the bush. "Yes."

"Good." She nodded once. "I get tomorrow, then."

I hesitated. "Eh… depending on how tonight goes, Archer could either be extremely open to that or extremely territorial. Either way, I have a feeling you'll need to heal her in the morning."

Her lips curled into a small smile. "I see. Then, if she says no, can we have sex after she's too tired to stop us?"

I blinked. "Only if she's asleep."

Noa fist-pumped. I chuckled at her quiet enthusiasm. "Don't get too excited. We still need to see what happens. For all we know, she might attack you for getting too close."

She raised an eyebrow. "…Archer-nee? Attack me?"

I nodded. "If she's so lost she doesn't recognize you, it's entirely possible."

She frowned. "…Mm. Fine. Tomorrow or the day after. I'm tired of waiting."

"Fair enough." I leaned over, giving her a quick kiss. "I love you."

"Mmm." She wrapped her arms around me, snuggling in close. "I love you too, my Dragon."

* * *

I smiled faintly, adjusting my collar and waggling my eyebrows at my reflection. "Hello there, handsome." My reflection smiled back, mimicking my actions as I straightened my jacket.

I wasn't exactly wearing my standard outfit. I decided to dress up a bit for the occasion, donning a fur-lined leather jacket and a pair of faded blue jeans. The jacket had nothing underneath, baring my scarred torso.

Hey. When you spend a small fortune and hundreds of hours designing your Avatar to perfection, you might as well show it off a bit. Clothes are mainly decoration anyway since my human form can literally stand bare-ass naked in the arctic without even feeling the breeze.

But Ko, I hear you saying. Where on Earth did you get a fur-lined biker jacket that you can equip?

To this, I offer a question in return.

Who said I only had one Nemean Lion's skin?

Sure, it was one of the rarest Items in the game. But when you're rich as fuck and capable of farming the boss seventeen times an hour, it's quite simple to gather an entire wardrobe of them. From there, I just had to use one of the cash tools to alter the appearance of each one, and presto. Clothes for every occasion instead of just one outfit. I do have _some_ fashion sense, even if it's most definitely not relevant for the current times.

…As for the pants, those are just a cash-shop accessory. Pants were literally the one thing I could wear that the cash shop sold in any variety. All the available shirt accessories they sold counted as armor, which is a pretty obvious design flaw. Hence my workaround.

Yes, I am stalling. Yes, I am considering changing clothes for the third time. So sue me, I want this night to go well. Not just for the nookie, because Archer is a genuinely wonderful person and I don't want to hurt her feelings by fucking up.

…Whatever. What I have is fine, just roll with it.

On a whim, I equipped a **[Chain Pendant]**, an Event Item that supposedly made NPCs like you more, and pulled on a pair of leather gloves.

There. Accessories complete, rings safely stored in my Inventory, duties safely taken care of.

I mussed up my hair, cracked my neck, and left the room.

I knocked lightly on the door, waiting patiently in the hallway. I had made my presence known, barging in would just be a dick move. Minutes later, the door finally creaked open, admitting the beautiful Archdemon.

My gaze roamed her blushing form, shyness evident in her posture. She wasn't dressed to the nines by any means, but she still managed to pull off a form-fitting strapless red number with a slit down one side. It was an elegant dress with a lot of ornamentation, highly oriental in design. Her tail waved free, slowly curling around her ankles as she looked me over.

I raised an eyebrow, chuckling. "Now I feel underdressed. You said casual, so I didn't bother doing my hair."

She nodded absently, gaze lingering on my bare chest. "No shirt?"

I glanced down, shrugging. The tribal tattoos of the **[Totem of Life]** wove sharp black lines over the left side of my torso, almost seeming three-dimensional with how defined they were. "Well, honestly, wearing a tank top is sort of pointless if you're going to be staring anyway. Plus I have it on good authority that you like the view…"

She grumbled to herself, something that sounded suspiciously like 'Goddammit, Noa'. Her gaze shifted to look me over one last time, and she smiled faintly. "You look like you belong in early 2000s Earth. Where did you get the blue jeans?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Darling, I've been through damn near every fashion trend in existence at least once. Biker jackets and blue jeans existed in more than just your world. I just had to brush the dust off an old wardrobe."

"Mmm." She reached out and tweaked the fur collar. "Is that… armor?"

My lips twitched. "Did you expect anything else?"

She rolled her eyes, smiling faintly. "No, I suppose I didn't. Thanks for making the effort to look like someone from my time."

I shrugged it off, shaking my head. "This is nothing. Some old brawler clothes from my rough and tumble days. You look like a total knockout."

She blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "…Thanks." She mumbled, shifting her stance.

_'Oh my poor, adorable Archer. Absolutely no defense against honest compliments.'_ I chuckled to myself, resisting the urge to keep going until she was a blushing mess. Teasing could wait, our date was now. "So, what did you decide on for tonight?" I asked, extending an arm. She wound hers through the crook, allowing me to escort her down the stairs.

"Oh, nothing too fancy." She was smiling, visibly enjoying my old-fashioned escort. "I just planned a picnic for us on the hill. You know, the one with the only tree for miles?"

I nodded, allowing her to take the lead. The hill she was referring to was a place in the plains area, a short walk away from the mansion. "Planning to catch the sunset together?" I teased gently. "How romantic."

She flushed slightly, smile widening. "Yes. It is." She slipped her arm out of mine for a moment, darting away out of sight. She returned a moment later with a picnic basket, holding it on her other arm as she took my hand. She twined her fingers with mine, still smiling beautifully. Her tail was waving happily through the air, doing twirls and winding gracefully in invisible patterns.

I chuckled quietly, allowing her to tug me along. I opened the door for her, letting it swing shut behind us as we stepped outside. It was warm and quiet, only the faint sound of frogs and the whispering of the wind to fill the silence.

Everything in my home is designed to mimic the world outside as much as possible, from the invisible Golem Cores high above that occasionally cast Wind Spells to the timed recordings of various natural sounds that played in different areas. Even though the area was deep underground, it still felt like it was just a normal home by the lake.

I could hear Archer humming faintly to herself, a slight spring in her step. She didn't even seem to realize how happy she was, focusing more on leading us up and down the hilly terrain of the plains area. Soon the giant oak tree came into view, the tan-skinned girl speeding up slightly as she spotted it.

She released my hand as we got close, reaching into the basket and pulling out a blanket. She set down the basket, taking her time to spread the cloth out over the grass. I picked up the basket and joined her under the shade of the tree, leaning back against the enormous trunk and gesturing for her to join me. She beamed, settling down a few feet away and beginning to unload the basket.

I would've helped, but honestly I doubted she'd let me.

She continued to set out various foods and desserts, seeming to know exactly where to place every last dish. Her thin tail coiled through the air, moving in harmony with the soft tune she was humming to. The dappled light danced over her form, giving her a natural spotlight.

"You look beautiful." I told her, voice soft.

She froze, not expecting the honest words. "T-thank you." She mumbled, returning to work. Her blush stayed, though, darkening her cheeks and making her look like a shy teenager.

Cute.

She finally sat back a short time later, nodding to herself and pulling out a pair of plates. I took one, smiling, and reached out to pull her closer. She made a quiet 'eep' noise as she was moved, but didn't resist. I settled with less than half a meter's gap between us, unwinding my arm from her waist. She settled into a sideways sitting position, not seeming to notice as her tail curled loosely around my spot.

"The food looks amazing." I complimented, pretending not to see her brilliant blush at my actions. "You certainly didn't hold back."

"Of course not." She said shyly, reaching out to open the first of the containers. "I figured you might be hungry."

I shrugged, following suit. Ignoring the odd colors that no doubt came from using YGGDRASIL-based ingredients, it smelled delicious.

Oh yes. You should always have at least one waifu capable of cooking god-tier food. That's right, boys. My girl can cook, clean, and kick ass better than someone from a shounen anime. What can yours do, a cute dance?

…Trick question, Archer can dance too. She'd actually look quite cute dancing, actually. Note to self, dance with Archer at some point in the future.

"Are you doing all right so far?" I asked softly, glancing at her. "Everything under control?"

"Mmhmm." She took a bite, nodding to herself. "My instincts are being quiet because, by Succubus standards, dates are a way to lure in evasive prey. If I make sudden moves now, I might scare you away, so I'm free to act how I please."

I grinned. "Somehow I think it'll take a lot more than you moving suddenly to scare me away."

She shifted, setting down her plate and turning to smirk at me. A moment later, and she was sitting on my lap with a smug expression on her face. "Oh? Is that so?"

"It is." I leaned forward, making her lose her balance with a yelp. I caught her, gently cradling her and pulling her into a kiss. Her tail wove around my waist, curling happily in small loops. I broke the kiss a few moments later with a huge grin on my face. "Boo."

She burst into giggles, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning back. I chuckled as well, giving her a quick peck before sliding her off my lap. She returned to her spot on the blanket, her musical laughter still filling the air. A warm wind blew, sending her carefully arranged hair into disarray, but she didn't seem to care.

I've seen many beautiful sights in my time. But the light of the setting sun outlining a laughing Archer and setting her white hair aglow had to be a new personal favorite.

I reached out, brushing my fingers against her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You've been working hard the past few days." I murmured. "I'm glad to see you relax."

She leaned against my hand. "I wouldn't really call it hard work…"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "You kept Noa from burning the house down while I wasn't around."

She smiled, reaching up to place her hand over mine. "True. She does get antsy when you aren't there to calm her down. I love her to death, though, so I don't mind keeping an eye on her. She's only really dangerous around complicated devices, so it was mainly just keeping her out of the kitchen and laundry room."

"Mm." I took a bite of a mystery meat, which turned out to be some variant of chicken. "I should be around a lot more from now on, and most of what's left for me to do I can take you with me for. Now that I have most of the security measures active, it should be safe for our little Sapling to leave the mansion."

"Speaking of… where is she? I know you said you'd make sure she was taken care of for the night, but…" Her fingers twirled a strand of hair, fidgeting anxiously. "…are you sure she's happy?"

I smiled. _Utterly adorable_. "I'm sure. I left her with Shalltear for the night. The temperature there is just right, and Shalltear promised to keep from her _other_ activities for the night. It's basically just a sleepover with a bunch of Vampire Bridesmaids, which is totally safe for a girl with no blood." I paused. "And there are no complicated machines there, so we shouldn't have to worry about her accidentally blowing anything up."

The Archdemon relaxed, finally picking up a sandwich and taking a bite. "Good."

Silence fell, with only the whistling of the wind to fill it.

"…How exactly did you get her to agree to it?"

I hid a smirk. "Shameless bribery, of course."

"Ah. Of course. Do I want to know what you bribed her with?"

"Probably not, no. Not if you want to continue seeing her as innocent."

"Definitely not, then." She fell silent once more. "…What exactly are people on dates supposed to talk about?"

I shrugged. "Whatever they want. Their lives, mostly. Their opinions on current events. Their jobs. Their childhood." I gave her an amused look. "Not sure why you thought I would know, though. I'm new to this, too."

Her cheeks flushed. "W-well… I mean, you always seem to know everything about everything, so…"

"Knowledge comes with experience." I stated. "And you happen to be my first date ever." I tilted my head to look at her. "First love, first date, first kiss…"

Her blush deepened. "…Dammit. This was a lot easier when I thought I wasn't special."

"But you are." I said, smiling. "You're the first woman I ever fell for. And if I have a say in it, you'll be the one I'm buried beside."

She busied herself demolishing a sandwich to avoid further conversation. I could practically see steam flowing from her ears as she overheated. I laughed to myself, following suit with the mystery meat. Once she had polished of two sandwiches and drained a bottle of water, I spoke up once more. "You could tell me a story."

She paused, looking up. "…A story?"

"Yeah." I took a bite of an apple, staring out into the distance. The sun was approaching the horizon, beautiful pinks and purples joining the reds. "Of when you were human. A happy time, maybe. Something you learned. Something you wished you'd done. That sort of thing."

She toyed with the lid to her bottle. "…Don't you know most of it already?"

I shook my head. "I know a few things, but I didn't actually see anything beyond the last few years of your life. I'm old, not omniscient."

She laughed softly, lowering her food. "Sometimes I wonder." She hummed softly for a few seconds, then spoke once more. "Well, there is this one story that comes to mind… my friend Rin—you know Rin, right?"

"You've told me about her. She's a tsundere."

She smirked. "Don't let her hear you say that. Well, anyway, Rin decided that we should both start this new exercise program, see…"

* * *

"…And so I was just standing there, looking confused, holding Rin's towel while she was bare-ass naked. Then she turns around, having no idea that the whole thing had happened, and proceeds to walk into the men's bathroom to tell the guy off."

I winced appreciatively, still snickering. "Let me guess—"

"All my fault." She finished. "Yep. Every last second of it was somehow my fault."

I shook my head, laughter dying down. "Ah, that sounds about right." I reached out and poked her on the arm. "You seem to attract those sorts of situations. I don't even want to guess how many times you walked in while I was dressing. Or showering. Or—"

"Stop!" She yelped, clapping her hands over her ears. "Stop-stop-stop! Those were absolutely mortifying!"

I shrugged innocently. "I don't know, the shower one was nice. You actually opened the shower door before realizing I was inside."

She quietly groaned, face a brilliant red. "Oh, God… why am I so disaster-prone?"

I patted her on the back. "It's all right, love. Even if you used to be incredibly dense, you eventually got over it."

"Yes." She grumbled. "After two years of wondering why the hell my heart rate sped up while I was next to you. It took me literally falling onto you naked to finally realize I liked you."

I waved it off, chuckling. "Well, when you look at it from my point of view, it _only_ took you two years. With our lifespans, it could've taken twenty."

"Don't remind me." She mumbled.

I wrapped my arms around her, pressing a kiss to her temple. "You know I love you, denseness and all. Being adorably clueless about something is practically a qualifying factor for being a Maiden by now."

"Stop teasing me." She said into my shoulder, hiding her face.

"Never." I tightened my hold on her, making her squeak. "I will never let my Archer think she is unloved."

We sat there, bodies pressed together, until the last light of the sun died away. Both of our Races had perfect nightvision, of course, but it was more than enough to jolt Archer out of her embarrassed stupor.

"It's getting late." She said, pulling away and glancing over what was left of the picnic. "We should probably head in."

"All right."

She slowly packed up, a blush slowly deepening in color. I hid a smile, helping her along. The basket was filled, the blanket folded, and we began heading back to the house. Archer slid the basket across the counter absently, already heading up the stairs.

Shy demeanor, waving tail. Nervous, yet incredibly excited. Adorable.

I chuckled, following her up. I really didn't know what to expect, all things considered. All I put for her bedroom habits was that she was a virgin nymphomaniac, leaving her 'habits' to reflect whatever her personality dictated. For all I knew, she might very well be every bit the seductress her Race described. The way she shied away from lewd material might be an indicator of interests she didn't want to admit, meaning she already had plenty of ideas on what to try tonight.

…Or perhaps her prudishness was an indicator for a reluctance to do this, in which case I'll have to tread lightly in order to prevent her from feeling pressured into sex. The last thing I needed was for her to resent me. Not cowardice, that would be calling this whole thing off. Just… giving her plenty of opportunities to back down.

I flopped back on the bed, folding my hands behind my head. Archer sat on the side of the bed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Go straight to sleep, then?" I asked innocently. "A nice cuddlefest?"

She shot me a look. "I've been psyching myself up for this all day, I'm not backing out now."

"Of course not, not my fearless knight in shining armor. She would never flee from a challenge."

"I'm no knight." She slid across the bed, leaning over me. "The knight ends up hurting the Dragon, and I could never hurt you."

"How romantic."

She shrugged, smiling playfully. "Well, you've been the perfect gentleman this whole night just to make me comfortable."

"I'll have you know I'm _always_ the perfect gentleman." I said pompously, giving her a sly grin. "I was a gentleman before the English accent made it popular."

She giggled. "Fair enough. You've been waiting all week without a word, that deserves something." She shifted, straddling my midsection. "I _have_ heard about the sex drive of Dragons, you know." She purred. "Your kind are practically Wagyu steak to mine… capable of protecting and nourishing us for our entire lives, delivering the most _delicious_ meals…"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm glad to be offering my meat to suit your needs."

Her cheeks flushed, and she stuttered to a stop. "…Dammit, walked right into that one." She huffed, losing all her steam.

All attack, no defense. There's my adorable Archer for you.

"…Thank you for waiting, though." She said, cheeks still a bright red. "I… I had to figure some things out before we…"

"I understand." I soothed, cracking a grin. "If there's one thing I know how to do, it's being patient. You're a virgin in a body craving sex, you needed to be positive it was your mind and not your body telling you you were ready." I raised an eyebrow. "Out of curiosity, did you find your answers?"

She took a deep breath, nodding. "I love you, Ko." She shifted, brushing her ivory hair out of her face. "I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We've both been waiting for so very long… I think it's time we finally stopped waiting."

I smiled, sitting up to kiss her deeply. She returned the embrace, slowly breaking it as I sank back onto my elbows. Her gaze raked my upper body, rippling muscles catching the light. She licked her lips. "C-can I…?" She asked hesitantly, reaching towards my bare skin.

I nodded, hiding a smirk. "Go right ahead."

Her soft hands brushed against my chest, slowly running over the ridges of muscle and scar tissue. Her pupils dilated, her tail slowly waving back and forth. Her attention moved down, hands brushing against chiseled abs and a few thin scars. She stopped at the waist of my pants, cheeks a deep red.

"We don't have to do this, you know." I murmured, reaching out to brush against her cheek. "I can wait as long as you need."

"No." She licked her lips, gaze locked where it was. "If I don't do this now, I may actually go insane. My instincts were quiet during our date because they saw it as me luring you in, but now you're in my nest, and they're _screaming_ at me to pounce."

"Mmm." I trailed my fingertips down to her shoulder, under her arm, reaching to touch the ribbon holding her dress together. "Whatever shall I do… trapped within the lair of the hungry Succubus, pinned down by her sexy, sexy body…"

Her dress fell apart, and she blushingly allowed me to see the goods hidden beneath. The door clicked shut, the lock latching itself. A number of Magic Circles covered the ceiling, her shy gaze remaining on me despite her actions.

I chuckled, casually flipping and pinning the tanned girl to the bed. I raked my eyes over her form, enjoying the sight of her in nothing but her undergarments. Since the game prohibited R-18 content, I had never seen her in so little before. Her bra was a lacy number that revealed more than it hid, and her panties were literally tied on.

I tugged off my jacket and slid off my pants, tossing them aside along with her discarded dress. She gazed up at me, eyes tracing the lines of my muscles. Her tail gently wrapped around my waist, the barb on the end mere millimeters from my skin.

"Any last words before we begin?" I teased.

She snapped out of her trance, blush deepening. "Y-yes." She stuttered, visibly fighting for control. "P-please… cum inside the first time. I can't get pregnant except for in very specific circumstances, and the Mate Mark only shows up after you… um…"

My lips twitched. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"…After you cum inside."

"There. Was that so hard to say?" I smiled, still looking her over with a hungry gaze. My hands slowly drifted downward, and I enjoyed her squirming as I toyed with the strings of her undergarments. I could see a wet spot beginning to form as her arousal manifested, her heavy breaths and lashing tail screaming her desperation.

"Just _fuck_ me!" She finally blurted. "Please, I _need _this!"

"Good girl." I purred, untying her panties. The drenched cloth was tossed aside, and her bra had already been undone by the time I returned my attention to her breasts. They were smooth and supple, bouncing slightly upon release. She eeped softly as I cupped them in my hands, delighting in the way my fingers easily sank into the soft mounds.

"I'd heard Archdemons were sensitive, but this…" I trailed off, running my thumb around her erect nipple. "I suppose this is what happens when you evolve from a Succubus without learning how to resist this kind of pleasure." I tweaked her nipple, and she gasped loudly. Her uncovered pussy twitched, a clear stream of liquid dripping onto the bed. "Are you ready?"

"I-I'm ready." She whispered, eyes glazed with lust. "D-do it."

I didn't hesitate, slamming my member into her pussy in one thrust. Her back arched and she gasped, face contorting with pleasure. I noticed no hymen, even as her dripping vagina tightened and convulsed. She shuddered several more times, face relaxing.

"Oh, God." She whispered. "Oh yes."

I began to thrust, eliciting soft moans with every stroke. She was clearly enjoying every moment of it, tightening with every slight movement. I began toying with her nipples, increasing my tempo. Her moans increased in volume. "H-harder!" She gasped as my thumb brushed her nipple. "P-please!"

I obliged, grinning at the sheer bliss on her face. Her breath was coming in deep pants, her tongue sticking out slightly. "D-don't hold back." She pleaded. "Ride me as hard as you can."

And so I did. I shifted my hold to grasp her upper arms, holding her still as I began to pound her glorious body. Her mind was repeatedly slammed with pleasure, and the few words that escaped her lips only pleaded for _more_. I obliged, strengthening my thrusts and beginning to aim for where I quickly learned her G-spot was.

She came for the first time with a scream, clamping down hard on my member. But I was still moving, something that sent even larger waves of ecstasy through her broken mind. "N-no, please, I just—AAH!" she moaned, clamping down again. "Y-yes!"

She began to beg, clenching repeatedly around me. I lost count of how many times her sensitive form came before I started getting close, her body naturally responding to my ministrations by flooding her brain with pleasure. I felt her begin to tighten around me, and her screams increased in volume. My dick hardened even further, and I felt a surge beginning to gather at its' tip. "I'm cumming!" I warned.

"OH, YES! OH, ROOT YES! DEEPER! YES! THERE!" She screamed in ecstasy, pressing back against me. "YESSS! PLEASE! MAKE ME YOURS!"

She tightened in bliss, and my slowly building orgasm finally hit. I forced myself deep into her, using her upper arms as handles as I buried it inside.

"YEEESSSS!" Archer screamed, back arching. Her entire form writhed for a moment as I came, pouring my semen into her. "YES! YES! YES! MORE!" She gasped, eyes widening as it began to overflow and seep onto her stomach.

A glowing mark scorched itself onto the skin of her waistline, just above her cervix. A red mark, two crescents with the second facing into the first, a third line intersecting on top. She collapsed, panting, as the hissing brand cooled. Red lines branched away from it, a spiked mockery of a heart forming in the very center.

I traced my finger over the Mark, feeling her shudder beneath me. "My, my." I murmured. "You weren't kidding."

"Nope." She agreed absently. "By every law of my kind, I now belong completely to you." She shifted, spreading her legs invitingly. "Now… would you mind a second round?" She asked, licking her lips. "I'm _starving…_"

I just laughed, shifting my grip so I could begin again. Her legs locked behind me, and I began fucking her senseless.

Within seconds, all the predator inside of her had vanished, leaving her begging desperately once more. Her breasts bounced and swayed with every thrust, a tempting prize that I couldn't touch. Her Mark pulsed, her tail unwound from my waist, and she cried out.

"O-oh, OH!" She clenched around me once, twice. "Y-YES!"

I her entire pussy tightened, her hot core making my aching member twitch. My speed increased, my tempo becoming more and more erratic as I slowly reached the breaking point. The Archdemon before me could no longer speak, sightless gaze staring up and her mouth open in a silent scream. I shoved myself into her one last time, making her body contort as my cum bathed her insides once more.

It was amazing, I mused to myself, how much better sex was without that bothersome refractory periods humans had.

I pressed a kiss to Archer's lips and returned to thoroughly fucking her into the mattress.

* * *

Archer panted in exhaustion, tan skin slick with sweat. Her face was still full of bliss, only increased as my dick continued to pump semen into her. I waited a bit longer, then pulled out with a soft pop. She whimpered, returning to focus somewhat. "K-Ko?"

"We should probably get to sleep soon." I warned, ignoring my raging boner. "You don't have much left in you."

She didn't hear me. Her gaze locked on my dripping member, and she began to move without even seeming to realize it. We had been going for hours, and it seemed no matter how much I gave she always needed more.

Her eyes widened and she inhaled deeply. A blissful expression crossed her face as she happily pulled my erect member into her warm mouth. She moaned loudly at the taste, tail lashing. She choked for a moment as my member slipped further down her throat, but her eyes glazed over as she inhaled again. An almost purr-like hum began deep in her chest, and she began to suck and bob her head.

I groaned, feeling her mouth go to work. She wrapped her surprisingly long tongue around my shaft, pulling it up and down as she sucked. She continued this for a while, the starving Archdemon sucking hard enough to pull me close to the edge. I enjoyed her ministrations to the fullest, my control gradually slipping as her technique got better and better.

"Cumming." I warned. Then, as she sucked one last time, I came.

She twitched violently as my seed shot down her throat, eyes rolling back into her head and her body shivering. She delightedly sucked down every last drop, swallowing loudly and licking her lips. She eyed the drooping member, smiling slightly. "It tastes amazing." She mumbled, beaming.

"All right, that's all for tonight, love." I cooed, pulling away. Her face twisted with confusion as she stared at me. "Any more and I'd have to clean you off myself."

She looked down, finally seeming to notice her shaking limbs. "O-oh…"

"Mmm." I raised an eyebrow. "You just had a full-body workout while blasting out a Lust Aura strong enough to drain most of your stamina. I get that you probably did it on instinct, but you might've lasted another round or two if you hadn't."

She shifted, face flushing lightly. She was covered in sweat and semen, shaking slightly from exertion, and absolutely _trembling_ with desperation. She licked her lips absently, beginning to move closer—

"Archer."

She shuddered. "…Please? Just… one more."

I sighed. "I'll tell you what. If you aren't in pain tomorrow, next time I'll keep going for as long as you want. But for now, let's go get cleaned off."

…Yeah, I know, she was literally begging to be fucked to exhaustion. But considering I could probably fuck her to _death_ if I didn't hold back, it really wasn't the best idea.

Though, judging by her expression, death by orgasm would probably be a perfectly acceptable way to go as long as Noa brought her back to do it all again.

She followed silently as I led us into the shower, her ravenous expression not fading. She pressed her front against the wall to offer her dripping snatch, still hopeful. I pretended not to notice how she kept sneaking looks at my slowly hardening member, instead focusing on washing her off. Her own limbs were weak, unable to even hold onto the bottle of shampoo without losing strength. I rubbed the shampoo into her hair for her instead, lovingly cleaning her off.

To her credit, she resisted for a fair amount of time before falling to her knees and hungrily thrusting my dick down her throat. Her almost orgasmic moan told me all I needed to know how much she wanted it, and I watched in contentment as she began bobbing her head.

"You seem quite happy about this whole deal." I remarked drily.

She hummed happily, pulling away with a soft _pop_. "I finally get to do what my body's been begging me to do for the past ten years." She told me, white hair slicked back by the water. Her eyes locked with mine, still clouded with lust.

I snorted. "You and me both. But I'm fairly certain you were never this… desperate… before."

She flushed, shaking her head. "I've never been this _horny_ before. After the first time you came, everything else all just… faded away." She eyed my twitching cock hungrily. "I really don't care that much, though. I can see how so many Demons get addicted to this. Every time I so much as smell this scent, it's like there's this switch inside my head that clicks on and everything just feels _better_." She moved closer, giving the tip of my dick a quick kiss. "And when I'm here… everything makes sense. I'm yours, and _this_ is mine. As long as I keep you happy, you'll let me have it as much as I want."

I blinked. _'…All right, I did not expect that. It was Noa that I programmed to be the kinky one, after all. Archer was just supposed to be a nymphomaniac. Since she's my warrior-type, I need her to have a clear head. Apparently Race does more than I thought.'_

I felt my mind cloud as my orgasm approached, and Archer's eyes lit up. My hand pulled her head down onto my dick, and she moaned loudly. My cum exploded out of the tip, drenching her throat in juices. She slowly pulled away, swallowing several times. As my member began to droop, she finally released it and swallowed once more with an expression of satisfaction on her face.

"How does it taste to you?" I asked in amusement, watching her happily licking her fingers clean. "I never did hear why you love the taste so much."

She tilted her head, steel-grey eyes meeting mine. "I…" She frowned, rolling the taste in her mouth. The more she seemed to concentrate, though, the hazier her eyes became. "I… I need more." She decided, looking down.

I sighed, pulling her up and against my chest. "Nope. 'One more time' was pushing it."

She flushed, snapping out of her trance. "O-oh. Right. Um. Every time I try to place it, it gets harder to think. It feels like my body's on fire…" She trailed off, eyes glazing slightly. "We're doing this tomorrow, right?"

"Provided you can actually walk then." I said, pressing my forehead against hers. "Sex is great, but it's not worth it if I permanently injure you."

She shuddered, leaning against me. "Could you… distract me?" She murmured, voice faint. "Because I really, really want you to nail me against the shower wall right now. Like, the incorrect amount of wanting it." She shuddered again. "Or you could just start fucking me again, literally anywhere. That works too."

"Mmm." I glanced at her tail, which was gently swaying back and forth. "You know your venom won't work on me, right? The needle wouldn't puncture my skin."

Her tail drooped. "…Are you sure?"

"Positive."'

"Dammit."

I chuckled, mentally searching for a topic of conversation. The warm water cascaded around us, endlessly generating and draining into nothingness. "How about you tell me a bit about your species."

"…What?"

"I'm distracting you." I kissed the tip of her nose. "So. Despite not being born a Lust Archdemon, you seem to know plenty about being one. Explain to me, then, what you know."

"All right." She hummed for a moment. "Anything in specific?"

"Let's start with this." I slid a hand down her stomach, coming to rest over her Mark. "Why would a species of beings who survive off the life energy of semen and the raw emotion of Lust have something that ties them down forever?"

She shrugged, closing her eyes. "Because it gives us the best chance of survival."

I raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Well, I only really know about Succubi, since the only Lust Archdemons ever recorded only evolved after decades of, um, _satisfying_, powerful Demon Kings." She said, cheeks reddening. "And Succubi are, in essence, a race of parasites. They might look absolutely breathtaking and make you feel nice, but they don't do anything but take."

I tilted my head. "Fair enough." I gently reached behind her, shutting off the water and reaching for a towel. I helped her dry off, careful to avoid touching anywhere sensitive enough to set her off again. "Go on."

"R-right. So, from what I've read, every male's semen tastes slightly different. It's part emotion, part species, part personality, part other factors. Succubi generally grow up just _feeding_, by which I mean, um, sucking guys'..."

"Yep."

"Yeah. That." She coughed. I found it adorable that despite having done 'that' several times, she still refused to call it by its' name. "Um. So, by just feeding, a Succubus can survive hundreds of years. But it isn't really efficient, and there's a few factors involved that make it dangerous. A dry spell could leave a Succubus too weak to hunt again, and a particularly nasty 'donor' could hurt them badly. So eventually, once a Succubus finds a good host, she settles down with them. They claim her as theirs, and her body gradually begins to develop a working reproductive system to give her something to offer."

"Fascinating." I soothed, tugging her over to the door. She was starting to calm down, it seemed. I pressed my palm against the heavy oak and pushed a **[Purify]** Spell through it, followed by a **[Cleanse Poison]** and **[Clear Status]** to neutralize any lingering pheromones that might set her off. "But why a Mark? You said before that getting a Mate gives you horns, why bother with something else?"

She followed me out of the room, not even twitching at the rush of air. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. There had been a possibility that I had missed something that would get her instincts humming again, but it seemed my luck held. I cast a **[Purify]** and **[Remove Water]** duo onto the bed, gently picking up my Mate and setting her down on the dried sheets. I slid in next to her, feeling her automatically press herself into my side.

"Ownership." She mumbled, her shaking limbs gradually stilling. "It's an instant thing. The horns take time to grow in, but the Mate Mark is a one-second confirmation that the Succubus is permanently bonded. If the male considers the female _his_, then the chances of him throwing her away decrease drastically. It's also a way to tell others the type of relationship she has with her Mate."

"Mmm." I snuggled her close. "How so?"

"Well, at the moment of the," She shuddered at a memory, breath hitching, "at the moment _it_ happens, it draws on the emotions of the male and converts them into mana to create the Mark. Red is love, violet is lust. The darker the color, the deeper in the spectrum it is. A Succubus with a deep violet or nearly black Mark is almost certainly going to belong to a sex slave or mistress, possibly one amongst several other Succubi."

My hand drifted down, gently tracing her Mark. "And a deep red?"

She flushed, burying her face into my chest. I didn't need an answer.

It most likely wasn't that cut-and-dry, obviously, considering I was willing to fuck her into the mattress just to satisfy my own lust. I was willing to bet that sections of the dark red were close enough to black that you couldn't see them as the violet they were. But she chose to interpret it as pure love, so I wasn't about to stop her.

"Are you all right now?" I asked instead, changing the subject. "All calmed down?"

"Yeah." She mumbled, inhaling deeply. "My body just realized I have zero energy left. I don't think I could get up if I tried."

I felt my dick twitch slightly, kindly informing me that _I_ most definitely could. It was becoming clear that having my two Maidens at once wasn't just an option for me, it was mandatory if I wanted to actually tire myself out. Noa was sure to be thrilled.

"I love you." Archer smiled softly, looking up at me. "I wouldn't have wanted to do this with anyone else. And even if I am sore tomorrow, I would do it all again in a heartbeat."

I returned her smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Don't worry, love. You're sure to get better with time. Racial Skills aren't exactly something you can just call up on a whim and instantly become an expert with, it takes practice and dedication."

She perked up. "…Do you think I have an endurance-boosting Skill?"

I hesitated. Truth be told I knew _exactly_ which Skills she had, but still… "We'll see."

She beamed, snuggling into my arms. "I'd like that." She mused. "I really, really love sex."

My lips twitched, and I chuckled quietly. "You don't say…" I murmured, closing my eyes. "You don't say…"

* * *

I opened my eyes a few some time later, confused. The room was brighter, lit by candles. The sheets were different, a soft silk rather than cotton. Archer was smiling down at me, as naked as the day she was born.

"What?" She hummed, tail waving through the air. "Did you forget Succubi can enter dreams?"

My answering grin made her giggle.

"Time for round… what number was it again?"

* * *

**A/N:**

**To those expecting a wild ride, you may want to wait a few chapters before picking this story up again. The MC is exploring and I'm taking my time to build out the world a bit before having him leave the Tomb. It might not be a rapid action sequence, but it needs to be done to give the story proper pacing.**

**I get it. Some of you would rather become god-emperor of the heavens than take your time and relax. But think about it. That would be ridiculously, stupidly easy for me to write and would make any further storylines seem weak and pointless. If the MC sets a goal that high and then reaches it within a chapter, the rest of the story loses its entertainment value. **

**Also, let me know if anyone thinks I should post two separate chapters, one 18+ and one not.**

**Um… that's all, I suppose. Sorry for the delay, work is a bitch to deal with when you have no motivation to actually, well, ****_work_****. Thank you to everyone who's gotten this far, and I'm sorry to those who leave because I can't keep a schedule to save my life.**

**I will forever wonder how I managed a consistent deadline with my first two stories… (****Ｔ▽Ｔ****)**

**And now for the obligitory 'oh shit, I'm late' omake. A humor piece this time, much shorter due to lack of time. I hope you enjoy the dumb idea that popped into my head while picturing Archer as a 'hero of justice'.**

* * *

**Hero of Justice (Non-canon)**

* * *

Archer glared at the pink-haired Spirit, teeth audibly grinding together. Noa remained oblivious, examining a small pinecone with avid interest.

"Archer?" I hid my smile. "Is something wrong?"

Her gaze swiveled to me. "Damn right there's something wrong. You never did explain to me, why did she get _that_ for a body while I look like _this_?"

"This?" I repeated innocently. "What do you mean?"

"Why am I flat?" Archer asked incredulously. "I wasn't the biggest as a human, but I was at _least_ a C cup then. Why am I as flat as a washboard?"

"Ah." I sighed, shaking my head sadly. "Unfortunately, my Spell was designed using a vocabulary-based dictionary taken from myself and other members of Nazarick, so when the Spell read that you wished to be a Hero of Justice… it did its best to fulfill that wish."

"Hero of—" She spluttered. "Are you kidding?"

"I'm afraid not. You wished for justice, and the only true justice is flatness."

"…You're fucking kidding me. After all this time spent wondering. _Ten years_ of not knowing why, and _that's _your reason?" The white-haired loli made a muffled screaming noise, eyelid twitching.

"Hey, blame Peroronocino, not me." I raised my hands, fighting the urge to laugh.

Noa blinked. "…It's all right, Onee-sama." She said quietly. "You still have your feminine charms."

"Thanks, Noa."

"Even if you have no breasts at all—" Archer twitched violently. "—Ko still loves you just the way you are. Flat is still justice."

"So I've heard."

"And you can always try a push-up bra." Noa tilted her head. "I'm sure you can find one somewhere."

"I'm _flat_, Noa." Archer said. "I doubt a push-up bra would help any."

Noa shook her head. "I believe in the power of the push-up bra."

All said with a completely straight face.

"…Thanks." Archer mumbled, picking herself up and turning away. "I'll just be… outside. Contemplating why the universe hates me so much."

She trudged away, and the door clicked shut. Silence fell.

"…Ko?"

"Yes, Noa?"

"Are you ever going to tell her that her chest was just you trolling her?"

"Not if I can help it."

"Ah." She fell silent. "…Do you have a way to reverse it?"

"...I might."

"Don't." She smiled faintly. "It's hilarious."

"I'm glad you think so, Noa, because I somehow doubt she does."

* * *

**Bigger is sometimes better, but flat shall forever be justice. :)**


	11. 2-3: Operation Threesome

Chapter 3—Operation Threesome

* * *

**Fanfiction has a policy about nudity on pictures, so I'm afraid you lot will have to use your imagination on this one. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

**Yes, there is a sex scene, but it should be fairly obvious when it starts. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I woke slowly, feeling the gentle touch of my mate. I opened my eyes to see her rapturous expression as she bobbed her head up and down. I didn't bother holding back, sending my load deep into her throat.

"Mmm." She swallowed, an expression of bliss flickering across her face. "Thanks for breakfast."

I snorted, sliding out of bed. "Thank me after you try to stand."

She blinked owlishly at me, sheets still covering her nude form. "What? Why?"

"Just try it."

She tentatively stood, her voluptuous body resplendent in the light of the morning sun. Immediately she winced, sinking back onto the bed. "Ow."

"Ow." I agreed, shaking my head. "Last night worked muscles you never used in your life until you couldn't even stand. That's normal for a girl on her first night from what I've heard. But I wasn't entirely focused on restraining myself while I was doing it, so…"

She sighed, tentatively caressing her stomach. "Pity. I was really looking forward to some morning-after sex."

I began to dress myself, picking up the clothes I had previously discarded. First the boxers, then the pelt-like armor. "Quite the change of pace from yesterday."

She smiled, lightly tracing the Mate Mark. "I'm yours now. 'Shy' isn't exactly in my vocabulary."

"Oh, really?" I moved close, gently cupping her face in my hands. I gave her a tender kiss, pressing my forehead against hers. When I pulled away, she began studiously examining her fingernails to hide her raging blush. I chuckled. "You haven't changed, love, just your diet has."

"…Shut up." She grumbled, glancing away. "I was hopeful, all right?"

I just muffled my laughter, moving over to the dresser to grab her a set of clean clothes. She tentatively stood and began pulling on the items I gave her. Midway through, she paused and glanced up at me. "Um… after this, did you want to redesign my outfit?" She asked tentatively.

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"To show off this." She placed her hand just below her navel, where her Mark was partially hidden beneath her underwear.

I shook my head in amusement. "I'm possessive, but I'm not _that_ possessive. That's just between us."

"Oh thank God." She said in relief. "Some Succubi have to wear these outfits around that are barely _underwear_, and while I guess I could get used to that—"

I moved closer, tenderly tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "And what color are their Marks?"

"Violet, mainly…" She trailed off, cheeks reddening. "…Oh."

"Oh." I agreed, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "You're not my sex slave, Archer, you're my wife."

_'Dramatic pause, and...'_

"W-wife?" She squeaked.

_'...Presto. Instant adorable blush.'_

I raised a bemused eyebrow. "What, do you think Dragons have elaborate ceremonies to declare their mates? We find someone we want to spend the rest of our life with, we fuck them, and we never leave. That's basically the concept of human marriage in a nutshell. Humans only really started formalizing it due to religious reasons."

"Wife…" She repeated to herself, cheeks a deep red.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Don't you still have that wedding ring I bought you ages ago?"

"I-I, um, why?" She stammered.

I blinked. "…No real reason, I guess, I just wanted to know if you still had it."

She nodded, shyly reaching into her Item Box to pull it out. "Yes… but, um, do you really want me to wear it?"

I blinked. The wedding ring was a cash item that allowed two Players to share their Inventory and Storage. I had bought a few of them on a whim in case I ever needed to give other people access to my things while I was out Bossing. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"N-no, I'm just not quite ready to wear something that expensive all the time." She examined the ring in her hand, allowing it to glimmer in the light.

Indeed, the Developers had deliberately made it look as exquisite as possible, adding a large diamond in the center that seemed to catch all the light in the room, setting it to sparkle with every color of the rainbow.

Come to think of it, that little bauble might've been worth more than this whole mansion back on Earth.

Ah, well.

"You don't have to wear it if you don't want to." I said, amused. "It's just fairly convenient."

"I-I know." She hesitated, then slipped it on. "To tell the truth, I always pictured us as husband and wife." She said shyly, smiling up at me. "I just didn't expect you to confirm it."

I chuckled, wrapping my arms around her. "The only reason most males avoid marriage is that they're afraid of commitment. I already know I want to hold you and Noa close for the rest of time, so it's not like I have a problem with that."

"Mmm." She leaned into me, smiling. "Full marks for the execution, half points for the lead-in."

"Oh? And what exactly constitutes to full marks on the lead-in?"

"If you asked me to marry you before we started last night." She said, smiling shyly.

I smiled back. "Ah, but if I did that, how much of you would already be planning a wedding?"

"Fair enough." She sighed, closing her eyes. "Would it be all right if I asked for a wedding at some point?"

I gasped dramatically. "My goodness, we sleep together one time and you're already planning the wedding."

"You said we were married!" She countered.

"Ah." I paused. "I may have done that to see you blush."

She swatted me, scowling. I just laughed, leaning down to kiss her. "Of course it's all right. You can think of us as fiancés who have been engaged for the past ten years if you want to respect the sanctity of marriage."

"Too late." She smugly adjusted her ring. "I'm your wife now, no takebacks."

"Mmm." I grinned at her. "Wedding's just a romantic gesture, then?"

"And to teach Noa a bit about human culture. I've told her about marriage before, even if she doesn't quite understand why it's needed." Her smile turned almost tender. "You know… I can actually taste the love in the air right now."

"What does it taste like?"

"Caramel." She licked her lips. "Warm, melted caramel."

"I see." I hint of mischief entered my voice. "And lust?"

"Lust tastes like—" She froze, cheeks reddening. "Um, pretty much what the actual thing tastes like." She coughed and glanced away. "Can you stop that now? You're starting to turn me on again."

I hid a smile. I had deliberately focused on her scantily dressed form for a few moments in order to check her reaction to sudden spikes of lust. "Hair-trigger arousal now, hmm?" I murmured, leaning in close. "That's going to take some getting used to."

She flushed a brighter red. "…I'm trying to get it under control, but my body still remembers last night."

I pecked her on the forehead, pulling away. "I don't blame you, it's perfectly fine. We should probably go pick up Noa, though, so we can take care of that limp. Avalon can only do so much."

"It's better already." She protested. "In a little while I'll be back to normal."

"Or you could skip the little while and just ask a healer." I deadpanned. "You know, like the little Nature Spirit who utterly adores you and wouldn't think twice before using an Eighth-Tier Spell just to fix a common cold."

"I don't want her to do that." Archer folded her arms. "Avalon burns Prana—er, mana, in order to fix me. Healing Spells mainly use the body's own energy. Even if there were nothing wrong with me, I would be starving again after getting hit with one."

"You're right, Healing Spells do drain Stamina." I agreed, raising an eyebrow. "Hence the Aura Spells. And if you'll recall, Noa can dual-cast Auras. One to keep your Stamina up, the other to constantly heal you."

I waited for a moment, watching her closely. I could see the moment she got the idea I was subtly hinting at, a light flickering in her eyes. She smiled hungrily, already coming up with a plan.

A plan I had pretty much tricked her into making, but a plan nonetheless.

_'Operation Threesome is a go! Repeat, the plan is a go!'_

"…You know what? You're right." Archer's smile remained in place. "Let's go pick her up, I want to ask her something."

I resisted the urge to snicker. "Of course." The humor drained from me as a thought occurred. "Archer… your instincts are still running high, right?"

She nodded, noticing my change in demeanor. "Yes, why?"

"Well… right now Noa is a rival." I said. "A rival that your instincts might not take kindly to. We don't know how you'll react when she enters your home."

Archer opened her mouth to protest, then paused. A horrified look crossed her face. "…Oh, God. You're right. I might… do you really think…?"

"I don't know." I reached out, taking her by the hand. "You might think of her as a little sister, but the fact is that you know she wants me to have sex with her. I _hope_ that it isn't a problem, but it very well might be."

"What do I do?" Archer whispered.

"Nothing for now." I squeezed her hand. "I'll bring her back, take her in with me. If you do have a problem, I'll be able to keep it from being dangerous."

She nodded, leaning in close. "Thank you."

"See you in a bit, love." I kissed her on the cheek, then stepped back. I vanished a moment later in a flash of light.

* * *

Shalltear's house was a mess. There was no other way to put it. The drapes were shredded, furniture was overturned, the wall was stained with blood. In the middle of it all sat Noa, innocently drinking a cup of tea.

"Greetings, my lord." Shalltear's smile was obviously forced any her eye was twitching. "Noa was a most… fascinating guest to have over." Eye twitch. "Most. Fascinating."

I raised an eyebrow at Noa. "You know, just because you couldn't be there doesn't mean you have to take it out on Shalltear, it's not her fault."

She blinked at me. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I glanced around. A body fell from the rafters, landing with a quiet crunch. "…In the future, if I leave you with someone, please don't make their lives hell."

Silence.

I sighed, turning back to Shalltear. "I'm sorry about her. Would you like me to return the house to the way it was twelve hours ago?"

"O-oh, no, my lord, really, that's not—"

"Don't be modest." I cut in. "Really. Fixing shit Noa broke is literally my job. I put you on Noa duty for the night, it's my fault I didn't make sure to tell her not to screw with you. She has a vindictive streak, and she took that out on you because she didn't want to be angry at me."

Shalltear's face softened, and she glanced at the pink-haired Spirit. "…I suppose I understand a bit better, then. If it's not too much trouble…"

"Not at all." I extended a hand. "**[Widen Magic: Make Whole]**."

A glowing Magic Circle spread out from beneath my feet, expanding until I could no longer see the edge. Then, gradually, the room began repairing itself. Ruined furniture righted itself, seams stitching back together, walls lost large dents, support beams creaked back into place. I didn't know what Noa had done to ruin the place so efficiently, and frankly I didn't want to.

"Thank you, my lord." Shalltear curtseyed. "Would you care to stay for some tea?"

"No, I'm afraid not." I raised an eyebrow at Noa. "Someone needs to be taken home."

Noa stood, walking over to wrap her arms around me. I smiled, returning the embrace.

"…You smell like her." Noa mumbled.

"That I do." I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We still need to talk about what you've done. I'll let it pass since you were upset, but this isn't the correct way of showing it. Understand?"

She nodded, quietly pressing herself closer. "Is Archer-nee…"

"She should be fine, but we're being cautious." I gave Shalltear a nod. "Thanks again for looking after her."

Shalltear smiled brittlely. "Of course. Anytime."

I raised my Guild Ring, and our surroundings shifted.

We were in the living room, Archer sitting quietly on the couch with her hands clenched. Noa blinked, looking at the Archdemon. "…Archer-nee?" She ventured cautiously.

"It's all right, love." I soothed. "Go ahead, come closer. Everything is under control."

Archer hesitantly stood, inhaling. Her tail slowly brushed the ground, waving back and forth. "…No problems this far." She took a step, inhaling again. Noa remained in my arms, wide-eyed gaze on the Archdemon. Archer took another step, then stopped short. Her pupils dilated, and her tail raised into the air. "Oh. I've got something."

I nodded cautiously. "All right. Can you explain what your instincts are saying?"

She shook her head. "Not danger. More like… prey." She relaxed, smiling in relief. "I'm more likely to sting her and feed on her Lust while you fuck her than I am to cause her harm."

Noa blinked. "…Can we do that? That sounds fun."

I rolled my eyes, releasing my hold on her. "Not right now, and only if you can convince Archer that it's a good idea."

Noa's gaze shifted to Archer, whose expression could only be described as 'dawning horror'. "Hey, Archer-nee—"

"Nopenopenopenopenope." Archer blurted, reaching out to cover Noa's mouth. "I am _not_ thinking about stinging my little sister. Let's talk about literally anything else now. Like the basement. Ko, you still haven't gone down in the basement, it's a mess down there and several of the storage containers broke for some reason. Let's focus on that instead."

To my amusement, Archer managed to get all of that out without taking a single breath. While Lust Archdemons could hold their breath for much larger than humans could (for reasons you can probably guess) she still should've run out of air halfway through her hurried mess of words.

Even more amusing was the look of disappointment on Noa's face, something Archer was _really_ trying to avoid looking at. Probably her trying to maintain her delusion that Noa was both totally innocent and ignorant of sex. The idea that her little sister seemed genuinely excited by the idea of being injected by an aphrodisiac likely didn't do her attempted denial any favors.

After letting the silence hang in the air for long enough for Archer to be pleading with her eyes for a rescue, I finally spoke. "The basement, huh? We'll have to check it out later. For now, though, we should probably start on breakfast. Noa, what do you want?"

The Spirit pulled away from Archer's hand so she could reply. "Pancakes."

"Pancakes it is, then." I raised an eyebrow at Archer. "Would you like to, or do you want me to—"

She didn't even bother waiting for the end of my sentence, bolting for the kitchen before the second half left my mouth. Noa giggled quietly, a small smile breaking her blank mask. "Archer-nee is silly sometimes."

"That she is." I agreed, smirking. "And don't think I didn't notice you trying to mess with her. She does genuinely want to see you as her innocent little sister, you know."

Her smile widened a tad. "I know. I've been using it against her for years."

I rolled my eyes, smirk still in place. "Let's go have a seat in here while Archer repairs her damaged worldview, shall we?"

She took my hand, tugging me towards her favorite couch and waiting in place. I sat down, and she immediately slid onto my lap. "Snuggle me." She pleaded quietly, leaning back.

I chuckled, wrapping my arms around her. Her body was soft and pliable, a stark contrast to Archer's rigid muscles. Different, but not unpleasantly so.

"Is it safe to have sex with you tonight?" She asked, relaxing into my embrace. "You promised."

"That I did." I pressed a kiss to her temple. "And yes, it should be fine, but you should probably discuss it with Archer first just in case."

"Mmm." She nodded once.

"Though I am still mad about you making Shalltear's life hell." I said firmly, voice gaining a hard edge. "She had nothing to do with it, and we both know it."

She stiffened, her silence all but deafening to someone who knew how to listen.

"Calm down." I soothed, reaching up to begin stroking her peach-colored hair. "I'm still listening to your side of it, even though I can probably guess what happened."

Her body relaxed, melting back into my arms. "…Thanks." She fell silent for at time. "…I was trying to sleep for a while, but Shalltear-nee wouldn't stop asking me annoying questions. Then I tried to shut her up. We fought. Her house lost."

I blinked. That had _not_ been my original guess as to what had happened, though knowing Shalltear it was entirely possible. Nevertheless, I kept my voice level. "What questions did she ask you?"

"How it felt to be 'second place'." She mumbled.

_Ouch_.

It sounded utterly tactless, yet Shalltear would absolutely say something like that if she thought no one was listening. She probably tossed it out casually, too, not realizing how sensitive Noa was compared to her normal houseguests, such as Aura and Albedo. In that context it definitely made sense why she thought it was all right to insult my little Spirit.

Still didn't excuse it, though.

"You might've fallen in love with me after Archer, but you are not and never will be second place." I stated, running my fingers through her hair. "Archer will agree without question if you tell her the same thing."

"I know." Her voice was quiet, frail. "But it still hurt. I tried to ignore it at first, but she just kept asking questions like that until I threw her through a wall."

"And in that case, she absolutely deserved it." I agreed. "But still, in the future it'll be more effective if you first tell her that her questions make you uncomfortable and ask that she please stop. If she refuses, or does it again after that, _then_ you throw her through the wall. But you have to remember, Shalltear is Undead. She doesn't think her words can hurt others like they sometimes do. If you jump straight to violence, she doesn't know what she did was wrong."

"You would've punched her." Noa argued.

"I would've punched the _wall_." I corrected. "One blow, just beside her head. Enough to demolish a good portion of the house. That skips the polite request for her to stop and makes it clear that what she just said was unacceptable. Chances are she'd apologize as soon as she could find the words after that. But I wouldn't punch _her_ unless she looked me right in the eye and said the same thing again. Understand?"

Noa nodded slowly. "That makes sense. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me." I ruffled her hair, then wrapped my arms back around her. "Sometime in the future you'll have to apologize to Shalltear. You can say you're sorry for destroying her house, but that her questions were inappropriate and hurt your feelings. If you do that, I doubt she'll do it again. Okay?"

"Okay." She agreed.

I chuckled, leaning forward to rest my chin on her shoulder. "You're still young, Noa, and you've never experienced anything like this before. Next time you know what to do, and that's what matters, right?"

She nodded dutifully.

"Good." I kissed her on the cheek. "Now, why don't you start planning what you're going to say to Archer later?"

She frowned. "Why would I need to plan that?"

"It's generally a good idea to know what you're going to say before a conversation starts."

"Archer-nee is easy to convince. She just wants everyone to be happy."

I raised an eyebrow. "You sure you should be bragging about how easily you can manipulate your sister? I might give someone else the job of guarding you."

She tilted her head. "We both know I can protect myself." She said, lowering her voice. "I've been able to for years, you made sure of it. The only reason you have someone guarding me at all is to give Archer-nee something safe to do that still lets her think she's being useful."

I didn't deny it, instead laughing quietly to myself. "Caught that, did you?"

"Mmm." She shifted so she was sitting sideways on my lap, resting her head on my chest. "Archer-nee loves protecting other people. If she's protecting me, I can spend all the time I want with her."

I tightened my hold around her slim waist, pulling her tight against me. "Quite the devious little Tree you've become." I murmured in her ear.

She shrugged. "I learned from the best."

"Quite snuggly as well." I continued, smiling down at her. "Don't think I didn't notice you turning me into a giant pillow."

"I learned," she paused to yawn, "from the best. Now hush, pillows don't talk."

"No, but Dragons do. Quite loudly at times."

My comment earned me a soft smile as she dozed off, breath evening out as the silence stretched on. Her head lolled to the side, her sleeping face pressing against my chest. She had likely been up all night, opting to wait for me to pick her up instead of passing the time with sleep. It seemed like the kind of silly thing she would do. I let her nap, gently stroking her hair to pass the time. Archer finally poked her head out of the kitchen some time later, and I shook Noa awake.

"Breakfast is ready." She reported. "Pancakes and bacon."

"Syrup?" Noa asked blearily, rubbing her eyes.

I gave a mock gasp. "You hunger for the blood of other trees? Is my adorable Noa a vampire?"

She turned to face me, expression flat. "Yes. Raar." She even made little claws with her hands, albeit with zero inflection in her voice whatsoever.

Archer rolled her eyes, turning back to the kitchen. "Come on, you goofballs."

"Help, I'm being held down by a vampire tree!" I called dramatically.

"I think you'll survive." Archer's voice called from the other room.

I chuckled, scooping Noa up in my arms. "Let's go, fellow goofball. To pancakes!"

Noa curled into my arms like a contented cat, smiling faintly the entire trip. When I finally set her in her chair, she pouted up at me. Her pout didn't last long as a plate of pancakes was set in front of her. Archer busied herself cleaning up the kitchen her own spot noticeably lacking a plate. As Noa began to devour the fluffy disks, I spoke up. "Not having any?"

"Not hungry." She set the frying pan in the sink, turning on the water and wiping it down.

I raised an eyebrow. "…You sure? You probably worked up quite the appetite."

Her smile was a tad suggestive, matched by her swaying tail. "I had plenty to eat earlier this morning, thanks."

_'…Right. Feeds off the Life Energy of semen. Forgot.'_

Noa pointedly ignored our banter, drowning her third pancake with syrup.

"Is your limp better?" I asked instead, piling a handful of bacon onto my plate. "Noa can hit you with a Healing Aura from where she's sitting with how large her area of effect is."

Archer shook her head, setting the pan aside to dry. "Avalon already did its job, no pain at all."

"Rrr yuu srrre?" Noa mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Noa!" Archer scolded, exasperated. "Stop talking with your mouth full!"

Noa blinked, swallowed, then repeated herself. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I've been fixing myself up for centuries, I can heal a few aches without a problem." She began scrubbing the grease from the bacon pan, tail waving slowly behind her. "In this Age, I can Project Avalon with near-perfect accuracy, and if I power it using Ko's mana it works just as well as the original."

I nodded, ignoring her sidelong glance and smug expression. In hindsight, Operation Threesome had several flaws. Still, though… "Avalon was never meant for instant healing." I pointed out. "And I'd guess that it takes more mana to activate than you would gather in a normal night."

She paused, then grumbled something under her breath.

Heh.

"Just remember to eat something, at least." I warned, finishing off my stack of pancakes.

Noa finished up as well, pushing away her plate. Archer stacked the empty dishes up and began washing them. I began relocating the remaining food to the fridge, placing the empty plates on the stack. I would've helped her finish the dishes if she didn't growl at me for trying.

I just waited with Noa after that, taking the time to observe the Archdemon's magnificent rear.

When Archer finished a short while later, I rose from my chair and helped a sleepy Noa out of hers. Archer removed and folded her apron, turning to face us. "All right, so I checked the basement storeroom the other day—"

Noa raised a hand. Archer paused, nodding. "Noa?"

"Can I stay?" She asked sleepily. "I'm tired, and I don't know where things are supposed to go anyway."

"That shouldn't be a problem." I glanced at Archer, who shook her head. "No, not a problem at all. Go ahead and have a nice rest, Archer and I can handle things from here."

Noa nodded, stepping forward and giving me a soft hug. "Thank you, Ko."

I gently stroked her hair. "Your welcome. Now go on, get some rest."

The small Spirit pulled away, turning and grabbing a folded blanket on her way to the living room. She wrapped it around herself as she walked, unable to hide her jaw-cracking yawn. Archer giggled quietly as a cushion-like _thump_ was heard from the living room.

"Let's leave her to it." I murmured, turning away. "Now, you said something about the basement storeroom?"

She nodded, a smile still playing at her lips. "Yeah, let's go."

She turned, white hair swishing behind her. I followed her lead, through the house and down the stairs into the enormous cellar.

Sure, the hiding place was a bit obvious, but I figured that anyone who got this far wouldn't really be deterred by any traps. If they got past Harold and both my Maidens, any security Spell I cast wouldn't do too much to hinder them.

At least, that was my mindset back in the game. Now I had to make sure that no one even made it this far lest they gain access to the precious World Tree I guarded. One of these days I really needed to do a complete overhaul of the defenses.

Anyway.

The basement of my mansion was where I kept very specific kinds of treasure. Items I deemed harmless enough to keep close to a curious Nature Spirit and Items I was certain would let me exploit the world around me if I just figured out how to use them correctly. The room resembled a large circle with doors taking up all of the wall space. A hall stretched off from the opposite side of the room, leading to a second chamber. Heavy-duty shelves covered the floor, making it impossible to navigate in places.

"All right, time to clean this place up." I muttered, looking around. Several chests had burst, spilling gold and random Items out of the shelves. That was perfectly fine, though, since I hadn't really expected normal chests to survive the trip. The chest linked to my Storage thankfully seemed just fine, the lid opening to a black void rather than an Item Screen. When I focused on taking out a piece of Caloric Stone, it formed in my hand without issue. I put it back, glancing around at the spilled piles of various materials. "Archer, do we have space in our storerooms?"

"Rooms number three and six are empty." She glanced around. "As are a few of the shelves, I think. The ones in the middle are unsorted, right?"

"More or less. Suppose we might as well sort through it now since we're already down here." I got up, stretching. "Ah, well. This mess isn't going to clean itself. Let's get to work."

* * *

I locked the last door, stowing the key ring back in my Inventory. "All right, that should be about it."

Archer blew a strand of sweat-slicked hair out of her face. "Took us long enough."

I shrugged. "Hey, I used to have a Skill that just pick it all up automatically, but apparently that doesn't function here. We'll have to get used to doing this to get things done."

"Easy for you to say, you didn't even break a sweat." She snarked.

I sighed, reaching out to pull her into an embrace. "Oh, calm down, you. You're fine. You could've used Reinforcement on yourself at any time, but your pride wouldn't let you."

She flushed, burying her face silently into my chest.

"I am a Dragon, you know." I said, amused. "You're an Archdemon, yes, but you're a Lust Archdemon. You're not exactly meant for hard labor that doesn't involve both parties being naked."

Her cheeks darkened in color. "I'm starting to want to try some of that again." She mumbled. "It's almost lunchtime."

"Let's get you something to eat besides me, then." I said drily, ruffling her hair. "You didn't eat breakfast. You generate enough mana on your own that you _can_ survive off solid food, even if it doesn't taste nearly as good."

She sulked, tail drooping. "You and your insufferable _logic_…"

"Believe me, I would be more than happy to. I've been watching that cute rear of yours all afternoon." I booped her nose. "But if you start getting used to me feeding you even during the day, normal food be less and less appealing."

She licked her lips, eyes darting down. "Are you _sure_? It'll only take a few minutes…"

"Archer, think." I said calmly. "Is this you, or is this your instincts?"

"I—" She shuddered, pressing herself against me. "Both. I want you. Like, right now."

"You need to learn restraint before I let you out with me in public." I persisted, keeping my boner in check. "Sure, it might not hurt anything _now_, but if you reach for my zipper every time the mood strikes, we'll never be able to go anywhere. Maybe once you get a better handle on your instincts we can start doing a bit of experimentation, but for now let's keep sex for the hours without sun."

"Dammit." She huffed, pulling away. Her tail lashed. "Fine, let me go make lunch. Noa will probably be hungry soon anyway."

She turned and stomped away, fuming. I sighed.

_'I'm not sure which of them is more childish, sometimes…'_ I thought wistfully.

Honestly speaking I would've loved to do exactly as she wished, giving me a blowjob or just plain offering herself up to me whenever she desired it. Noa was asleep, she would never know with us being as far underground as we were. But as I said, we did need to live life outside of Nazarick eventually, and a warrior is considerably less useful when they're starving to death in the middle of a battle because they didn't have time for a quickie. If sex was as addictive to Archer as she was apparently finding it, indulging her might bite me in the ass if she ever had to kick the habit.

I apologize, my boner, but I do have to think with my first head sometimes. I _really_ want to fuck her, but doing so would set a dangerous precedent for someone I need in fighting condition at all times.

Damn common sense…

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck and starting on my way back up the long staircase. Operation Threesome had a higher chance of working if Archer was horny, so if it all worked out I would end up with her riding me by the end of the night anyway.

I stopped short as a faint chiming noise floated up the stairs. It was the sound the Shabti Crystal made when it had received a message.

My stomach rumbled, and I continued my walk up the stairs. Shabti could wait until after I tossed calories down my bottomless gullet.

"Hey, Ko, hurry up! Noa's about to eat your sandwich!"

I rolled my eyes, picking up my pace. Those girls would be the death of me. A pleasurable death, but a death nonetheless.

Noa was sitting in my chair when I arrived, her hair flat on one side from sleeping on it. She was buttering a slice of toast, still not awake enough to know what was going on. I chuckled, taking her chair on the other side of Archer.

"Actually planning on eating this time?" I asked teasingly.

"Shut up." She grumbled. "I thought newlyweds were supposed to fuck all over the house."

"I didn't say we couldn't." I smiled, slicing open a bun. "Just that we should keep it to when there's no daylight to be doing work in. Experimentation is fine, I just need to make sure you do things in moderation."

Silence was my only reply as she bit into a sandwich.

I watched in amusement as my mate demolished her food, hungrily scarfing down plate after plate of it. That was something I'd never considered—how much sex did she have to have in order to regain the energy she lost during sex? Judging by how much food she had already devoured, probably more than was efficient.

Don't get me wrong, I ate my fair share of the meal, too, but I take most of my energy in from my surroundings, so it's fairly simple to break even. But from the growing pile of plates, I could tell she needed some actual food in her diet if she planned on regularly having sex with a being without a stamina limit. Definitely something I was glad to find out before she stopped eating human food entirely and suffered for it.

"Need a drink?" I asked in amusement, pushing my cup towards her.

She flushed, slowing down, and drained the glass in a single gulp. "I'm starving because my horns are trying to grow in." She mumbled. "I'll be better once they're fully formed."

"And how exactly were you planning on getting those nutrients through my dick?" I asked drily.

Her blush darkened. "I wasn't thinking straight." She muttered. "Succubi usually just go into a pseudo-heat cycle after mating in order to synthesize raw mana into the proper resources. Not sure about Lust Archdemons, though, since there were no books on those in the library."

I nodded in mock understanding. "So what I'm hearing is…" I began smugly, "that you need better self-control."

She froze. "Nononono." She blurted. "I don't. Really. Please, don't stop having sex with me. It's almost physically painful to stop once you get me turned on."

I chuckled. "Calm down, love, I was teasing you. I'll just stock the pantry with less junk food."

I paused, an idea striking like lightning. There was something I had yet to test, one of the things I had once been most excited about. I had actually made a whole set of very special doors using high-level Crafting materials. I had used my Skill to alter the flavor text on them, and on one in particular I made it state that it always opened to a room containing any food that the user needed.

"Actually…" I said slowly, spotting said door where the pantry might be in a different kitchen. "Let me get back to you in a moment."

I rose to my feet, wrapping my fingers around the knob of the ornate door and slowly turning. I could feel a decent portion of my mana drain, but it recovered almost immediately. As the door swung open, lights flickered on to expose the interior.

The room was relatively small, but I didn't mind considering that the door had previously led into a solid wall. Inside was all manner of edible foods, including what looked like an entire skinned boar that was hanging from a meat hook. The temperature in the room was extremely frigid, the properties of the door keeping it perfectly chilled.

"I think I just found dinner." I called over my shoulder.

Archer blinked, looking over. "Wait, that door actually leads somewhere? I never bothered trying since there's no room behind it."

_'Well, yes, that's because NPCs don't go near fake doors. Their programming tells them that they don't lead anywhere, so they don't even come close.'_

"It's the pantry, silly." I told her with an amused smile. "Where did you get the ingredients for dinner if you didn't use it?"

She pointed to the cabinets, much to my surprise. Players couldn't actually interact with them in-game, so it was entirely possible that they were indeed fully stocked. "Fair enough." I acknowledged. "In the future, feel free to use this. I enchanted it to be fully stocked at all times."

"Really?" She got up, moving close to press a hand to the wood. "It seems to be blocking **[Structural Grasp]**. How did you do it?"

I wiggled my fingers. "Master Craftsman, remember? If I can make a bow that can pluck the tailfeathers off a chicken from ten kilometers away, you can bet your ass I can make a magical door." I pointed down an adjacent hallway. "A whole series of them, actually. I'm not sure if all of them work so I'll have to test them, but there should be just about everything you could possibly need behind one of them."

She blinked. "…You wanted to make sure we never had to leave." She murmured.

I nodded silently. "I mean… I built this place to survive even the end of the world, but I wasn't sure if we would end up in a place hospitable to humans. If the worst came to pass, I needed to provide for you two."

Her cheeks reddened for a reason I couldn't quite discern. "Dammit…" She said quietly, moving to loop her arms around my neck. "You're not exactly making it easy for me here, you know? A girl can only take so much love before she starts falling for you."

My lips quirked. "But you're already in love."

She smirked, standing on her tip-toes to throw her arms around my neck. "Well, then." She whispered. "I guess I'll just fall for you again."

I smiled, leaning down to pull her into a kiss.

"Are you two done eating now?" Noa asked sleepily, looking up.

Archer's eep of surprise was utterly adorable.

* * *

I opened the door leading to the Shabti workshop, chewing on the remains of a sandwich. Even when she was too irked to put much effort into it, Archer was still a fabulous cook. I picked up the crystal my Shabti communicated to, examining it for a moment.

Shabti communicated using their stored memories rather than text, which made it impossible for anyone but the person they were made from to read the memory packet. They included memories they believed to be relevant in an ordered manner to give a broad image of what they had discovered. I kept my crystal in the basement of the house, along with the resources needed to create new Shabti. It was going to take a while to sort through all the new 'reports', though, so I was just picking up the crystal to take it into the living room.

I palmed the crystal, turned around, and walked back up the stairs. Noa was curled up on the couch with a blanket, so I sat in a chair instead.

"Ko!" Archer squeaked.

...An admittedly occupied chair.

"There's space for two here, right?" I asked innocently.

"You are _not helping._" She hissed.

"Not trying to help. I'm trying to give you better self-control so we can start having sex in the daytime too." I held up the crystal. "And I also need to look through the memory packages my Shabti sent, which is a boring job. And the best way to make a boring job bearable is through copious amounts of cuddles."

"I _want_ sex, I _don't_ want you to be unable to function without it." I corrected. "Hell, I'm fine if you become a sex addict as long as you can still quit cold turkey at any point. Because one day you might have to. And if all of your mana comes from me rather than your own supplies? Chances are your MP Regeneration will be next to nil."

"Then when will you decide I'm ready?" She asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "How about when I can stand naked before you and you have the self-control to get up and walk away?"

"…So not for a long time, then."

"Probably not, no."

"Dammit."

I shrugged, throwing an arm over her shoulder and kissing her on the cheek. "We still have snuggles, love."

"That's something, I suppose." She mumbled, leaning into my embrace.

I began going through the motions of checking every individual 'report', flicking through one by one. Most were unchanged from when they last reported, but some had new or interesting information that was definitely good to know. As I went through them, 'new location' notifications rapidly popped up for my World Map. Even if there was nothing else, the spatial data was decent enough, I supposed—

Oh.

_Oh._

"Is something wrong?" Archer asked. I had frozen, likely with an odd expression on my face.

"…Fine." I released the crystal, stepping back. "Merely… discovering something that must be addressed immediately. Watch over Noa, I'll be back by nightfall."

Archer nodded, not questioning further. "Be careful."

"Always am." I murmured, staring down at the crystal ball. Archer's presence slowly receded as I walked out of the house. I placed two fingers on my ear, activating Message. "Innocence, I'm sorry to disturb you, but I may require your aid…"

* * *

I inhaled the clean, crisp air of the outside world. It had been some time since I had stood outside of Nazarick. Come to think of it, I'd never actually done so in my Dragon form for fear of being seen. Innocence was a mere speck far below, waving up at me. I smiled down at her, chuckling.

I had instructed the little Angel to follow at a distance, unseen, and to cast an AoE **[Destroy Undead]** if things went south. My backup, as it were. I doubted I'd need the help, but with this being my first contact with another being of immense power, I believed it better to be safe.

Innocence shimmered out of view, and I spread my wings.

Now, for a creature of my size, you might assume that I'd be incredibly slow and clunky. You would be wrong. In YGGDRASIL, sitting still and moving slowly was an invitation for death. I could move at the same speed in Dragon form as I could human, meaning that when I took off, the trees around me were almost crushed from the sudden air displacement. I shot into the sky at speeds approaching a military-grade jet, air trailing off of me with a faint whistling sound.

I wasn't hiding beneath **[Perfect Unknowable]** like Innocence, that was a risk I didn't want to take. Instead I had an Item called **[Thief's Cloak]** equipped. Despite the name, it was a ring that just endowed a Skill that _looked _like a cloak to the naked eye. Once it was activated, however, you saw nothing at all.

To be perfectly honest here, I originally got the Item for the meme rather than any utility. Simple Spells could see through it, Spells that most Players had on constantly just to avoid getting their shit stolen. But in this situation, where any form of Magic could potentially spell disaster, I was glad I had the thing.

I could've just remade the ring if I didn't have it, but it saved me a bit of effort, so there.

Now, I'm sure you noticed my reference to 'the meme'. Sadly I can't show you it here, but I can at least paint you a vivid picture of how it looked.

First, recall my Level 100 size. This huge, almost mountain-sized mass of blue scales and sharp teeth. Now picture it under a layer of invisibility so thin it's basically just wearing a sheet. This monstrosity proceeds to tiptoe around as if no one was watching, pretending to be the world's most bizarre ghost.

The most popular captions for the gif image were _'U don't seeee meeee…'_ or_ 'I is very sneaky.' _I borrowed the ring from a friend as a Halloween prank but ended up getting one of my own once my little joke went viral. Sure, it wasn't exactly as _grand_ as when I nuked Asgard, but it was still one of my proudest achievements.

God bless memes… they always continue to spread, no matter where you are.

Eh. Now I'm missing Momonga. He would've loved that joke.

...Whatever.

I slowed my flight, banking. I didn't land exactly where my destination was, but rather a-ways away from it. I slipped the ring into my Inventory and began to walk.

Before me was a mountain that had once been called Mt. Kaidinias. Its slopes were barren, with little vegetation to be seen. Behind me was a grand city that once housed a mighty civilization, now falling to ruin with no one to inhabit it.

I wasn't too concerned about being seen now… after all, this land was filled only with the living dead.

He knew I was coming, as I intended him to. I came to speak with him, not to attack.

Up the mountain I climbed, the steep cliff no more than a gentle incline to me. I perched on the highest peak, curling my tail around its base and settling down into a sitting position. Then I waited.

Time passed. I stared down at the second peak, down at a cave entrance that was guarded by stone-still Undead. Time passed, wind whistling around and setting the caves in the mountain singing. The sun was beginning to set when I was finally greeted, which made perfect sense considering who spoke.

A disformed foot stepped out of the cave. No, not a foot, merely something meant to appear that way. A mass of corpses shaped to resemble a clawed appendage. A second foot. Then the creature stepped fully out of the cave, revealing itself in the cold moonlight.

It was a mass of corpses, roughly four hundred thousand in total. It took the shape of a Dragon, some hundred and fifty meters from 'head' to 'toe'. But I already knew the truth of this creature. He wore the Undead as an armor to defend his pitiful form. He was indeed a Dragon, but one who had shed his greatest defenses in exchange for power. A True Vampire that had turned this entire country into Undead and used them as slaves to do his bidding.

"Greetings." I called. "Fellow of my kin." My voice was gentle, but so overwhelmingly loud it echoed back moments later from far away.

"Greetings." The Dragon below me responded, tilting his head. "Might I ask why you have chosen to disturb my peace?"

"Mmm." I chuckled. "In time. First, I wish to know more about you. Might I ask your name?"

A single glowing red eye examined me from between corpses. "Certainly, but only if you introduce yourself first."

I made a show of thinking for a moment. "…To be perfectly honest, my name has lost meaning over the eons… were I to speak it your Spell would not translate it as you wish it to. Though, in the previous age, people often called me 'עתיק'." I frowned. "Mmm… doesn't translate well at all, does it?"

"Ancient." The corpse mountain murmured.

I smiled. "Ah, yes, that's the one. Ancient. Though, more singular… Ancient One, would be a good translation. And you?"

He considered for a few moments. "I am Cure-Elim Los Malvar, the ̷͠ ̴͢͞ ̸̛ ̧̡̕̕ ̵̴̶͘͟ ̡͡͝ ̛͢҉̸̀ ̨̢̢͘͢ Dragon Lord." He paused. "Ah… it would seem that, too, has lost its meaning…" He chuckled raspily. "The Elder Coffin Dragon Lord will suffice, though I believe that 'Lord' has mostly lost its value when compared to your age. Were you under the influence of some Spell I would be skeptical, but I had ample time to scan you for every trace of Magic I could. Am I correct in assuming that this is your true size?"

I blinked, glancing down at myself. "Ah… not quite, I'm afraid. If I were to stand before you in my true size, the surface of the earth would crack beneath my weight."

"Then truly, you have beaten me in terms of age." The red eye examined me warily. "Now, could you please tell me what you came here for? I have stayed in this mountain for many centuries, and do not intend to step aside if that is your aim."

I laughed, a deep booming noise that shook the mountain below and dislodged an avalanche of snow. "No, no, I care not for this mountain. In truth, this whole world is mine, and everything upon it is merely here for me to watch over. Should you wish it I could create a new mountain range at this very moment for you to fill with more of your Undead."

Cure-Elim relaxed, though not by much. He was still coiled, staring up at a predator he had no hope of fighting. "…All right." He said slowly. "I suppose I cannot dispute that claim, considering you could doubtlessly destroy this world on a whim. What, then, do you want?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What do _you_ want?"

He paused, visibly confused. "Excuse me?"

"What do you want?" I repeated. "What is your deepest desire, Cure-Elim? What is it that drove you to enslave that many Undead, only to hide yourself behind them like a frightened mouse?"

"With all due respect…" The Undead rasped. "I would be a fool not to take measures to defend myself against you."

The other eyebrow joined the first. "Do you truly believe that such a paltry number of corpses would so much as slow me if I wished you dead?"

Silence.

"I thought so." I shifted, making myself more comfortable. "I believe you have worn that shell for so long you think of it as a second skin, which tells me that you fear death more than anything else. You waited until the sun set for the greatest possible chance of survival, which tells me you are both patient and willing to go the extra distance to get something done. And finally, you hide yourself away, which tells me you don't care for the disruption of society." I tilted my head. "Am I wrong in my assumptions?"

"No." He rasped. "You are not."

He didn't lie. Didn't try to make excuses. His pride wouldn't let him, and that was something I was beginning to see the value of.

"So tell me." I said again. "What is it you want?"

He silently examined me for a time. "…I want immortality." He finally said.

I nodded, not showing my inner amusement at the overused trope. "A fair goal. But you and I both know that true immortality does not exist. Agelessness exists, as do many ways to unnaturally prolong one's time in this world. No matter how much you look, how much you seek, how much you know, you will always have at least one flaw."

Silence.

"Please understand." I shifted. "I am not intending to belittle you, merely to comprehend your goal. Paint me a picture, please. What is it that you want?"

He sighed. "…You are correct, and logically I understand your words. But still, I refuse." Red eyes flashed. "I _refuse_ to die. To let everything I've ever done go to waste. To give the others of my kind the _satisfaction_" he spat the word, as if it left a vile taste, "of watching me perish." His gaze bore into mine. "Surely you can understand that, no?"

"Oh, more than you could possibly imagine." I chuckled.

"Of course." He relaxed slightly, smirking. "So you understand, then, why all these people had to die?"

I shook my head slowly. "Look. I did not come here to preach. These people are dead. The loss of life is tragic, but anger would not solve anything. I have slain entire _worlds_ on the battlefield so that I could one day be free. It is not my place to pass judgement." The moon was high in the sky, bright and full. I glanced up at it in bemusement. "All I'm trying to do is get you to think."

"You want me to think." He repeated, narrowing his eyes at me. "To paint you a picture, no?"

"Precisely."

"And if you do not like what I say?"

I tilted my head. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing." I spread my wings, letting their muscles relax as they lay against the cool mountaintop. "We could continue to talk, or you could ask me to leave. Either way, I hope to part on friendly terms. You are the first of my kin I have spoken to in… a very long time." I made sure to infuse the last few words with an almost wistful note.

"Very well…" He sat back, at last beginning to genuinely consider the question. "Well, I suppose immortality is my end goal. It always will be. The driving force behind my every action. But I have neither infinite time nor infinite resources, so I doubt my plans will come to fruition for a very long time."

"Hmm." My lips twitched. "I see. If I may make an assertion, here…"

He gave me a flat look that clearly says 'you already have'. "Go ahead."

"In this picture, you take only two things into account, things you do not have and never will. Things you have no control over. Time, and resources." I tapped a claw against the rock of the mountaintop. "You will never create more time, and you cannot manufacture resources from nothing. However, you failed to take into account one thing you _do_ have. Infinite patience."

He raised an eyebrow. "And what value might my patience be?"

I was admittedly leading him in circles, something that would've pissed him off by now if he wasn't genuinely interested in what I had to say. Cautious, yes, but he knew I wouldn't be here for no reason at all. Hopefully his temper held, since I was about to turn my 'old sage' vibe up to eleven.

"Consider, if you will." I began. "A pool of life-giving water. It creates itself from nothing, and will refill itself at a steady rate for all of eternity if left untouched. You discover this pool and learn that it can let you forego food and drink forever if you just wait. But after months of drinking from the pool, you realize that if you were to destroy the pool, you would unleash a great flood upon your foes that would drown them utterly without hope of rescue. To do this, however, you would have to give up the pool's waters forever. What would you do?"

He blinked.

I smiled.

This little thought experiment highlighted a key difference in thought between humans and Dragons. Humans lived briefly, and would happily burn the world because they would never have to rebuild the cinders. But Dragons… Dragons lived forever. And this particular story was made specifically with Cure-Elim in mind.

He didn't need a flood. As long as he could survive indefinitely, he would just sit by the proverbial pool and wait for his enemies to die.

"Now, let's imagine that 'pool' existed." I continued. "A living creature that could gush Life Energy forever so long as you never took too much. If you were ever to take all its' Life at once, you would for a time hold the power of the Gods. But after that, you would have no more, since the creature would be dead. Tell me, Dragon Lord Cure-Elim… what would you do?"

"…I would do my best to make sure no one else got anywhere close to it, or even knew it existed." He said, bass voice echoing through the quiet mountaintops. "Because they would only steal it away from me. I would drain the pool every day into a larger basin so it would still refill and I would have plenty to experiment with."

I hid a snort of amusement. Predictable, yes, but I liked that. It made it easy to lead the conversation. "Indeed. Now. One last question. If such a pool existed, would you know about it?"

He opened and closed his mouth several times. His pride likely made him want to say 'yes' since he was confident in his own information-gathering abilities, but his scientific curiosity eventually won out. "I wouldn't."

"No." I agreed. "You wouldn't."

"So does it exist?" He asked, leaning forward. "This 'pool'?"

"Yes." I stated simply. "In fact, I'll do you one better. I'll give it to you. But before I do so, I must make one thing perfectly clear."

Our entire conversation, I had kept all my Skills turned off, locked to 'zero' to avoid spooking my conversation partner. But now I flicked them all on, and for a split second **[Draconic Presence]** alone nearly knocked the Dragon Lord off his feet.

He was stuck forever at Level 100. _I_ most certainly was not.

"If I entrust this to you, it is your responsibility." I growled, leaning down until my head was only a few meters from his. "Not a tool, a job with benefits. Because if you destroy this, it won't be just your foes who suffer. The ground beneath your feet, the Magic in the air, the very World itself will be shaken. Am. I. Understood?"

He nodded slowly, struggling against the strain of the Skills bombarding him.

"Excellent." I pulled away, effortlessly flicking off the Skills. "I will, of course, be more than happy to tell you anything you wish to know about it, but for now I'll just leave you with the object itself." I reached into my Inventory, hidden within the fold of a wing, and pulled free a single Seed.

This Seed obviously wasn't from one of the Peaches I gave out to the rest of Nazarick. No, this one was of the same kind Momonga and I ate. An original Seed from the First Tree, albeit one I had modified heavily. I didn't need to worry about him removing his Level restrictions using the Peaches from it since Noa had inherited all of Yggdrasil's power, but I had decided to play it safe nonetheless. Editing the properties of the Seed itself was a difficult task, but after many hours of trying I eventually managed to add a single line to the text.

_The girl this Seed will grow into will steal the heart of the Dragon caring for her, negating all Undead inhibitions on the emotions she inspires in him._

Cure-Elim was undoubtedly dangerous. He was cold, calculating, and cruel.

Unfortunately, nothing in his life had prepared him for the world-shaking horror of being my newest toy.

I resisted the urge to cackle as he gingerly plucked up the Seed. He had no clue exactly what he was getting himself into. Noa's little sister was sure to be just as innocently dangerous as Noa, perfectly tailored to Cure-Elim's private buried fantasies.

Perhaps once he might've been a threat. Now he was my source of amusement until Momonga got back. It wasn't _torture_, really… no, _that_ would be adding another line that would make the Seed unable to feel love. I considered doing it just out of spite, but decided that not even being a mass-murderer warranted a lifetime of inner torment.

Oh. Right. I'm still having a conversation.

"That is a Seed of the First World Tree." I began, pulling away. "It will grow to be only a faint shadow of what the original was. Still, the potential it grants is beyond anything this World has ever seen. It will grow wherever you plant it, even should you place it into solid stone. But be warned, once it begins to grow, you will be unable to move it. So hide it somewhere safe, somewhere you will be able to protect it from all who might learn of its existence."

"And you're just… giving this to me?" The Elder Coffin Dragon Lord rasped, recovering his composure. "The key to infinite power?"

I shook my head in amusement. "I'm _entrusting_ it to you. Handing the key to this World's survival down to the next generation. You have the patience and fortitude to guard it for the rest of time should I fall… and should the Tree I guard ever burn as the First did, it will fall to you to nurture the next World to rise from the ashes. Just as the Old Gods did, just as I have." I smiled. "I will be stopping by from time to time. Not to check up on the Sapling, but to tell you more of the World's history. I'm sure you could learn something if you wished."

He bowed slightly. Just enough to imply respect, not enough to actually mean it.

"Farewell for now." I rose to my feet. "I'll be by tomorrow to check in on things."

And with that, I lifted off the ground and began to fly back home.

* * *

"Well?"

I lowered my arm, the wisp of Wild Magic dispersing. "Well what?"

Archer's arms snaked around my neck, her breasts pressing against my back. "Aren't you going to tell me what was so urgent?"

"Mmm…" I made a show of considering it. "Only if you tell where you've been for the past half hour."

"What, aren't we allowed some girl time?" She teased.

I raised an eyebrow. "I got back ages ago, half-expecting to be pounced on, only to find an empty mansion and not a single Servant who could tell me where the two most vital people in this Tomb had wandered off to. Either you had your 'girl time' in an underground bunker, or you took Noa outside without letting anyone know or giving the slightest hint of where you left to. Which, I would like to remind you, would be a _fucking disaster_."

There was a pause. "…Okay, that sounds far worse than what I thought your reason would be."

I snorted. "Archer, I honestly wouldn't mind if you left to wander the world for a while. I made damn sure you could defend yourself and you've been stuck here for several weeks now. Sure, I'd be a bit miffed if you left for days on end, but that wouldn't make me too worried. But when I can't find you _or_ Noa, without you speaking to anyone about where you'd gone, that starts getting dangerous."

"You'll be happy to know we didn't leave the Tomb, then." Archer leaned over my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my cheek. "And I'll try to tell someone next time. Noa and I were just having some sister time. Organizing your Treasury, mainly, since you seem content to literally sleep on top of the most powerful World Items known to the Realms."

I blinked. Twice.

You see… Dragons have this _thing_. A passive Skill called Instinct. In-game, it had the main purpose of warning you when you were about to get hit with a sneak attack. In game terms, it made you immune to the Backstab Bonus. Any knife to the back would just be that—a knife. Handy, but hardly worth mention in everyday life.

Now, however… it felt like someone was ringing the proverbial alarm bells. Not _danger_ per se, merely… discomfort. Like something had rubbed me the wrong way.

"…Archer, you do know that you can't lie to me, right?" I said slowly. "Noa can because she literally blends in with the World itself, but she's the only one on the planet who can trick my Instinct."

"I didn't take her outside!" Archer protested.

"No, but you certainly weren't organizing my Treasury either. Tell me, what Item has a fist-sized amethyst jewel that looks like the eye of a squid?"

Silence.

"**[Voidfletcher]**." I rubbed my eyes. "You wouldn't remember it because it's a quiver, one that dropped from a Boss I wouldn't let you anywhere near. It lets the user fire arrows that literally tear holes in space." I shifted, turning to look at her. "I don't mind if you want to talk with Noa. But please, don't lie to me." I leaned over, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I won't press, though, since you obviously don't want to tell me more. So let's change the subject, hmm?"

She slumped slightly. "I'm sorry."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Archer, I'm exasperated, not mad. The only reason I called you on it is that I prefer to have you be honest with me." I paused, lips twitching. "And preferably kept away from World Items that might scare the shit out of even Rubedo."

Archer giggled, the tension evaporating. "I'd like to see _that_." She shook her head. "Never mind, then. How did your trip go?"

"Quite well. Made a new ally, handed him a World Item for shits and giggles." I shrugged. "You know, everyday stuff."

Archer twitched. "You're _still_ doing that?"

I shrugged. "What can I say? Tossing people random World Items and waiting for them to lose their minds is hilarious." Low-Level World Items, of course. I'm wasn't stupid, just bored. "Now, unless I'm mistaken, Noa should be back as well, no?"

The white-haired Archdemon raised an eyebrow, leaning close. "What, am I not enough for you?" She purred mockingly.

"No, I'm just wondering why you left her in a room with a stove and a magical microwave." I deadpanned. "Either she'll burn the house down or she'll stick something explosive in the microwave. Not because she's ditzy, because she's pissed. I doubt she'll be letting go of the whole 'blue-balling her for a week' situation for ages."

"But I talked it over with her?" Archer's voice was confused, but she was already moving towards the door.

I snickered. "Archer… no matter how feminine you are at times, you were still raised by a single father. You'll never truly understand how well women can hold grudges."

The white-haired Archdemon coughed, glancing sheepishly away. "…I never did figure out why Rin and Sakura never let anything go."

I smirked. "Well, part of that is your density, so you can't blame it all on Kiritsugu."

"Shut up." Her cheeks were a faint red. "I'm trying to be better about it now, all right?"

"Of course." I agreed smoothly. "I'll leave you to it then. No help from me on managing your cluelessness."

"Thank you." She nodded once. "I'll never learn anything if I don't make a few mistakes here and there."

_'Famous last words.'_ I had to choke back my laughter. "O-of course. Makes perfect sense."

She eyed me. "I get the feeling you don't trust in my observation skills. Do recall that I dealt with Rin for the better part of a century."

"I said nothing." I said, miming a zipper over my lips. "Let's just go find Noa before dinner."

* * *

Thankfully Noa hadn't burned anything down. That was the good news. The _bad _news was that one of the houseplants had shattered its' pot and had nearly collapsed under its' own weight from how huge it had gotten. Noa was sitting on the couch, irritably picking at its' leaves.

"No, Noa." Archer was saying in exasperation. "I wasn't leaving you out again. I just happened to find him first."

The pink-haired Nature Spirit gave me a sly look, only cranking the irritation up higher.

Poor Archer didn't even realize she was being played like a fiddle… but then again, Archer never could resist the manipulations of innocent-looking girls.

By now I had pretty much guessed what had gone on while I was absent. They likely just had had a 'talk' about how sex would work between us three. Archer had struck a deal she thought was completely fair, while Noa didn't really like the whole 'completely fair' bit. Hence her latest tactic to wrap Archer around her finger.

"I'll go get started on dinner." I decided, winking at the Spirit. "You two work things out here."

Sorry, Archer, but you need to learn sometime. You asked for this.

Dinner was simple when I had access to anything I could possibly need so long as I had the mana to create it. I tuned out Archer's animated chatter and Noa's monotone, instead focusing on dinner. I was hardly the best chef in the world, hell, Archer was ten times the chef I could ever be. I could still cook a meal, though, and cooking was easier than getting between two stubborn girls having an argument.

_Especially_ when they were close enough to think of each other as sisters.

Their bickering died down as I pulled the final dish out of the oven, likely with Noa winning through some underhanded tactic.

Dinner happened fairly quickly, with Archer leaving soon after without a word of explanation. I just kept eating, waiting a bit before turning to Noa.

"Would you care to tell me what exactly you extorted out of poor Archer?" I asked drily.

Noa blinked. "Sex."

"Well yes, I would think that would be a given." I glanced at the doorway. "Presumably has to do with where Archer went right now, even. What, did you ask her to cosplay or something?"

"No." She frowned. "She wanted to leave me alone with you for our first time."

_'Operation Threesome is a failure! Repeat, Operation is a failure! Retreat, live to fight another day!'_

"…And?" I raised an eyebrow. "I would think you'd be overjoyed at the offer."

Her frown deepened. "No. I'm not. The three of us do everything together. We love each other. It feels wrong to leave her out."

_'Hold on, boys, the mission may still be a success! Move slow, act like you don't care one way or another—Noa's kinky programming may yet bring us to the Promised Land!'_

"…I see." I cocked my head. "Okay, actually I don't see. Care to elaborate on why she has to be present even after she asks not to be?"

"Because then she would be sleeping somewhere else. Alone." Noa folded her arms. "And I want her to be with us, where she can enjoy herself too."

"Fair enough." I leaned down, kissing her on the forehead. "I'm hardly about to object to a threesome if you're all right with it."

"Mmm." She smiled, curling into me. "Good."

_'Mission success! Repeat, mission success! I don't know how we pulled this one off, boys, but tonight we're getting laid twice!'_

I held her close for a time, running my fingers through her hair. She quietly soaked up my attention, seeming to enjoy every moment of it.

"Fair warning." I eventually murmured. "Archer's probably going to be less… gentle than you're used to."

"Mmm." Her eyes gleamed. "I'm looking forward to it."

Archer returned a short time later, wearing a serious expression. "The area is secure, no new developments."

I raised an eyebrow. "…Any particular reason for the perimeter check?"

She flushed slightly. "Well… I'm going to be out of commission for the next few hours, so…"

Noa nodded in agreement. "She probably won't be leaving during sex."

Archer coughed into her hand. "A-hem. About that… Noa, are you sure—?"

"Yes."

I laughed at her flat response, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Archer, are _you_ all right with this?"

"M-more than all right, but, um… isn't it a bit early for this?" She glanced out the window. "And we also just had dinner…"

"The sun's been down for a while." I stood, stretching. Noa smiled faintly, taking hold of my sleeve and following close behind me. "If she wants to start now, why not go ahead?"

"B-because I'm afraid of what I might do to her during sex?" The embarrassed Archdemon squeaked.

Noa blinked. I raised a bemused eyebrow. "So you're hesitant to have a threesome not because it would be awkward, but because you're afraid it'd make you too horny?"

She nodded, staring at the ground as her cheeks slowly reddened. "…Her Lust tastes delicious." She defended weakly.

I rolled my eyes, taking her by the hand. "Let's go, you silly Demon. Noa can take care of herself."

Noa nodded, moving to take her other hand and help tug her along.

The door opened. We entered the room. The door closed.

Noa was out of her clothes in seconds, perched on the bed and waiting expectantly. Archer took a short while longer, leaving her bra on for the time being. I undressed relatively quickly, moving over to stand at the base of the bed.

Noa sat before me, utterly unconcerned about her nakedness. Every centimeter of her creamy skin was exposed for the world to see, revealing the lack of body hair many supernatural species displayed. Archer, on the other hand, shyly covered her breasts with an arm. Her tail twitched with anticipation, though, and the way she pointedly maintained eye contact rather than letting her gaze roam told me that she was doing her best to control herself.

"When do we begin?" Noa asked, tilting her head.

"Whenever you want." I shrugged. "Generally there's some foreplay first, but I somehow doubt you have the patience for that sort of thing."

"What sort of things are foreplay?" Noa looked over to Archer. "Is that what you and he did last night?"

"Foreplay is anything done in order to lead into sex." I said. "And I suppose you could look at our date as a sort of foreplay, since Archer wanted emotional attention before physical."

She sighed. "That sounds long. And tiring." Her pussy was already glistening faintly, and she snuck unhurried glances at my lower half every few seconds. "Can we skip that and move straight to the fun part?"

"We can figure out what you enjoy as time goes on." I said, lips quirking. "Until then, it's up to you how we proceed."

Noa nodded, moving forward until we were only a few centimeters apart. "I want you to have sex with me." She stated bluntly. "As roughly as possible."

My lips twitched slightly. Even when asking to be fucked, her voice still had the soft, dreamlike quality of a monotone.

"All right, then. If you insist." I gently leaned forward, tipping her onto her back. Wide eyes stared into mine. I heard Archer's breath hitch in the background as the lust in the room spiked, but I paid her no mind. Her turn would come soon enough. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

I smiled at her, lined up, and pushed into her for the first time.

She was different than Archer. Softer, yet much tighter. There was no resistance as I pushed deeper in, her already dripping snatch seeming to tighten even more around me.

She gasped softly, eyes widening. "…Oh." She whispered.

"Oh." I agreed.

"That feels strange."

A faint hint of Magic drifted over my senses, a familiar aura. A Lust Aura, the same kind as from last night. Archer's gaze was locked onto Noa, her pupils dilated in arousal. I returned my attentions to the Spirit, leaning down to give her a soft kiss. "Can I start moving now?"

"Mmm. Go ahead."

I pressed forward, beginning slowly. Noa's words shifted to soft mewls of pleasure, voice rising along with my tempo. Her breasts bounced slightly with each thrust, pink nipples taunting me. I leaned down to capture one in my mouth, running my tongue around it.

Noa didn't scream in pleasure as Archer had, instead filling the room with sweet moans that were only slightly louder than her normal speaking voice. Still, her face practically glowing with delight as I repeatedly violated her, her fingers buried in my hair as I sucked on her nipple.

She came mere minutes in, clenching around my member and pulling my face into the cushion of her breasts with a sharp gasp of delight. Her breaths were ragged and her eyes were cloudy, gazing blankly upward. I pulled away, examining her expression of bliss with satisfaction. My tempo didn't slow, however. Instead I took hold of her shoulders and began thrusting harder.

A smile spread over her face as her hips began thrusting upwards in time with my movements. Soft moans filled the room, once more slipping through parted lips. She gasped for air, slowly tightening more and more as I finally found her G-spot. She was much less vocal than Archer, but it was simple to find where to thrust to make her moan the loudest. My body moved in sync with hers, slowly coaxing us both closer to orgasm.

"Noa." I warned the unresponsive Spirit. "I'm cumming."

"Do it." Archer whispered, staring hungrily down at Noa's enraptured face. "Fill her. Make her yours. She wants it, she _needs _it…" The Archdemon placed her hands on her cheeks, a disturbing smile crossing her face. "Oh, her Lust is _delicious_…"

My movements became erratic as I neared the edge, and I finally finished by slamming my dick as deep as I could. Noa cried out in delight as my cum bathed her insides, clenching around me as if to suck me deeper still.

"My turn." Archer said in excitement. She moved until she was perched above her sister, ass raised invitingly into the air. "Come on, you've been denying me _all day_…" She purred, eyes glowing faintly in the darkness. "Can you finally give me something nice to eat?"

Noa frowned, slowly returning to reality. "…I want more." She argued weakly, tensing around my slowly hardening member. "You had plenty last night."

Archer giggled, leaning forward so their faces were only centimeters apart and their breasts were pressed together. "Noa, you'll get more inside of you than you can fit tonight, but it's all about _moderation_. If he just keeps going, every orgasm blends into the next… and you knew you would have to share when you told me that I was joining you tonight."

"…Fine. You get a turn, but I want it next." Noa frowned.

Archer sighed, rolling her eyes. "Noa… try not to think of it as 'you' or 'me', we're _all_ having sex." Her tail waved through the air, twirling in amusement, and she moved so their bodies were flat together. Stomach to stomach, pussy to pussy. She propped herself up on her elbows, smoldering gaze boring into the Nature Spirit. "On second thought, maybe I can wait. Ko, keep going on her, I need to teach her how to please someone else during sex."

My lips twitched into a sly smile as I felt her Lust Aura cranking up to higher levels. I was immune, but Noa's eyes were already starting to glass over. "Aye aye, ma'am."

I began to thrust, marveling in the sensation of having two different pussies pressed against my dick. Archer was humming softly, dripping snatch rubbing against my every thrust. She leaned down, hands moving to take Noa's large breasts in her hands while she began sucking gently on her neck.

Noa's eyes were glazed and unfocused, moans filling the room as our ministrations drove her body, still sensitive from her previous orgasms, closer and closer to the edge. She came once, twice, crying out at every orgasm. Archer bit down on the sensitive flesh of her neck, pain blending into pleasure as she came again and again.

Archer's Mark glowed a faint red as I reached my limit once more, making her hum happily. "Open up, little Noa~!" She sang quietly, nibbling at Noa's neck. "Our Dragon is about to give you more cum~!"

As Noa was about to cry out, Archer moved to pull her into a deep kiss. Noa twitched, clenched several times, and finally brought me to my second orgasm. Archer's tail waved around, broadcasting her delight at her current position even as she broke the kiss and sat up.

I pulled out, the flood of semen slowly spilling from her dripping hole. Archer giggled, leaning down to nip her nose. "She's so cute when she's all hot and bothered like this…" She cooed, pulling away. "Noa, do you want to feel even better?"

The Spirit nodded absently, mind still reeling from the flood of pleasure we had drowned her in.

"All right, then." Archer slid off her, flipping her so she was the one on bottom. Noa's smooth back filled my view, her body pressed against Archer's. Archer moved her face until it was lined up with one of her breasts, smiling to herself as the half-conscious girl latched on and began to suckle softly.

Despite not yet having been fucked, Archer was clearly higher than a kite on all the lust filling the room. Her kind drew power from emotion, from mana transfer, from the Life Force released during sex. Just her being this close to us was a full-course meal for her.

"All right, Ko." Archer whispered, hungry gaze latching onto my slowly rising dick. "Fuck me into the bed."

One might think it difficult to use my full strength to drive Archer into screams of pleasure with Noa's form between us. One would be wrong. Noa's folded legs to either side propped her up, her body moving in time with Archer's as I repeatedly drove myself into her. Every thrust elicited small gasps from the quiet Spirit, my member rubbing harshly against her dripping snatch. Her voice was hard to hear, though, over Archer's delighted screams.

"YES!" She cried, tightening around me. "YES! KO, DEEPER! I NEED IT, PLEASE!"

I grinned, happily obliging.

* * *

The artificial sun was beginning to rise when the girls finally could take no more. Archer was running low on mana and endurance, while Noa simply passed out from overstimulation. Both girls were covered in sweat and semen, likely running low on bodily fluids after how hard I had ridden them.

"M-more…" Archer mumbled as I pulled away. "O-one more time… I want to feel you inside me one more time…"

"Not now, love." I said quietly, brushing her cum-stained hair out of her face. "We need to get you two cleaned up, otherwise you'll be stuck to the bed in the morning."

"…Can I at least clean you off?" She asked, staring at my shrinking dick. "There's still plenty more there…"

I raised an eyebrow. "You already ate Noa out to drain every drop of cum from inside her, not to mention how many times you've sucked me off tonight. I'd be surprised if you didn't slosh slightly."

She shook her head. "All turned into more energy. I'm still _starving_…" She gazed innocently up at me, an expression ruined by her swaying tail. "Please? It won't take long, and I won't ask again."

"If you still have enough energy to kneel in the shower, maybe." I slid off the bed, walking to the other side to gently shake Noa awake. "Noa-love?"

"Mmm…" Noa moaned quietly, burrowing into the sheets. "…If we do it again, I want to be on top…"

I hid a smile. She really did enjoy the cowgirl position, especially when Archer sat behind her and toyed with her breasts while she rode me. "Not right now, love. We need to get you cleaned up. The bed cleans itself, but you need a shower."

"Don't wanna." She curled into a ball, pulling damp blankets over herself. "I smell like you now, I don't want to wash it off."

Archer giggled, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to her cheek. "You don't have to use scented shampoo, silly, just wash the cum from your hair. It'll be hard to get out if it dries." She lowered her voice. "And our shower _is_ large enough to have sex in, you know."

The sleepy Spirit poked her head out of the covers. "…Really?"

"Really. Now let's go."

I helped Noa to her feet, the beautiful girl stumbling tiredly a few times as she rubbed her eyes. Archer managed to walk on her own, though I had to pretend not to notice when she leaned against the bathroom counter to take a brief rest. Warm water was turned on, and I helped Noa step into the shower with me. Archer followed, pulling the door shut and kneeling down to begin coaxing my member into another erection.

Noa didn't seem to notice as the hungry Archdemon began bobbing her head. She had her back to us and was allowing me to run my soapy fingers through her hair. I carefully kept my grip loose even as I came close, and Archer's delighted humming soon followed as she cleaned up every last trace of semen from my cock.

"No fair." Noa mumbled. "I'm too tired to do that."

Ah. Apparently she _had_ noticed.

Archer rose, moving to wrap her arms around the sleepy Spirit. I carefully ignored the way their wet bodies pressed together, instead beginning to wash myself off. "It's perfectly fair." Archer soothed, taking over the task of cleaning Noa's pink hair. "Don't worry, Onee-sama is older and has more endurance. You'll get better with time."

"Mmm." Noa nodded once. "Good. I want to go all night next time."

"You mean tomorrow?" Archer teased, tail waving behind her. "I doubt either of us will be up to that. Maybe half the night."

"We can do it every night?" Noa's dreamlike tone had an interested note to it. "There's no limit?"

"The only limit is how often you can get Ko to fuck you." Archer smiled. "You could do it tomorrow morning if you found the energy."

"Oooh." Noa blinked, turning to look at me. "Are we doing this tomorrow?"

I smiled at her, enjoying the sight of water running down her voluptuous body. "If you want."

"Good." She nodded once. "I like having sex."

"Most people do." I said drily, glancing at the mark on Archer's abdomen. It still glowed softly, mana from our intercourse continuing to power it. "Though if you ever feel like it's too much—"

"No."

I blinked. "No?"

"No." She repeated. "It'll never be too much. I like having sex."

I raised an eyebrow. "Noa, I love you, but you're trying to keep up with a Dragon and an Archdemon. Realistically—"

"No." She looked me in the eye. "I really like having sex. A lot." She paused. "Even if you have to keep going after I pass out, I still like that too."

Archer smirked, nodding quietly as if to confirm her words. "She really does." She whispered. "I think our little Noa has a masochistic streak."

_'She has an _everything_ streak. She's programmed to be a nymphomaniac willing and capable of trying every kink she gets curious about.'_

"I was just warning her." I smirked. "And believe me, I can tell. The way she tightened every time you spanked her was a bit of a dead giveaway."

Noa's cheeks reddened, and she looked away. "Pain feels good." She mumbled. "I felt happy whenever Archer-nee would do it. I felt like she was just telling me she loved me."

She gasped quietly as Archer's hands snaked around to cup her breasts, twisting the nipples and tugging harshly on them. Giggles from the Archdemon were accompanied by an almost teasing brush across the stomach with the flat of her tail. "Oh, my adorable little sister~!" She sang, leaning in to whisper in her ear. "I'd be more than happy to punish you… anything to turn you into a better match for Ko's _insatiable_ appetite."

"_My_ insatiable appetite?" I deadpanned. "You're molesting Noa even when you can barely walk."

"Come on…" Archer whispered huskily. "We were just telling her how easy it was to have sex in here… might as well give her a demonstration, right?"

Noa nodded quietly, face a deep red. "…Please."

I sighed in mock reluctance, moving forward to pin the two to the wall. "All right… but only because you twisted my arm."

* * *

"Mmmph." Noa mumbled into my side as the rays of the noonday sun poked through our curtains. I had opted to block out its rays until now to give them the rest they needed, but at some point we still needed to get up.

"Too early." Archer moaned, burrowing under the covers and resting her head on my abs. "I'm exhausted."

"Your fault." Noa accused sleepily.

"You wanted it too."

"Mmm… yes, but Ko warned us to stop." She flinched slightly as she shifted posture. "Ow."

I sighed. "Girls, it's noon. Noa should be recovered enough by now to cast Healing Aura, which should give you both enough energy to get out of bed."

"…Why did you put on boxers?" Archer complained, voice muffled by the covers.

"Because I don't want you trying to suck my dick when you're too drained to move _elastic_." I deadpanned. "Get up, Archer, it's past noon and you had things you wanted to do today."

"…No I didn't." She argued. "Today is for staying in bed and having more sex."

"Nooo…" Noa hid her face. "Still hurts."

"Healing Aura, love." I repeated patiently. "Wake up and use your Magic. It should be easier once you fix your tired muscles."

"…Fine." A moment later, and a golden glow encompassed all three of us. What little sleep I had lost was soothed away in moments, and I was soon sliding out of bed.

Both girls were still unresponsive, so I took the time to get dressed before heading downstairs for a few mugs of tea. Minutes later I returned, handing them both the steaming mugs.

"It's not sweet." Noa mumbled, taking a drink.

"It's supposed to be bitter." I deadpanned. "You can add sugar if you find the energy to walk downstairs to get it."

Archer smiled faintly, downing half her mug in seconds. "I actually don't mind bitter tea. It's still better than coffee." She paused, taking a long drink of her tea. She stared off into space for a time, steam drifting past her nose. Then her eyes widened, and her face drained of color. "Oh, Root." She whispered, horrified. "Last night, Noa and I, we—"

"Yep."

"And then you—"

"Yep."

"On her first time!" The Archdemon buried her face in her hands. "Fuuuuckk."

Noa nodded absently. "Last night was amazing. Where did you learn to use your tongue like that, Archer-nee?"

Her only response was a tortured groan.

I chuckled quietly to myself as Noa began her daily ritual of mercilessly teasing the poor Archdemon.

"I swear I'm not bi, my instincts just want me to sleep with anything that moves!"

All was right with the world.

* * *

**A/N:**

**…It's not my fault, I blame the RWBY Volume 7 trailer. I made the mistake of watching it while trying to complete this chapter, and, well, let's just say that I had that little 'idea moment' authors both love and hate. And suddenly, my muse was reluctant to write for literally anything but RWBY.**

**That and a nasty case of writer's block made this chapter almost a month late.**

**I actually wrote the next chapter of this story while struggling to figure out what to write for this one, so I hope you enjoy the double-post!**

**A huge thanks to Chockolat, who corrected a few of my previous grammar mistakes. I've been holding off on fixing them until I post in order to keep from spamming you all with update notifications without any chapter forthcoming. With any luck, the edits I'll be making over the next few days will help new readers understand the story better.**

**Happy (late) Halloween!**


	12. 2-4: Go Away, No Lemons Here

Chapter 4—Go Away, No Lemons Here

* * *

**Someone asked to see a holiday special. I'm not about to make an entire chapter based on that right now, but I can at least make Earth holidays canon.**

**These chapters were actually supposed to be posted on Halloween, but I didn't have the previous one done, so I couldn't exactly put this up. Sorry about the delay on that.**

**Someone also seems to have stolen my lemon supply as well… let me know if you see anyone suspicious. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I landed gently on the mountaintop, easily settling into the groove I had worn into the rock. The sun was setting, the last rays tinging the horizon a beautiful violet.

Cure-Elim exited the cave a short time later, almost seeming to ooze out of the shadows. His baleful red eyes scanned me, glanced about, then lost their violent edge as he reassured himself I was alone.

I wasn't, obviously, but Innocence was a Divination expert. No matter what Cure-Elim was using, it wouldn't penetrate the Tenth-Tier **[Mirror World]** Innocence hid beneath.

"Ancient One." He greeted, bass voice bouncing off the craggy peaks. "A pleasure."

"The pleasure is all mine." I replied in kind. "Might I come in? I believe we have much to discuss."

He nodded, eyes glowing in the growing darkness. "I somehow doubt anything of mine would interest you, but I still must ask that you not take anything."

I laughed, a booming sound that echoed across the silent rock. "Little One, anything you have would be a trifle for me to replicate. Nevertheless, you have my word."

He didn't respond, instead turning and leading me into his cave. My form shrunk as I repeatedly cast **[Size Down]** on myself, slowly making me small enough to fit inside. If the Dragon Lord was planning on a fight, he would find that my scales were just as dense as when I was full size and my Agility had grown enough to dart forward and snap his neck before he had time to process my movement.

Any normal Player would be wary walking through the tunnels of the Elder Coffin Dragon Lord's home, lined as they were with countless Undead. One got the distinct feeling that anyone entering would never leave. I didn't care, though, seeing as I could burn the place to the ground in less than an instant. Innocence was Plan Z, Plans A through Y were basically 'nuke the lizards'. If by some miracle he managed to escape, _then_ Innocence would gank him. He was only valuable as a willing ally, after all.

My view on other people with power was rather simple, whether they be an evil Dragon or an old friend like Momonga. If they remain on my side, I'll do my best to help them to the top, spending my own time and resources to do so. But I was constantly prepared for any one of them to betray me—hence why I set up Nazarick to function even without Momonga if the need ever arose. I was making changes to this World, changes I knew my friend wouldn't like. If he ever turned on me, he would be summarily removed from my paradise.

I do enjoy friendships, but there comes a point where caution becomes the best option.

To be honest, I doubted my relationship with Cure-Elim would ever be called friends. I was hoping to become a mentor of sorts to him, a respected figure rather than an equal. People like Cure-Elim didn't believe in friendship, and placing yourself on their level is an invitation for betrayal. But if I set myself up as an insurmountable goal, beyond any hope he could ever have of surpassing, the chances of him selling me out diminished to near zero.

Cure-Elim valued few things in this world. Power, knowledge, and anonymity. I was a monolith to everything he valued, and I was more than willing to share what I knew with him. Not everything, of course, and only enough to keep him interested in furthering his own agendas. But if I set myself up as a veritable vault of secrets too dangerous for the _uninspired_ to be trusted with, the Undead would likely rather die than give up anything I told him in confidence.

So why was I using him instead of just killing him off?

For the same reason Ainz went out of his way to save Nfirea in the original story.

See, Cure-Elim is a _researcher_. Someone who dedicated centuries of his life to studying a single topic. The only Dragon in the New World ever to discover how to use Tier Magic while still maintaining his Wild Magic. He's cunning, he's patient, and he stands to have nothing to lose and everything to gain from sharing the results of his research with me.

I gave him a Seed of the First Tree because it was a meaningless show of aid—the Tree had little to no use save for converting one type of Magic into another. He couldn't even use the Tree's branches as tools because Necrotic Energy doesn't work well with wood. But it would allow him to practice his Wild Magic without burning his stock of souls or having to go out to gather more, meaning that it was a highly effective means of making sure he stayed exactly where I wanted him.

Not to mention my 'edits' to the Seed... if that plan works, I will have created a gaping hole in his proverbial armor. An exploitable weakness in the form of a girl he somehow can't say no to. Like Accelerator with Last Order or, well, pretty much any anime protagonist. With any luck I'll never have to push that button, but it's always nice to know where your enemies keep their hearts.

And the best part of it all? He would have no reason to object to my plan if he knew of it. It gave him the opportunity to grow more and more powerful, even if I intended to never let him get anywhere close to my level. I was giving him everything he wanted, only asking for a bit of knowledge in return.

Plans within plans within plans… on one hand, it seemed redundant to be thinking circles around myself for an answer that might not exist. On the other… complex plans are at the core of Overlord, are they not? I make a plan, something goes wrong, and I'm forced to improvise. Except, I hate improvising, so I deploy one of the _other_ plans I have prepared, which makes my enemy change their strategy…

Ah, well. Let's just hope that it never comes to that level of bullshit. Cure-Elim is simple to break down, he doesn't exactly hide his character motivations. If he's just as straightforward as in the Side Story, then this should all be a piece of cake.

"We're here." The Undead finally growled. "Take care to step only where I step."

I made a show of wincing at that. Even shrunk down, I was still slightly bigger than he was. I _could_ shrink further, but establishing a few limits to my powers was the first step in making me seem like a real being rather than an impossibility. "My apologies, my shrinking Spell only works to allow me to shrink to fit into the available space…"

"Fine. Just be careful then." He ducked beneath a low-hanging part of the ceiling, vanishing from sight.

I followed behind, scaled eyebrows rising as I caught sight of the cavern within. It was a place of flawless crystal, an area so warm that any human daring to enter would die within minutes. Water dripped from above, which told me the crystals were still forming even now. The area was perfect for an Undead—especially one like a Dragon. Without the 'fire' of life within them, Dragons become giant lizards, really, meaning that Cure-Elim would either have to constantly burn mana for Heating Spells or find a nice warm cavern such as this one in order to keep their minds about them.

I stepped generally wherever my companion stepped, though I mis-stepped a few times just to act unaware as my scales utterly no-selled the defensive measure that triggered.

…Okay, that was mostly me just trolling the guy. So sue me, his defenses sucked.

Finally, we reached the center of the cave. I spotted a few golden trinkets lying around, as well as a couple arcane scrolls protected by waterproofing magics. My gaze didn't linger on those, though. Instead it was drawn to the small Sapling sprouting from a rocky outcropping. Its branches were a deep black, and its leaves were a dull brown.

**[Necrotic Tree Sapling]**

_Starting out a Sapling of the World Tree, this Tree gradually adapted the ability to survive and thrive off Necrotic Energy rather than sunlight or Natural Energy. Despite this change, it still outputs raw Life, just as all World Trees do._

_Spirit: Dormant [01:22:19]_

_Empathy Link progress: 43%_

I glanced over the information, nodding to myself. A diet of Necrotic Energy would prevent it from being able to access the World itself like Noa could, meaning the chances of it being a threat would be slim to none. I didn't specifically say that it would gain the powers of the previous Tree if it died, so if Noa ever perished this little sprout wouldn't so much as touch her abilities.

"It looks dead." The Undead stated drily.

I shook my head. "There's no chlorophyll in the leaves, no, and it has a greatly increased amount of tannins in the bark. But do bear in mind that you planted it _underground_, where there's no sunlight to need chlorophyll. It even developed more tannins to harden its bark, making it more resilient to this environment."

"Then it's supposed to look like that?" The Dragon beside me checked. "I didn't destroy it?"

"No, no." I chuckled. "World Trees are capable of adapting to any environment, taking in whatever type of energy is most prevalent. The First Tree fed on Void or Dimensional Energy, the Second feeds on Nature Energy, and yours feeds off Necrotic Energy. Its Spirit is gradually forming, though it is greatly sped up by the tremendous amount of Energy to pull from."

"Spirit?" Cure-Elim repeated.

"Ah." I winced, sitting back and sighing. "That… is an incredibly long story. It would be best if I just started at the beginning and worked from there."

"That would be good, yes." The Undead Dragon agreed, circling the room to put the Tree between us. "Information is the most valuable resource in the world, after all."

"True enough." I agreed ruefully. "Get comfortable, this story is as long as history allows. Not quite the very beginning of my story, but that's something for another time."

I waited for him to settle down, still watching me like I was a bomb about to go off. I wasn't kidding about the length of my story, I had spun the tale off game lore and pure bullshit to be the most accurately deceiving narrative of the World Trees possible.

"It all began long ago." My voice lowered slightly, taking on a wistful tone. "Before the stars burned, before the lands were warmed by their light. Magic ran wild, and without the binding rules we enjoy today, anything was possible. For good and for ill. The First Ones, they called themselves, for they were indeed the first. Each one used their power to create themselves a physical form, suited to their tastes and designed to help them more fully enjoy what they loved best. But as Magic gradually settled from its chaotic wildness, the beings realized they had all lost something of what they once had."

I extended a paw, watching the faint light from the Tree send aqua shimmers off my scales. "I'll skip over the details of what happened next, but suffice it to say that they became the first members of their respective Races. Templates, if you will, of what was to come. They died off over the years, but the ones who were the most durable remained."

"One Race, those of the First Ones who had chosen to remain as immaterial beings, became the first Gods. They called themselves the Developers, and they formed the rules of the First World. They planted a seed, one that would take in the hopes and dreams of the Races in order to create for them the homes they needed. The Developers were only so powerful, however, as they had no forms to tie them to the new realm. So as Yggdrasil grew in strength, a great many of them grouped together and fed it with the last of their own power. Only a select few remained, watching over the Worlds the World Tree grew."

I laughed softly, breaking my narrative. "You should've seen it then. Each Leaf of the Tree was a different World, a different time. Every Race had its own territory, and new Worlds lived and died like the seasons to those of us patient enough to watch the Leaves fall. There was little conflict between them, since anything they needed could just be taken from an empty World rather than bothering to travel to a well-defended one. That was the System as it was originally meant to be—a haven for everyone who needed it."

"I take it the paradise didn't last." Cure-Elim's dry tone cut in.

"Of course not." I agreed. "It never does, and this one was no exception. For you see, as eternity wore on, creatures began dwelling in the Tree's branches and roots. With their arrival, the Tree's very own parasite began to grow. It fed on the Life the Tree gave, fed and fed and fed until the Tree began to struggle for life. It began to consume the Leaves, spreading like fire from branch to branch. The Developers, horrified, fought back, eventually managing to seal away the parasite within the burrow of a large squirrel."

"Pardon." A bemused voice spoke up. "A squirrel?"

"Aye." I looked him in the eye. "A creature who had burrowed into the trunk of the Tree and was harvesting the fruits that fell from the branches to gorge itself. The closest word in this tongue is 'squirrel'."

"Fair enough. Go on."

I nodded. "Anyway. The Tree was slowly dying, the parasite killing it even from within. It took control of the squirrel, making it dart up and down the Tree to enrage the creatures above and below it. In the space above, vicious birds would tear at the branches. From below, snakes would gnaw at the roots. The Leaves fell, one by one, until only a few remained. The Developers poured all their remaining power into these Leaves, these Worlds, keeping them alive indefinitely. But they were scarred by the War of the Thousand Worlds—long story—and they had no way of fighting back the hordes of monsters that began to slip through the cracks of reality itself."

I smiled grimly. "And this… is where the story of the Players begins."

I could hear a sharp breath from across the alcove, then a low growl. "Those hellspawn? What, were they the hordes of monsters?"

"No." I shook my head. "They were the desperate people cowering away from them." I reached out, tapping the trunk of the Necrotic Sapling. "But if you'll recall, the World Tree originally had only one purpose."

"To sustain life." He nodded. "I was listening, no need to check."

I chuckled. "You'd be surprised how few people do. Yes, it was created to read the minds of the many Races and create for them a World in which they could survive. But it was dying. Poisoned from within, assaulted from beyond. It had limited control, and the Developers' power was slowly waning. Stronger and stronger monsters began to appear. So the Tree did what it had done at the very beginning—"

I tapped the stone floor for emphasis. "It rewrote the Rules of Magic. It tightened every last rule, wringing out 'creativity' and 'freedom' in exchange for 'efficiency'. Every last scrap of power could be used, but it came at the cost of having a limited number of possible Spells."

"Tier Magic." Cure-Elim said grimly.

"Tier Magic." I agreed. "But that was just a small part of it. It granted its Blessing to the strongest, the bravest, the most capable of the Nine Realms. Their entire lives became determined by strict logic, but in return they became capable of more than they could ever imagine. The threat of an invading horde of monsters was alien, terrifying, inconceivable to fight against—so the Tree rewrote the World itself." I gestured grandly. "Life itself became a game. And the Blessed Ones were merely the Players."

"Infinite revivals at the cost of only a bit of power." I waved my talon through the air. "Unlimited growth so long as they followed predefined paths. The Developers were the administrators of this 'game', editing what the Tree couldn't fix and keeping those who would abuse their power from breaking the fragile balance."

"And it worked." I lowered my foreleg, resting it back onto the ground. "So long as the Tree could continue to revive the Players, they continued to fight off the encroaching evil. The parasite couldn't escape. I, myself, slaughtered the most powerful enemies by the dozen."

"But it didn't last." Cure-Elim's eyes narrowed. "You said there were others destroying the Tree as well."

"Precisely." I sighed. "The Tree began to heave its dying breaths, but the Developers had thought ahead. They took a single Seed and imbued it with a fraction of the power the First Tree had. They gave it to the one being they knew they could trust—a retired Developer from a previous World long passed. So as the First Tree burned, as the Nine Realms finally collapsed, the survivors were scattered through time and space."

"Arriving here."

I raised an eyebrow. "Not quite. More like you lot began to develop in the time it took for them to travel. The Second Tree took root and grew, only strong enough to sustain a single World. The Developers were far fewer at the End, after all. This New World was meant to be the home for the survivors, yet it began to develop on its own over time. Without the Players, the Second Tree had no reason to enforce their gamelike rules, so it allowed its own natural Magic to roam free. The Magic of the World itself, World Magic. Wild Magic, I believe you called it in those days." I shrugged. "Honestly, I was asleep during that time. I had just finished killing off the parasite, felt entitled to a nice nap."

Cure-Elim nodded slowly. "I believe I understand what happened from there. When the first Players arrived, the Second Tree started enforcing the rules of Tier Magic again, weakening World Magic."

"Ah." I grinned. "Not… really. See, it would've been pointless to hold the Developers to the same rules as the Players, so the Tree let them use whatever system they wanted. Everyone else got the watered-down Tier Magic, but those with direct access to the Tree?"

The Undead's eyes widened. "Is that it? This Tree can erase the effects of Tier Magic?" He asked, voice carrying a hint of fascination. "Is that by accident or by design?"

"Oh, entirely designed." I smiled. "I fudged the details in my story a bit to shorten it. The Developers themselves were users of World Magic, which they used to forge the Worlds the parasite had drained into Items. Some fell here with the Players—World Items, they're called. Extremely powerful acts of Wild Magic, on your terms."

"Yes… I've heard of these World Items." Cure-Elim hissed, eyes gleaming. "That damn Deep Darkness Dragon Lord has one… holds it over the rest of us like he's some sort of god." His gaze locked onto me. "Tell me, in time, might I be able to make these World Items?"

I began to laugh. Deep, echoing guffaws that were only amplified by the cave around us. "Little One, it took the Developers eons to master the art." I wiped a tear from my eye. "I am the last being capable of forging weapons of such power, and I'm afraid I would rather the art die along with me. They were cruel and desperate weapons, forged in the light of a dying age to fight an evil no one could comprehend. I can give you a World Item if that is your desire, but that is not the reason I gave you this Sapling."

_'…I never actually tested if I can create new World Items, though… definitely something to test later.'_

"So what _is_ it, then?" He snapped.

"Patience." I soothed, shifting my position to get more comfortable. "I gave you this so that you might research it. Learn from it. Discover the ways lost to time. You could while away the rest of eternity and only scratch the surface of its capabilities."

Understanding sparked in his eyes. "…Patience." He repeated. "Yesterday, you said you approached me because of my patience. You said my patience was my most important virtue."

"Precisely." I gestured towards the Tree. "Here, a font of infinite power." I gestured towards myself. "Here, a wellspring of ancient knowledge, all at your disposal. I've given you all the tools you need, all I want to do is see how far you can go with them."

He fell silent for a time, likely digesting all the information I had unceremoniously dumped on him. I waited, watching the timer for the Tree Spirit's development tick down. "I have a number of questions." He finally said.

I inclined my head. "I will answer to the best of my ability."

"First, why are you passing this on to me?" His crimson gaze scrutinized me, looking for the smallest sign of deception. "Surely you are capable of doing this yourself?"

I shook my head, smiling in bemusement. "I certainly have the capabilities, but I have neither the will nor the motivation. My days are spent enjoying my last time on this world. I have two new mates who I adore and dote on, as well as a multitude of other projects that might easily keep me busy well into the lifespan of the next World. I believed you to be the academic type, so I thought I might offer you a way to spend your immortality."

My smile faded. "And, in truth, being the strongest being in this World is somewhat of an issue. I had to be the one who slaughtered the worst of the Terrors in the age of the Players, simply because they lacked the strength to do so themselves. It would not be a bad thing if you were capable of putting down most threats before I have to act."

He nodded slowly. "You are planning to raise young?" He guessed.

I shrugged. "Eventually. After I ensure this World won't collapse under them. Previously I had forty-one allies who took care of business for me, even if I aided them from time to time on matters they couldn't handle. Unfortunately, all but one were lost in the End, and the last is still on his way."

"I see." He shifted gears. "What can you tell me about my Tree, then? Do you have any instructions for its care? Any advice on how to begin studying it?"

I chuckled quietly. "Ah, yes… there is one thing you need to know." I paused for dramatic effect. "It's sentient."

The Dragon Lord blinked. "Excuse me?"

"It's sentient." I repeated, enjoying his expression. "It's growing at an incredible rate right now, devouring the excess buildup of Necrotic Energy that you've been collecting for centuries. In just under two days, it will have fully awakened."

"Would you mind explaining further?" He frowned. "Will it attempt to drain me of my energy?"

"No, no, no." I shook my head. "On the contrary. You see, the First Tree relied completely on the Developers to survive, so it never needed to manifest. But the Second was in the care of a single being, which it relied on completely to keep it safe until it was capable of creating defenses. So, being a logical creature, what does it do?" I reached out, tapping the trunk. "Simple. It tries to create an interface of sorts, designed to keep the protector happy. So long as the protector cares for the Tree, it will always be protected, so it goes out of its way to create you the perfect interface. It creates an Empathy Link, scans your subconscious—"

"I'm Undead." He deadpanned.

"The Tree eats your immunity for _breakfast_." I deadpanned back. "It runs on World Magic, do you honestly think your Undead immunity would function? Anyway, it scans your subconscious to create for you the perfect partner. It'll take a form based on what _you_ like, tailored to _your_ needs. The Sapling itself is effectively defenseless, meaning the Spirit's only job is to convince you to keep defending it. It will exist to ensure you're happy, whatever that might mean."

"An assistant of sorts." The Dragon Lord mused. "Well, so long as it isn't human, I won't complain. The price of such a valuable tool."

"It'll probably look somewhat Draconic." I yawned. "Probably take on a few qualities you find attractive, just to hit you in the feels."

"I assure you, I'm quite immune to seduction." The Undead said drily.

I stared at him. "…Immune to a creature that bypasses your emotional barriers completely with full knowledge on how best to shower you with adoration?"

His scaled eyebrows rose. "Are you telling me you fell in love with your Tree?"

"Let me put this another way." I gestured vaguely. "What qualities might attract you to a humanoid woman—don't bother denying it, Dragons are hardwired to consider humans attractive, it's part of our adaptive instinct. We can turn into humanoids for a reason, because our own kind are very sparse and we're capable of cross-breeding."

"Physically attractive qualities." He repeated blankly. "…Why?"

"Humor me."

He frowned for a moment. "…Childbirthing hips, I suppose. Nothing else serves much of a purpose. A beautiful face as well, since otherwise I would hate to look at her. A few Draconic features would be nice, though entirely optional."

"All right, then." I smiled. "Picture the most beautiful face matched by the most perfect body. Now. That girl is going to be yours in a short while. Her basic personality will be there, according to what you prefer, but you'll have to teach her right from wrong and so on. Within a year's time, you'll have the perfect female waiting on you night and day without the slightest desire for a reward. Can you honestly tell me you _wouldn't_ fuck her?"

The Dragon regarded me. "I honestly don't know."

I shrugged, rising to my feet. "Well, I might've just gone mad in my old age, then. For now I'm afraid I must leave, though I must ask. Do you know the **[Sending]** Spell?"

"…Do you mean the **[Message]** Spell?"

"No, no…" I shook my head. "I suppose this World never had any wars of information, then. Anyway. The gist of it is that you send a short message of two minutes or less to someone you've encountered before. They hear the Message in their mind, recognize you as the sender if they know you, and can answer in a like manner immediately." I activated the Spell silently to speak the rest. **_"You can send the message across any distance and even to other planes of existence, though if the target is on a different plane than you, there is a small chance that the message doesn't arrive."_**

"Indecipherable, I assume?" He murmured.

I nodded. "It's not exactly the **[Message]** Spell in terms of utility, it's actually a Tier or two below it. But what it loses in utility it makes up for in security. It's impossible for anyone to eavesdrop on a two-way **[Send]**, as opposed to **[Message]**, which can be intercepted by anyone with enough knowledge in Divination."

His eyes widened. "**[Message]** can be intercepted?" He hissed, eyes flashing.

"Aye." I rattled my scales, giving him a grim expression. "Once your Tree grows, it can create a bubble that negates all Tier Magic, but until then it might be safer to keep anti-Divination measures up at all time."

"Why would I have anti-Divination measures?" He snarked. "I live _underground_. I'm a _Necromancer_. How would you suggest that I protect against Divination?"

I blinked. _'Well clearly _someone_ isn't nearly as paranoid as I am.' _"…Using Tier Magic? That is the usual method. I can cast an anti-Scrying barrier if you want, should last a few months."

Cure-Elim paused. "…You can use Tier Magic?"

"Of course I can use Tier Magic." I snarked. "I helped create the damn system in the first place. I was tossing Spells around before Players even existed. Do you want the barrier or not?"

"…Yes." He finally said. "I would be foolish to deny it."

"**[Extend Boosted Magic: Iron Curtain]**." I flared my mana, and instantly there was the sound of glass shattering. My eyes widened slightly, and I cursed.

I had only broken a few of Innocence's lowest-Level observation Spells, but it had the intended effect.

"Someone was spying on me?" Cure-Elim hissed, eyes flashing. "Who would _dare_…"

"I don't know." I glanced around, lowering my voice. "You said you've been here for a long time, yes?"

"Centuries." He confirmed.

"Then tell me, is there any single one of your enemies who _doesn't _know where you are?"

He snorted. "My enemies aren't powerful enough to even scratch the walls of these caves."

"I wouldn't be so sure." I warned. "I know not the locations of all the World Items that fell. Even a human child can use a World Item, no matter how weak or sickly they may be." I made a show of internally debating for a few seconds, then sighed. "The simplest way of gaining immunity from World Items is to have one of your own. I would teach you a Job Class that allows for resistance against their effects, but I'm afraid I have neither the time nor the patience to do so now."

I reached into the fold of my wing, concealing my Inventory as I pulled free a cloth-wrapped object. "Here." My voice was subdued, as if I were handing over a great treasure. Technically I was, it just wasn't exactly the grand sacrifice that might imply. "Take this."

He cautiously approached, taking the object and drawing back the cloth to reveal a beautifully ornamented chalice. It was made of pure gold and festooned with jewels of all kinds, glowing softly as all World Items seemed to.

"That is **[Hygieia's Chalice]**." I said quietly. "The World Item that governs absolute health. Anything you place inside will instantly be cleansed of any filth or poison, and should you drink any liquid from it you will be healed even from the brink of death. Be careful with it, it's your only defense against other World Item users right now."

"I will make sure to return it in the same condition it's in now." He promised, eyes gleaming as he examined it.

I resisted the urge to snort with laughter. The chalice had been chosen and Mirrored specifically for him, just because I didn't trust the bastard. It couldn't be used offensively in any way and it was difficult to hide it on your person, meaning if I ever had to take it back I could do so with relative ease. He intended to experiment with it at great length the moment I left him alone with it, but what he didn't know was that I would learn more than he would.

"Keep it." I said instead, smiling sadly. "I have many World Items hidden away, that one is merely something I carry around for nostalgia's sake. I'm sure it would come to much greater use with you. I just ask that you let me know if it has any hidden functions I don't know about. That was created from the golden ichor of a goddess of medicine, so chances are it can do more than I ever discovered."

He blinked. "…You have my deepest gratitude, then." He said, bowing slightly. "I will keep you informed of anything I learn."

I nodded, turning away. "I may make you an Item of your own one day, or I may teach you to use Wild Magic to defend yourself from enemy assault. But for now, keep that close. In my experience, the more power you gather, the greater the attention you receive."

And with those parting words, I left.

* * *

Cure-Elim's eyes narrowed as he felt the ancient Dragon's presence recede into the distance. His small world was changing, one way or another, and he had yet to decide if he liked the change.

For centuries, he had relied on his built-in detector of lies and danger to protect him from Divination Magic and silver-tongued lies. Yet not only did his Instinct not go off _once_ in the Ancient One's presence, but he happened to be under a suspiciously convenient Scrying Spell just in time for the Ancient One to destroy it.

That meant one of two things. Either the ancient Dragon was toying with him, or he had an enemy powerful enough to evade his Instinct entirely. As odd as it sounded, he honestly wished that the old fossil was just playing a bit. His Instinct told him that the golden-eyed colossus meant him no harm, and it buzzed just enough in the background to tell him that it wasn't being suppressed. Any Scrying from him would be harmless in the grand scheme of things since he had no real reason to wish Cure-Elim harm, meaning at worst a few days of data had been recorded.

But he had looked genuinely alarmed when the Scrying Spell broke, which meant he was either a good enough actor to fool his centuries of experience or he had no clue that it was there at all. Which led to the second, more chilling option.

Someone with the means and ability to cast high-level Scrying Magic had set their sights on his home. Someone had been watching for an indeterminate amount of time without him having the faintest idea. Any secrets he had were as good as lost, and centuries of hard work spent toiling in the darkness could be made utterly worthless.

Unfortunately, in Cure-Elim's experience, the worst possible outcome was usually the correct one.

"Dammit." He growled, turning away. A few hundred souls' worth of Wild Magic wards were added to his inner sanctum, layering on top of the ancient Dragon's 'Iron Curtain', whatever that was.

As odd as it might seem, Cure-Elim had very little reason to doubt the old fossil. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that the Dragon could wipe him off the face of the planet in seconds, he had sensed that much from twenty kilometers away. He carried himself like a harmless old drake, until you listened between the words of what he said. Until you realized the sheer magnitude of what he had to do to reach the age he was at.

He was a survivor of a war large enough to utterly annihilate thousands of Worlds. He never once lied to Cure-Elim, which meant that his casual comment about a 'war of information' had likely been an event large enough to make him cautious of even the slightest half-truth. He mentioned he was the 'retired' Developer, which meant that he was likely old even before the 'First Ones' took shape.

He had seen Worlds live and die. Seen civilizations rise and fall. Hell, he had probably burned a few of them to the ground by himself. He knew things no living being could ever speak of, recall histories of untold millions. Just judging by his brief mention of Wild Magic alone, he probably forgot more about the art in a year than most of their Race would learn in a lifetime.

Yet he was settling down. Sleeping more often. He knew he was getting too old, and was likely looking for someone to take up his mantle so he could spend the rest of his days in peace. He wasn't like the Brightness Dragon Lord, who feigned the air of a war hero despite being on the losing side of the war. He was a living, breathing weapon still just as capable of ripping enemies to shreds now as when he fought in his youth.

Not to mention the fact that in two days, the Ancient One had literally _handed_ Cure-Elim more data than he had gathered in the past two _centuries_… on a silver platter, with the promise of more if he ever wanted it.

"**[Summon Lesser Undead]**." He carefully unwrapped the World Item and set aside the cloth. It had clearly pained the old drake to hand it over, yet he still gave it willingly. If this did what he had said… then this truly fit the epitaph of 'World Item'. "Undead, bring me a cauldron of water." He ordered without glancing up.

The Deep Darkness Dragon Lord had probably only gotten his World Item by chance, likely by stumbling on one of the methods the Ancient One had described. If he managed to defeat the Player who held it, the Item probably wasn't all that powerful to begin with.

But this…

_Clang._

Cure-Elim turned to the sound of a cauldron being set down. The Skeleton stared hollowly forward, waiting for its next order. He strode forward, dipping the chalice into the clouded water of the nearby stream. The result was instant—it changed from a white mixture to a water so clear it was only visible by the sheen on its surface.

"Remain still." He ordered. Then he tossed the water onto the Skeleton Warrior.

Around the bones, like some bizarre reverse acid, flesh began to form around the bones. Ligaments formed first, then muscles, then skin. Within moments, a perfectly preserved Zombie stared blankly forward with lifeless eyes.

_Fascinating._

Again, he dipped the chalice into the water. He eyed the clear water, narrowing his eyes. He was immune to poison and mind control, meaning that the worst that could happen was that he would spit out a mouthful of rancid water. He tilted his head back and poured the clear liquid between his jaws.

For a moment, it was as if someone had sounded a gong inside of his skull. He stumbled, disoriented, until the effects wore off. He rubbed his watering eyes for a moment, then blinked in shock.

His joints felt loose, as if freshly oiled. His eyes no longer felt dry. His mind sped forward at disorienting speeds, processing the distant drips of water he could now catch on the edge of his hearing.

This Item could do more than heal… it could _improve_. It had fixed the slow numbness all Undead suffered from, tuned up his senses, and made him feel a good two centuries younger. It had fixed his mental degradation—mental degradation he hadn't even realized he was suffering from.

"Gather some of the high-Level Undead." Cure-Elim began to grin, twirling the chalice between two claws. "I have some experiments to run."

* * *

I smiled to myself. I liked to think that the Vampiric Dragon had by now fiddled around with the chalice, verified that what I said was true, and tested it on himself. It was a waste if he didn't use it personally, after all. Even a Mirrored World Item is valuable, and I prefer that I see a return on my investments one way or another.

See, **[Hygieia's Chalice]** had one more property that I failed to mention.

When used, it changed your Karma Value to absolute zero.

He would shift from near the True Evil range to True Neutral in under a second, likely without ever even realizing it.

Ah, yes… I've just been messing with him for a few days and already he's giving me plenty of amusing results. I can't wait to see how far I can push him before he snaps.

"Ancient-sama."

I blinked, turning to face the door to my forge. "Ah, Demiurge. Hello."

"Greetings, Ancient-sama." Demiurge bowed low. "I beg your pardon for the interruption."

I absently cast a small **[Time Freeze]** on my slowly-heating project, a lower-Tier version of **[Time Stop]** that was used to prevent an Item from being altered in any way while it was active. "It's not an issue. What do you need?"

"Well, I believe that Nazarick would do well with a few unifying events, so as to prevent social relations from decaying over time." He began. "Holidays of sorts, to give them limited time off in a manner that I can predict and plan for. I brought the idea before the Council, but to my surprise Rubedo informed me that the Supreme Beings had holidays of their own. One of which is… tomorrow?"

I blinked, mentally counting the days. "Ah… yes, actually. We do have many holidays, and the one she was referring to is called 'Halloween'."

"Fascinating." He adjusted his glasses, causing them to glint in the light of my forge. "Then, in that case, I cannot see a single reason why anyone in Nazarick would object to following the same traditions as the Supreme Beings. That is, if it's all right with you…?"

"Perfectly fine." I assured him. "It might take a bit of explaining, but I'm sure you've noticed most of the holidays we have without even realizing it. We decorate the Tomb oddly in accordance with tradition every now and again, just to keep with the holiday spirit."

"Most excellent. And this 'Halloween' that is tomorrow, what is it?"

I smiled faintly. "It's… a tribute, of sorts, to the war we fought against the Monsters. The official name for it is All Hallows Eve, and it precedes a much more solemn holiday that takes place in the next few days. See, on the second of the eleventh month, we take a day to respect the souls of those we have lost. To sickness, to famine, to the enemies we fight, to the perils of time. All Souls Day. The day before that is All Saint's Day, where we celebrate the heroes who have laid down their lives for us to continue living, both those we know and those who have been forgotten."

"But all that is awfully solemn." I cracked a grin. "And not everyone is willing to get all weepy-eyed without first getting all of the crazy out of our system. So before our period of respect, we take the time to make fun of the monsters. Legend has it that the veil between worlds is thinnest on that day, so the ghosts of the fallen can view the world from afar. We give them one hell of a show, too."

I smiled faintly. "We dress up as a terrible copy of the monsters we face, or as flattering image of a hero we admire. We carve pumpkins and set small candles inside to represent shooing away evil spirits." I shrugged. "It's not exactly a formal occasion. Children would wander around in their costumes and get handed candy for their costumes, while adults would often compete to see who could wear the most realistic or scandalous version of a monster outfit."

Demiurge looked up from the notepad he had pulled from nowhere. "Fascinating! I do recall several times when Nazarick was decorated with many carved pumpkins, but I could never fathom as to why!"

"Well, now you know." I cracked a grin. "Here in Nazarick we're pretty much the monsters that people fear anyway, so we would always have a bit of fun messing with it. We would pick a different species to dress up as, even if our costumes were terrible." My grin widened as a memory flickered to life. "There was even this one time Ulbert lost a bet to Touch Me and he had to wear a slutty elf costume for the entire day, complete with the wig. Chagama never let him live it down, she probably still has pictures somewhere…"

I trailed off, wincing slightly. "Never mind. I trust that's enough for you to go on?"

"More than enough, Ancient-sama." Demiurge bowed low once more. "I'll leave you to your arts."

He left through the doorway leading into the hellish wasteland of Floor 7. I shook my head in amusement, turning back to my forge and removing the stasis spell.

My project was a simple one—replicate a World Item using one of the fallen branches off Noa's tree. Of course, the Branch itself would be a fantastic crafting base for a high-Tier staff, a Branch of the original Tree serving Mare magnificently even now. But I didn't want a _good_ staff. I wanted the _best_.

Making a staff isn't like making a sword or a mace. Different materials created different focuses, each suited for a specific purposes and alignment. The original Branch was made of wood, which was excellent for Nature Magic but poor for most other things. Adding a Crafting Item dropped by a powerful Fire Boss would shift its alignment to fire, but it would suffer no penalty because fire, too, is a part of Nature. However, no matter how hard you tried, the Branch would never be more than a fancy stick if a necromancer tried to use it.

So in order to make the Branch usable, I would have to change the material it was made of.

As to _why_ I was doing this, well, that's a different story altogether.

See, in the last ten Levels of your character, you have to make a final decision about what your endgame is going to be. The last points you spend are often on very specific Job Classes designed to hone your DPS down to an art.

My first hundred Levels were for utility. I was strong enough to facetank several hits from an endgame Raid Boss without an issue, and I had enough Skill in Crafting to reliably be called the Guild's best smith. Those Levels were my foundation, who I was when I stood inside of the boundaries of the game. With my second hundred Levels, however, I took my character in a complete one-eighty.

I had gained inspiration in a heartbeat, a flash of excitement that drove me to spend my final days meticulously plotting out every move I made.

Information was free that late in the game, those who had left willingly telling what they knew.

I remember sending messages out to people in those final days. Remember doing my level best to get as many people as I could to stay inside the game until the End. Yet no one replied.

…I digress.

See, the Job Classes I got for beating the game were all geared towards pure firepower. _Spell_ firepower, to be exact. And I intended to specialize in something that no one else ever could.

Super-Tier Magic.

Let's start from the beginning. Super-Tier Magic acts more like a special ability rather than an actual Spell. Magic casters can unleash it without consuming any of their MP. However, it has a set amount of 'charge time' and a limited number of uses per day.

Aside from a few Job Classes, these limits could only be modified in one way—Levels. Super-Tier Spells scaled directly against the Player's Level. In addition, the Job Classes I got for defeating the last Bosses were all more than helpful in allowing me to minmax the hell out of my few unreserved Levels.

'Savior of Worlds' was a Stat-scaling Class with some bizarre mechanics—namely, the ability to add unique, game-changing metamagic enhancements to any Spell, regardless of the Tier. 'Purveyor of Eternity' reduced cooldown time and granted a few special Skills relating to time dilation. 'Sentinel of the Fallen World' was a defensive Class, and 'Soldier of the Wastelands' gave ridiculous cast speed bonuses.

All four granted a specific Super-Tier Spell unique to them alone.

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.

The number of Super-Tier Spells a Player could technically learn was one for each Level after Level 70. Of course you could only learn specific Spells if your Stats matched the requirements, which already disqualified half the min-maxed Players in the game. When you first learned one at Level 71, it could only be used one time a day. It could be used once more for every additional ten Levels gained. Thus, the average Player who managed to reach Level 100 could hypothetically use Super-Tier Magic at least four times a day and had a maximum of thirty Spells in their arsenal.

Thirty was a ludicrous number for most Players with how much each one required you to have in raw Stats, but obviously I bypassed that restriction entirely just by being over-Levelled. Matched with the fact that I could learn a hundred and thirty Super-Tier Spells by the time I reached Level 200, you begin to get some mad plans starting.

Now. I noticed a small _issue_ with the system at this point. A tiny flaw that was the main reason it was supposed to be impossible to breach Level 100. See, after you reach around Level 90, you have access to pretty much every Rare Job Class available for your build as well as the option to pick a few 10-Level High Classes if you wished to branch out a bit.

If you'll recall, I maxed out Sage, which was considered a Caster Class. If you choose to Prestige it, it becomes a 10-Level High Class instead, replacing the 15-Level Sage. Upon taking High Sage, I was pretty much given my choice of every possible Rare Class that High Sage could evolve into. Turns out that the game _really_ didn't know how to deal with someone beyond 100, so it simply assumed I already had every possible prerequisite for combining Classes.

Now, I'm sure some of you out there are already counting up the needed Levels in their heads. Adding in World Disaster and World Champion, that's a total of 25 Levels already taken. With literally every other Class I would ever need being a Rare or Unique 5-Level, I had fifteen slots wide open by the time I hit the home stretch. Excluding the slots I needed to save for the Job Classes I planned to gain in the shift, that number was still a fairly beefy seven slots for Rare or Unique Classes.

I proceeded to abuse those seven slots to their fullest, taking every opportunity to scale my Super Tier DPS ever higher. I even used a Mirrored Ouroboros to request a new Job Class specifically tailored to Super-Tier Spells, something that the Devs didn't even blink twice at considering I had been grinding Levels in the Demon Realm for long enough to have found _ten_ Ouroboros by that point.

As seemed to be customary now that the end of the game was coming, they didn't even bother to properly balance the Class, which changed the cooldown of Super-Tier Spells from a _day_ to an _hour._ I thanked them profusely, but they just waved me off.

With my Cast Speed through the fucking roof, with my Stats high enough to learn literally every Super-Tier Spell in existence, with the ability to cast them up to fourteen times a day with next to no lag between, I was the world's most efficient specialist in Super-Tier Magic.

So. You have your specialization, you have your insane damage scaling turning any one of these Spells into a weapon of mass destruction. Now, what do you try to do?

Simple.

Make a World-Class weapon capable of scaling it even further.

I chuckled quietly to myself.

It was all a matter of using my knowledge as an Alchemist alongside my ability as a craftsman. Alchemy allows you to completely change the material composition of an object, but only so long as those objects are directly related. The 'ritual' needed was more or less bringing the object up to a specific temperature, regardless of what the object was.

I superheated the wood of the Branch, and in moments it was turned into pure coal.

Not burned. Not set aflame. Turned directly into coal. The properties of the Branch remained, but the medium had changed.

The process began again, slower this time. I had to heat the coal without setting it aflame. The forge glowed softly, and I spent quite some time gingerly raising the object's heat. When it finally hit critical temperature, a single touch turned it into solid diamond.

**[Synthesized Branch of Mímameiðr]**

My brow raised.

Huh. Apparently Noa's tree had a Norse name. Cool. I would start calling her by it just to fuck with her, if I could even pronounce the damn thing.

Moving on, then.

See, different mediums are better for different Magics. In YGGDRASIL, crystals gave different bonuses depending on what they were. Amethyst gave bonuses to Dark Magic, quartz to Light Magic, ruby to Fire Magic, sapphire to Water Magic and so on. Diamond was almost unheard of in-game, simply because of what it did.

It gave bonuses based on the Tier of Magic you used, rather than the type of Magic it was.

And what I had before me? It was a solid chunk of diamond with all the primal force of the World Tree. Even if Noa couldn't use it, the power was still there, lying dormant. Waiting. Growing. Merging with her until she could one day call it her own.

So what do I do with it?

Simple. Do the detailing on it, then put in a few World Items from the First Tree to turn this into a Crafted Item.

I had already removed the twigs and smaller branches from the thing, and with the diamond lacking any impurities, it looked more like glass than anything. I took my time polishing it, taking off the rough barklike texture so it had the smooth sleekness needed to refract light. The rings within the Branch were still visible as well, scattering light more and more with each layer. I finished up the fine-tuning, then flipped it so the pointed tip rested on the ground.

The base of the Branch, where it was the widest, would be where I would make the 'head' of the staff. I would need to grind out a hollow hemisphere in order to fit in the orb, after all.

The Fruit of the First Tree was utterly enormous, and the Seeds from it could be up to the size of a fist. Not all the Seeds I obtained were from the Fruit, the Seeds were added long before the giant peach. They were the 'junk drop' of World Items for the longest time, appearing from time to time instead of any useful Item. Now, though, I had plenty of uses for them.

I turned one of the Seeds into diamond by the same method, ground it into a perfect sphere, and began carefully cutting it down into a multifaceted beauty that still glowed with the gentle light of the original Seed. Finally I set it atop the main body of the staff, excitement building.

Only for the two to violently repel each other in a flash of bright light.

_Item Creation failed_.

"No shit." I grumbled, leaning over to pull the jewel out of the wall.

More preparation, then.

Fuck.

I reluctantly got out my chisel and got to work. I inscribed a Rune on every facet of the four thousand-carat monster, taking the time to add as many stabilizing Runes as possible. Runes that allowed for increased stability, Cast Speed, and Spell Damage were prioritized, a few others tossed in for good measure.

I tossed aside my now-dull chisel, sighing to myself and gently placing the jewel atop the staff. _This_ time it stayed, gently hovering over the divot in the top without ever bothering to make contact.

_Item Creation success!_

**_Name: _/~~~~~~~/_—World-Class Item_**

_+1 to Tier of Spells cast through this Item._

_+40% increased Spell Damage._

_+40% increased Mana Cost of Spells._

_+20% increased Cast Speed._

_Description: _/~~~~~~~/

Huh. That's… odd. It seems that Runecrafting has a definite effect on the outcome of the Item. Ah well. At least I can still add to the Flavor Text.

I began to type, starting with the basics.

_This Staff can be equipped regardless of Item Requirements as long as Level Limit is met._

_Requires Level 250._

All right, that comfortably disqualifies everyone in this World save for myself, as well as allowing me to bypass my Race's normal inability to equip weapons. The Level requirement alone is more than enough to let me tack on basically any stat, so I had plenty of wiggle room for balancing it. Now… for the fun part.

**_The Sage's Last Stand—World-Class Item _**

_+1 to Tier of Spells cast through this Item.  
+40% increased Spell Damage.  
+40% increased Mana Cost of Spells.  
+20% increased Cast Speed._

_+1 to Tier of Attack Spells cast through this Item. (Triggerable ON/**OFF**)  
Adds +5% Spell Damage per Player Level.  
+100% increased Physical Damage.  
+100% increased Elemental Damage.  
Grants +1% increased Experience gain per point in Physical Attack.  
This Staff can be equipped regardless of Item Requirements as long as Level Limit is met.  
Requires Level 250._

**_"As the Billion Worlds burned, the ancient Sage rose to his feet. With his bare hands he fought, crushing bone and tearing flesh. He refused to cease fighting, refused to lose hope. He refused to cast a single Spell—not because he was incapable of it, but because he knew he was _****too****_ capable._**

**_But as the darkness closed in, he finally accepted his fate. With a branch so old it had become solid stone, he took his last stand against the encroaching darkness. Never again would such horrors be seen, never again would every World scream out in the same agonized cry. _**

**_Because there were no Worlds left to scream."_**

**_-Chronicles of the Nameless One._**

I whistled lowly, confirming the changes. Nothing appeared to happen, but the changes remained in place. I had added several different damage modifiers in order to give as much variety as possible, but I hadn't been entirely sure that my plan would work. I had already failed to Craft the Item once, so it was obviously _possible_ to fail a Craft… which meant that there was likely an upper limit to how much modification I could add before it simply refused to work.

A self-balancing world, just as I suspected.

Now, obviously I'm a bit overpowered as it is, to the point where making this monstrosity seems a bit pointless. But I'm not really making it for _me_. I'm making it for my Shabti, whose inherent fragility requires them to act from a distance while facing any powerful enemies. With this, they can stay far away while nuking the hell out of their enemies.

How do I intend to mass-produce this?

Well, it's quite simple.

It's time for me to test the Mirror trick once more… for science, of course.

* * *

"You've been gone all day." Archer admonished, crossing her arms. "What, did you get lost on the way back?"

"Ah…" I coughed. "Not quite. I've been in the forge."

"I can tell." She deadpanned. "You smell of sweat and ash."

I shrugged. "I was planning on taking a shower, but it seems I've been ambushed."

Noa nodded in agreement, arms still tight around me as she buried her face in my chest.

"Have you two had dinner yet?" I asked, raising a hand to begin stroking her hair.

"No. We've been waiting for you." Noa mumbled.

"So what was your idea?" Archer said, refusing to budge from the topic. "You never vanish without checking in first unless you have an exciting new idea."

I shrugged, continuing to stroke Noa's head. "I just wanted to test something. I cross-referenced my personal Storage with the Guild Storage in order to figure out how to replicate the pocket dimension, then made a sort of… extended Storage. It's a bag that lets 'me' take from it, with 'me' being loosely defined as any being with at least 250 Levels and my Magical Signature. It's a way for me to securely pass orders or Items along to existing Shabti without having to send a message to each of them individually."

Archer blinked. "That sounds… really useful, actually. Why did you need your forge for that, though?"

I blinked. "I remade an old weapon to test the system with." I paused. "And I _may_ have gone a little bit overboard with it."

"You? Going overboard?" Archer raised an eyebrow, fighting a smile. "Perish the thought."

I just laughed quietly, shaking my head. "Just go start dinner. I'll shower and be down in a bit."

Archer nodded, turning to do exactly that. "See you in a bit."

I waited a few moments after Archer left, but Noa still didn't let go. "…You should probably have a seat on the couch or something." I told her.

"Nope." She stated. "I'm showering with you."

"…Okay." I glanced towards the kitchen. "Does Archer know about this?"

Noa blinked. "I get shower sex if she gets to go first tonight."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"She knows."

"All right then." I ruffled her hair. "Let's go take a shower."

* * *

"Impressive limp, there, Noa." Archer said lightly, setting down a stack of grilled cheese sandwiches. "Did you two enjoy yourselves?"

"You could've joined too, you know." I said, snagging a sandwich. "It is after dark."

"But then no one would've made dinner." She paused. "And I think we both know that once I get started you have to keep going until I'm out cold. If you tired Noa out before we even got into bed, I get more time in the long run."

Noa blinked, nibbling on a sandwich. "I still got shower sex."

"I know." Archer huffed, tail lashing. "I could feel it all the way over here. The entire house tastes like peaches now, you know."

I frowned. _'Peaches? Wha—oh. Oh. Archer said that lust tastes like that person's… well, I guess it makes sense she'd taste like peaches, all things considered.'_

"It's all right, Archer-nee." Noa said blithely. "If you finish eating early, we can go have your turn next."

Archer nodded, then slowly lowered her grilled cheese. "You two are done?"

I glanced at Noa, popping the last bite of food into my mouth. "…Pretty sure so, yeah. Your food is always amazing enough to devour."

"Let's skip my meal, then." She dropped her half-eaten sandwich, picked up the plate of uneaten food, unceremoniously shoving it into the fridge. "Because to me, it tastes fucking disgusting. Ko, I expect to be full by the end of the night."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, I can guarantee to stuff you, but that's about it."

"That's all I ask for." Archer grabbed Noa by the hand. "Noa, I apologize in advance for anything I do to you."

She blinked. "I don't mind."

"Good." Archer turned and proceeded to drag the Spirit upstairs. "Come on, Ko."

My lips quirked in amusement, and I followed them up the stairs.

The door clicked silently shut, and our nightly fun began once more.

* * *

**A/N: **

**I felt the lemons were getting a bit repetitive, so I skipped them for now. See the previous two chapters for lewds, this one's mainly plot progression and setting up for the next story arc. Let me know if it's a bit too info-dumpy and I'll try to rework the pacing a bit, but for now I just wanted to get something out.**

**Next chapter's gonna be a bit of change of pace, a bit of worldbuilding now that we've established the background. That's all I'm saying on that, I think.  
**

**Have a nice weekend, dear readers, and a happy belated Halloween!**


	13. 0-0

**Chapter Nil—Planning for the future**

* * *

(Apologies for the false alert, I try to keep these to a minimum but sometimes they're unavoidable.)

After the last chapter the responses have been a bit mixed. Some people seem to love how the story is progressing so far, some people want me to get a move on to Act III when the canon plotline actually starts. Honestly I could go either way on this. There's an endless amount of stuff to do while still in the past that would make the present almost unrecognizable, but if people think that the story's moving at a snail's pace I'd be happy to speed it up a bit. I can wrap this Act up in a single chapter, lay the groundwork for the future... or I could let the characters explore the New World a bit more before Momonga arrives.

The poll is on the top of my profile, just click my name in the 'Author' section of the description and select 'vote now'. Or you could write a review here if you don't want to go through the trouble. If you write a review, feel free to jot down something specific you'd like to see. B̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶l̶l̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶p̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶n̶ ̶d̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶f̶e̶w̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶s̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶v̶o̶t̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶.̶

I await your decisions!

-Mister Grin.

****.~~~~~~~~~**UPDATE~~~~~~~~~.**

**THE POLL IS NOW CLOSED.**

(Check the poll to see the results, I finally figured out how to get the statistics to display.)

I've already begun writing the next chapter and storyboarding for the ones that come after. In short, the message I got is that I should plan for one or two more chapters and an Interlude between Acts before jumping forward. People also seem to want something more immersive than a 200-year jump, though, so I'll be sure to dedicate one of the chapters to a very long timeskip.

I have actually read all the reviews you've sent my way, I make a point to do that with my stories. You aren't being ignored. If any newcomers want to make any comments about this, feel free. It'll take me a few days to finish hammering out the chapter, so if there's something you definitely want to see be sure to mention it. And rest assured, those of you who cry out to see the end of various loose plot threads. I haven't forgotten anyone, there's just a lot of ground to cover in a short amount of time.

I'll be back in a few days with your next chapter!

(...What, is that not enough to satisfy the starving readers?)

**(Shh! They can hear you!)**

All right, all right... have a sneak peek into what I have planned for the next chapter.

* * *

_I mentally brought up the World Map, using it to select the location of my assault. The glowing icon turned red as I activated Targeting, the Sage's Skill to ignore vast distances reducing the accuracy of casting such a long-ranged Spell to nothing. Golden light wove itself around me, the cash item I had bought so long ago to turn my Super-Tier Spells a different color seeming to function even without the Item itself present._

_The wind picked up, roaring around me in an incredible display. Louder and louder it roared, safely hiding my words from anyone listening._

_"I'm sorry, Momonga." I said to no one in particular. "Except, I'm not, really. I'm doing this because I feel like it, not because of Nazarick. I doubt you'll care much about it, really." _

_The Super-Tier Spell around me continued to charge, whirling slowly in a full circle around the focal point._

_"After all... by the time you get here, they'll just be ancient history to you."_


	14. 2-5: Settling In For The Long Haul

Chapter 5—Settling In For The Long Haul

* * *

**A/N: **

**Yes. I am alive. I got laid off, real life sucked for a while. It doesn't really matter much, so let's just all pretend I was on a lovely vacation for several months instead of fearing for my own financial security in a shifting job market. Sorry for not keeping you all posted, I just didn't have the motivation to write for a while and I didn't want to post until I had the chapter done. I'm sorry, I'll try not to let this happen again.**

**To those of you who read my profile and noticed the one-month bit, I have added a date beneath it that lists the last time I checked in. As long as that date continues to remain close to the calendar date, assume that I'm alive and just not feeling like posting for some reason. **

**I hope everyone else has had a lovely Christmas, New Year, and every other holiday I seem to have missed. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I woke slowly, feeling my girls pressed up against me. They were sleeping soundly, something I didn't want to disturb after the workout they had received the previous night. I carefully slid out from between them, carefully maneuvering over Archer to step onto the cold floor. Noa sleepily reached out to pull Archer close, returning to dreamland soon after.

Normally I would be more than happy to spend the morning with as much naked cuddles as their endurance would allow, but now that Nazerick was slowly gearing up to move into long-term waiting, I had a few things that needed to be addressed.

To begin with…

"**[Message]**." I directed the Spell towards a Golem Core designed to re-cast the Spell and echo my words to all of the Servants in Nazarick. "All Guardians capable of movement, report to the Floor 10 Throne Room. Yes, this includes the denizens of Floor 8. Harold, you stay put."

I lowered my hand, ending the Message. I left my girls sleeping soundly, leaving the room as silently as possible. I slipped quietly down the stairs to the Treasury, unlocking one particular door and stepping inside. I was greeted with the sight of wall-to-ceiling shelves stocked with box after box of Mirrored copies of the Mirror of Kalandra.

The reason I had wanted so many of these was threefold.

First, they were still World Items, even if they were just Mirrored copies. Thus, they passively protected against all other World Items. No Shalltear brainwashing for me, thanks. Second, in the case that one of the Servants did defect or lose the Item, it would cause minimal damage. Among the Twenty, the Mirror was one that was based entirely off of utility. If you wanted to dual-wield but only had one perfectly rolled Item, the Mirror was definitely the one for you, but otherwise you were out of luck.

And third… well. I'll get to that one in a bit.

I took several boxes of Mirrors and tossed them into my Inventory, trying to do a mental count of how many Floor Guardians I had to prepare for. Then, just for good measure, I tossed in another box.

Albedo had **[Ginnungagap]** to protect her from outside foes, Aura had **[Bellerophon's Mount]**, and both of my Maidens had something to keep them safe. Harold had at least six World Items equipped at all times, more for storage than anything. But the rest of them? Nothing. And considering not all of them had the Undead protection against Mind Control Spells, some of the World Items specializing in AoE Mind Control could cripple Nazarick's defenses without it.

Should I take a more specific World Item for some of the more specialized Guardians?

No… I don't think I should do too much with them, even if I have more than enough. Maybe an upper limit of three Items out at a time, excepting the Mirrors of course. Aura's was one, so one or two more.

I left the room with the Mirrors, instead walking over to my Storage. It was where I kept my most powerful Items, since a Player's personal Storage couldn't be accessed by anyone not wearing a matching wedding ring. I rifled through a few different options before narrowing it down to a few.

Shalltear would get **[Cloak of Defiance]**, and **[Perseverance]** would be given to Sebas.

Honestly speaking, I couldn't think of any Servants who I would completely trust with the more valuable of my World Items. But Shalltear definitely needed something to keep her from rampaging, and Sebas might one day find himself in a position where having the belt would save his life. So I reluctantly placed the Items into my Inventory, closing the Storage chest behind me.

"**[Teleport: Throne Room]**." I mumbled, more out of habit than anything.

In a flash of light, I found myself standing beside the **[Throne of Kings]** in the Throne Room.

All of the Floor Guardians were waiting, bowing on one knee. I raised an eyebrow at their quick arrival but said nothing. "Thank you for coming." My powerful voice echoed through the room, a deep bass rumble. "I have called you all here because I have realized something. A glaring flaw in Nazarick's security. While we all know all about the workings of YGGDRASIL, we have yet to discover whether or not this New World has similar phenomena. In particular…" I extended a hand, the **[Talons of Power]** shimmering briefly into view. "I speak of the World Items. We know not what powers this world's Items have, of their effects, and most importantly, whether or not they can bypass the Undead's immunity to Mind Control."

Demiurge straightened, glasses flashing. "Ancient-sama… do you mean to imply that one of us might turn against you?"

I laughed, a loud bark of amusement. "No. I would never imply that. All I'm saying is that you may be vulnerable in ways that you were not before. And because of this possibility…" I reached into my Inventory, pulling out the boxes and setting them on the Throne. "I have prepared these. I will keep a full box in the Center Room of Floor 9, and I want each and every one of you to have one on you at all times."

"What are they, Ancient-sama?" Aura asked, trying to catch a glimpse.

I chuckled. "They are World Items."

A second of complete silence punctuated my words.

"M-my lord, please, there's no need for you to—" Aura blurted.

"Indeed, to arm us all with such magnificent treasures—" Demiurge added.

I raised a hand, cutting them off. "Silence. I will not budge on this matter. Do not be concerned about the risks of carrying them, they are copies of the original, which I have locked away in a secure location. They are known as **[The Mirror of Kalandra]**. They are one-use Items that I have kept safe since a time when YGGDRASIL was young. Any one of them would qualify as a member of the Twenty if word ever got out about their existence, but I knew they would be too precious for information to fall into enemy hands. However, it's not because of their combat ability, but rather their _strategic_ value that caused me to hide them away."

I reached into the box, pulling out a single Mirror. "**[The Mirror of Kalandra]** has only one function, but it does it without limit. One time per Mirror, you can create a copy of a single Item no matter the rarity or power. With it you can even copy World Items, were you to have one available to copy. I am not worried about what might happen if one were to fall into enemy hands, as they would only be able to learn what it did before they could never again use it."

"Any Servant who is sent into the outside world, I would like you to take two Mirrors rather than just one. The first will be your protection, and the second will be a means of copying any Item in the New World that you believe to be of significant value. Am I understood?"

"""Yes, Ancient One-sama."""

"Excellent. Now. Sebas, Shalltear, come forward."

Both Servants rose, striding to the front of the group. I reached in once more, pulling out the two World Items I had stored there. "Since both of you will likely be going out into the New World with some regularity, I would like you to have an extra layer of protection. Should you be taken control of and used against us, Nazarick would be at a great loss. Thus, I would like to prevent that from ever happening."

I held out my right hand, which held a worn black cloak. "Shalltear, to you I give the **[Cloak of Defiance]**, a World Item that allows one to remain lucid even when under the effects of a mind-altering buff. It has the special effect of granting a boosted version of Mind Over Matter, a passive Skill that, when used through the Cloak, allows up to forty percent of your Mana to be taken before your Life."

The Vampire curtseyed, reaching up to take the Cloak. She slipped it on over her dress, and it shimmered from view.

"Sebas, to you I give **[Perserverance]**." I held out an ornate belt, red on one side and studded gold on the other. "This belt is a World Item that any Monk-based build would kill for. It grants an incredible bonus to unarmed fighting, as well as a bonus defensive score that increases the lower one's Life gets. Should you ever be backed into a corner, it will undoubtedly save your life."

Sebas bowed low, reaching to take the belt. He smoothly threaded it through his suit pants and pulled it tight. It turned a dull brown, blending in to his attire.

I nodded once in satisfaction. "Excellent. The rest of you are dismissed, come pick up a Mirror before you leave. Sebas, Shalltear, come with me, please."

I turned and began to walk away, slipping through a hidden exit behind the Throne. The two Servants I had addressed followed in my footsteps, saying not a word. We continued to walk for a time, passing many alcoves that housed suits of armor. Finally we came to a stop within a large room that was mainly empty save for a few statues. Huge stained glass windows were the source of light in the room, detailing several important events in Nazarick's history.

"Sebas, Shalltear, do you know what I am?" I asked softly, looking up at the windows.

I could tell the two were likely exchanging looks behind my back.

"You are a Supreme Being." Shalltear stated matter-of-factly.

I tilted my head in acknowledgement. "Yes, but what else?"

"You are the Ancient One, the oldest being of all." Sebas rumbled.

I nodded again, smiling faintly. "Indeed I am. But do you know what I enjoy doing with the time I have?"

Silence.

"I enjoy creation. I am a Craftsman above all, have been and always will be. But I am also a warrior, and because of that I understand the destruction that can be wrought using the weapons I forge." I extended a hand, as if to reach out and touch one of the glass panes. "While the others all dedicated themselves to glory and fame, I focused on the World Threats. The beings that endangered the world I fought to protect. The Items you now carry each embody a lesson something in YGGDRASIL taught me."

I turned to face them once more. "The others gained their Items by chance. They picked them up and stowed them away, never seeking to understand them. But as a Craftsman, I cannot simply hand over two of the Items capable of changing the World itself without first making you understand the lessons they taught. Think of it as a tradition among the old, passing down wisdom to the youth."

Both Servants bowed low. "We would be honored to learn from you, Ancient One-sama." Shalltear said respectfully.

I chuckled. "Ah, come now. I'm far too old to stand on formality. I will be showing you how to truly use those Items at a later date, but for now I shall offer a few words on what they taught me."

I stepped closer, lowering my voice to speak to them directly. "Sebas. The belt you now wear belonged to Daresso, the Sword King. He had iron reflexes and used the blade as an extension of his very being. **[Perserverance]** is an Item that requires great skill to learn to use properly, but if you do so, you will find the rewards you reap will guide you throughout your life. For you see, that belt was forged off a single phrase. _Some blows must be evaded. Some blows must be endured. The trick is to tell them apart._"

I stepped over to where Shalltear waited, smiling broadly. "Shalltear. The Cloak around your shoulders is a symbol. It could only be found after one explored the Infinite Depths to their fullest, killing every last horror that called the place home. The Cloak is not the most beautiful thing in the world, I will admit. But it is a sign of what it takes to change one's own destiny. One must be willing to get up every time they are knocked down, rise from every fall. _When the throat roars, as eyes weep, when the hand grips hard with trembling fingers, when belly twists, yet legs stand strong, that is the work of the Defiant Heart._"

I moved back, finally allowing my stony façade to slip. "I do not lend you two these Items, I give them away. They are yours to keep. So long as you believe yourself capable of protecting them, I give you full permission to carry them into battle. They are Items made for subtlety, to hide one's true strength from the enemy."

"Sebas, that belt will register as an ordinary strip of leather to any Spell cast on it. This will allow you to use it without fear of discovery. Shalltear, that Cloak will remain invisible until it is activated. When that occurs, it will hide any armor you have underneath, making it appear as if you are wearing a simple cloak rather than a full suit. If you both use these properties to your advantage, the battlefield will be simple to control. Am I understood?"

""Yes, Ancient One-sama.""

"Good." I stretched, exhaling. "If you ever have any questions about the Items, or need something made for you, please come to me. I am a Craftsman before I am a Supreme Being, after all, and I delight in my trade. Come by my home any time."

I waved, turning and slipping away into the shadows before activating my Guild Ring.

Hopefully I had done a good enough job pulling off the role, I had certainly been practicing for long enough.

* * *

As soon as the ancient Dragon left the room, both Servants relaxed slightly. Shalltear placed a hand on her chest, exhaling in relief. "Ah, that was so intense…"

"Indeed." Sebas agreed, straightening. "I had heard of the Ancient One's skill at Item Creation, but I was not aware that he took it so seriously."

Shalltear nodded, reaching down to pinch the invisible sleeve of her new World Item. "I heard numerous Supreme Beings complain about the number of World Items he had amassed, but to think that he gathered them all by facing incredible odds… it's no wonder he has so many."

Sebas glanced down at the innocuous belt around his waist. "I believe the Sword King was a foe that my creator, Touch Me-sama, once tried to defeat. He was quite put out when he failed to do so alone and had to enlist the help of Momonga-sama. To have a memento of a foe that my creator respected so greatly is something I would treasure even were it not a World Item."

"Hmm." Shalltear tapped her chin. "Come to think of it, didn't Aura receive a similar Item from him? Right about the time when she changed her outfit and started decorating her room with pictures of Ancient One-sama."

Sebas nodded. "Indeed. Do you think that she was given a lesson as we were?"

"Worth asking, at least." The Vampire sighed. "Though I do wish she would show a bit of restraint. She can quite literally speak of him for days if you let her."

Sebas raised his eyebrows. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Not on its own, no, but when she starts showing you her collection of dolls…" She shook her head. "Never mind. Let's try to catch her before she leaves, maybe then we can avoid seeing her room."

Sebas decided not to ask. Finely-honed battle instincts told him that this was not a danger he wished to experience. "Let us be off, then."

Shalltear turned, striding out of the room. Sebas followed, keeping pace with her oddly hurried gait. She stopped short as soon as she arrived in the Throne Room, cursing quietly. "She's gone."

Sebas raised an eyebrow. "Is that an issue? You do know Teleportation Magic, yes?"

"Yes, I do." The Vampire looked… disturbed. "I do hope she at least puts away the fanart she drew…"

"The what?"

"Oh, nothing. **[Gate]**."

A large black portal swirled into existence, which the Vampire stepped through. Sebas followed, brow furrowed in confusion.

* * *

I stared at my World Map, tiny icons glimmering innocently. One for the city of Re-Estize, not yet a kingdom, one for the Baharuth Empire, just beginning its acquisition of land, one for the Roble Holy Lands, and one for the Slane Theocracy.

Much to my dismay, they were already a fully-developed kingdom with their religious doctrine just as disturbingly toxic as in the novels. There was nothing I could do there, and if anything they were an even bigger problem now than in the future.

They had placed diplomats in each of the developing kingdoms, slowly introducing them to Demihuman slavery and human superiority. The ideas were still new and the Shabti who reported about them were doing their best to take down the slave rings, but the problem remained. So long as there were people advocating for the slavery of 'lesser races', there would be a market for Demihuman trafficking.

The source of all my problems came from the Slane Theocracy, and now that my World Map was complete, I no longer had any excuse to delay judgement.

Fuck.

I exhaled, closing the map and turning away. Ethical dilemmas could wait until I puzzled them out. I needed a distraction for now, though.

Might as well check in on a few things.

I raised my Guild Ring. The world around me shivered, and I found myself in the main room of the Treasury. Innocence shimmered into view a few moments later, waving cheerfully. "Ah, hello Ancient-sama!" She chirped. "What brings you here?"

I hesitated for a moment. "Tell me… do you know where Albedo is?"

Innocence's wings drooped slightly. "…Yes." She said, voice uncharacteristically somber. "She went to take Pandora to the Waiting Room." She glanced to the side. "Pandora… she didn't want to wait out here, but she was afraid to go in alone… so Albedo-nee said she'd follow her to the door."

Ah.

"She wasn't going to go at first." Innocence continued. "She didn't want to abandon Nazarick just because she felt grief. But when Pandora… she was too young. She didn't understand what was going on, not really. And Albedo couldn't just let her suffer."

"I see…" I trailed off. "I'll have to talk to her later, then. Have her contact me when she's available to speak. Is anyone covering Pandora's duties yet?"

"Sebas and I have been covering them. She doesn't do much unless there's a siege, so we haven't had too much of an issue." She hesitated. "…My lord, if you will, can you please let me keep covering her duties? It wouldn't feel right to let someone take Pandora-chan's place."

"That should be fine." I smiled faintly. "If it helps you cope, then I'll allow it."

Innocence bowed slightly. "Thank you, Ancient One-sama. It means a lot to me." She smiled back at me. "Also, it lets me check in on Shalltear-nee every now and then. She's been doing fine so far, but I still worry about her."

"All right then." I paused. "Tell me, did you hear my announcement this morning?"

"Yes, I did." She reached into her gown, pulling out a Mirror. "Did you mean for me to have one as well? I wasn't sure."

"Yes. Keep it." I reached into my Inventory, then handed her another Mirror. "Do you know where my personal Treasury is?"

She nodded hesitantly. "U-um, it's where Nigredo-chan lives, right?"

"That's the place." I agreed. "In there are the World Items I deemed too dangerous even for my fellow Guildmates to know of. But as of right now, you're acting as both the Guild Treasurer of Nazarick. You need a World Item of your own. Momonga keeps yours in his Inventory, so you need to learn to use a different one until he gets back. So. Tomorrow the entrance to the Treasury will be in the twenty-second gate. Top-left of the Floor, under a great big snowdrift. Take that Mirror and make a copy of a weapon."

"W-which weapon?" She asked.

I smiled sadly. "Lovely World Item… it's called **[Hymn for the Missing]**. Looks rather like a harp. I'll explain what it does if you ever need to use it. I'm afraid you've already learned the lesson needed to hold it, though."

"Then, thank you Ancient-sama." She bowed once more. "I'll stop by tomorrow morning."

"Excellent." I nodded to myself, turning away. "I'll see you soon."

* * *

I needed to stick to the plan. The plan I had made all the way back when I was in the orphanage, opening YGGDRASIL for the first time. Plotting out my own future like the plotline of an anime. But as unfortunate as it was, I wasn't an edgy protagonist who could burn the world while still remaining convinced that they were the ones in the right. The downside of being human is that you need to live with every action you've ever taken, and I was about to take a very large step in a very dark direction.

In these circumstances... who else could I even talk to?

I found my answer rather quickly when I set my mind to it.

"I'm sure you know why I made you." I murmured, closing my eyes.

The Shabti across from me sighed. "You made me because you wanted to talk with someone who understood."

"More or less." I paused. "This isn't a game anymore."

"No. It isn't."

"It's easy to act like a bloody psychopath in a game." I snorted. "Hell, it's _fun_. I was a mass murderer with victims who revived mere moments later. Then I get here, with more plans than common sense, thinking that it'd be the same…" I trailed off. "I _do_ believe that life is sacred, you know. That innocents should be preserved at all costs. I could never kill for pleasure like I did in the game…"

"You had a plan for that, too." My Shabti's voice was cold. Clinical. "You learned the Spell you needed, just in case."

"**[Mind of Undeath]**." I agreed. "The moment I cast it, all of this… annoying conscience bit, will all go away. No guilt, no morals, no limits. I could nuke the planet with a smile."

"You could." The Shabti agreed. "But you wouldn't."

I laughed quietly. "I suppose you would know, wouldn't you?"

The Shabti shrugged. "You needed someone to talk to, and you needed confirmation that **[Mind of Undeath]** was a state of mind you still recognized as your own. This was the simplest solution."

I nodded. "And what do you think? You cast the Spell, you have a perfectly logical view on the situation. You know everything I do, and you know the current state of events. What's your opinion on the matter?"

The Shabti fell silent for a time. "The Slane Theocracy needs to go." He eventually said. "It has a religion, and that religion is lethal to our cause. It has all the worst parts of racism mixed with all the worst parts of zealotry. They occupy a location of strategic power that allows them to stand as an absolute authority over other countries."

"They should go." I agreed. "But does it have to be me?"

"It is expected." He said simply. "You are a being of immense power who once pulled off something similar in full view of every NPC in Nazarick. Our conversations with Rubedo told us that our fictionalized past also used **[Mind of Undeath]** whenever we needed to carry out a massacre."

"And we're supposed to do what we're expected to?" I asked incredulously. "That's the main reason why I dodged a leadership role in the first place. Getting railroaded into a course of action I hate is something I'd prefer to avoid."

He shook his head. "You expect it of yourself. I wouldn't speak of others in an argument about morals, there would be no point."

"Yes." I snorted. "I _expect_ myself to nuke another civilization. Right."

"You're talking to me, aren't you?"

…Bastard has a point.

"But I don't really _want_ to." I persisted. "Isn't there any other option?"

"No." A flat response. "None. Even if you were to appear before them as a prophet of their gods, they would never change their beliefs. The leaders of the kingdom are the only ones who do not believe, and that makes it impossible to use religion as their weak point. Furthermore, they would begin to use their World Items if they are provoked. A long, drawn-out war would merely drain time and resources. Even were you to win and capture the city peacefully, it would take up far too much manpower to keep the city under control."

"Momonga managed it in the novels."

"Momonga never invaded the Theocracy, merely a few other kingdoms. And he _did_ spend the manpower to keep them under control. He just passed responsibility down to Demiurge to handle the finer details. Momon the Adventurer, no? Ruling through a false hope of rescue?" He shrugged, leaning back. "Not exactly our style, though, is it? We're more likely to burn it all down and rebuild from the ashes."

I didn't argue with that. If I chose to do this, I would leave zero chance of survival and even less chance of retaliation. "We would be killing thousands of children."

"Children grow up to seek revenge, fancy themselves heroes."

I blinked, a thought sparking. "Not if we wiped their memories."

He raised an eyebrow. "Is it really worth that much effort? You'd rather cast numerous Spells to pull out the innocent few, wipe their memories, then return them?"

"Is that even a question?" I smiled faintly. "Look at it this way. You want the Theocracy destroyed, I want to save the innocents. This way we both get what we want. Plus, we can use them to start anew."

"We're the same person, and we want the same things." The Shabti pointed out.

I sighed. "Well yes, but we can't both argue for the same side. It's simpler this way."

He nodded once. "Very well. In that case, what would happen if a single one of them regained their memories?"

I burst out laughing. "A-are you fucking kidding? I plan to use a Tenth-Tier Spell to wipe them, which is boosted to _beyond_ Super-Tier by my staff. If they remember the name of their _species_ they'll be lucky. I plan to wipe the humans _and_ their Demihuman slaves. Wipe them, hit them with a Healing Spell, and return them to the remains of their kingdom. They'll be lost and confused, yes, but if we return them after we've already started rebuilding, they'll flock to the new kingdom like moths to a flame."

The Shabti smiled. "We have a plan, then."

"A plan, a justification, and a means to carry it out." I agreed. "Talking with myself seems to be incredibly helpful."

"How will you determine the innocent from the guilty? You can't possibly judge every being within range."

I shrugged. "Make a new Item, probably. A Golem Core that's designed to judge people based off my criteria. It will scan their innermost thoughts, their Karma Value, their plans for the future. I don't care if the whole kingdom rots as long as not a single good person dies."

"But if you're wiping their memories anyway, why stop at the innocent? Wipe their Karma Values, their personalities, heal them all, and stick them somewhere else." My Shabti challenged. "Everyone is innocent with no past and no future. That's the reason you wish to spare the children, no?"

I shook my head. "Even without memories, personality remains. Muscle memory is a series of chemicals in the brain, and habit is a well-worn path. A rapist with no memories and a positive Karma Value will still find himself slipping back into old ways. Taking advantage of drunk women at first, perhaps, just to rediscover how it feels. A serial killer will stand around in broad daylight, watching the world around them for the weakest of the pack. Some habits just… remain."

"And how do you know this?"

I smiled faintly. "Shabti are highly susceptible to Spells from their creator, and I have an entire Tomb full of the worst beings known to this world. Do the math."

He blinked. "I don't remember those experiments."

"No, you don't." I agreed. "I wipe my own memory after every experiment. If my creations knew what I could do to them, they might turn against me." I shook my head. "That's beside the point. From a purely logical sense, if we were to take all of them, they would be too difficult to govern while we attempt to rebuild a kingdom."

"We're going in circles." The copy tilted his head. "Bouncing ideas off a brick wall. You're still hesitant to do it."

"Of course I'm bloody hesitant!" I gestured towards the map. "I'm seriously considering _mass genocide_! This isn't a game, some manufactured past. These are _real people _dying here, real people with lives and families."

"Real people with real problems." The clone agreed. "Real problems require real solutions. You don't have the means to properly restart their culture while also culling the evil from their midst. You need their position to further your plans. Their leaders preach death and xenophobia in order to further their own goals. They must die."

"Yes." I agreed quietly, sinking back in my chair. "And we have to be the one to do it."

"Because there is no one else."

"Because if I don't do it with my own hands, I'm terrified someone else will get it wrong."

"Because." He smiled wryly. "If you don't do this yourself, you're afraid you never will. That you'll always pass along the order to kill while convincing yourself you conscience is clean."

"Because I need to hold the gun in my hand in order to know what it means to kill a man."

The Shabti nodded once. "Then what are you waiting for?" It smiled, slowly crumbling away to dust. Leaving me, once more, alone.

I sighed, burying my face in my hands. "Fucking hell…" I rubbed my eyes, leaned back, and stared up at the ceiling. "This'll never get any easier." I mumbled to myself. "So I might as well get it over with. [**Mind of Undeath]**."

And like that, everything was crystal clear.

* * *

The Golem Core was simple. The 'judgement' was rather like the sword in the stone—it was based almost entirely off the values of its creator. Noa didn't ask what I needed her to store a **[Mass Cure Wounds]** into a crystal for, she just yawned and did it. I added the crystal to the Core, selected the area on my World Map, and let the programming run its' course.

I had it set to systematically scan through the inhabitants of the Slane Theocracy for 'good' people, mark them, then pull them out into a holding area—a space much like the Waiting Room. Once they were in the area and they were fully locked in suspended animation, it would activate the Spell Crystal to heal them back to the best they could be. It would then deactivate, keeping them there until I gave the signal. Once I cast the Spell to wipe their memories, I would signal it from where I wanted them teleported.

It was a program. A program that dealt with people rather than integers. Human beings were reduced to mere numbers, saved to be reformatted for their new lives.

The program would take time, of course. A few minutes, perhaps. Not too long. Just enough time to run a couple thousand **[Teleportation]** Spells.

Enough time to gather the materials needed for part two of the plan.

I left the Core to do its work, raising my Guild Ring and closing my eyes. I opened them again to see a large tree, with two surprised Dark Elves in the middle of a conversation.

It was time to put on a little show for the troops. Toss around a nice speech. I needed Aura's cooperation for this to work properly, and I didn't want either of my girls to be present. Albeit for very different reasons. I didn't want Noa getting any ideas on how to deal with enemies from me, and I didn't want Archer to Trace my new staff. That would need to be explained, and I would need to dramatize my actions for the benefit of the audience my actions would surely attract.

*Cough*DemiurgeRubedoInnocence*cough*.

"Aura." I turned. "Follow me. I have need of your skills."

"O-okay." Aura didn't say another word, likely sensing the somber atmosphere. I waved a hand, activating an effortless transition back to the ground level of the Tomb.

"Aura." I addressed her once more, keeping my voice perfectly flat. "Listen to me. What we do today is not right. It is not just. But it is necessary. I do not revel in death, but I find it useful in removing those who would threaten the peace. I have stayed my hand for too long, but no longer." I turned to face her, deadly serious. "Today, I will not show mercy. I will not grant pardon. This is a preemptive strike to an enemy who must never be allowed to threaten us."

Aura nodded silently. "My lord, why… why are your Maidens not here to help you instead? I'm sure there's nothing I can do that they can't."

I shook my head. "I will not allow my beloved to see this act. It is mass murder, plain and simple. And while I know they will love me all the same, I do not wish for them to lose sleep over my sins."

_'Yeeeaahh… Archer's done worse than this on her off days, and Noa would probably do something like this for fun. The only sleep lost for them is when I wake them up from the nap they're taking right now.'_

"I don't really understand, but I will carry out your will." Aura bowed low. "What are we going to do?"

I chuckled, turning back. "You will have no part in this either, my dear. If possible I would have done this alone, if only to spare others the guilt of my actions. You are merely here to help me atone after all is said and done."

She looked confused but said nothing more.

Ah, well. I had at least played the part. "No matter what you see or hear, Aura, make sure that nothing interrupts me until I am finished." I ordered, stepping forward and dramatically planting my staff into the ground below.

I mentally brought up the World Map, selecting the Slane Theocracy. The glowing icon turned red as I activated Targeting, the Sage's Skill to ignore vast distances reducing the cost of casting such a long-ranged Spell to nothing. Golden light wove itself around me, the cash item I had bought so long ago to turn my Super-Tier Spells a different color seeming to function even without the Item itself present.

The wind picked up, roaring around me in an incredible display. Louder and louder it roared, safely hiding my words from anyone listening.

"I'm sorry, Momonga." I said to no one in particular. "Except, I'm not, really. I'm doing this because I feel like it, not because of Nazarick. I doubt you'll care much about it, really."

The Super-Tier Spell around me continued to charge, whirling slowly in a full circle around the focal point.

"After all… by the time you get here, they'll just be ancient history to you."

As one of the two existing Players who broke the Level Cap, not to mention one who had used said Levels to take several Job Classes granting unique Super-Tier Spells, I can be considered a bit of a wild card when it comes to casting. Not only can I cast my Super-Tier Spells an absurd number of times a day, but I have exactly a hundred and thirty Spells to choose from. But I wasn't going exotic right now, no, I was sticking with one of the most common Super-Tier Spells available. Except, I was planning to juice it up a tad bit.

"Class Skill: **[Eternity Condemnation]**. Class Skill: **[Sentinel's Watch]**." I began layering on Skills, using the time it took to cast in order to boost the Spell as much as possible. "Class Skill: **[Mass Grave]**. Class Skill: **[Cherish the Fallen]**. Class Skill: **[Pardon the Dying]**. Class Skill: **[Soothe the Anguished]**."

With each addition, the chances of surviving this Spell diminished. Sure it was _extreme_ overkill, but if I was going to fire a superweapon into the heart of enemy territory, I wanted to make damn well sure I didn't have to fire it again. Besides, when else was I going to use all the Skills granted to me by the Rare Job Classes I netted for finishing the game?

"Racial Skill: **[Ancient One's Mercy]**." I continued quietly. "Racial Skill: **[Funeral Dirge]**. Racial Skill: **[Final Farewell]**."

_Dong… dong… dong… dong…_

The faint gonging noise was the signal made by the charged Spell. The wind died down, leaving my voice audible once more. The air itself felt pressurized, as if this were the eyes of some tremendous storm. I opened my hands palm-up and took a deep breath to release the Spell. "You who are born of earth… I release you to your mother's embrace. **[EXTEND MAXIMIZE MAGIC: GAIA RECLAIM]**!"

My ears popped from the change in pressure as the Spell fired, the air losing all its tension in a split second. Wind whipped about, and the ground shook below us. I lowered my arms, exhaling. Apparently the strain of casting Super-Tier Magic was more taxing than I had originally thought. Pity. It makes mass genocide so simple it seems like a shame to have its use limited by my own form.

"M-my lord." Aura stammered. I turned, noting that her cheeks were a brilliant red. "That was… a magnificent Spell. I am not worthy…"

I waved her off tiredly. "Not now, Aura. We have work to do, still. Come, stand here. It's time we see what my Spell has wrought."

A pulse of mana later, and we teleported away.

We reappeared in the midst of an enormous forest. A very _odd_ forest, to be perfectly honest. In places, the wood was so dense and the trees so tightly twined together that they seemed impassible, yet despite how tall and immovable they seemed, the ruins they grew aroind didn't look old at all. If anything, they looked brand new.

"My lord… what happened here?" Aura asked quietly, looking down the overgrown street. Hundreds of trees had sprouted all over the stretch of cobblestone, destroying the road with an incredibly dense network of roots and branches.

"Gaia Reclaim is a very powerful Spell, though one that normally doesn't do all that much damage." I began, leaning back against the trunk of an oak tree. "But it has one main effect. Any Player or mob killed by it becomes some sort of plant. It's incredibly useful when one of your teammates is a Druid of some sort."

She blinked, comprehension dawning. "…Or a Nature Spirit." She said.

"Indeed." I tapped the bark of the tree, nodding. "Normally Gaia Reclaim is tiny in diameter and low in damage output, which makes it inefficient to use save for on already dying enemies. But I'm not exactly like other casters."

I really wasn't.

As one with the Job Class of Ultimate Raid Boss, my abilities scaled in both size and power according to how many enemies I was facing. And in this case… well. I had probably taken out well over a million people with that one attack, judging by the EXP my ring had gained. When I stacked on the additional Skills making evasion, defense, and resistances useless against it, I erased all hope of even a single soul surviving.

In a few seconds, every living creature in the borders of where my Skill considered 'the Slane Theocracy' to be had been transformed irreversibly into some manner of living plant.

"That's… incredible." Aura whispered in shock, reaching out to touch a tree. "The power… all this with one Spell…"

I nodded tiredly. "We're not done yet, I'm afraid." I stood up straight, pushing off from the oak tree. "I believe that when one chops down one tree, they should plant another in its place. This land was once a thriving civilization full of life and prosperity, so to simply destroy it would leave a bad taste in my mouth. No." I leaned in, tapping Aura lightly on the forehead. "It's time you stepped in."

"M-me, my lord?" She stammered. "I-I, I don't understand. What could I possibly do to help?"

I sighed. "Do you remember what I taught you before we left our old world?"

The girl shuddered, an odd expression crossing her face. "Yes, my lord." She practically whimpered, face turning a brilliant red.

…Okay, I am _not _going to ask.

"You should know several Spells designed to Summon live creatures to you, then." I continued, ignoring the Dark Elf's oddly erotic expression.

"I know several, my lord. Will **[Mass Summon Creature]** work?"

I nodded. Summon Creature was a Spell designed to Summon a live animal that matched the area's wildlife, so Mass Summon version of it likely did the same on a larger scale.

"Yes, I believe that will be sufficient. It'll be like this. **[Repeat Area]**."

Repeat Area was a simple Fifth-Tier Spell that made the next Spell cast have the exact same area of effect as the previous one. It was extremely useful, if a bit mana intensive.

I nodded towards her, and she took a deep breath. "**[Mass Summon Creature]**!"

There was an odd _tug_ in the world around us, then various forest animals began to shimmer into existence. Snakes, bears, deer, elk, _moose_, even a few birds. I smiled at the sight, nodding once. "Good. My Spell shouldn't have affected insects, so we needn't replenish their population as well."

Aura nodded, glancing around. "I think my brother would love this place." She said wistfully.

I chuckled, nodding. "Well, he's about to love it a whole lot more. Are you ready for the last step?"

She cocked her head. "The… last step?"

"Like I said, I like to replace the life I take. _All_ the life." Around me, the golden light of a Super-Tier Spell began to weave together once more. "**[Repeat Area]**." I chanted for the final time. Repeated casting of the Spell ramped up its cost significantly, but that wasn't an issue.

Actually…

"**[Half Area]**." I added, realizing that it might be bad if this hit the entire outer ring of the forest as well as the inner area. The diameter of my Spell shrank by half, extending out in a perfect circle from my position at the center.

This Super-Tier Spell didn't take nearly as long as the last, but it wasn't as powerful either. I raised my hands, rattling it off. "**[Cast Higher Magic: True Polymorph]**!"

A pulse of raw power rippled outward, making each tree glow as it touched it. I lowered my arms, sighing. "All right, that should be it."

"Um, pardon me, my lord, but what was that?" Aura asked tentatively.

I smirked. "Well, I used a Super-Tier Spell called **[Cast Higher Magic]**. It allows one to cast a lower-Tiered Spell at a Super Tier level. In this case, True Polymorph, a Tenth-Tier Spell. It lets you turn a creature into a different creature, an object into a creature, or a creature into an object. I chose the second of the options, and since the intended creature is of the same size and under Level 75, it worked flawlessly. All of the trees within the radius of the Spell are now a creature known as a Hamadryad."

Aura's mouth fell open. "You… you just brought them all to life?"

I shook my head. "With Spells that change something permanently, there's a wait time of a number of hours that reduces based off the Tier of the Spell. Since it was Super-Tier, it'll take pretty much the rest of the day for them to transform completely."

Significantly less with **[The Sage's Last Stand]** boosting the Tier twice more, but I didn't need to mention that.

The Spell was something of a trolling tool to most Players, since turning a different Player into an object was a good way to lock them out of the game for a few hours until the Spell's effects wore off and they were allowed to respawn.

It didn't work twice on the same object, though, and it didn't work on creatures with a high Magical Defense, so catching other Players off guard with it was pretty much the extent of its usefulness in-game.

It was still extremely funny to see their reactions, which totally made learning the Spell worth it even before the World shift.

"Let's head back." I decided, turning away. "I'm having breakfast with my girls soon, and I'm sure you'll want to rest after casting a Spell that large."

She nodded, inexplicably blushing. "Th-thank you, my lord. For letting me join you in this."

I raised an eyebrow. "…Not a problem. You were a great help. Go ahead and take the day off." I reached out, clapping her on the shoulder. "Have a nice day, Aura. **[Greater Teleportation]**."

The Dark Elf vanished in a shimmer of light. I stayed put, having one last objective while here. I raised a hand, placing it against the wood of a nearby tree. The funny thing about being in the middle of the forest is that all of the roots are intertwined in some way, making it incredibly easy to cast a single Spell and get results without having to track down a specific plant.

"**[Boosted Magic: Speak With Dead]**." I cast quietly, closing my eyes. "Give me a high-ranking official within range."

Normally the Fourth-Tier Spell needed to have a corpse and a specific idea of who you're talking to, but when you boost it to Sixth-Tier, it allows for far more wiggle room. It helped that all the souls were still lingering about, meaning that the Spell could just scan over their minds to figure out who to pull.

The sounds of the jungle around me became muted, dulled. I didn't worry about any animals attacking me, their instincts told them to get the hell away any time they got close. Instead I allowed the Spell to whisk me away, turning the world perfectly blank and silent. Then, before me, a single ghost materialized. I smiled to myself. _'__**[Silent Maximize Magic: Charm Person]**__.'_

The ghost solidified, becoming an elderly man in official-looking robes. I put on a smile, spreading my arms wide. **"Greetings."** I boomed, layering my voice with power. **"I am a messenger of the gods, come to reward your faith."**

The trapped soul's eyes widened, and he fell to his knees. "M-my lord… thank you for hearing my cries, for in the darkness I could not see a light."

I ignored his words, instead making a show of reaching into my own hand to pull an object from my Inventory. **"I have for you an artifact of great power. Take it."**

With trembling fingers, he reached up to take the crystal from my extended hand.

**"Remember, now, all you have done for us." **I smiled kindly at him. **"Remember of the treasures you guarded, the vaults you kept, the tunnels you fortified against invaders. Remember now, all you have given for us. This, is your reward. Wake, now, from your dreams, and receive what you deserve."**

I cut the Spell.

"Dumbass." I said in amusement, leaning down to pick up the fallen Golem Core.

The Core was set to cast the Spell **[Detect Thoughts]** to steal the soul's unguarded memories, then use **[Find the Path]** to, well, map them out for me. The instant the second of the Golem Core's Spells activated, the glowing lines triggered my World Map passive Skill. I pulled up the minimap, smiling to myself.

Worked like a charm. Now to explore some ruins.

* * *

"Hello beautiful." I breathed, staring into the hidden treasury. It was thankfully plant-free, seeing as no one had been present when my Spell hit.

The room was surprisingly small at first glance, but it was the perfect size to store a few dusty old artifacts under the maximum possible amount of protection. The entire box was probably some large layered array of solid metal and raw Magic. Any idiot trying to tunnel or teleport in would be in for a bad time indeed. Yet, at the same time, the room was quite nice to look at. All white marble and golden lanterns, all perpetually glowing in an Alchemical flame.

My gaze wandered the room, my smile growing. There was **[Downfall of Castle and Country]**, hanging innocently off a dress dummy. Next to it was a golden set of armor, and next to that a shimmering robe. More Items than I could count littered the room, all set in ornate stands to show them off.

Fan_tastic_.

I chuckled, pulling out another Golem Core. This one cast a different Spell, one of a much higher Tier. **[Mass Steal]**. I sent a jolt of mana into it, and the Spell activated. Every Item in the room vanished, disappearing into my Inventory. Even the shelves and stands were pulled, leaving the room a barren marble box.

I turned around, walked up a few steps, and raised my Guild Ring. "**[Greater Teleportation]**."

I flickered away, my Guild Ring allowing direct access to the Tomb without need for a two-step verification process.

Time for phase two.

The room around me was blank and white. Normally I would be instantly trapped in the range of **[Mental Slow]**, but **[Mind of Undeath]** let me completely no-sell the mental condition. Unlike the Waiting Room, this room hadn't been designed to hold the Undead.

I once again struck the ground with the staff, the glow of Super-Tier Magic humming to life around me.

The speed at which I could crank these out was really, truly, Overlordly broken.

"**[Cast Higher Magic: Control Amnesia]**!" The Spell activated, I waited precisely six seconds, then another web of golden power wove around me. "**[Judgement of Osiris]**!"

The first Spell was obviously to nuke their previous life out of existence. The second was designed to manipulate their Karma Values reducing negative ones and increasing positive ones. As of this moment, they all had a Value of +1000 Karma—with the normal maximum being a mere +500.

They were now the best possible beings with whom to start anew.

I smiled to myself, stowing my staff and turning away. Close to a thousand people saved, an entire forest of tree-people planted, and enough plans to last me for weeks. Not bad for less than a half-hour's work.

I knew I was skimming over details I would normally care about. Like the faces of the people I was changing, or how many there were of each Race. But right then and there, I couldn't find it in me to give a damn.

I would introduce them to their new home in the morning. Was it cruel to take away everything they were and replace it with utter blankness? Probably. But it was less cruel than just letting them all die. I'm not the Old Testament God to simply consign a whole kingdom to ruin just because they pissed me off, I keep the ones who haven't committed any sins.

Or, well, something like that. I really need to figure out a Spell to turn people into pillars of salt. That would be pretty cool.

* * *

"Ko, both Albedo and Demiurge are waiting for you in the dining room." Archer reported as I stepped back into the mansion. "Albedo says you called for her, and Demiurge wishes to speak with you about something."

I nodded, plucking a twig from my hair and pocketing it. It was going to be a joke for Noa, but it wouldn't quite fit with my image.

Whatever.

I strode into the kitchen, putting on a smile. "Albedo." I greeted. "Demiurge. Glad you could make it." Both guardians began to rise, but I waved them off. "No, no. Save the bowing for Momonga, I'm just a seat-warmer. In private, you have my permission to skip the pleasantries."

""Yes, my lord.""

"Good." I sat down at the head of the table. "Albedo, I know why you are here, but what of you, Demiurge?"

"My business can wait until Albedo's is finished, my lord." He said with a half-bow.

I nodded, turning to Albedo. My voice softened. "How are you doing?"

She smiled faintly. "Better. I was worried about Pandora-chan, but she's somewhere safe now. When she comes out, Momonga-sama will be back." She paused. "Do you truly have no idea when he will arrive?"

I shook my head. "The only reason we survived at all is that Noa was old enough to support the New World once the old one burned. The Between doesn't have a concept of time, so Momonga could just as easily arrive tomorrow as in a thousand years. My best guess is at around two hundred years, but that calculation is based off a loose idea of how the Time Tunnel functions within the Between. Hypothetically the model I used should work considering both the Old and New worlds have a shared sense of Time, but in the exact center things get blurry."

"My lord, I'm afraid I don't understand." Albedo confessed.

I sighed, reaching into my Inventory. I pulled out a Coin Funnel, an item put in the game as a Guild Decoration during a charity event. I set it on the table, pulling out a handful of gold coins. "This is the time tunnel." I told her, then held up the coins. "These are the Players. When the First Tree burned, we were all dropped into a loosely constructed space where the algorithm the Developers wrote for time became incredibly loose. Then we got pulled into the New World's sphere of influence, and started moving towards it."

I dropped the coins, watching them bounce and roll across the funnel. Some landed near the edge, others near the center. When they stabilized, they began the slow whirl to the center of the funnel.

"Depending on how far we drifted during the time when the time tunnel was more or less indistinct, we landed different distances away from the New World's pull." I narrated. "Some Players arrived before us, others will arrive after us. From here, I can only guess when they'll land based off what little I know of the loosened algorithm."

All in all, a fairly impressive demonstration that explained next to nothing.

"I see!" Albedo brightened.

…Wait, what?

"So based on your current understanding of the in-between space of the First Tree and the Second Tree, Momonga landed some distance away from us and is taking a longer time to be pulled into the New World's relativistic time flow, even if he physically exists in the same spot he left." Demiurge mused, adjusting his glasses. "I hadn't thought of it like that."

I decided to just go with it. "Yes. I only have a very vague recollection of our passage through this time bend, since to us it was nearly instant. It took me a while to figure out this much, and I can all but guarantee that I'll be off by a bit. Noa uses a more intuitive method than Yggdrasil, and her grasp of time is slightly different. To us it's the same, but it's enough to knock my calculations off by a few years on either side."

"Then that will have to be enough." Albedo bowed slightly. "Thank you, my lord."

I nodded, smiling.

_'To be honest, I have no idea what I just said.'_ I thought in relief.

My smile froze as the implications of that simple thought hit.

I didn't know what I just said, or understand even half of it. I thought I was just bullshitting, opening my mouth and letting my imagination do its job. But my imagination is limited to things I know, it can't just pull new facts from nowhere. If my explanation was a genuine one, than that could mean only one thing.

I didn't understand anything I just said… but my _body_ did.

I had written my own flavor text. Written bare bones of a story, just to get the story straight. Something to prepare myself for the New World. _I_ hadn't been changed at all—other than my newfound knowledge on my Skills, I was the same asshole as back on Earth. But, from a purely technical standpoint, I was essentially piloting an NPC designed to hold my mind.

If Rubedo could create an entire backstory based off a line of text, then what about a character that I had designed to perfectly house my ideal self? Paragraphs of text on my past would become memory, stored within some tiny corner of my body's brain. Even if I never accessed it, it had to exist _somewhere_. All that text wouldn't have just vanished.

Was it possible that, all this time, when I was blindly pulling stories out of my ass… I was actually just giving voice to my subconscious recollection of my own body's memories?

I struggled to even wrap my mind around the concept.

So, as always, I decided to shove the situation to the back of my mind to consider when I wasn't in the middle of a conversation. As interesting as it was to ponder, the time for pondering wasn't when I had two subordinates waiting on my words.

"Is there anything else you needed, Albedo?" I asked, doing my best to act like I hadn't just had a mind-shattering revelation.

"Only a question relating to my position's duties, my lord."

"Go ahead."

"I am bound to serve Nazarick in all things, and I love my job. However, I cannot both guard the Throne Room _and_ you. May I create a new position to serve as your guard?"

My brows rose. I let the silence hang for a moment before speaking. "Albedo… you do realize that I could level this _planet_ within a matter of moments, yes?"

She nodded. "But of course, my lord. I was there the day you annihilated Asgard in little under ten seconds' time. Amongst all of the Supreme Beings, you are the most feared and the most respected."

"Then why the hell would I need a _guard_?"

"Ceremony, my lord."

My eyebrows rose. "And… Archer is incapable of guarding us both?"

"Archer's duty is to protect Noa's Tree. While her Spirit form can return if killed, if the Tree dies, the World will burn once again." Albedo stated. "In the event of a true emergency, she will be beside the Tree, while you are at the front lines. She can hardly guard you from there."

"…Fair enough." I agreed grudgingly. I had made Noa and Archer's abilities compliment each other for that very reason. "And what form of ceremony would require me to have a guard?"

"Guard is more of an official title, my lord. A way to justify the use of military assets." Albedo smiled. "You are indeed capable of transformation between your Dragon and human forms, but in war you would not sacrifice your impenetrable scales merely to enter a castle. Your personal guard would have the authority to speak on your behalf, while you remain perfectly safe. Guarding you without needing to protect you."

I fell silent, considering.

Albedo wasn't just some random toon. She wasn't a side character for me to announce my grand plans to. I made damn sure she was well-versed in strategy and the art of war, filling her character file with actual texts on all sorts of military maneuvers. War had a different sort of politics, one I never bothered to learn.

Again. Albedo is my head of security for a reason. If she says something, it's because she thinks it's valuable information for me to have.

"In practice, what would such a guard need to do?" I asked, frowning. "I don't intend to pull a Floor Guardian for a purely ceremonial position. We can implement such measures in times of war."

"They would serve as your personal servant, cleaning—"

"Nope." I held up a hand. "Archer is in charge of housework. I tried once to get an actual maid, and she nearly castrated me."

Demiurge's lips twitched. "She takes her duties very seriously, then."

Albedo scowled at him.

…I was missing something, here, but I didn't care enough to learn what it was.

"As I was saying, they will be in charge of cleaning your scales and ensuring that no harm comes to you while you are bedding your mates." Albedo said delicately.

Bedding my mates, yes, but cleaning my…?

Oh.

_Oh._

Shit, that never occurred to me. Just jumping into a lake might get rid of the surface dirt, but as grime accumulates, I'll start looking less like a noble Dragon than a swamp monster.

"While I am certain you can clean yourself," Albedo hurried to add, taking my silence as offense, "I am certain that some spots are more difficult to get. Your species is mentioned to bury themselves with a material too soft to scratch your scales but just hard enough to keep them clean. You likely use an artifact of some sort to do the job, but I'm certain a capable pair of hands can do it better."

I chuckled to myself.

Gold. Yes, that actually made sense. Sure, gold was shiny, but why would a Dragon care? Simple. _Hygiene_. Gold is soft and pliable, but still able to scrape the grime off. Sitting in a giant pile of gold coins while sleeping is like taking a trip through a rock tumbler. Sure, other metals might do, but lead would stain the scales and tin would wear away too quickly.

Smaug was shown to be greedy and vain, but who knew that the two were one and the same?

More problems I had never considered before, I supposed. I'm multi-kilometer lizard that never sheds its skin, only its scales. So how do I stay presentable? Sure, I could make something designed to always keep me clean, but now that I'm a Dragon, I might as well enjoy the full experience.

"All right." I said at last. "Sure. The idea has merit. I'll leave it to you to choose which Servant to assign to the task. They will be given their own room in the mansion to do as they please with, fed along with my family, and provided all that they need."

"Thank you, my lord." Albedo rose, then bowed once more. "That is all, Ancient One-sama. By your leave, I will begin making the arrangements."

I nodded. "Speak to one of my Maidens, they can take you to the Throne Room via a shortcut."

She nodded, quietly leaving the room. I waited a few moments, then turned to Demiurge. "Thank you for your patience."

"Not at all, my lord. It is I who showed up unannounced to a meeting between yourself and the Head of Security." Demiurge said. "And, as it stands, my question is a relatively trivial one meant only for me to better understand your plans."

I nodded. "Ask away."

He nodded. "Tell me, why did you elect to decimate the Slane Theocracy so early in our campaign?"

My smile fell, and I sighed.

_'Whelp, there goes that bit of subtlety. I had hoped to delay this conversation. Time to roll for bullshit.'_

"Demiurge…" I began. "I think you'll find that, while Momonga is magnificent at making long-lasting plans, he fails to make them truly _organic_. He may occasionally send out a tendril to explore a possibility, but many of his plans are fragile things that could be unseated should anything go terribly awry at a given time. He is experienced enough to recover and turn the failure into yet another opportunity, but the flaw remains."

Demiurge frowned. "My lord…"

I waved him off. "I mean no insult to my friend, but neither am I unaware of his shortcomings. In fact, it is _because_ I am aware of them that I can take steps to make sure that they are not used against him."

Demiurge nodded, glasses flashing. "A magnificent strategy, my lord. And what, may I ask, is the purpose of the new forest you so carefully created?"

"Monsters."

"…My lord?"

"In a word, monsters." I repeated, leaning back in my chair. "There were many other factors, of course, one of which being the reason I handed out Mirrors. I had reason to suspect that the Six Gods that the Slane Theocracy worshipped were either Players or beings capable of creating Player Items. I struck first before they could become aware of us, only to find _this_." I reached into my Inventory, pulling out **[Downfall of Castle and Country]**.

"My lord… is that…?"

"A World Item, yes. Something that would have utterly ruined any one of our plans were it allowed to be used."

"Incredible… so you knew that something of this sort existed, and you struck to prevent such an event from occurring?"

"In part, yes." I carefully folded the Item, setting it in front of me on the table. "But I would have wiped out the Slane Theocracy regardless, for two main reasons. First and foremost, their doctrine preaches that anything non-human is utterly detestable and inferior to humanity."

"Absurd." Demiurge scoffed.

I smiled faintly. "Indeed, but therein lies the issue. The problem with religion is that it's incredibly difficult to remove from a population. In one of the first humans' religious doctrines, the Hebrew God demanded that they kill every living creature residing in the land they were invading. Man, woman, child, even livestock."

I held up a hand, forestalling a response. "I know it sounds a bit extreme, but he had good reason. The people disobeyed that order, took their enemies' women as wives and stuffed their bellies with their foes' livestock. In time, the religion of their wives became the religion of their children, causing their people to slowly forsake the God that had given them the land to begin with. It's a brutal tale, yes, but it can teach one important lesson."

"You believed that by letting them live they might one day return to their ways." The strategist stated.

I nodded. "The trouble with religion is that, to be a believer, you must believe the doctrine of the religion. A doctrine intolerant of us and our agenda. No matter what we gave them, no matter how hard we tried to appease their bloodlust, they would one day rise against us simply because we're not _human_."

"Very good, my lord. I understand completely. And your second reason?"

"Their location. Thus far their doctrine has caused them to wipe out all the monsters invading the land, protecting their neighboring kingdoms from attack. If the Slane Theocracy were ever to collapse naturally, the Re-Estize Kingdom, the Baharuth Empire, and the Roble Holy Kingdom would fall to monsters soon after. By taking over that position, we can use it as a negotiation tool if the situation ever arises."

"Monsters…" Demiurge murmured, beginning to catch on. "The monsters would have to travel through the forest in order to arrive on the other side. A very dense, entirely unexplored forest."

"Indeed." I agreed, chuckling. "And, if my plan works out, they'll have no desire to continue on to the rest of the human kingdoms. After all, the _monster_ kingdom I'm founding will be much more attractive to them. It'll have an entire ecosystem unique to their location alone, the monsters doing the heavy lifting while the few humans work on efficiency and improvement of tools. Within a couple of generations, the humans will have crossbred with the monsters and created a society universally accepting of all creatures so long as they keep the peace."

"That sounds incredible, my lord."

"Thanks." I patted the World Item in front of me. "Honestly, I just came up with the plan because I'm a lazy bastard and having an entire society that does work for me sounded appealing. Why should I bother with cross-species research and magical technology when I can set up the proper conditions and have genuine results within five years?"

"Truly, your genius knows no bounds." Demiurge beamed. "I had begin to consider such things, but to already have a long-term plan in place…"

I snorted. "I wouldn't go that far. I'm still not sure whether the Hamadryads will be attractive enough to the humans for them to consider crossbreeding. YGGDRASIL never had any non-character versions, which makes it impossible to know what they'll look like. If they look green or are sprouting leaves, the humans might hesitate before copulating with them. But if they look as or more beautiful than humans, like Noa is, then the process will end up being significantly faster."

"Indeed. Thank you for sharing all of this with me, my lord. I appreciate this small window into your complex thought processes."

_'What complex thought processes? The easier I make things, the more free time I have to cuddle with my girls. Simple as that.'_

"On the contrary, Demiurge, consider this a lesson." I said smoothly. "There are times when long, well-thought out plans with numerous steps are the way to go. But then, there are also times when the most effective option is merely to scorch the earth and build again." I said instead, picking up the World Item. "I'm sure you've heard by now how I like to teach lessons before I hand these out… well, now you've had yours."

Demiurge bowed as I stood, holding out the Item. "My lord, please, I am not worthy—"

"Oh, don't be like that." I dismissed. "I can't exactly use this, not nearly as well as you can. This is **[Downfall of Castle and Country]**, a World Item that the Slane Theocracy only scratched the surface of. In the hands of a normal human, it allows the use of the unique Spell **[Dominate Mind]** and allows the user's mind-control abilities to subjugate the mind of any creature, even those that possess Racial immunity to mind-control. But **[Dominate Mind]** is a single-target Spell, you see, and the World Items effects reach out to the user's Skills as well…"

Demiurge's glasses flashed. "My lord… are you saying that this Item would allow me to use my Commands without restriction?"

"Precisely." I grinned. "More specifically, since this _is_ a World Item, it would allow you to have absolute control over as many beings as your Command Mantra allows, but only so long as they did not possess a different World Item."

"My lord, my Command Mantra allows me to Command any being under Level 40…"

"Well then. That restriction no longer applies, does it?"

Demiurge returned my grin, unfolding the World Item. In his hands, it shifted from a qipao to a changshan, the male version of the same garb. He carefully wound it around himself, the end result making him look like a rather bizarre priest with the outfit's high collar and one-piece weave.

I gave him a thumbs-up. "Impressive. Should you ever need to go out into the world, that would be an excellent yet entirely functional disguise."

"Thank you, my lord." Demiurge bowed low. "My gratitude truly cannot be expressed with mere words."

"Be at ease. You're the only one in Nazarick who can access its full potential, so it's only right that you be the one to hold it. Merely continue your good work, and I'm sure the Item will serve you well. Just remember." I gave him a stern look. "That is one World Item which must never fall into the hands of our foes. The damage it could cause to us is utterly unimaginable. Thus, if you ever believe yourself in a situation in which your options are death or surrender, I hereby order you to destroy that Item with your full power. Copies can be made, but you _cannot_ give it up. Do you understand me?"

Demiurge nodded seriously. "Of course. I would gladly protect this Item with my life, but if it comes down to it, I will burn it with the Flames of Gehenna."

"Good man." I reached out to clap him on my shoulder. "Now… I shouldn't keep my Maidens waiting for much longer. Good luck dealing with Rubedo."

I stepped away and disappeared.

* * *

"Hey, Archer." I murmured into her hair, stroking her back. She was laying comfortably on my chest, her head resting in the crook of my neck. "How's your day been going?"

"Fine." She snuggled closer, pulling the sheets over us. "Better now that you're back."

"And you, Noa?"

She didn't respond, merely tightening her hold around my midsection. I took that as 'I missed you' rather than 'I'm angry at you'. I smiled, reaching out to run my fingers through her hair. "Sorry I left you two behind."

"It's fine." Archer mumbled. "We can exist without you, you know."

_Ding-dong…_

I blinked. "Was that the doorbell?"

"Nooo…" Noa mumbled. "I just got comfy."

I sighed. "It might be important."

"Then they would Message you." Archer countered, frowning. "They can wait until later. I want snuggles and romance now, you can answer the door at dinnertime."

I rolled my eyes, smiling faintly. "I'll tell you what. If you get up and let me answer the door, I'll take my shirt off for the rest of snuggle time."

Both girls blinked.

_Ding-dong…_

"Okay." Noa relinquished her hold, pulling away. "Deal."

Archer frowned at her. "Traitor."

"Muscles." Noa countered. "Ridged muscles that we can feel as much as we want."

"We can already do that."

"Through cloth?"

Silence.

"Point taken." Archer sighed, sliding off of me.

I smiled, leaning over to give them both a kiss. "Be back in a bit." I slipped out of bed, moving towards the door.

"Shirt." Noa's voice stopped me.

I blinked. "Pardon?"

"Take off your shirt." She repeated.

I deadpanned at her. "You want me to answer the door shirtless… why, exactly?"

"It's funny." She yawned, sliding out of bed. Surprisingly, she was actually wearing something decent. "And I want to see their reactions."

_'Translation: she wants to send a message.'_ I shook my head in bemusement. "You could just _ask_ them to Message ahead before coming next time."

"Not as fun." She stopped in front of me, reaching up to begin untying the **[Nemean Lion's Pelt]**.

Archer sighed, reluctantly leaving the bed as well. She was dressed in a thin black nightdress, showing off impressive amounts of skin. "I'll go throw something in the oven, then, I suppose. It'll be ready in a few hours when we get up again."

"Not going to stop her?" I asked drily.

She shrugged, smirking. "I don't know… maybe I like the idea of seeing you walk shirtless through the house."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. In that case, why stop there?" I reached into my Inventory, pulling out a leather biker jacket that made her eyes widen in recognition.

"Not that one."

I paused, lowering the jacket. "…Okay, any particular reason for that?"

"That jacket's special." She said firmly. "Put it back."

"…Alrighty then." I did so, hiding a smile.

Noa wrapped herself around my arm, yawning. "Let's go."

I nodded, strolling down the stairs. Archer followed behind, splitting off to walk towards the kitchen. I didn't have too much of an issue with the compromise I had struck, considering every NPC that came to mind would either have eyes only for Momonga or be used to my antics. Or be male, I suppose.

I stopped in front of the door, turning the handle just as they began to knock once more. "I hear you, I hear you." I said, bemused. "What is it?"

The dark-skinned Elf froze, eyes widening. Noa's grip tightened around my arm, even if her expression remained vacant.

Aura was dressed in her usual outfit, though a few militaristic touches had been added since I last saw her. She was still a head shorter than Noa and positively tiny compared to Archer, but she still had her own charm. I caught sight of a suitcase behind her and mentally raised an eyebrow.

Her mouth opened. Her mouth closed. A thin line of blood began to drip from her nostril. "U-um." She squeaked. "Hi."

From somewhere behind me, I heard Archer drop something. I tuned it out. "Hello, Aura. What brings you here this late at night?"

"Shirt." She blurted. "I mean, no shirt. I mean, you're not wearing a shirt."

"I somehow doubt that's why you're here." I deadpanned.

Her cheeks turned a deep red. "Oh. Um. Forget I said that. I'm here to guard your body. I mean, I'm your bodyguard. I mean—" She blinked. "Yeah. Bodyguard. Of you, not your body."

I took pity on the poor girl, letting her gather her wits. Noa silently observed, face blank as ever. Aura coughed, then tried again. "U-um, so, before Lady Albedo had me reassigned to be your bodyguard."

Well, okay then. Albedo certainly worked fast. Did she even give the girl an explanation of what her job would be?

…Well, I mean, I could _ask_, or I could give her a pop quiz.

"Am I incapable of protecting myself?" I asked tilting my head. "Because I'm fairly sure that I've survived literal war zones for longer than she's been alive. Why would I need a bodyguard?"

"Because. Um." She blinked, then deliberately stared at the ground. "Because Archer's in charge of guarding Noa… and you've been heading out a lot on your own?"

So she at least got the rundown before being sent in, even if it took her a moment to recall the details.

If only I had found the time to do the same with Noa, considering the look she was giving me. I met her eyes and did my best to send a silent message. She was a smart girl, she would figure it out.

We both knew I could oneshot monsters stronger than anything this world had to offer. We knew that. Albedo knew that. Aura knew that. Sure, Archer was assigned to protect Noa, but that was mainly to give her something to do. Any protection detail attached to me would be purely for show, considering I had no intentions of hibernating anytime soon and even in my sleep my Instincts can warn me of threats several kilometers away.

So she had to be here for a different purpose.

Noa nodded slowly, turning back to Aura. Even if she didn't know exactly why she was here, she would wait to ask. She gave the girl a small smile, eyes narrowing, and I winced.

That smile did not say 'welcoming'. It said that Aura looked hot as hell and was extremely easy to fluster—in other words, the perfect target for teasing.

"Come on in." Noa turned, tugging me along. "Archer-nee is in the kitchen."

"Not anymore." Archer's voice floated over, getting louder as she came into view. "What smells like… vanilla…" She trailed off as her gaze landed on Aura. "Oh my." Slowly, a feral smile crossed her face. "Oh, yes, come on in." Her tail twitched back and forth, gently brushing the ground.

"Down girl." I whispered, making her tail droop. Then, louder, "Archer. Glad you heard us, saves a bit of time. Did you make enough for four?"

She nodded, still looking Aura up and down. "Had a feeling I'd need to. Not sure how much she'll eat, though, so chances are we'll have leftovers. Bodyguard, she said?"

"Y-yes." Aura nodded once. "Personal guard. Lady Albedo's orders."

Archer glanced at me. I nodded once. I would fill them in later. "Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt. I'm sure she had a reason for her choice. We have plenty of spare bedrooms upstairs, we can get you all settled in before dinner."

Aura nodded, reaching out of view to pick up a black suitcase. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Don't ma'am me." Archer smiled. "You know what my name is. Dinner's in the oven, it should be ready in an hour or two. If you get hungry before then, there's plenty in the pantry. Just open the door next to the refrigerator while thinking of what you want and it should give it to you. Get comfortable before dinner, and after I can give you the house tour."

I raised an amused eyebrow. "_You'll_ give her the house tour? Do you honestly know half of what the paintings are named?"

She coughed. "A-ah, I could Analyze them?"

"And the doors? What about those?"

She looked away. "…Okay, _we'll_ give you the house tour."

Noa nodded, still latched on to my arm. "Everyone goes." She said, voice soft and toneless. "It's your home now, too."

Aura nodded shyly, smiling. "Thank you all. It means a lot to me."

"Just be careful." Archer called, already heading towards the stairs. "Ko has been known to be highly attractive to pure maidens, whether the dunce realizes it or not."

Aura hesitantly followed behind her, a second bag in tow. "O-okay."

"You'd be dense too if you spent most of your life on the battlefield." I grumbled dramatically.

I heard her curse and stumble from the second floor. Noa smirked faintly. "Evil."

"Chaotic good, technically." I said, grinning. "But honestly, I'm just in it for a good time."

"We should probably follow."

"Probably, yeah." I stepped forward, striking a regal pose. "Shall we depart, milady?"

Her lips curved into a tiny smile. "Yes."

We walked up the stairs, stopping short at the sight of a frustrated Archer with her arms crossed. Despite her irritation, I couldn't help but observe how her crossed arms emphasized her impressive bust—which, as it seemed by the clearly visible nipples, she had apparently not bothered to cover with a bra.

I noticed. Noa noticed. _Aura_ noticed. Archer apparently didn't.

"So… when were you planning on telling me some of the rooms lead into the _Void_?"

I blinked, glancing at the open door. "Ah… some do that. That's what happens when they lose contact with what's supposed to be on the other side."

"Then shouldn't it lead into the wall?"

I shook my head. "All the rooms are kept in separately-stored pocket dimensions that exist just adjacent to the reality in which this mansion is stored. In the event of a siege, the doors disconnect. Blank walls are for people who don't have enemies." I paused. "…Also, that was supposed to be the supply closet. We may be out of toilet paper until I fix the link."

Noa raised a hand. "If I were to throw something into the Void—"

""No."" Archer and I said in unison. Archer frowned, taking over. "Yes, it would be fun for a few seconds, but then the things that live in the Void would decide to 'investigate'."

I sighed, giving Aura an apologetic look. "Sorry about the delay. Noa?"

She released my arm, yawning and wandering over to our room. "I'll be waiting."

Aura's cheeks turned bright red. I pretended not to notice, striding down the hall. Every door along the hallway looked slightly different, with the knob and hinges made of a slightly different substance. Our door was exquisitely carved with golden inlays of Dragons and Maidens, while the door I led Aura to was a solid slab of oak.

"This is our forest room." I told her, opening the door and mentally crossing my fingers. To my relief, the Item functioned perfectly, opening to reveal a room with genuine grass and a ceiling with glimmering stars on top. The bed was tangled in the branches of a large oak, which swayed in an artificial wind. "It's not much, but it should work just fine."

Archer blinked, staring. "…Ko?" She said calmly. "Do every one of these doors lead to something scientifically impossible?"

I shrugged. "Most of them, yeah. Had to fill the place with something. Sometimes I just open the doors to remind myself what's inside, helps me pass the time." I pointed down the hall, towards a door of burnished gold. "That one leads to Erebor, the fallen Dwarven Kingdom. Lots of gold and jewels in there, great for bathing in. Next one over has a world entirely made of water. Check them out sometime if you ever get curious, what's mine is yours."

"A-amazing…" Aura whispered.

Archer rubbed her eyes. "Ko, why did you even bother making all these?"

I shrugged. "Got bored one day. Made 'em all. Still looking for the room that's full of small fluffy animals, figure Noa would love the place."

"And the room full of gold and jewels?" Archer raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

I smirked. Even if I had only learned the information today, I was still well within my rights to lord it over my mate. "Archer, I'm a Dragon the size of a small country. What do you expect me to do, bathe myself like a fucking cat? Fill the pond with soap? Tear off all the dirty scales?"

Archer's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. "You're saying that the reason Dragons bathe in gold… is because it's like a giant rock polisher?"

"Well, that and it gives my scales a lovely gold dusting." I said drily. "And if ever I want to run a stealth mission, I just need to take a lead bath. Boom, instantly black. Stealth incarnate."

Aura giggled.

"I am _not_ asking about that one." Archer said shortly, taking me by the hand and beginning to tug me away. "Aura, feel free to settle in. We'll be in the next room over if you need anything."

"All the rooms are fully soundproofed, so don't worry about disturbing us." I added brightly, smiling. "See you in a bit!"

Her quiet squeak boded well for the days of teasing to come.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Yeah, so my muse kind of just packed its bags and moved to a different fandom for a while. I was ruled by plot bunnies, writing less to achieve something than just to get the creativity out of my system. It was crunch time, and people with low productivity were in danger. I didn't have seniority anymore, I left the company I worked at last time I went dark for several months. Then I was job hunting because, well, capitalism.**

**Well, whatever. I'm back now. I had the storyboard done months ago, I even wanted to post this chapter for Christmas. I just couldn't find it in me to finish the last few paragraphs and didn't think it would turn out well if I forced it. I'm glad I didn't. Originally I wrote Albedo in the room with Pandora, writing her out of the plot entirely. When I came back to this story with motivation restored, however, I found myself making her a significant part of this chapter.**

**In other news, as of this very moment this story is #1 in three of the five sorting categories of the Overlord fandom. Favorites, follows, and update date. The last one is temporary, but the others are not. We made it, people! (Woo-hoo!)**

**On another note, do people think I should cross-post this fic on other sites? I'm a bit of a normie in that I've stuck to only FFnet until this point, but if other sites are getting views, I might post this story there as well. **

**Either way. To all my friends across the globe, I wish you a wonderful day or a lovely evening, depending on where you are. ******I should have the next chap within another week, now that my muse is no longer on strike. ****

**This is Mister Grin, signing off. Until next time!  
**


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